The Importance of Being a Loser

I wanted to cry.  Miss Z's soccer team had just made a goal - their first goal of the entire season.  Before you go calling me a silly soccer mom, know that this was the next to last game of the season.  They hadn't scored a single goal all season long.  That unbelievable moment - a moment that we as parents and spectators had begun to think wouldn't happen this season - was full of delirious screams and wild jumping around.  We still lost the game, but went on to score two more times after that and were just as excited every time.  These girls had worked hard, but had a few things working against them all season.  They were a new team, for one.  They only had 2 subs while most teams had 4 or 5.  And since they were low on sign-ups, they were a combination of age levels playing up in half the team's case and physically smaller than most of their opponents.  All things that weren't anyone's fault really and we had certainly seen growth in just a few short weeks but none of that helps much when you're feeling discouraged at the losses. So, when a shot finally went in today, you better believe we rejoiced!

Losing, whether it be in sports or any part of life, is just that way.  When you experience poverty, you have a greater appreciation for abundance.  When you lose loved ones early in life, you have a great capacity to appreciate those around you now.  Losing means struggling.  Struggling gives you the chance to learn things and to grow in ways not possible otherwise.  In sports it is natural and tempting to want your child to be on a winning team.  When your team isn't winning you might talk bad about the other team or give the refs a hard time or even switch teams just to avoid losing.  We all can slip into a sore loser mentality and make a 7 year old's soccer game about our personal validation.  But, let me remind you that not only does it make you look foolish, but also your child misses the chance to learn skills to help her thrive in life for years to come.

Did you read that right? Losing a soccer game or not getting the lead or even getting dealt the worst hand in life, is usually one of the biggest catalysts in personal development and growth.  Life is full of losses and the most successful people are the ones who struggle enough to actually learn how to do it better next time.  Not to mention that the gratitude for the wins is so much bigger and sweeter when you have really lost and then found success with much effort.  As parents we are wired to not want our kids to hurt, but sometimes we forget the purpose in some of that pain.

As much as I want to see that beautiful daughter of mine score a dozen goals, if only to see her excitement, it is more important to see her face any looming mountain in her life with endurance, ingenuity and an attitude to try again when she loses.  I love it when my kids win, as we all should I think, but today reminded me how valuable losing truly is to being a success in life.

The Lies of Racing Thoughts

I sat in the stands, focused on my son's baseball game.  One moment I'm so proud of his courage and love for this game.  The next moment, as our pitching efforts only brought about walks and a slew of runs for the other team, my thoughts had literally jumped off a cliff. This is so not fair.  We should never have signed up for this.  We should absolutely find a team more on his level. It's just humiliating. All the racing thoughts had made my skin flush with heat. It was definitely a fight or flight moment of my own making!  Since I was just a spectator, there was no fighting or fleeing, only more thinking, thankfully.

The truth is the only problem with that scenario the other night was my thinking and pride.  My son is 7 playing on a 10 and under team at the YMCA.  If you're unfamiliar, the YMCA's purpose in sports is foremost to introduce kids to the sport, encourage sportsmanship and give everyone a chance.  A typical week includes one practice and one game and the season is 8 weeks long.  This is a clear alternative to the heavily competitive leagues that take up a lot of money and a lot of time.  So everything that took place absolutely fit into the context we signed up for.  J has gotten a lot of playing time in new positions.  He's learning about teamwork and emotionally processing losses.  We are busy but not so tied to baseball activities that we can't do anything else.  It is exactly what he needs right now.

So, why were my thoughts and emotions spinning out of control?  Because part of being human is desiring to be the best - or at least good enough.  Whenever there is comparison or competition we notice where we rate and hope it's at the top, no matter how unrealistic it may be.  But there isn't a real honest need for me or my child to be the best in any of this.  He needs to learn and that comes from adversity.  He needs to honor God with his whole life and that means never letting anything else rise above it.  He needs to be a joyful person and that can go away quickly when we lose sight of what's important in our family.

Too often we let racing thoughts - full of lies - determine how we respond to other people or what we spend our time and money on.  The honest truth behind the WRITE Balance is taking the time to write something down in order to consider it's value or truth before acting.  The way we feel should always give us clues as to what's going on with us.  However, that does NOT give them authority to make decisions without feedback.  How much of our life are we living because the hair is standing up on the back of our necks?  I don't want to be left out, I don't want to be disrespected, I want, want want....but if we were to write it down on paper and really face it?  Maybe we would choose differently.

The Butlers and Sports

Since my background was dominated with music and artsy type of activities, having athletic or sports-minded kids just didn't register as a possibility.  Low and behold J would turn out to be one of the most ball-loving kids I've ever met.  I'll be honest - the sports culture that many people find themselves in does not appeal to me.  Spending all weekend at the ball field 12 weeks in a row on top of practice and extra activities is too much.  It quickly becomes too much time away from family, too much priority away from spiritual things, and just too much for young minds.  I absolutely support a fit and active lifestyle and there does come an age where may be a place for competitive sports (for some kids), but for this family it is later rather than sooner.  

Having said all that, we have done several seasons of YMCA sports with some success.  Up to this point our kids have been 6 and under so the under emphasis on competition and overemphasis on playing with integrity and fairness has hit the sweet spot in my book.  Mr. Butler has coached several times and that has been a great experience for him and the kids!  With one practice and one game a week, we're able to not get overbooked too easily and enjoy the benefits of organized sports without too much drama or expectation.

As the kids get older, the possibility of higher competition may arise - especially with J's love of the (every) game - and we'll have to maneuver through that and honoring our other priorities too.  But for now, I'm so thankful for the opportunities to experience some of the benefits of sports without sacrificing too much of their childhood and other family priorities.

Politics, Sports and Other Things I Care Very Little For

It's Thursday and here's what's going on: The kick-off of football season, two political conventions just about in the books, and even with the holiday on Monday, I feel like I haven't seen my husband all week!  I'm not a sports fan.  I'm certainly not a political activist.  And I get cranky when my routine gets messed up!  So, maybe I'm a little cranky, but I have a couple of opinions about some of the hypocrisy we allow when sports and politics are involved.

I'll just tell you up front, every time the subject (whether in person or in social media) of politics or sports comes up, I cringe.  I cringe and I pray people will behave.  Because about 70% of the time, people don't behave.  People aren't respectful, humble, kind or honest.  We get prideful, boasting, rude, mean and grow into big fat liars.  Liars to ourselves about how good our team/political party is and how bad the other is.  Liars to each other, making claims about what (or who) will fix things in the country/conference/team.  We also get demanding and ungrateful.  The ability to vote in an election and watch a football game on a beautiful Saturday alike are awesome gifts and blessings.  Many times, we behave as though we are in charge of everything to do with them and are personally paying each politician and player.

Now, living in Oklahoma, you can't get away from sports fans because these days, if it's not football it's basketball.  And I also live in a free, relatively democratic society so getting away from others exercising their political freedoms would mean moving and potentially giving up my own freedoms.  So, I am in no way suggesting that we try to get away or that all involvement and support of sports and politics is bad, wrong or offensive to me.  I love a good basketball or football game, snuggled up to Mr. Butler - especially with my ipod handy to distract me when I lose interest! I know one day J will be on some field or court and I'll desperately pray to God that his team win!  And, I get fearful and overwhelmed at the thought of one day losing my freedoms - freedom of religion, the safety and luxuries we are provided in this country! I'm even thankful there are at least two major political parties, where one party or ideal can't dominate completely for ever and ever.

What I am begging for is good, well-thought out, reasonable behavior.  Just because a party did something profitable once doesn't mean it is infallible and is the only solution to everything.  But just because you disagree with certain ideals of a party doesn't mean it can't accomplish beneficial things for everyone.  Politically, I'm probably half republican and half democrat because I support some of both sides.  In sports and politics, every last player and coach are human, subject to mistakes, circumstances and game-changing events.  Everybody has a bad day and deserves mercy just as much as you do.  If you can't enjoy the ride and appreciate the process without being rude and stirring up strife with others then maybe you should re-evaluate why you feel so strongly that you can't behave in an honorable way.  And yes, I may feel so strongly about all of this because I'm cranky, so maybe we'll all behave better next week! :)

It's a balance, I tell ya!

Adventures in Frisbee Golf

I've never played sports to speak of.  Because, well, I am clumsy.  I drop things.  I lose things.  I break things.  It's not clear whether or not the lack of sport playing as a child caused this, but it's certainly why I haven't pursued sports.  That and I don't like looking stupid.  Either way, I'm embarking on an adventure like none I've ever experienced before.  I'm learning a new sport willingly and have intentions of continuing it long term.  Perhaps this is of little value to you, but in looking at my track record (of quitting long before I've even started) I'm already impressed with myself!

Here's the deal: my husband - who is a very brainy, task-oriented, planner for our family's future - is returning to college this week to begin an MBA (Master's in Business & Administration) program.  I'm extremely grateful for his willingness to work and the sacrifices he's willing to make to ensure us an increasingly secure future!  Really, I am.  On the other hand it's been rather terrifying to give up 2 nights a week with him, plus time for homework, projects and group meetings.  Like panic attack terrifying.  But I'm dealing with it. :)

So, Frisbee Golf (Disc Golf in the professional world) has been a favorite untried sport of Mr. Butler for a while now and, in response to my fear of lost 'family time', we decided to make it a regular family activity.  

Why Frisbee Golf?  
-Courses Abound! There are courses all over the metro in our beautiful parks!
-Free! To play a round, even 18 holes, is absolutely free! You bring your own discs, so that has to be purchased, but a good set looks to be about $30.  A far cry from the hundreds of dollars spent on golf clubs, accessories and green fees!
-Exercise! Just walking the entire course is good exercise and often you'll find courses with some challenging terrain that increases your workout!
-Easy! Throwing a frisbee isn't terribly hard.  Perfecting the sport is no walk in the park (ha!) but anyone can play this and enjoy themselves (even if they stink!)
-Quality Time! Much like golf, it provides a great opportunity to talk and spend time with those you're playing with in a relaxed, natural environment.

 The first two times we went were definitely learning experiences but such a good things for all of us! I'll keep you posted on how things go.  Anybody want to join us sometime? We'd like to use this to enhance our own family, but use it to spend time with others too!