Out of Nowhere: When Life Surprises Us But Really Shouldn't

I have often talked about how different Mr. Butler and I are.  We are still - after 10 1/2 years of marriage and a couple years more of friendship- finding ways we approach life drastically different. The Color Code is one of those personality profile methods that can help you understand yourself and others and this past year revisited what it says about us.  Mr. Butler is primarily a Red and I'm primarily a Blue - none of which is entirely a surprise.  What did strike me the other day was this chart that I ran across explained our struggles beautifully.  We are uncomfortable opposites who both tend to be controlling.  That ought to work well, huh? :)

I've mentioned before about how a year after Miss Z was born, my body pretty much collapsed in on itself and I spent the next 2 years having to build it back up with the most intentional living I'd ever done.  At the time, it felt like it came out of nowhere but the facts seemed to speak for themselves. The fall that I got pregnant with Miss Z, Mr. Butler went back to school for his master's degree in addition to his full-time job.  J was 2-3 years old, I was teaching piano regularly, and Mr. Butler's schedule meant he was usually away in the evenings 2-3 nights a week plus study time.  Once she was born things didn't slow down because I added another human being to the mix (which included nursing and lost sleep) and he didn't graduate until the time I collapsed.  The timing was poetic and ridiculous all at the same time.  The physical breakdown seemed random and unexpected, but the truth is that a body (my super sensitive body) could only take so much.

Sometimes when things happen in our life we are genuinely surprised.  We weren't expecting it and it just doesn't feel like it should be so.  This is often a pivotal moment.  The "it's not fair" routine could be bounding through the heart which leads to more unbridled emotion that likely won't help much.  The other direction involves asking important questions (like 'What circumstances could bring this about?') and be open to the possibility that our choices created this to some extent.  Mr. Butler and I didn't magically morph personalities after marriage.  We were always very different.  My body didn't just explode because it felt like it.  I had pushed it far too hard for far too long.  There are a lot of political opinions and discussions flying around that too easily end in horror at this or that opinion.  If you find yourself actually in a real conversation (and facebook doesn't usually count because people can't help but be ridiculous it seems!) about all of these things, take some time to ask questions like "What circumstances brought you to feel this way?"  Opinions and realities may not change from this, but relationships sure could be enhanced from a little more understanding.  Polarizing what is already polarized doesn't give us much.  Connecting the dots of how a person comes to embrace opposing ideals could give us quite a bit.

Politics, Sports and Other Things I Care Very Little For

It's Thursday and here's what's going on: The kick-off of football season, two political conventions just about in the books, and even with the holiday on Monday, I feel like I haven't seen my husband all week!  I'm not a sports fan.  I'm certainly not a political activist.  And I get cranky when my routine gets messed up!  So, maybe I'm a little cranky, but I have a couple of opinions about some of the hypocrisy we allow when sports and politics are involved.

I'll just tell you up front, every time the subject (whether in person or in social media) of politics or sports comes up, I cringe.  I cringe and I pray people will behave.  Because about 70% of the time, people don't behave.  People aren't respectful, humble, kind or honest.  We get prideful, boasting, rude, mean and grow into big fat liars.  Liars to ourselves about how good our team/political party is and how bad the other is.  Liars to each other, making claims about what (or who) will fix things in the country/conference/team.  We also get demanding and ungrateful.  The ability to vote in an election and watch a football game on a beautiful Saturday alike are awesome gifts and blessings.  Many times, we behave as though we are in charge of everything to do with them and are personally paying each politician and player.

Now, living in Oklahoma, you can't get away from sports fans because these days, if it's not football it's basketball.  And I also live in a free, relatively democratic society so getting away from others exercising their political freedoms would mean moving and potentially giving up my own freedoms.  So, I am in no way suggesting that we try to get away or that all involvement and support of sports and politics is bad, wrong or offensive to me.  I love a good basketball or football game, snuggled up to Mr. Butler - especially with my ipod handy to distract me when I lose interest! I know one day J will be on some field or court and I'll desperately pray to God that his team win!  And, I get fearful and overwhelmed at the thought of one day losing my freedoms - freedom of religion, the safety and luxuries we are provided in this country! I'm even thankful there are at least two major political parties, where one party or ideal can't dominate completely for ever and ever.

What I am begging for is good, well-thought out, reasonable behavior.  Just because a party did something profitable once doesn't mean it is infallible and is the only solution to everything.  But just because you disagree with certain ideals of a party doesn't mean it can't accomplish beneficial things for everyone.  Politically, I'm probably half republican and half democrat because I support some of both sides.  In sports and politics, every last player and coach are human, subject to mistakes, circumstances and game-changing events.  Everybody has a bad day and deserves mercy just as much as you do.  If you can't enjoy the ride and appreciate the process without being rude and stirring up strife with others then maybe you should re-evaluate why you feel so strongly that you can't behave in an honorable way.  And yes, I may feel so strongly about all of this because I'm cranky, so maybe we'll all behave better next week! :)

It's a balance, I tell ya!

Somewhere In The Middle

In the fall semester of 2004, I found myself in an English Literature course, but not always discussing strictly literature.  It being an election year, political opinions came up quite often.  I'll never forget the conclusion our class came to as a whole - No matter what the parties say, no matter who winds up in the White House, and no matter how many fanatical movements pop up, the majority of people and their opinions lie somewhere  in the middle.  We categorize everything in our lives, from our healthcare methods to our houses to our politics.  Why?  Why do I have to be labeled as a republican or a democrat, upper-class or lower-class, and conventional medicine or natural health?  The truth is sometimes I'm both.  Most of us are closer to moderation than anything else. Why? Because that's where the reason and healthy perspective is.