The Treasure in a Closet

Standing in the kids' closet, hanging up size 3T dress shirts belonging to my last little boy, it suddenly sunk in.  In Luke 2:19 it says that she (Mary) treasured all these things in her heart, talking about her son, Jesus.  I know what it means - I'm a mother and a Bible student so I've read it several times before.  But standing in front of a collection of clothes including a few kept from when his big brother was that size, I suddenly treasured these things in my heart in a way I had never experienced before.  Snapshots of memories flashed through my mind and a strange comfort came over me because I had been there for every one.  I was a witness to these three babies' lives in a way that no other human was able to be.  I was there.  There's no assurance of the next 10 years, but for these past I am so thankful I was able to be there.

Being a mother is hard. Being a stay at home mom plus a homeschooling one can be lonely, despite constantly being surrounded by people.  It's a 24/7 job that is full of thankless tasks and revolving doors of work.  I'm pretty strong-willed and I'm married to a really strong-minded guy, so I want to do all the things great! But truth be told, it's wearisome some days, especially with an almost 3 year old who goes about destroying at the speed of lightening. I've accepted the hardness of it for a while, but keeping the joy in it is something I fail at quite a bit.  As a newlywed, the ideas of homemaking were so exciting and fulfilling, but as usual real life is just harder than I thought it would be.  But standing in a closet today, deeply aware of how soon it will pass by, I was just so thankful that I was given the best seat in the house.

This moment in life - where my 9 year old son wears bigger shoes than I, my 6 year old daughter having to learn how to manicure her strength of will with gentleness, and my baby full of joy and magic that I know will start to change soon - is being cast to a backdrop of unrest in our country and mountains of stress and pain that we, as their parents, are working to shield them from as best we can.  We are still trying to learn how to be whole and healthy, despite life bearing down hard.  In this age of adulthood, where people disappoint and hurt us, it's our job to process it and filter it with God's will in mind and provide these growing souls strength and wisdom to grow in.  I remember thinking once when I was much younger how easy I thought it would be to avoid being a stumbling block to one of these little ones. Oh, how youth can deceive.  One of my biggest fears now is that my pain or foolishness will cause my little ones to stumble.

Living through life's changes is complicated and I don't know what I'm doing most of the time.  Today, I'm just thankful for all the treasured giggles and hugs and love that I have the privilege of soaking up.

What Do Parents Get Out of Homeschooling?

What if homeschooling was just as important for parent's growth as it is their children's education?

For every time a child complains that they aren't skilled enough to do something, there are plenty of adults who encourage them to grow and in time better develop their skills.  That's what parenting is about - teaching them to learn and grow.  Why do we completely forget that reality when facing our own reality?  I'll tell you why.  Parents are tired, stressed and often caught longing for a reality (free of worry, fewer expenses, and smaller waistlines) that no longer exists.  A lot of our life is merely about survival and has zero time to worry about growth.  And yet, as children of God we are called to grow.

As most people know, we decided to homeschool our children before our oldest was even born.  It was a choice that I felt really confident in because I had experience in music, education and working with children.  I didn't love the necessary constraints of a typical public school system and was impressed by the growing homeschool community here in Oklahoma so it became a really easy decision for us.  At that time, I think the motivation to homeschool was 100% for my kids and their benefit.  The added responsibility of their education, no automatic breaks from my children and the stress of going against the grain were not things I loved or wanted in my life, but merely necessary price tags of this chosen lifestyle.

What if I told you that now, after heading down this homeschool path for 9 years, Mr. Butler and I benefit just as much as our kids?

Homeschooling has made us better parents.  Spending 6-8 hours a (week) day away from my kids - even if it is spent at work - allows me to hide a lot from my kids and they me.  Being the one who has to enforce schoolwork on a daily basis or having a continual audience or witness to my weaknesses forces me to face reality a bit more.  A good kid who rarely would argue with his teacher at school, may not hold back quite so much for his familiar parents.  That makes for a harder job on the parent, but once it is under control, you can have greater confidence in the child's learning of the lesson.  While it can hurt at first, this path keeps us accountable by insisting that I grow and that is truly a gift.

Homeschooling has given us freedom.  When we set our own schedule, we have the freedom to live life in the way that is important to us.  In most scenarios, we don't have to miss things because of bedtimes or school schedules, instead we simply adjust accordingly with naps or sleeping in the next day. When sickness or babies come into the mix, everywhere adjusts together.  We can take days/weeks off for special occasions or vacations whenever is appropriate for us.  We can create the life and space that we want to a very large degree.  Of course, we are limited by Mr. Butler's work schedule, but when he has days off like Martin Luther King Jr. Day, he can spend the day with us while we are doing school.

Homeschooling Pushes Us To Learn New Things.  When I'm not the one making the lesson plan, it is easy to check-out and let the person in charge worry about it.  While that can be nice when you have a dozen other things to do, it causes me to miss out on something that I could learn and share with my children at the same time!  As I'm choosing subjects to explore with the kids, it is only natural that my my interests are piqued and I find myself diving in further than if it was some assigned project they brought home from somewhere else.  And as we all know, learning new things is good for health and longevity not to mention part of God's design for our beautifully crafted brains.


Most of the time these blessings are available to any family, whether they homeschool or not, but it is far more difficult when other entities are determining your child's time and subject matter most of the day.  Intentional parenting and a strong family dynamic is within everyone's reach, but, like an education taylored to a child's individual needs, it's really challenging without the freedom of homeschooling.  If home educating isn't a possibility or desirable in your family, you probably didn't read this far and I'm not really writing to you.  Aside from God and His word, nothing is a perfect fit for everyone.  The person I'm really thinking about is that parent who has thought about it and been tempted by it, but then convinced themselves they couldn't do it because their child won't listen to them or they don't feel educated enough to be responsible for their the child's education.  The really cool thing about this lifestyle is that everyone is learning  here!  If you can find a video on YouTube on how to change any part on any appliance in your house or enough information on any random weed in your yard for an extensive research project, you can find the help you need if you desire to teach your kids at home.  Beyond that, there are so many blessings even for us parents that make this choice worthwhile.

If you have more specific questions about what it takes to homeschool, I was fortunate to write an article about it for The Old Schoolhouse Magazine called "Can I Pull My Child Out of Public School?"

Out of Context: The Importance of Breaks

Sometimes we can get so entrenched in our life that we lose the proper context or perspective we should be living in.  From a designated quiet time where everyone reads to a romantic getaway for a couple of weeks, we all need to prioritize breaks in our life.  It’s easy to make excuses because, well, life.  There could be several reasons why temporarily changing your normal seems out of reach.  Money, babysitters, work requirements, school requirements, and responsibilities of all kinds absolutely make it challenging, but no matter what the obstacle is, finding a way is worth it.  Teaching our children and future generations the importance of balancing work and rest is worth it.     

Anxiety, depression and suicide seem to be at an all time high.  Kids and teenagers are    mountains of pressure (and not handling it well) despite our culture of convenience.  The internet and social media have created problems we weren’t really ready for.  Well-meaning parents everywhere are looking for an easy solution, but avoiding lifestyle changes like the plague.  Just like the person who complains about weight-gain, but continues a fast food, lethargic way of life, nothing will change for the better unless you insist upon it.  Taking breaks – physical, emotional, and spiritual – gives life to our motivation and purpose.  Stopping the regular flow of life allows us to see it differently, often more clearly.  Distance away from the people in your life, even just 20 feet for an hour’s time can spark joy and clarity.

Kids, like adults, have varying rhythms and paces.  Now that my 3^rd baby is almost 3, I can say with conviction that every kid is sooooo different and that includes what kind of distance and downtime they require for optimal mental health.  Knowing them and how they really function best takes time and study, but it’s the only way we can truly give them these tools in the future. 

After a very eventful Winter Break, I learned a few things about breaks.

You don’t know what life would be like with less until you’ve tried it.  Less obligations, less outings, less distractions, less busy.  Until soccer season is over or that side job goes on hiatus, you can’t really understand what’s important to you or how your family might function (better).

The complaints you have about your job/family/house/life are often just the result of crankiness.  When we’re hungry/tired/sick/stressed/overstimulated/neglected everything feels worse.  Taking a time out to remedy one or more of those needs can eliminate the bulk of those complaints very quickly.  Like a child who needs a nap, we have a tendency to overextend and get shocked at our inability to live life calmly.

A break is worth just as much whether it’s on a tropical beach somewhere or on your back porch with the kids banned inside.  Every season of life has its limits and struggles, but breaks are still needed.  If you can afford to take a vacation – DO IT! If you have amazing babysitters – TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM!  If you have the chance to not commit to as much – DON’T FEEL GUILTY!  If you are bound up right now in life, then make the porch or the bathroom this amazing space where no one is allowed to interrupt for 15 minutes!

Honor those in your family by teaching them the value of breaks.

Mr. Butler: The Earthy Engineer

I've always told him that his perspective is nothing like anyone I've ever met.  In the coming year, the WRITE Balance is going to include writing from Mr. Butler.  He's super smart, loves woodworking and the outdoors, but also has an interesting take on life as a single-income, engineer, homeschool dad.  I hope you come to appreciate him the way I do!
-Amy

I'm an engineer but don't engineer much anymore.  I manage an engineering team and help where I can at home.  I've changed jobs or been promoted 5 times in 4 years, and though it's a complicated story only the first job-change was one I sought out. The others were more like "we need you to come do this thing".  In four years I went  from managing only myself to managing 18 other people so to say my bandwidth has become saturated lately is an understatement.  Problem with me happens to be that I don't seem to be particularly self aware.  This means that I don't recognize my bandwidth saturation until it's almost, or too, late.

This saturation and the realization of it has been tough to accept.  Growing up, task-saturation or time management wasn't talked about so I went all the way through college into adulthood not realizing or having the capability to deal with it, though I can't say I ever felt task saturated before maybe 2-3 years ago, after having a 3rd kid, and moving to more difficult jobs.

Engineers are generally solitary people and have to usually be given a structured environment, and forced into, social situations.  So cube life seemed to suit me well.  I could do my own thing and generally stay out of the way, and have enough time for myself.  It wasn't till I was forced out of that life that I began to realize I wasn't normal, at least for an engineer.

I'd taken a Meyer's-Briggs test before we got married, and came out squarely introverted.  After going through changes that forced me out of my shell I retook that test at work and came out moderately extroverted, which I now accept as the  reality.  This apparently isn't the norm, unless you have past things that may have driven you one way or the other, which I have.  When I met my wife she would have told you she was extroverted, but now she'd say introverted all the way and that the extroversion was driven by childhood stuff.

I'm interested now that I have kids in how the things we do as parents that don't seem like much have such a large impact on our kids, and how in the future that kid, as an adult, may not be able to quantify why they do the things they do or feel the way they feel.  Simply because it wasn't ever ONE direct thing that shaped that behavior but the presence or absence of something on a multitude of small occasions.  So as an adult you hear a voice telling you to do something but can't ever think of a direct time your parents ever said that.

This isn't to say you as a parent are going to completely fail, but that you DO have to be cognizant of what your actions and words say even if they don't feel like that much to you.  To say, "that shouldn't matter" is to disregard the reality of what your actions actually mean to someone small whose entire worldview is shaped by those small moments.

Suffice it to say I've made mistakes as a parent in this arena, things I regret deeply and hope fervently that I can do enough to overcome both for myself and for my kids.  At the same time I realize that messing up in the moment as a parent is an opportunity to model repentance and ask for forgiveness where appropriate.  Nobody is perfect, but also, no one is a complete failure.

-Randy

The Children We Despise

There is a trend with young mothers right now who scoff and resist when their elders suggest they are going to miss this season of life.  For the most part, all parties are well-meaning and the argument (if you'd even call it that) doesn't need to be rehashed.  However, it highlights something we don't talk about.

There are children or times in our children's lives that we find ourselves despising these precious gifts.  It's not that we hate children or wish them harm, but feelings of resentment or harsh criticism repeatedly bubble to the top.  We don't like it and in some cases would NEVER admit it (because that would mean being a monster who didn't deserve to have children, right?), but in the silence of our closets when deciding on which piece of clothing you hate the least that day, you can't deny the volcano ready to erupt around this child/these children.

Sometimes it is a personality conflict - sometimes those precious daughters are just. like. YOU.  Other times it's a simple problem of more energy going out than coming in and anyone needing anything from you becomes your enemy.  Other times a mom just can't seem to make sense of this little boy who is trying to find his way to manhood.  The reasons can be as complex and unique as the children and may not really matter all that much at the end of the day.

The most important thing to remember when you find yourself struggling to love these little souls the way Jesus does is that these feelings are simply a signal - a notification, if you will.  This bubbling eruption is telling you that you need care in some way.  Sure, it is also a sign that your child needs care too, but that won't happen adequately until your attitude and head space is right. We are just human and parenting is a lot in this fast-forward, social-media perfect culture.  If you aren't feeding your soul and keeping your perspective healthy on a regular basis, then of course overwhelming feelings of resentment are likely to set up shop in our hearts.

When you're stuck in a cycle of exasperation, remember this.  We all respond better when we feel safe, heard and cared for.  That includes you!  Do you have a safe space to talk when you need it?  Are you making more healthy choices than not on a regular basis?  Are you spending enough time outdoors, something that is super important to mental health?  If your answer is no to all three, you need to do something about it!  I read a quote recently about the quality of the fruit depending on the health of the tree.  As a parent, you are life-giving tree and if you are crumbling you are likely to sour those around you.  Do you know a parent who is desperate need of care?  Help them out with a free night of babysitting or going on an evening walk.  Something to help us get our heads on straight so that we don't turn into volcanoes! 

A Purpose of Parenting: To Balance Your Kids

Over the course of about a week, the Race Car has taken up baseball.  This 1 year old kid is now running around with a foam bat (though he gravitates to the metal, heavy ones whenever he can) and ball looking for someone to pitch to him.  He moves the bat onto the left shoulder, hands gripped in good form and then crouches his whole body down (sometimes so low he falls over) ready for the pitch.  It's adorable and a little mind-blowing how fast he's picked it up, but incredibly consistent with his personality.  Just like his father, when he sets his sights on something he goes after it and sees nothing else.

As I was reading to him before bed (something that is a struggle because he just wants to go, do and resist being still), I tried to work with him saying a couple of words.  As a typical third child, he's taking a little longer to get those words flowing.  It's especially hard with an extra talkative older sister who wants to be in the middle of everything.  The book was about tails so we worked on the T sound and then tried to get him to repeat the word.  Once I got the other two kids to quit interrupting, he gladly pushed out the T sounds and then grinned like crazy when I insisted at the whole word.  We finished and then he jumped up, turning around for a hug.  It occurred to me that I really needed to do that more often - work with him without the other two hanging all over him.  He does mama, dada, ball, go, and just recently mastered uh-oh, but he's capable of so much more if he would only slow down and try it.

And then the entire purpose of parenting came into focus.  We get hung up on different learning styles, disciplining methods and personality types, but the big picture is balance.  With each child God has entrusted to me, it has been my job to know them.  Knowing them means that I learn their weaknesses which should inform my parenting of them - show me where they need balancing.  I have 3 children and a husband who would rather go and do than just about anything.  In my relationships with them, I am learning to help them slow down.  The child that is afraid of hard things (even though highly capable of them) does better when they are forced to learn every aspect of that hard thing in order to master it with patience.  The child with all the words needs help respecting other people's need for silence.  This baby of mine is an amazing accomplisher and I'm learning it is my job to open up his awareness to other great things to accomplish, not just the ones on his radar.

Through conversations and maybe even some ad on Facebook, I've heard a lot of opinions about letting children decide for themselves about how they will be disciplined or what they will do or eat.  It seems to be a trend of some sort that suggests if a child doesn't prefer it then the decree has been set.  And I understand, to a point, because I want my kids to be happy.  I don't want them to resent me or have anxiety over something forced upon them.  However, I am seeing in all of my children the value of filling in the gaps between where they prefer to be and where they could be.

If I let her, my daughter would eat fruit non-stop and rarely have protein - if ever!  Do you know what kind of emotional wreck that girl would be if she didn't get enough protein in the day?  Seriously, she would be on her way to diet-induced diabetes.  As her parent, I see her weaknesses (emotionally and physically) and educate her preferences.  Last month we had some particularly stressful meltdowns regarding J and his math studies.  For that period of time, if I had let him decide he would never mess with math again.  It was hard (he thought) and didn't want to do it.  3 weeks later he's excitedly speeding through multiplication tables to impress his dad.  He just needed a little more patience than he felt like having that week.

Of course, there are always varying techniques on how to parent and carry out rules and consequences, but don't ever believe the lie that a child must like, prefer or be in love with everything they do.  It is our job to balance, equip and build up.  All of those things requires growth and that means change.  If your family never sets out to grow, then you are all likely to miss the mark.  Our relationship with our kids is meant for us to provide balance - a balance that keeps them rooted to the things that matter and that helps them choose wisely even when it isn't comfortable.

The Importance of Being a Loser

I wanted to cry.  Miss Z's soccer team had just made a goal - their first goal of the entire season.  Before you go calling me a silly soccer mom, know that this was the next to last game of the season.  They hadn't scored a single goal all season long.  That unbelievable moment - a moment that we as parents and spectators had begun to think wouldn't happen this season - was full of delirious screams and wild jumping around.  We still lost the game, but went on to score two more times after that and were just as excited every time.  These girls had worked hard, but had a few things working against them all season.  They were a new team, for one.  They only had 2 subs while most teams had 4 or 5.  And since they were low on sign-ups, they were a combination of age levels playing up in half the team's case and physically smaller than most of their opponents.  All things that weren't anyone's fault really and we had certainly seen growth in just a few short weeks but none of that helps much when you're feeling discouraged at the losses. So, when a shot finally went in today, you better believe we rejoiced!

Losing, whether it be in sports or any part of life, is just that way.  When you experience poverty, you have a greater appreciation for abundance.  When you lose loved ones early in life, you have a great capacity to appreciate those around you now.  Losing means struggling.  Struggling gives you the chance to learn things and to grow in ways not possible otherwise.  In sports it is natural and tempting to want your child to be on a winning team.  When your team isn't winning you might talk bad about the other team or give the refs a hard time or even switch teams just to avoid losing.  We all can slip into a sore loser mentality and make a 7 year old's soccer game about our personal validation.  But, let me remind you that not only does it make you look foolish, but also your child misses the chance to learn skills to help her thrive in life for years to come.

Did you read that right? Losing a soccer game or not getting the lead or even getting dealt the worst hand in life, is usually one of the biggest catalysts in personal development and growth.  Life is full of losses and the most successful people are the ones who struggle enough to actually learn how to do it better next time.  Not to mention that the gratitude for the wins is so much bigger and sweeter when you have really lost and then found success with much effort.  As parents we are wired to not want our kids to hurt, but sometimes we forget the purpose in some of that pain.

As much as I want to see that beautiful daughter of mine score a dozen goals, if only to see her excitement, it is more important to see her face any looming mountain in her life with endurance, ingenuity and an attitude to try again when she loses.  I love it when my kids win, as we all should I think, but today reminded me how valuable losing truly is to being a success in life.

Kids and Boundaries

Before I started school as a kid, I was a challenge to my parents.  Strong-willed is the term, I think.  I'm told that once I started school, everything calmed down for the most part.  30 years later, it is a common sentiment I've heard from other parents.  Kids, especially those strong-willed ones, do really well with clear boundaries and structure.  That's not some new revelation, but it has been a lesson that I have relearned over the past year.

The homeschooling lifestyle can be very structured of course, but it doesn't have to be.  The advantages can also be the difficulties.  We don't have to scramble out the door in the morning or wake babies up from their naps to go wait in the pick-up line.  When other things happen in our life and we don't complete something, we simply keep going or pick it up later.  If someone struggles in a subject, we take as long as we need to work it out.  The flexibility is amazing! But that also means there is a lot of flexibility which won't look like the well-laid out public classroom that awaits the arrival of children.  My kids, for better and worse, have seen the woman behind the curtain and know the truth.  Sometimes things are nicely organized and sometimes we do that together.

So, when we talk about kids needing boundaries and structure, it probably looks a little different in our household insomuch as there is a lot of bleeding over between the various aspects of our lives.  J isn't a classic strong-willed child so I have often reserved the iron-fist for miss Z.  However, the past year he and I have struggled with being more structured and efficient.  I tried to be and he fought me a lot.  "It's too hard." "I can't do it."  "Why do I have to?"  Hearing this day in and day out makes you start to doubt yourself.  Am I being too hard on him?  Maybe it really is hard and I'm just making it worse?  And then there are lots of days when I just don't want to fight about it all.  That motivates more things than I'm proud to admit.

Over the summer, I tried to better organize and de-clutter various areas of our home and life.  With that came a refreshed attitude and higher expectations for our school days.  J had demonstrated more than once that most things were not too hard.  The truth was that he didn't want to slow down and do them.  So, typical yes, but nothing to feel sorry for him about.  We've been on a better schedule the last few weeks and things are going a lot better.  I've stopped reacting to his dramatics and they have decreased.  He may complain or at least share his honest opinion of it, but he still proceeds to accomplish things in record time.

Most issues with kids involves two major factors: the kids issues and the parents issues.  When you are in the heat of it, it is so difficult to know the difference.  Sometimes children have real behavior or educational difficulties.  Sometimes parents just tolerate more than they should.  The wisdom is knowing the difference before it's too late.  My prayer this year is to recognize my weaknesses better so that they might not be confused with the needs of my children.

This Beautiful and Wounding Life of Motherhood

As I'm navigating this child life for the third time,  there is so much beautiful and wounding at the same time.  On a daily basis you're hit with a reality wave that reminds you how this is not how you planned it exactly and yet it is everything!  My sister-in-law put it right in her newest song.

If you like it and would like to support more music coming from Hannah, go vote for her at the link below:

Vote for I've Got It Good by Hannah Elise

October Reset: Parenthood

When I feel out of my normal control, I (too often) default to panic.  In my marriage reset post, I mentioned this panic too.  Children, especially as they multiply, can hit your overload button just by breathing sometimes.  Since Zoey was about 1, I've been trying to fully recover from the default panic mode my body had been set on.  Before we moved to the new house, I had finally started feeling healthy again, but then change ran amok.  Of all the roles I play in my life, being a mom is perhaps the one I feel the fiercest.  It's hard.  I'm easily overwhelmed.  I'm an introverted homeschooler which makes me a little crazy for alone time.  But I am absolutely enthralled with  what they are (miracles that combine their dad's DNA and mine in a beautiful way) and deeply committed to the responsibility of raising them.  So, despite the panic roller coaster they have kept me on, I keep coming back for more!

Still, panic is bad for your health long-term.  Trust me, I know.  So, my parenthood reset involves breathing first.  Before a reaction, before a demand, before a scolding, I'm learning to breathe.  My stressful state shouldn't be blamed or perpetuated (long-term) by their lives.  They are precious and the parts that aren't fall under my domain.  I'm the parent so it's my job to work on those.  Panic, stress and reaction is my responsibility to eliminate, not theirs.  The times when I struggle to enjoy my children have more to do with my state of mind than their behavior.  Parenthood reset puts my mental health under my control and responsibility.  A long day is still a long day, but I need to be cautious about blaming my children for what is largely my doing.  When I stay up too late or don't take time to pray and set my mind for the day - that's not their fault.  It is very easy for me to react to the behavior of now - like loud talking or children squabbles - as though they are the worst.  However, when I'm rested, emotionally filled and peaceful, managing those things are as simple as breathing.   The difference is me, not them.

It always sounds silly to hear someone say, "You're the parent, remember?" As though we could forget.  But somewhere along the way we do forget that being the parent means we are in control of so much whether we like it or not.  They do what we do.  They react like we react.  They resist what we resist.  Join the parenthood reset in taking control of what is and should be yours to direct.

The Importance of Dad in the Homeschool

When you homeschool, sometimes it is really hard to resist the public school day comparison.  Even though I realize that not only are my children thriving but the entire reason we choose this way of life is to give them something different.  So, Mr. Butler (aka Daddy) is one of the ways we're making this homeschool thing work.  By nature, this guy is artistic, mechanical and creative (he's an engineer after all!) and with everything that is on my plate, it is easy for my energy to be empty when it comes to the major activities portion of the day.  All I have to do is ask and suddenly after dinner they are busy building tepees. 

I helped in between baby tending and kitchen cleaning, but the creative director was all Mr. Butler.  Both kids made their own little camp and were very proud of them. 

So, of course they couldn't stop there.  They combined their creations to make a little village, complete with planes, frogs, and Eeyore.

He also usually reads to the kids at bedtime and if there is anything I want him to read - from textbook to instruction manuals - he'll fit it in too.  Now that the little race car is almost 6 months old, I really feel compelled to have our new normal figured out.  Since I really don't (have it all figured out), I'm so thankful that Mr. Butler fills in the gaps with his strengths.  

With a baby in tow, a part-time job and no children over the age of 6, there is only so much finite control I can have over any given school day.  So praise the Lord for Daddy!

Feeding the Fire of Learning

"What time is it on the other side of the world?  Is the sun up right now there?"

The preacher and his wife at our congregation just recently returned from a 4 month long missionary trip to South Korea.  The homecoming was much anticipated, especially by the kids, and so foreign lands have been on their brains ever since.  The other night just before books were to be read, J started asking Mr. Butler about the other side of the world and before I knew it they were having a long conversation all about gravity, the earth's axis, hemispheres and time zones.  After several minutes it finally died down and bedtime rituals commenced.

I didn't say anything at the time, but that moment was full of so many things I LOVE.  A father sharing his knowledge with his kids.  A child curious about the world and thinking beyond only what he is presented with.  An environment of safety and dialogue that, Lord willing, will only continue and solidify as they get older.  Nothing staged or forced but pure organic learning.  As a homeschooler, I leap for joy because #1 I feel successful in facilitating a desire to learn and #2 Science has just been knocked out for the week! Ha! But the interchange did not happen because we homeschool.  The interchange happened because the child has been given an environment that encourages learning and a parent has made themselves available for further learning most any time.  The fact that the responsibilities of education are on our shoulders in homeschooling just makes us more aware of that valuable opportunity and conscious of its importance in the long term education of our kids.

I'm so excited for more exchanges like this one on any number of topics, but I just can't stress it enough that this is something any child and parent can foster, no matter their 'schooling' status.  When you don't homeschool, some if not a lot of the education of your child falls elsewhere.  That makes it so easy to isolate education to school hours and homework time only and think of all other time as something else completely.  The truth is that learning happens constantly and as parents we can be a huge and positive part of that as long as we're paying attention.  When our kids are largely grown and making life changing decisions, my prayer is that they will be so full of little learning moments about this big world we live in and God's infinite presence in it that they will live in a state of growth and honor to Him.

Rory the Race Car: A Birth Story

When miss Z turned a year old, I began having some health issues and eventually the need to wean her was discussed.  I didn't want to end that stage of parenting on such a difficult note.  At that point my anxiety was very high and the fear of not being able to have another child was very real.  I certainly didn't want to put me or a new child at risk, but in my heart I just wasn't finished with two.  There were a lot of prayers going up about this possible child #3 and from start to finish, everything was so. much. different.  From J to miss Z there were some clear differences, but I still felt like I was in the same ballpark.  Sickness, how I carried, emergencies, labor and delivery with this one were all almost foreign to me, they were so different! And for someone who really aches for familiarity (and panics at change and new things), this was hard to process.  Rory is over a month old and I'm just now sitting down to write about it - the shock of it all has made it hard to have any words I think.

As I've written before, miss Z's birth was so much more gentle and efficient than J's and I had attributed a lot of it to the self-hypnosis I had learned.  So obviously, I intended to do the same with the next one.  The trouble with that was that nothing lined up the same both mentally or physically.  I was looking to recreate miss Z's birth, but couldn't even muster up similar feelings when it came down to it.

On Saturday April 8, 2017 I woke up still very pregnant looking like this: 

I didn't feel good, but there were no regular contractions.  There was hardly any irregular contractions.  I felt poorly enough to ask my mom to work on (reflexology) my feet just to get things flowing in a good direction.  She did.  I felt better.  She left.  And I continued my day.  Mr. Butler was nesting for me - cleaning up the house like a pregnant woman.  I was cranky so I had a late lunch/snack and then took a shower.  

Showers always make me feel better.  This one made me feel worse.  It activated something and around 3:30 I started feeling sick in every direction.  That would make sense if I was in the middle of labor - that's called transition in case you're not familiar.  Transition is the point where most women reconsider and say "I can't do this."  The good news is that you're almost done at that point.  Well, I didn't know it at the time or even that it was possible, but I WAS in transition.  For some reason I just started there and skipped the build up.  Yay, right?  Well, sort of.  Because there were no rhythmic contractions, we weren't sure we should call the midwives or not.  Then I started having severe acute pelvic pain but still no contractions.  It was very uncomfortable and not getting easier.  So, Mr. Butler called and they were sending an assistant to check on me.  In the meantime, miss Z woke up from her nap and very concerned for me.  J was already with my dad so we sent her over there and my mom came over to help me.

After we had called, things started getting out of control.  I couldn't get comfortable, everything was VERY painful and I had to squat for any kind of relief. HELLO, that's transition getting ready to push!!!  But it just didn't make sense. None of it was in a familiar order or form.  When the guttural sounds started coming out of me spontaneously, I had Mr. Butler call back to confirm we were having a baby, regardless of how little sense it made!  Now, I tried to use my hypnosis.  I tried to relax and focus, but it was all for not.  Nothing I or anyone else did really helped.  The pain was constant and so intense that I had to focus on getting out of that situation as fast as possible.  So, that's what I did. 

The midwives' assistant arrived about 5:45 pm and had to start setting up for birth immediately as I was practically pushing.  She got everything set up just in time too because he was born at 6:01 pm before the senior midwife even made it!  The relief and joy was so amazing largely because the intensity of labor was insane!  But of course our little race car couldn't let the excitement end there.  When he came out he started turning blue and wouldn't sustain breathing.  He would cough and make a sound and then nothing.  So, the fantastic assistant knew just what to do and gave him oxygen and some chest compressions.  He was right next to me the whole time and perhaps it was all the love hormones flowing through me but I was confident he would be fine.  Mr. Butler and my mom seemed to be in charge of panicking instead.  Still, after a little bit of help he was breathing on his own and we were in business!

Rory Emerson was 10 lbs 2 oz and 22 in long. 

The big kids were VERY excited to meet him.

As many people know, we went on to have a hospital stay and some health concerns, but thanks to an enormous amount of prayer, he has been cleared of all issues and thriving at home!  We are learning many lessons through this sweet boy, but none so much as thankfulness for all the good things.  This mama's heart is very full.

I'd Rather Be Your Mommy: A Home School Adventure Co. Review

When we see other people make choices that oppose what we have chosen in our life, it is so easy to get defensive and judgmental.  Motherhood is littered with such choices and is one of the ugliest battle grounds that we can find ourselves in.  Because it can be one of the more explosive topics of conversation, sometimes the joy and importance of motherhood doesn't get communicated to our children the way that it should.  Home School Adventure Co. provided us a copy of the ebook I'd Rather be Your Mommy that shoots straight into the heart of our children the value of being their mom.  This also includes I'd Rather be Your Mommy Coloring Book Edition and I'd Rather be Your Mommy Print Set.

In some areas of the world, it is common place to have the freedom to vote, to be educated, to be employed and to choose the direction of our lives specifically as women.  There are so many messages flying around that supports and encourages women to achieve and compete with the best of them.  However noble and coveted these options are, it is important to remember that there are many options and motherhood for many of us is one of the best options!  I have been very blessed with the opportunity to be educated at the college level, I can vote, and I have pursued many individual goals that I am proud of.  When trying to compare those things to what it means to be J, Miss Z and soon to be little brother's mom, it just doesn't work.  Caring for them fulfills many desires of my heart and has forced me to grow in ways I never thought possible, but even more it carries so much weight in shaping their future.  Like it or not, my voice will be in their head from time to time for the rest of their life, long after I'm gone.  The way they love and learn and let go 30 years from now will be influenced by the days we're spending together right now.  Being their mom means and will mean so much more than diapers and discipline.  And we all need to be reminded of that often.

This 34 page children's book, along with a corresponding coloring book and print set, are simple, yet profound and a needed element in every mother  and child relationship.  Our fast paced and ambition-minded society forgets so quickly how cold our world grows when our relationships are not valued and nurtured.  The most important place to start is for each child to know how much someone loves them and desires to choose them first.  The coloring book is a neat additional element that provides kids a way to interact with the story further.  And of course, what child doesn't enjoy new and different coloring sheets?  The beautiful print set could be used in a number of ways including framed and hung on the wall, sent as a postcard to that grown child far away or given as a gift.

There are a lot of seasons of life for us to live through, especially as women, but none so life altering and mind blowing as motherhood.  Before living through it, it can be hard to believe but our children need to see it anyway.  In the midst of our exhaustion, worry and desperation, we don't always remember to tell our sons and daughters that all of the incredibly hard stuff is absolutely worth it.  This book is a great way to remind us, mom and child alike.
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The Review Crew is reviewing several other texts by Home School Adventure Co. that you might find interesting.  Follow the link before to read more reviews:

Providing an Organic Home Environment

 Maybe it's part of my emotional and feeling nature but I love for things in my life to be as gradual and organic as possible.  The sudden change of plans and the brand new experiences - that life is stocked full of - are hard on my sensitive nervous system.  So, whenever I can I work hard to provide an environment that can naturally produce certain outcomes.  This act of self-preservation has provided some insight, especially in regards to my children and their development that I just LOVE!

It isn't rocket science or anything, but I think it bears notice in our cookie cutter world.  When you surround someone with certain things, there will be a response.  The nature and quality of things you surround them with will dictate the quality and nature of their response.  Hang out with complainers and you'll find yourself complaining and unhappy.  Work in a place with windows and a great view, you'll have a little better outlook on life.  When it comes to kids and education, there are so many factors that can influence for good or bad that it behooves us to incorporate as much good as we can squeeze in!  

No parent, relationship or educational journey is perfect and our family certainly has its weaknesses. Still, there are a few things that have had a really good effect on our family's development and education that I think are worth sharing. 

Music - Between my teaching piano lessons, 3 worship services a week worth of a capella singing, singing as a part of bedtime routine, and the perpetual playlist at our fingertips via Spotify and Pandora, music is part of everything we do.  Enhancing their musical involvement doesn't just boost their musical skills, but activates their brain development as a whole.  Google it. ;)

Nature - Being outside, having the freedom to move outside, gardening, hiking, climbing trees, seeing mountains and waterfalls - all of this is so good for your body and soul.  Besides the obvious vitamin D that is desperately needed for a healthy immune system, children are hard-wired to move and boxing them up for too long really does them a disservice.  The great outdoors help us balance out where we get stuck.  Can't focus? Go outside for a while.  Difficult relating to other people? Go outside for a while.  Whenever possible, there is always an outside element to whatever we are doing.  From school to vacation, we plan to go outside and probably get dirty!  That is definitely one of the perks of homeschooling.

Books - This might seem like a no-brainer to some, but I feel it is best when taken a step further.  My kids have been doubly blessed because they have access to books and also have parents (namely their father) who read and appreciate books themselves.  I have always loved to read, but it takes more diligence to fit it in these days.  Mr. Butler though, always has his head in a book or listening to something on his commute to work.  His relationship with books has nothing to do with the rest of us and speaks volumes to his kids.  So far, the kids both consume books like their daily meals - just can't get enough!  I know for some that reading a book for fun is like exercising for fun - it just doesn't compute.  Still, both are incredibly healthy examples to set for our families AND to keep our brains young and active!

Learning - This is an extension of the last one.  Mr. Butler is very abnormal (at least in my circles) in that he loves learning new things and loves to consume information.  The more data the better! Add that to home being the location of school and learning anyway, the kids are constantly surrounded by various aspects of learning.  When learning new things is a natural state of living, our brains, our relationships, even our moods can be enhanced.  Sometimes the DIY or how-to videos the kids beg to watch get annoying, but it is evidence of their love of learning (and their nerdy father!).  

Educating and raising kids is difficult at best.  My conservative nature loves to find ways to cushion my path and I guess building these life aspects into our routines so that they aren't even options most days helps me relax! Plus, now that J is really diving into school, I can see the benefits all around me! I love that!

My Brain on Pregnancy

Some people have nut or egg allergies.  Other people have sensitive stomachs or injury prone.  My weakness is my brain.  If I'm sick or worn down in any way, my body's first response is for my brain to stop working.  That could mean I forget words or have a difficult time communicating.  If things aren't rectified within a reasonable time, I start thinking irrationally and becoming upset or worried about all the things.  I can be quite a case, let me tell you.  And this is my body on normal.

I am 35 weeks pregnant (where everything has been a lot different than my other two pregnancies) at 37 years old with two children, where I homeschool them, teach a little piano, maintain a blog where I review products and have to maintain a household.  My body is certainly not on normal and my brain suffers regularly.  I have many of the silly yet common symptoms like breaking things or misplacing things.  A few weeks ago I had some yogurt (out of a larger container) and when one of the kids asked for the same snack a little while later, for the life of me I could not find it anywhere in the fridge.  Of course, I found it in the cabinet above the stove where the honey is supposed to go.  

Then there have been incidents (yes, multiple) where I sit in the passenger seat longer than a sane person should before I realized that I was supposed to be the one driving.  Being the only adult should have been my first clue, but sadly it took my children reminding me.  

This week, I've just been an emotional mess with severe mood swings, multiple meltdowns and feelings of punishment though it really isn't the case.  Still, this morning I just about lost it completely when I had to be the adult when one of my dog's found herself in a 'situation.'  Having been a dog owner for almost 10 years, I've learned the typical symptoms and useful treatments for their various ailments.  I know that when my dog starts chewing things up or digging in the trashcan while we're gone, she usually has some kind of parasite in her system which calls for a great herbal combination called Herbal Pumpkin from NSP.  Such was the case yesterday and I had been administering it appropriately.   After her dose this morning, she had been acting better.  

So, while completely disgusting, it wasn't entirely surprising to see that she had eaten a diaper and it had made it's way through her system.  How did I know this, you ask?  Well, let me tell you.  She came in from outside with an extra 'tail' of said diaper that was still attached to her with some floss she no doubt acquired during her dumpster diving,  Yes, still attached meaning connected to the exit on her body from whence it came.  Seriously, where is the Punk'd crew or the sign confirming that I should absolutely QUIT today?

So, since this isn't the first time my dog has been caught eating floss, I already knew that there could be a slight danger to her if it doesn't move through appropriately (yep, google it).  As quickly as she pranced into the house with her lovely trail, I gasped and sent her back outside.  With my make-shift plastic gloves (to ziploc sandwich bags), I begged the Lord for mercy and prepared for surgery.  In a most ridiculous manner with scrunched face, held breath and stiff shoulders, I pulled on the floss, fervently praying to God it wasn't somehow tied around an organ and about to shorten sweet Grace's life.  Think I'm kidding? Go ahead and google it.

Ick doesn't begin to describe it.  Praise God, everything was detached very quickly with no negative consequence and I refrained from throwing up.  Because, let's face it.  That wasn't a "it's so gross when you're pregnant" kind of thing.  That was an "all the time, no matter who you are you never want to experience that" gross kind of thing.  

Yeah, needless to say, my brain is about fried.  They say writing helps.  I'll let you know. :)

Know Your Child Today

One of the most fun things to do with a newborn baby is to see who he looks like.  From the very start, we look at these beautiful children with comparing eyes ready to categorize them in some way.  From your dad’s eyes to your brother’s pouty lip, we look for the familiar, don’t we?  Those familiar traits instinctively draw out deeper love and connection!   As that child grows, the categorizing continues into realms of behavior, attitudes, and temperament.  This cataloging is one of the reasons parents should be considered the expert on their child.   We are seeing it all and constantly studying to further know and connect with our children.  One of the advantages of homeschooling and being your kids’ primary instructor is an even greater knowledge of our children’s skills and limitations.  But have you looked intently at who your child is with a mind open to seeing changes or misconceptions? Are you focusing on understanding them as much as you are their academic record?  While we may be experts, infallible we are not. 

I have known a few families where one child goes astray in one way or another and a common denominator is always the lack of understanding or acknowledgement in this child’s differences.  Often the parents treated the child as though they were (or should be) just like them (commonly the same gender parent).  To a misunderstood and immature mind, when core personality traits aren’t understood, all the parents’ instruction and guidance can come into question.  Truly knowing and acknowledging our children – especially when they are not like us in some significant ways – is critical to fully equipping them to succeed and glorify God with their life.

My mother is a very extroverted (gets energy from people) person while my father is introverted (gets energy from being alone).  No one ever said I should feel a certain way other than obeying God, but somewhere I got in my head that since my mother is a girl then I would be like her because I am a girl.  Turns out I’m very introverted - like my dad - but spent the first 20 years of my life not really knowing the difference and pushing myself to lengths that just made me sick and miserable.  I’m 36 and still struggle with the compulsion to be a people person, but physically just can’t keep up.  This wasn’t some grand neglect on the part of my parents but more of a lack of vocabulary on the subject.   We now have mainstream tools like love languages, temperaments, and color codes to better understand each other, as long as we pay attention.  In knowing our children, we’re really talking about blind spots.  Parents don’t set out to ignore or misunderstand their children.  In some cases, children don’t ever communicate feelings of disconnect or difference until there’s already a major problem.  It’s asking the questions you think you already know the answers to and being willing to shift gears when you’re surprised at the responses.  It’s about being faithful to revisit who your children are today.

This content was originally published at  Homeschooling with Heart, The Old Schoolhouse Blog.

Announcing...

Friendship is Worth the Fight

The kids opted to have their breakfast on the back porch that of course turned into a game of baseball.  I watched them through the window and couldn't help but love them more and long for their friendship to never end.  They squabble and scream with the best of them, but every time she runs after one of his balls or he sets up her tee, I'm reminded of how much they love each other.

Friendship, whether through blood or circumstance, is worth the fight.

Strong-Willed Girls

I'm no expert when it comes to parenting or strong-willed kids, but I am/was a strong-willed girl and I have a strong-willed daughter.  It's a topic I am at least familiar with.  And I know there is an ugliness that comes with being strong-willed.  There are lines that the strong-willed cross out of passion and commitment to a cause and then deeply regret it when the consequences are painfully clear.  There is a fight that arises that seems misplaced, but so real just the same.  There can be bossiness, rudeness, selfishness and pride.  It all comes from a fierceness that just isn't taught, but was burning at birth.  And it is just as hard being a strong-willed girl as it can be parenting one, no matter how well-equipped you might be.  I say all of that to say this.  If you have a relationship with a strong-willed girl, know how amazing they are.  They will be the leaders taking the path less traveled by.  They will be standing up for the invisible and the fatherless.  They will make a way when it seems hard or impossible.  They will do great things.  Unless you don't teach them how to love and respect others.  Then, it's anybody's game.  

One of the big challenges with Miss Z (3 years old and the strong-will is fully activated) right now is how she talks to everyone, especially Mr. Butler and I.  She is fine assuming we are there for her pleasure.  "I need a drink of water!" she will demand.  "Mommy, you need to find my blanket." she declares.  It's a simple, maybe silly thing to you, but I know where it leads.  Where on earth do you think mean girls come from?  They start with a ring leader who thinks she knows better (has the best ideas) and can tell everyone how things should go. So, we're working on the polite way to speak to others and how we ask for things, not demand things.  It's not a huge ordeal but it's an example of how easily these strong-willed diamonds can crush everyone around them really fast if their heart isn't constantly tuned towards God's love for others and how that should look in our daily lives.

I can't speak from a position of success since she is only 3, but I know so many strong-willed girls and awesome mothers of strong-willed girls that have their own struggles.  It really is one of the hardest most significant things you can do simply because of the force you're shaping in them.  Let's not give up, but just remember the privilege and duty these awesome souls bring to us.

Twirling in her new dress

Even though she didn't really want to

It was her brother's idea

And I sorta had to make her

Doing some Yoga in the morning

Doing some Yoga in the morning

Making faces in the mirror