Feel What You Feel. Give Others the Same Privilege.

Throughout my life's education, one of the biggest concepts that always resonated with me has been how one size just doesn't ever fit all.  We don't learn at the same rates, we don't grow at the same rates, and a cure for one might be poison for another.  As a young mother, that was always evident when babies are starting to talk and walk.  We act as though it's a race or a competition, but it's really not.  This year has given us a concentrated dose of other people's lives (while ironically being cut off directly) and too often we still aren't getting the message that we're all different.  Many celebrating holidays this week and are coming from entirely different places emotionally.  We should never buy into the idea that everyone needs to (or has to) experience it the same way.

I have loved ones who have suffered great tragic losses this year.  There are friends who have gone through massive changes in their lives.  I also know those who are suffering financially.  Some families and relationships have experienced beautiful healing and growth this year.  There are those who are simply sick themselves.  Some of us are struggling with anxiety and depression.  New babies, sad divorces, exciting marriages, new homes, job changes, and great losses.  All of these and more have happened all around us this year.  

My little brother and his beautiful family moved back to our area after spending their whole married life out of state.  The past several days I've gotten to spend time with my niece and nephews that I've not really every been able to before and it has been wonderful! There were moments yesterday when I started to feel guilty for my joy simply because I know others who struggled to enjoy the days because of personal loss or struggles.  I know it is right to be content and joyful with my circumstances  when it arises, but I have to admit the pit of guilt I had to fight off just the same.  As I thought about that, I realized how often we strive for others to experience the world like we are, but usually fail miserably.  The loss anyone is feeling right now needs to be honored by those that feel it most.  The joy of reunion and family needs to be celebrated by those that feel it most.  Our lot of celebration or mourning will undoubtedly change from what it is today so there is no need to force it somewhere it doesn't belong.  We will all celebrate and we will all mourn in due time.  

Good deeds and painful trials both deserve honor.

As we live in a free country that recognizes our freedom to live a quiet and peaceful life as suits our needs, we should honor those in our life with a similar respect to engage the world as they need to.  When we start expecting everyone to adhere the same way in holidays, in circumstances or just feeling the way we feel, we are trying to argue with the beautiful design of man.  We are made in the image of God, but as we see the complex differences between one person to the next, it is clear His image manifests itself in a variety of ways at a variety of times.

If you're mourning, honor it with everything you have.  If you are celebrating, do not let it go without great joy.  If you are growing, lean in to it to get where you are going.  If you are broken and struggling, honor it and let others lift you up.  I would never expect an essay out of my 3 year old the way I might with my 10 year old.  Even two 10 year old kids side by side can't be expected to know/perform/think the same.  Let's quit treating each other with such ignorance, but far more mercy and support.  So, as you are closing out this perpetual circus of a year, feel what you feel, but give those around you that same privilege. We are not all in this together in the same way and that has to be understood and it has to be okay.  

1 Corinthians 12:12-27

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. 14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

What Do Parents Get Out of Homeschooling?

What if homeschooling was just as important for parent's growth as it is their children's education?

For every time a child complains that they aren't skilled enough to do something, there are plenty of adults who encourage them to grow and in time better develop their skills.  That's what parenting is about - teaching them to learn and grow.  Why do we completely forget that reality when facing our own reality?  I'll tell you why.  Parents are tired, stressed and often caught longing for a reality (free of worry, fewer expenses, and smaller waistlines) that no longer exists.  A lot of our life is merely about survival and has zero time to worry about growth.  And yet, as children of God we are called to grow.

As most people know, we decided to homeschool our children before our oldest was even born.  It was a choice that I felt really confident in because I had experience in music, education and working with children.  I didn't love the necessary constraints of a typical public school system and was impressed by the growing homeschool community here in Oklahoma so it became a really easy decision for us.  At that time, I think the motivation to homeschool was 100% for my kids and their benefit.  The added responsibility of their education, no automatic breaks from my children and the stress of going against the grain were not things I loved or wanted in my life, but merely necessary price tags of this chosen lifestyle.

What if I told you that now, after heading down this homeschool path for 9 years, Mr. Butler and I benefit just as much as our kids?

Homeschooling has made us better parents.  Spending 6-8 hours a (week) day away from my kids - even if it is spent at work - allows me to hide a lot from my kids and they me.  Being the one who has to enforce schoolwork on a daily basis or having a continual audience or witness to my weaknesses forces me to face reality a bit more.  A good kid who rarely would argue with his teacher at school, may not hold back quite so much for his familiar parents.  That makes for a harder job on the parent, but once it is under control, you can have greater confidence in the child's learning of the lesson.  While it can hurt at first, this path keeps us accountable by insisting that I grow and that is truly a gift.

Homeschooling has given us freedom.  When we set our own schedule, we have the freedom to live life in the way that is important to us.  In most scenarios, we don't have to miss things because of bedtimes or school schedules, instead we simply adjust accordingly with naps or sleeping in the next day. When sickness or babies come into the mix, everywhere adjusts together.  We can take days/weeks off for special occasions or vacations whenever is appropriate for us.  We can create the life and space that we want to a very large degree.  Of course, we are limited by Mr. Butler's work schedule, but when he has days off like Martin Luther King Jr. Day, he can spend the day with us while we are doing school.

Homeschooling Pushes Us To Learn New Things.  When I'm not the one making the lesson plan, it is easy to check-out and let the person in charge worry about it.  While that can be nice when you have a dozen other things to do, it causes me to miss out on something that I could learn and share with my children at the same time!  As I'm choosing subjects to explore with the kids, it is only natural that my my interests are piqued and I find myself diving in further than if it was some assigned project they brought home from somewhere else.  And as we all know, learning new things is good for health and longevity not to mention part of God's design for our beautifully crafted brains.


Most of the time these blessings are available to any family, whether they homeschool or not, but it is far more difficult when other entities are determining your child's time and subject matter most of the day.  Intentional parenting and a strong family dynamic is within everyone's reach, but, like an education taylored to a child's individual needs, it's really challenging without the freedom of homeschooling.  If home educating isn't a possibility or desirable in your family, you probably didn't read this far and I'm not really writing to you.  Aside from God and His word, nothing is a perfect fit for everyone.  The person I'm really thinking about is that parent who has thought about it and been tempted by it, but then convinced themselves they couldn't do it because their child won't listen to them or they don't feel educated enough to be responsible for their the child's education.  The really cool thing about this lifestyle is that everyone is learning  here!  If you can find a video on YouTube on how to change any part on any appliance in your house or enough information on any random weed in your yard for an extensive research project, you can find the help you need if you desire to teach your kids at home.  Beyond that, there are so many blessings even for us parents that make this choice worthwhile.

If you have more specific questions about what it takes to homeschool, I was fortunate to write an article about it for The Old Schoolhouse Magazine called "Can I Pull My Child Out of Public School?"

Politics, Sports and Other Things I Care Very Little For

It's Thursday and here's what's going on: The kick-off of football season, two political conventions just about in the books, and even with the holiday on Monday, I feel like I haven't seen my husband all week!  I'm not a sports fan.  I'm certainly not a political activist.  And I get cranky when my routine gets messed up!  So, maybe I'm a little cranky, but I have a couple of opinions about some of the hypocrisy we allow when sports and politics are involved.

I'll just tell you up front, every time the subject (whether in person or in social media) of politics or sports comes up, I cringe.  I cringe and I pray people will behave.  Because about 70% of the time, people don't behave.  People aren't respectful, humble, kind or honest.  We get prideful, boasting, rude, mean and grow into big fat liars.  Liars to ourselves about how good our team/political party is and how bad the other is.  Liars to each other, making claims about what (or who) will fix things in the country/conference/team.  We also get demanding and ungrateful.  The ability to vote in an election and watch a football game on a beautiful Saturday alike are awesome gifts and blessings.  Many times, we behave as though we are in charge of everything to do with them and are personally paying each politician and player.

Now, living in Oklahoma, you can't get away from sports fans because these days, if it's not football it's basketball.  And I also live in a free, relatively democratic society so getting away from others exercising their political freedoms would mean moving and potentially giving up my own freedoms.  So, I am in no way suggesting that we try to get away or that all involvement and support of sports and politics is bad, wrong or offensive to me.  I love a good basketball or football game, snuggled up to Mr. Butler - especially with my ipod handy to distract me when I lose interest! I know one day J will be on some field or court and I'll desperately pray to God that his team win!  And, I get fearful and overwhelmed at the thought of one day losing my freedoms - freedom of religion, the safety and luxuries we are provided in this country! I'm even thankful there are at least two major political parties, where one party or ideal can't dominate completely for ever and ever.

What I am begging for is good, well-thought out, reasonable behavior.  Just because a party did something profitable once doesn't mean it is infallible and is the only solution to everything.  But just because you disagree with certain ideals of a party doesn't mean it can't accomplish beneficial things for everyone.  Politically, I'm probably half republican and half democrat because I support some of both sides.  In sports and politics, every last player and coach are human, subject to mistakes, circumstances and game-changing events.  Everybody has a bad day and deserves mercy just as much as you do.  If you can't enjoy the ride and appreciate the process without being rude and stirring up strife with others then maybe you should re-evaluate why you feel so strongly that you can't behave in an honorable way.  And yes, I may feel so strongly about all of this because I'm cranky, so maybe we'll all behave better next week! :)

It's a balance, I tell ya!

Whatever Happened to 'Agree to Disagree'?

With all the talk of free speech, boycotts and even healthcare issues (vaccinations, obamacare, etc.) abounding, I've been a little overwhelmed and tired of the conflict.  No matter my opinions and values, I know there are those who disagree completely.  But I don't feel the need to accept or pick a fight with anyone.

As a Christian, I do believe in sharing my faith and supporting the things I believe in.  Absolutely.  As an American, I respect the right of free speech.  And that means EVERYONE'S right to free speech.  Some people's 'speech' will be ugly, condescending and full of hate.  Why are you surprised at that?  I'm not.  Disappointed and saddened sometimes, but not surprised.  Is it my job to change the world's mind? Probably not.  Is it even my job to make sure my neighbor agrees with me (or gets a talking to if not)?  Probably not.  I believe its my job to live in the way I believe is right, with love, kindness and truth, honoring my husband, teaching my son.  Energy fully spent on that will go much further in the world than spitting out arguments to those that just want someone to fight with.

I guess I just wonder why agreeing to disagree isn't implemented more.  Our lives should demonstrate our beliefs and values.  Arguing about them, especially in wildly public venues is probably going to embitter your opposers more.  It is a beautiful day, no matter where you are so choose to bring good to your corner of the world.  Support the things you believe in.  Pray and  have mercy on those who you disagree with.  And at the end of the day, sow peace.

A gentle answer turns away wrath.  -Proverbs 15:1

Freedom

Sculpture by: Zenos Frudakis "Freedom" 

This picture was floating around facebook a while back and it caught my eye.  As most works of art can, this can be interpreted many ways, depending on your perspective.  Freedom, to me, has always been complicated.  Freedom requires taking away some restraint, but absolute freedom leads to destruction eventually.  There's nothing like the liberating feeling of freedom, as the sculpture suggests, but there's nothing so painful as the regret of squandered opportunity in the name of freedom.  How do you balance freedom with order and control?

Freedom

As the 4th of July is halfway to its close, I've been thinking a lot about what this freedom of living in the United States means to me.   It's funny how becoming a parent makes you think more purposely about traditions and ideas that you've grown up with in a new way.  4th of July has always brought about the same images in my mind - Songkhla (Vu) Winter's birthday, the annual gospel meeting in Sulphur, OK and fireworks.  Nothing more, nothing less. Songkhla was a very dear friend growing up and I always thought it was so fun that she was Vietnamese and her birthday was on the 4th of July.  To my recollection, I never missed going to the Sulphur meeting until I got married.  And fireworks, well, pretty much go without saying.

Today, though, I'm reminded of my grandfather J.D. Elmore and the Statue of Liberty.  There is a story of him returning from World War II and watching the statue come into sight.  Being away from his family and in the midst of a war, the statue's picture of freedom was much needed safety and reassurance of being home.  The safety of home is a multi-faceted idea, but one that should be appreciated everyday, but at very least today.

The reason Americans celebrate this day is because it marked the beginning of our freedom as a country.  As I seek to grow and as Jude gets older, I want freedom to mean more than that to us.  U.S. freedom is great, but personal freedom from ugly burdens of this life is even greater.  Addictions, dysfunctional relationships, lies, debts, and the many consequences of sin do not have to be mine. That is what freedom really means to me.  Celebrating freedom doesn't even mean I can do whatever I want.  Freedom means to be free from ugly, destructive things in order to live in beauty and growth!

When a sacrifice has been made to ensure your freedom (physical or spiritual), that sacrifice is dishonored and devalued when you live a shameful or destructive life.  Freedom isn't about doing whatever you want, but about making the sacrifice that's been made worthwhile in you.

"When in the course of human events..."

Everything I Thought I Knew

As I was riding my bike around the neighborhood for a little added calorie burn, I thought about my emotional life the past several years.  For several reasons, I have not been at peace or happy about things most of the time.  There has been pain of all sorts and more than anything an inability to handle it all adequately.  I had shut God out of most of it, I think. I wanted action or an answer immediately and when I didn't get it, all I could see was how miserable I was.   Never giving God a chance, I ignorantly thought I was the victim.  I just knew that I was doing everything as right as I could and that I should be pitied or helped by everyone else. 

As the wind was rushing past me, cooling the sweat running down my skin, I suddenly thought of Paul and how sincere he was in his persecution of the church.  He was utterly convinced that stamping out Christ's church was what he was commanded to do.  If he was wrong, of all people, he should be pitied or helped because he was so sincerely convinced of his justification. Yet, he wasn't. Not even a little bit.  Though his sin was pardoned in his faithful obedience to God later in his life, his persecution of the church and the results of his actions were in no way right or justified. 

If Paul, eventual martyr for the Lord, could not be excused for his misdirected sincerity, then how could I even begin to expect that?  Well, when in my right mind, I cannot.  It is only when I am willing to see myself and my world as it is that I can grow and find justification.  Though it can hurt beyond bearing, the truth is the only way to freedom.