You Are Going To Miss Things

One of the troubles of being a mother, especially a homeschool mother, is feeling the pressure of personally covering all the bases.  It's a well-known myth that a homeschool parent has to know all the subjects with letters behind their name in order to provide a well-rounded education to their child.   It's this lie that convinces a lot of really good parents that they couldn't, nay SHOULDN'T homeschool because they would most certainly overlook something important and mess up their kids.  I feel all of that.  But then I still homeschool.  By choice. We're not forced by circumstance or specific educational needs.  I've always wanted to.  But now that I'm in the throws of almost 3 students, I have to admit: It's a lot.  I don't regret it, but I do worry that I'm going to miss something.  And then I'm reminded of a truth that new homeschoolers don't like to here.  

You are going to miss things. 

*gasp* 

Sometimes they will find what they need somewhere else. 

*gasp again*

And that's okay.  It's actually more than okay.  It embodies what homeschooling is all about.  Teaching them a love for learning so that they can learn anything at any time.

My oldest son has always enjoyed drawing and coloring since he was little.  Handwriting wasn't too big of an issue so I never payed too much attention to his pencil grip until around 1st grade.  He would complain that his hand would start hurting if he had to write very much.  I figured he was exaggerating to get out of work, which I still assure you is a thing with him.  However, at that point I started looking at his pencil grip and realized it wasn't quite right.  It was off just enough that it could be making his hand hurt, but he was not interested in making any changes.  We got those rubbery grips that you put on pencils to help re-teach your fingers and of course he hated them.  So, I chose the guilt rather than the fight.  Fast forward to today, an October morning in 4th grade when we hadn't discussed the subject in months.  He picks up his cursive handwriting book first thing and works on it over breakfast.  After a few minutes he informs me that he figured out what he was doing wrong with his grip!  "All I had to do was move this finger around there. See?"  When I asked him where that came from, he showed me a page in the handwriting that talks about it.  Well, what do ya know?  

If we teach them to love learning, they can then get whatever knowledge they might need.  Worrying about small things that you will likely miss, shouldn't hinder you from sharing this time with them.  God is a wonderful partner when it comes to their education, as long as we don't forget to utilize all He has to offer!

Impatience: The Emotional Chameleon

A couple of years ago, my bright, healthy son started having meltdowns every time we did math.  He had just started multiplication and division with vigor, but out of nowhere couldn't seem to think straight every time we opened the books.  The insecure parent/educator inside of me took over my brain and I started assuming he was just going to struggle with math.  He would complain its too hard and just dreaded doing any math.  This was a hurdle I had feared might come because he was took after me and favored reading over math.  I panicked a bit at the thought of years of struggle when it came to math.  Still, we went after it and I started noticing things that just didn't make sense.  Sometimes he had no trouble at all, knowing answers right off the top of his head and completing work quickly.  Other times he was frozen in the "I can't!" mode that every child seems to be preprogrammed with.  Over about 4-6 weeks I discovered that my son did not have any legitimate learning problems, mathematical or otherwise.  Instead, my handsome and big hearted son was very impatient!  The new elements he was learning sometimes took 3-4 seconds rather than the 1-2 seconds of the past to understand or produce a correct answer.  He absolutely could understand and do the work when he bothered to try, but like all of us feel sometimes, he just didn't want to take the time.

Impatience is something that we easily sweep under the rug as a minor issue that toddlers and brats who should know better give in to fits when food doesn't come fast enough.  But impatience masquerades as all kinds of things.  I've thought myself to be a lot of different things in my life - stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, inadequate, angry, frustrated, entitled, critical, indecisive, and numerous others - but rarely have I thought that I struggle with impatience.  When you think of any of those states of being, they can easily be the result of an impatient feeling.  When something is too hard or another person isn't doing it quite right, it's common and easy for us to react out of impatience.  This impatience is especially hard to see when it has to do with our needs and wants.  When other people aren't giving us what we think we deserve or need, isn't it easy to overreact?  Turning my attention to God and asking Him for wisdom on how and when to react isn't usually my first instinct.  

The American landscape is definitely in turmoil right now and, if you're like me, you spent the whole summer hoping and praying that it would just end already.  "When will things go back to normal?" we asked.  Regardless of what you may think normal is or should be, clearly God is allowing this mess for learning purposes.  As my son has now figured out, learning harder things takes a little more time than easier things.  New things aren't naturally going to be easy, but likely challenging just because you've never done this before.  I have never parented and educated a 9, 7 and 3 year old in the midst of virus chaos and political chaos at 40 years old.  I'm also trying to aggressively lose weight, take on a new role at our co-op, and live life with my husband at home 98% of the time.  All new and challenging things, no matter their value or positive gain.  

In our house we have lovingly defined patience as waiting with a good attitude.  That sounds nice, doesn't it? Especially when you're talking to a small child who just wants to go already.  But it falls on deaf ears a lot when you're worrying about your loved one alone in the hospital or the extra money you were counting on is now gone,  Or the world feels utterly out of control with fear and destruction looming in every direction.  It almost feels insulting to tell yourself to be patient.  And yet, waiting just a moment longer can make a difference.  

I'm trying to do a lot of new or challenging things right now that some days just seem too hard.  They are good things and honestly, aren't too hard.  I just want them to come easier and to feel in complete control much more often than I do. I'm thinking that patience - intentionally waiting with a GOOD attitude - is where I need to focus more of my attention right now.  How about you? 

Life Is Short. Let's Quit Messing Around.

After hearing that a 3 year old little girl had left this life after a battle with cancer, I crawled into bed with my 3 year old boy and wept.  This week a family lost their grandfather that lived many years in the town where my parents met.  That connection to Healdton, OK flooded my mind with all kinds of memories of days gone by with my own grandparents.  This morning I got a phone call saying one of the sweetest girls I've ever known lost her dear husband to a car accident on the way to work this morning.  They are younger than us and have 5 beautiful children together.  I have cried all day, off and on, for them.  And none of these events had anything to do with politics, a virus, or social injustice.  

I know that what is happening in the world is scary and significant, but even in the face of all these factors, life is terribly short.  Everyday more things get shifted around and more foreboding for the future, but life is still marching on.  That 3 year old boy of mine that I cuddled the other morning has now graduated from a tricycle to a bicycle.  Life is short.  Why are we messing around with so much of this foolish debate when we have people to love and lives to be living?  I may not get to go on a single vacation this year (and trust me when I say we are missing it!) and some of my favorite events may be cancelled, but there is work to be done in the hearts of my children and growth to be had in my relationships.  Sin is still destroying lives and souls still need nourishment, no matter the cause of their pain.  We have to quit being so distracted and realize there is nothing new under the sun.  It may feel like it, but in reality God's seen all this many times before and ultimately told us everything we need to know, if only we'll listen..

I had only met our friend's husband a time or two, but his legacy of being a kind and generous  Christian man is well-known.  The tragedy of such a loss is only out shined by the comfort of his ife security in the Lord.  His beautiful children have been given a wonderful example to strive for.  

Are we doing that for the children and young around us?  With our razor sharp responses and condemning eyes, are we giving them Godly character to imitate?  When we thought this little shutdown and bizarre living was temporary, most of us learned to make the best of it.  Now that things aren't exactly wrapping up in a bow, have you started to get really cranky? I have to work on myself, to be honest.  But, as I am reminded today, life is beautiful and incredibly short.

While our heads are glued to the drama in the screens around us, life is still happening.  Did you notice?  

I'm praying that I will soak in all of the movements of the souls in my home.  I'm praying that we will go on that adventure today because no one knows if it will be possible tomorrow.  I'm praying that whatever is needed to make our souls ready for life after death, that we do it now.  

If you are interested in helping my friend and her precious children, there is a GoFundMe account set up in their honor.

When the Twilight Zone is Normal...

Boy, that went off the rails in a hurry, didn't it?!

 I am having a hard time putting my feelings down into words, I guess because there are just so many of them competing right now.  I love the down time for so many reasons.  Spring projects, little to no urgency most days, Mr. Butler is available a lot more, and just the richness of home.  So, this quarantine state is providing so many beautiful things right now.  On the other hand, we are in a Twilight Zone where everything is just so different and, let's face it, WEIRD!  I appreciate having Mr. Butler home where I can get a hug almost whenever I want, but working from home is challenging to all of us and definitely takes some getting used to.  We all miss our extended people.  There are some people we know truly fighting for their life in this or at great risk, which is just scary and stressful.  A lot of people are in danger financially because of all this through no fault of their own.  And nobody really knows when this will be resolved.  So, yeah - WEIRD.

Aside from the weirdness of it all, I have two things to share. 

#1 Whatever is good, DWELL on these things.  If ever there was a time where we are tempted to drown ourselves in panic, worry and fear, it is now.  And if there were ever a time when the Bible's teachings of hope, faith and trust are relevant it is now! Instead of panicking, now is the time to dig up all of the things you've learned before on times of trouble and utilize them.  Here are some of our favorite resources to fill our minds with positive thoughts:

Our good friend, Jonathan over at Pure and Simple Bible offers so many resources and encouragement.  In addition to his regular podcast, this week he's been doing live Bible studies on his Facebook page.  His videos and podcasts are great things to listen to as a family or in the car!

Seeds Family Worship is one of our favorite playlists on Spotify to play around the house.  All of the lyrics to their songs are scripture!  It's encouraging and a great tool for memorization.

Praise & Harmony is a series of recordings that feature a capella music.  We love listening to these in preparation for going to services.  With that being so limited right now, songs like these are even more important to us!  They are available on Spotify too!

#2 Invest in your HEALTH.  So far, there is a lot about this virus that is not fully understood and most anyone who claims different is probably lying.  It DOES seem to be true in most cases that healthy immune systems handle this pretty well. On top of respecting the social distancing state we are in, it seems logical to seriously take stock of your health practices and makes sure they are working for you.  Those who know me, know that I take my family's health very seriously and have invested a lot of time and money trying to teach and provide all the elements needed for strong immune systems in our little family.  For us this means a clean diet, quality supplements, lots of time outdoors (Vitamin D) and exercise, good sleep schedules, and always working to minimize unhealthy stress.  We're not perfect in all these things and certainly do not know all there is to know, but I feel confident in my understanding and resources not to be afraid for us.  If you are afraid and interested in ways to build up your health, send me a message and I'm happy to share with you what I have learned.

A Purpose of Parenting: To Balance Your Kids

Over the course of about a week, the Race Car has taken up baseball.  This 1 year old kid is now running around with a foam bat (though he gravitates to the metal, heavy ones whenever he can) and ball looking for someone to pitch to him.  He moves the bat onto the left shoulder, hands gripped in good form and then crouches his whole body down (sometimes so low he falls over) ready for the pitch.  It's adorable and a little mind-blowing how fast he's picked it up, but incredibly consistent with his personality.  Just like his father, when he sets his sights on something he goes after it and sees nothing else.

As I was reading to him before bed (something that is a struggle because he just wants to go, do and resist being still), I tried to work with him saying a couple of words.  As a typical third child, he's taking a little longer to get those words flowing.  It's especially hard with an extra talkative older sister who wants to be in the middle of everything.  The book was about tails so we worked on the T sound and then tried to get him to repeat the word.  Once I got the other two kids to quit interrupting, he gladly pushed out the T sounds and then grinned like crazy when I insisted at the whole word.  We finished and then he jumped up, turning around for a hug.  It occurred to me that I really needed to do that more often - work with him without the other two hanging all over him.  He does mama, dada, ball, go, and just recently mastered uh-oh, but he's capable of so much more if he would only slow down and try it.

And then the entire purpose of parenting came into focus.  We get hung up on different learning styles, disciplining methods and personality types, but the big picture is balance.  With each child God has entrusted to me, it has been my job to know them.  Knowing them means that I learn their weaknesses which should inform my parenting of them - show me where they need balancing.  I have 3 children and a husband who would rather go and do than just about anything.  In my relationships with them, I am learning to help them slow down.  The child that is afraid of hard things (even though highly capable of them) does better when they are forced to learn every aspect of that hard thing in order to master it with patience.  The child with all the words needs help respecting other people's need for silence.  This baby of mine is an amazing accomplisher and I'm learning it is my job to open up his awareness to other great things to accomplish, not just the ones on his radar.

Through conversations and maybe even some ad on Facebook, I've heard a lot of opinions about letting children decide for themselves about how they will be disciplined or what they will do or eat.  It seems to be a trend of some sort that suggests if a child doesn't prefer it then the decree has been set.  And I understand, to a point, because I want my kids to be happy.  I don't want them to resent me or have anxiety over something forced upon them.  However, I am seeing in all of my children the value of filling in the gaps between where they prefer to be and where they could be.

If I let her, my daughter would eat fruit non-stop and rarely have protein - if ever!  Do you know what kind of emotional wreck that girl would be if she didn't get enough protein in the day?  Seriously, she would be on her way to diet-induced diabetes.  As her parent, I see her weaknesses (emotionally and physically) and educate her preferences.  Last month we had some particularly stressful meltdowns regarding J and his math studies.  For that period of time, if I had let him decide he would never mess with math again.  It was hard (he thought) and didn't want to do it.  3 weeks later he's excitedly speeding through multiplication tables to impress his dad.  He just needed a little more patience than he felt like having that week.

Of course, there are always varying techniques on how to parent and carry out rules and consequences, but don't ever believe the lie that a child must like, prefer or be in love with everything they do.  It is our job to balance, equip and build up.  All of those things requires growth and that means change.  If your family never sets out to grow, then you are all likely to miss the mark.  Our relationship with our kids is meant for us to provide balance - a balance that keeps them rooted to the things that matter and that helps them choose wisely even when it isn't comfortable.

Quit Feeling Bad About Your Life Because of a Picture

We're not all the same.  We don't all get the same upbringing or opportunities.  Some choices work out, others don't.  Some bodies are built for certain kinds of work, others aren't.  When it comes to health and education, I am an advocate for one size NOT fitting everyone.  It is impossible to get great results when treating everyone the same. 

Having said that, I also need to be reminded that I am not alone in my struggles.  Different than others yes, but not alone.  You may not struggle with brain exhaustion or being easily overwhelmed like I am, but there are things in your life that you have/will struggle(d) with.  And to that point, we have that in common.  The fun and even artistic side of social media tricks us into thinking that one great photo indicates the way of a life.  Did you ever see a painting and think, "Wow, that artist must paint perfectly all the time and never have to practice!"  Not likely.

I just turned 39, so it's been about 20 years since I was in the adolescent hay-day.  Recently, I did a lot of reminiscing with my parents about how our various friends and acquaintances' lives from our youth have turned out.  And, ya know what? As a teenager, it feels VERY clear who really has it together and who is insignificant.  Even when you think you're a down to earth, good person, adolescence lies.  So many times, the popular, everyone's favorite person didn't do too well or ended up with a really rough situation.  The one you didn't appreciate maybe, turns out they really did life well.  Sure, there are a lot of reasons why people's lives go the way they do, but the point is, none of us can see the future.  Don't make judgments on yourself based on a comparison of others one moment in time.  It is practically useless. 

Life is complicated and requires maintenance.  I can post a photo every week of a clean room, dressed up people, and smiles all around, but that photo doesn't somehow eliminate yelling, crying, stains, or messes the rest of the week.  That weekly photo just might be a sanity saver of mine so that I don't completely throw in the towel when everything is a mess inside and out. The voice in our head can easily lie if we don't educate it better.  The next time you're scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, keep these thoughts in mind.

• Everyone struggles somewhere, sometime.
• Your weaknesses might be their strengths (and vice versa).
• You have a LOT to be thankful for.  Focus on that!
• Be joyful for others.  Be content with yourself. Be motivated to grow. Be real.
• God can/will use you and all your struggles, sometimes more than your successes.

Momma Worries & Holy Spirit Assurances

The shift from being a parent of two to three has been significant, to say the least. Not only are we outnumbered, but the required mental attention is an entirely different animal sometimes. Instead of just a mental burden of getting two children dressed in the morning, there is now a blind hope that you don't forget something or someone in the process.  Mismatched socks, neglected hair and ridiculous clothing are too often par for the course, whether we're headed to the park or a funeral.  The reality is much heavier with three that you WILL forget things.  The good news is that you learn it's not really that big of a deal to see last nights mustard on the cuff of someone's pants.  What is troublesome is wondering if you will forget something far more important. 

If you have siblings, you know that we don't all have the same experiences under the same roof.  And I understand why all the more these days.  To give all parents the benefit of the doubt, it is probably not because they loved one child more than the others, but how much life was crashing in on them at the time you were hitting a particular milestone.  This morning as I let the dog out, I glanced into the yard and was met by a dozen or more bright yellow and orange soccer cones and the remains of miss Z's outdoor kitchen adventures from yesterday.  I love that girl and her imagination! When all of a sudden fear gripped my heart for the things that any one of them might forget or never appreciate as they get older.  What if they lose their imagination and ability to have fun?  What if they forget the value of a garden or a walk in the woods?  What if they lose sight of who made the forest and gave them life?  What about all the things I remember to say to one of them but not the other two? What about all the things I'm forgetting? 

The whirlwind of this emotional girl is not insignificant.  At 8, 5 and almost 2, my nest is still full and my chicks are still my charges to guide.  The responsibility of being the strongest lighthouse (for now) showing them the way to God is so daunting at times.  I'm so thankful for them, but I'm also aware of how fast it is going.  At bedtime, J was asking me about the difference between high school and college which morphed into how many colleges are around Oklahoma and how they were different.  One day scholarships and programs offered are going to be all we talk about.  And by that time, this part of my mom job will be largely done.  What if I forget something and it's too late?

My panic and worry often gets the best of me for a little while, but I'm thankful the Holy Spirit doesn't leave me to my own devices for too long.  So, two things.  

#1 Wherever my children go, God will be there, even though I'm not.  It may not change my compulsion to hold their hand into every new room, but the Almighty God can and will walk with them providing hope and peace. 

#2 It only takes one person remembering what is important and worthwhile to remind others. The bonds my children are building right now can breathe new life into them when they are older and lacking.  It only takes one person with joy in their heart and a spirit of life about something to rekindle old memories and joys into someone else.   Not only is God filling in the gaps of my parenting, but He can use my other kids to do it! There is something about a shared experience (even when the details are slightly different) to raise up hope and new life.

My favorite pic of my Papa, J.D. and me at the Azalea Festival

My Granny Susie, my brother and I

My sweet Aunt Nell passed away last month and one of the best things that came about aside from celebrating her was the stir of memories.  Thinking of places and times that had long been forgotten swept me away onto water rapids made of tears.  The best part was leaving that place with a deeper appreciation for the very special blessing my brothers and I were given for being a part of this large family rich with all kinds of blessings.  Music, gardening, sharing what (little or a lot) you have with every neighbor and friend, and most of all a devotion and love for the one who gave us all things.  I could write a book - and I might some day - of all the exceedingly special and significant things surrounding this sweet Elmore family that I get to ride on the coattails of.  My grandparents have been gone since before I became a teenager and their precious home has been torn down and sold for a while now, but the diamonds that are still growing out of that small Healdton, Oklahoma house are becoming too many to count.  And like this momma fears for her own little cubs, sometimes we forget the value of being a friend to every man like J.D. was or the healing goodness of a home-cooked meal like Susie always provided.  Thankfully, you couldn't have known them without knowing the God they served for that love has flowed freely into all of their children as a constant reminder of what really matters.  They have given us all a wonderful heritage to hold on to and remind us when we get off track.

No person can ultimately control the course of someone else's life and I know that there are many unknown events awaiting my children.  But amidst dysfunction or tragedy, I can give my children the gift of a heritage.  Some of it, like the heritage I received from my parents and grandparents, is already set.  The rest is ongoing and that is up to me and Mr. Butler with God's help.  What a beautiful ray of hope for the fearful "What if" kind of day I started with.  

The Hard Things Are Worth It

It has been said that ending your shower with a burst of cold water can invigorate you and even prompt an endorphin rush.  I've tried it before and it's true - you end up feeling energized! But sacrificing that cozy warm shower for the almost painful ice cold one is hard.  I know it will have a good result, but that doesn't make the choice to do it an easy one.  A lot of things that are good for us in the long run are hard to get started.

The commercial culture we're bombarded with daily sends the message that we should never have to do hard things and that convenience should rule.  Reality teaches the exact opposite, if we bother to listen.  Worthwhile things like health, financial stability, solid relationships, raising kids to be an asset to society, and honing any craft there is takes work, commitment and are classified as hard things.  Being sick, broke, alone, raising jerks and having no skills is easy.  Look around you. That describes a lot of our world today.  The easy things in life usually result in junk. 

This puzzle was a doozy and I knew it was a little too hard for the kids to do it by themselves, but that didn't deter them.  It just meant they asked for help.  We all chipped in over the course of a few days and when it was finished it, they were so proud.  It struck me that they never really considered it being 'too hard' as a bad thing, just a reality that we adjusted for.  If you know my son and his burdensome view of math, you know that they aren't always so pure, but in that moment they illustrated a  beautiful perspective that we can all learn from.  Hard things are doable with a little bit of help and commitment.  Not only are they doable but they are worth it! 

I don't know what the hard things are in your life, but what if you didn't immediately think of them as hard?  What if our first response was that this is something I need some help with to accomplish and nothing more? Marriage is one of those things that is easy to give up on when you think you have an easy out.  Living with the knowledge that God didn't design marriage with divorce in mind creates a wall that says it just isn't an option.  When both parties live that way, it's amazing the things you can work through and thrive amidst.  Marriage is really hard, but completely doable!

I know there are so many with real hardships and burdens they are carrying.  As spectators we can easily get caught up in complaining about the lazy or shallow living.  Instead, let's bring light to those who do really hard jobs and do them well! Celebrate the committed and the trustworthy!

39: A Year of Preparation

I turned 39 a couple of weeks ago.  Since the new year began we have had a lot of sickness in our house, I have had some depression, and two deaths, one of which was really sudden and completely unexpected.  It's January and it's cold.  When all of these things collide, even the introvert starts to feel isolated and alone.  Now that everyone appears to be staying well, it feels like I'm starting the new year all over again, except January is almost gone!

Before life so rudely interrupted me, I had big plans for 39.  I've coined it my year of preparation.  I know 40 is just a number, but it still causes you to take stock in your life and evaluate where you have succeeded or not.  And since I have a tendency to rush ahead and borrow trouble, I've pre-evaluated myself at 40 and found myself wanting.  Since I don't particularly appreciate failure (even if it is self-inflated), I've decided to spend this year preparing for 40.

I guess failure is a strong word.  What I'm really circling around are the ways I haven't reached my potential.  The physical toll running a household, having children and homeschooling them has taken on my body and mind is far greater than I ever anticipated.  My natural inclinations to read, play/sing music, creatively explore in general have been muted at best by the very significant needs of the precious souls running around my house.  In short, I just haven't kept in mental shape the way I expected to (before kids).

My baby is almost 2 (in April), Mr. Butler and I are committed to getting in better shape physically, and there are no major hurdles preventing healthier habits.  So, here are a few areas where I'm committing to spending more time in this year:

- Reading, both the Bible and other good books.  I'm determined to reignite this love!

- Music: Singing and playing the piano are things that have come easily to me when I spend time in them.  For mental health, I need to invest more time here.

- Writing as a Practice.  With extra time being more of a luxury after kids, my writing has been by demand rather than an exercise routine.  I need to exercise my writing with the intent to cultivate quality and creativity.

- Friendship.  I'm not great at friendship without full plate.  I'm awkward and nervous and terrified of bothering people. But I'm also lonely a lot.  So, pursuing friendship is mandatory this year.

Regrets are just so ugly and I want to have as few as possible.  Setting some intentions and goals for this year is one of the best ways to diminish the number of regrets I have AND cultivate a healthier version of me!

Balancing Diapers & Deadlines: A Lisa Tanner Writing Review

As you know, I am involved in a few personal business ventures in addition to my responsibilities as a wife, mother and home educator.  It is not a simple thing to manage all these things successfully and not burn yourself out.  Truth be told, I am still not really balancing my family and work-related things very well.  I get stuck diving into one or the other, but throwing in the towel when I try to manage both.  You can understand, then, how Balancing Diapers and Deadlines from Lisa Tanner Writing speaks to the exact place I am in.  This review came at the very time I was trying to determine a better way of incorporating work into my life without staying up all night 3 nights a week!  

Balancing Diapers and Deadlines is an online course designed to walk moms through the various hurdles you encounter as an entrepreneur too.  Lisa Tanner, mom of 8, knows what it means to be busy and struggling to balance it all.  This course allows you to learn from her mistakes and feast from her 'what works' pile.   I only have 3 children, but turns out it doesn't matter that much - the hurdles are much the same.  Also, the title says diapers, but if you have strictly older children, most of it still applies.  She even has some lessons divided up by age group - babies, toddlers, middles, etc.  If you have children at home and you are also doing business from home, she has some great advice!
This summer I took an online course on freelance writing that came highly recommended.  In regards to freelance writing, it was exactly what I needed to know.   Now it is three months later and I'm still struggling to be where I want to be.  Writing itself is on the easy side of the spectrum for me (hence pursuing it), but the meshing of business tasks and household/homeschool tasks is very specific and just plain hard.  Lisa's course covers everything that I've been frustrated with.   She certainly doesn't sugarcoat trying to manage both, but the course does offer encouragement that it really is that hard while providing simple tasks and ideas to streamline and incorporate both within your day.

Throughout the course she provides printable charts and ideas designed to help you get a hold of your family management and minimize your decisions.  I knew this to be a struggle for me, but hadn't really said it out loud so she was spot on for my needs.  One of my favorite suggestions was her annual meal plan.  I have been successful with a 2 week and monthly meal plan, but I had never even considered an annual plan.  The interesting way it works is by setting a theme for each day of the week and then having 4 or 5 options under each theme.

You've heard the phrase, "Work smarter not harder," haven't you?  I have been working really really hard the past few months and I needed some help working smarter.  Balancing Diapers & Deadlines is a wonderful, realistic guide to making wiser choices and really making the balance work!  

Keep up with Lisa Tanner Writing on Social Media: 

Facebook: https://facebook.com/lisatannerwriting
Instagram: https://instagram.com/lisatannerwrites
Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisatannerwrite
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/lisatannerwrite

Do you have only older children?  Check out some of the other reviews to see a different perspective!

Average Over Time: Never Say Never

When Mr. Butler and I got married, I knew how to cook.  I could follow a recipe. I had fried things and baked things.  I knew the difference between T and tsp and why that mattered a whole lot.  So, I knew things. My family cooked at home a lot and being the oldest I, of course, helped a lot.  Still, when I cooked for Mr. Butler and I - or especially for other people - I got nervous.  Thankfully, my husband will try anything and usually clean his plate without complaint other than the constant suggestion that it would be better with bacon.  My nervousness led to hesitance in the kitchen which resulted in mental exhaustion.  I never wanted to try anything too hard or time consuming because I was afraid of messing it up.  It wasn't a huge thing, but I endured cooking more than enjoyed cooking.

During the Race Car's pregnancy, I was a mess.  Sick, exhausted, and exhausted of being sick.  It got so bad that I couldn't eat anything but a chicken dinner from Braum's some days.  So, Mr. Butler was on cooking duty for a few months, which of course you might remember from this post that he excelled at it.  After the Race Car was born and we recovered to a new normal, I returned to the kitchen full time.  It still wasn't a joy, but I managed.  Thankfully, Mr. Butler is willing to whip up dinner when I ask, provided he has a menu and appropriate ingredients. 

Over the last year, something interesting has happened.  Deciding on a menu is still work.  Not forgetting ingredients is still challenging, but cooking a full meal for 5 gradually started morphing into this automatic thing I could do now without flinching.  The burden it was before shifted somewhere and now it's a skill.  I'm not a fantastic cook, but I was raised by two people who are.  My kids don't love everything I make, but I get a lot of "thank you for dinner, mom" that never gets old.  I'm still not in love with cooking - it certainly isn't a stress reliever to me.  But like a kid finally riding that bike and screaming, "Look mom! I'm doing it!" I have experienced a tolerance for it I never thought would happen.

As a young adult, newlywed or young parent, you often have opinions about things you know nothing about.  I would never do this and my kids will never do that.  Yeah, yeah.  I get it.  I think it's a right of passage somehow to say really arrogant and stupid things only to be 'educated' by life.  Whether it is perfectly behaved children, a marriage to be envied or questioning standards you thought immovable, we all have areas we just know will go a certain way and then they don't.  What I'm learning is that it is wise to look at the average over time.  Have patience with the struggles and never say never! We just don't know where the road will take us.

The Slow Journey to Health: A Weight-loss Update

I have always been insecure about my weight and size - even when I had ZERO reasons to be. Still, when you're thin, young and healthy it is so easy to judge other people who gain weight and don't ever get rid of it.  I know, I know - YOU would never think that way, but let's face it, we all judge secretly from time to time, especially about the things that seem simple or easy to us.  That is until we have to deal with it ourselves.  Age, disease, stress and, well, having children can certainly catch up to you in the body department.  I'm at 16 months postpartum and I don't have any impressive stats to brag about.  I'm sure to the moms of 4+ kids, I sound naive, but keeping up with 3 kids is hard, man.  It takes up all the time and energy and space that you started with and explodes feelings, stains and chaos all over it.  Even if losing weight was a no-brainer for me at one kid (which it's not), at 3 kids and 38 years old, it's going to be a lot tougher.

I guess it sounds like I'm gearing up for a big excuse party and learn to love yourself kind of post.  That's important to have some days, because we are just so cruel to ourselves behind the scenes.  But, that's not why I'm writing today.  I'm writing today to say that the journey to health - from disease, weight-gain or whatever - is often longer than we feel it should be.  I can't claim an awesome number of pounds lost over the summer or anything, which to some might be incredibly discouraging.  16 months! Let's do this already, right?  Well, the thing is, I AM doing it.  All of my clothes are looser, certain areas (where I may have carried a 10 lb baby around in) have tightened up, I have more brain power and more energy.  It's working! It's not revolutionary or mind-blowing, but it's another confirmation that - in my life anyway - a balanced, slow and steady approach wins every time!

I can't speak for everyone else's body or journey in and out of health, but for me weight-loss means detoxing.  Those fat cells hold on to all kinds of junk and getting rid of fat cells requires getting rid of the junk too.   Every 4-7 days, especially when I'm exercising well, I develop detoxing symptoms  (like mild nausea, headaches, body aches, fatigue, etc.).  They aren't pleasant for sure, but they tell me I'm doing something right! Clean eating, exercising and some great herbs that support cleansing and detoxing are where the magic happens around here.  I say magic, but it's more like exhausting uphill battle that takes much longer than you feel like it should. 

When it comes to your health, it is never worthwhile to give up.  The process of healing and recovery - no matter what we're talking about - takes time.  And that can be so frustrating.  Still, I want to encourage you to know that it is worth it.  Do you feel overwhelmed and defeated because of your health?  Did you try a little bit and it was so hard that you gave up?  Maybe it is blood pressure or blood sugar issues.  Or trauma and anxiety? I have had to deal with a lot of those in my life and my family.  You're not alone and if you need a friend to encourage you, I would be honored.  Either way, I'll keep you posted on my progress.  It IS hard, but it's not impossible.  

The Lies of Racing Thoughts

I sat in the stands, focused on my son's baseball game.  One moment I'm so proud of his courage and love for this game.  The next moment, as our pitching efforts only brought about walks and a slew of runs for the other team, my thoughts had literally jumped off a cliff. This is so not fair.  We should never have signed up for this.  We should absolutely find a team more on his level. It's just humiliating. All the racing thoughts had made my skin flush with heat. It was definitely a fight or flight moment of my own making!  Since I was just a spectator, there was no fighting or fleeing, only more thinking, thankfully.

The truth is the only problem with that scenario the other night was my thinking and pride.  My son is 7 playing on a 10 and under team at the YMCA.  If you're unfamiliar, the YMCA's purpose in sports is foremost to introduce kids to the sport, encourage sportsmanship and give everyone a chance.  A typical week includes one practice and one game and the season is 8 weeks long.  This is a clear alternative to the heavily competitive leagues that take up a lot of money and a lot of time.  So everything that took place absolutely fit into the context we signed up for.  J has gotten a lot of playing time in new positions.  He's learning about teamwork and emotionally processing losses.  We are busy but not so tied to baseball activities that we can't do anything else.  It is exactly what he needs right now.

So, why were my thoughts and emotions spinning out of control?  Because part of being human is desiring to be the best - or at least good enough.  Whenever there is comparison or competition we notice where we rate and hope it's at the top, no matter how unrealistic it may be.  But there isn't a real honest need for me or my child to be the best in any of this.  He needs to learn and that comes from adversity.  He needs to honor God with his whole life and that means never letting anything else rise above it.  He needs to be a joyful person and that can go away quickly when we lose sight of what's important in our family.

Too often we let racing thoughts - full of lies - determine how we respond to other people or what we spend our time and money on.  The honest truth behind the WRITE Balance is taking the time to write something down in order to consider it's value or truth before acting.  The way we feel should always give us clues as to what's going on with us.  However, that does NOT give them authority to make decisions without feedback.  How much of our life are we living because the hair is standing up on the back of our necks?  I don't want to be left out, I don't want to be disrespected, I want, want want....but if we were to write it down on paper and really face it?  Maybe we would choose differently.

Who Will Balance You?

I witnessed something just really petty and mean-spirited this weekend and left feeling disgusted about it.  As I tried to process it, all I could wonder is how a person could stoop so low and considering the circumstances not have moved on and grown up.  Do you ever just shake your head at people's unwillingness to even try to grow? Sometimes I catch myself excusing some people as if they were young and still learning.  I guess that's because I feel like I'm young and still learning, but I am 38.  Not old (unless you ask my kids), but certainly not young in the traditional sense anymore.  So a lot of my peers aren't that young either.  We're adults and some of us aren't acting like it.  

This is why balance is so important to me.  We are gravitational beings.  We WILL gravitate to one side or another.  The question is are there people and circumstances that will bring us back to center when we near the edge of extreme?  If you are a rule follower that struggles with having the right attitudes, do you have emotionally sensitive people in your life to help influence you for good?  If you are a passionate dreamer, do you have logical and financially wise people to keep you from ending up destitute?  Whatever your current state, do you have someone who is different than you that will give you a different perspective rather than just the friends who will agree with whatever you say?

I am a very strong-willed and difficult person to deal with sometimes.  It's true and a fact of (my husband's) life.  Can you believe that he makes me beautiful and kind?  His differences - although still strong-willed and difficult sometimes - complement me and draw out a better version of me.  And I do the same for him.  It is because we can be extreme opposites, but in our love for each other we are learning to appreciate the other side to everything which causes us both to land closer to the middle.

I pray that you never are so wrought with personal angst and drama that you despise someone who is young or weak.  It is usually here when we make foolish choices and start filling our hearts with regrets.  If/when it does happen, I pray that you will find someone who can balance you.  And in that balance may the Lord be glorified and His will be completed.

What 3 Babies Taught Me About Weight-Loss

Unlike my mother or my daughter, I was never really skinny.  As most people can do, looking back on my size in high school and college, I was just fine and would gladly return to that size again if given the choice.  When you're living it, though, that unique and specific-to-you shape gets ripped to shreds by society and their version of normal.  So like an adolescent girl is prone to do, I proceeded into adulthood with shame and insecurities surrounding how I looked and how much I weighed.  Enter marriage and pregnancy to make things really interesting!

If you know Mr. Butler, you know his second home is the gym.  To an insecure newlywed, that can result in more pressure and sensitivity.  I always wanted to look perfect and be viewed as perfect by everyone but especially my young husband.  Yet, exercise and dieting weren't exactly something I loved.  Ice cream, treats and Friday night fun I could get motivated for, but it took way too much baby weight that wasn't going anywhere to teach me how much exercise and clean eating would become one of my greatest tools in life.  Still, J was 6 or 7 months old before I had really begun that journey.  There was a mountain of judgement and criticism that I just couldn't get around and that was just the stuff in my head.  On the one hand there are supermodels and air-brushed magazine covers convincing me that my imperfection should be my shame.  On the other hand, there are other voices in the media that pounce any time someone suggests that a person should really work at losing weight.  Body-shaming, they call it.  And, goodness those voices can get so ugly.  In either case, I'm not buying it anymore.

I am 10 months postpartum after my third baby and about 50 lbs over my (1st) pre-pregnancy weight.  The rollercoaster has been real, but being on this end of it, I have certainly learned a few things I wish I could share with my pre-motherhood self.

1) View weight and body image through the lens of health.  Early on Mr. Butler encouraged me to exercise not because he saw me as flawed (like my inner voice tried to convince me all. the. time.), but because he wanted me to feel good about myself and stay healthy like he had learned.  Diabetes and heart disease may have very well been in his near future had he not made some major changes when starting college.  Thus, his commitment to healthy living was born.  He knew I was insecure and he also knew the motivation that came from a great exercise program!

It is in this point that I have a real problem with most people claiming that a concern for someone's weight is body shaming.  There are bullies and very cruel people in the world that say mean things and terrorize those with insecurities.  Encouraging someone to maintain a healthy weight is not the same thing.  I agree that no two bodies are the same and your healthy weight may be heavier/lighter than mine.  But if you have health complaints (other than how your clothes fit) like joint pain, labored breathing going up a flight of stairs, or depression, I do not agree that you should ignore your size.  A combination of any of those symptoms are signs that your body needs some attention for long-term survival, not to fit some society-built expectation.  When someone develops pneumonia, it is serious.  Any caregiver worth anything isn't going to start in ridiculing the person for being sick.  Instead, they just want them to survive without any permanent effects.  A major weight problem should be viewed the same way.

After the first pregnancy, losing weight was 100% about how I looked.  I was self-conscious about everything around everyone.  Now, after the third pregnancy, losing weight is about getting my health back where it needs to be so I can be the mom and wife I need to be.  What I look like and how my clothes fit is just a physical manifestation of where my health is at and how much further I have to go.

2)  Don't Use Another Person's Experience to Shape Your Expectations.  When it comes to weight-loss, most people fall into one of two categories.  They either must work at it to lose weight or they don't.  It is a rare unicorn of a person who has to work only a little bit in order to lose weight.   The two really can't be compared  and yet that's what we do.  Having babies is the perfect example.  Everything surrounding your first child is a brand new experience and that includes losing weight after pregnancy.  'They' say that if you breastfeed your infant, then the weight will just fall off.  Yeah, that only works for people who the weight just falls off anyway! I have two sister-in-laws and a handful of friends who just didn't even think about it and they were back to square one in no time.  I had really hoped that it just wouldn't be a big deal after J, because I tried to eat well and exercised some thinking that would be enough.  As you know, I fell into the category of having to really work at it.  And now I'm here again at 10 months postpartum and it still requires a ton of work. Honestly, it is probably more difficult this time because of how much busier I am with three kids.  Busyness translates into less time to exercise, less sleep and more stress which are all recipes for weight gain in my body, certainly NOT weight-LOSS.

After J, I let what other people (different body types and different circumstances) experienced determine what I expected my circumstances to be.  When I was obviously wrong, the despair, judgement and self-loathing just about ruined me in more ways than one.  In retrospect, it was all just so silly.  Healthy weight-loss is really just a science experiment anyway that takes patience and tweaking along the way.  What ratio of diet changes and exercise program intensity does it take to decrease your weight?  Spending all your time comparing yourself to where others are at is just taking time away from getting further along on your own path to a healthy place.  For probably the first 6 months of J's life I was just insistent in my head that what I was doing should be enough to get my desired results because of what anyone else was or was not doing.  And we're not even talking about the subject of what recovery after having a baby really means.  I had no clue.  Just stop comparing.  Period.

3)  There are many things worse than extra pounds.  When your health is clearly in danger, it will be a different story, but life is filled with more than just numbers on a scale.  Especially after children, life becomes more complicated.  Having healthy and whole children is a luxury many parents don't have.  A loving marriage, financial security, a hope of heaven and peace of mind are all things that don't just happen.  Many families struggle with so many things.  After miss Z's birth and difficulty sleeping through the night, I learned that I'd Rather Be Fat Than Crazy. The season of having babies and small children is short and losing weight is something you can always pursue later too.  At this stage there's just so much demand being put on your body that an aggressive weight-loss plan may not be possible, not yet anyway,  Be patient and be thankful for the good.

Mr. Butler has been so supportive of me this past year and it has really taught me to be kinder to myself in this area.  My blessings are many and my children deserve to see gratitude instead of a whiny state of being that only breeds unhappiness.  By the end of 2018, it is my goal to be well on my way to my former weight, but these three babies have taught me how to be content in the mean time.

Who Is Stealing Your Success?

Success really does look different to different people.  Success even looks different from day to day sometimes.  Why do we forget that so easily?  I'm learning to manage three little people's lives as well as a list of other responsibilities.  There are moments when I feel compelled to justify a decision or circumstance because I'm afraid my real victory of the day - like slowing down long enough to cuddle with my three kids and capitalizing on their questions about heaven - isn't acceptable or doesn't seem like much.  Witnessing the bonding of my kids together is a beautiful victory, but why do I let a messy room or mismatched clothes steal the success in my mind?  

So, let me remind myself and you if you need it:  The expectations of others - and especially the PERCEIVED expectations of others - aren't valid until they align with God and your healthy conscience's standards.  Don't be motivated by the ambiguous THEM or PEOPLE.  Be motivated by sincerity and God's standard of love.  

Finding Grace in Social Media

One of the hallmarks of our culture and time is the effect social media on our relationships.  It began with the onslaught of advertising 60 years ago and now culminates in our friends sharing a good picture of their life.  Too often we believe the staged is real and get overwhelmed at the high standard OR we criticize the realistic only to comfort ourselves that we aren't that bad.  
You've probably read online about how only people in failing relationships post the 'perfect' pictures and gush about how great they are.  At the same time we also have a climate where posting anything could potentially get us in trouble, even if it's innocent.  The genuine person is guilty of something no matter what they do!

Don't get me wrong.  I understand that there are stereotypes in this world for a reason.  People can be ridiculous, fake, shallow and deceitful.  Still, amidst those realities are other realities that we shouldn't ignore.

Sometimes that picture of a new car or house is a lifelong victory.  Other times that relationship gushing is filling a great need in their partner.  That perfect photo of that perfect life might just be the best moment they've had in months and the only thing that makes them feel normal amidst a very dysfunctional reality.

One of my most favorite photos, but reminds me of so many conflicting emotions.  Photos can be deceiving, but really they are just snapshots - and that's not a bad thing.

I guess what I'm talking about here is grace.  I don't have to like you and you don't have to like me.  My choices may never be your choices.  You will undoubtedly think things about what I say and do that may or may not be right.  Still, when you find yourself about to spew judgments about others - how their relationship must be awful or their choice of staged photo means this or that - pause and look at them with a mother's eyes.  Or better yet, look at them with God's eyes.  See their pain or their struggle.  See their weaknesses and love them anyway.

I'm about to be a mother of 3 - a pretty daunting task - and over the last 7 years I've experienced a lot of the downs of parenting.  Being tired, judging other mothers, being judged by other mothers, feeding struggles, milestone competitions, jealousy, pressure to perform, pressure to do it all and absolute failure to feel good about any part of it some days.  The media and us regular people can make a big deal over anything and sometimes that ruins us.  Somehow we need to get to a place where my victory can be celebrated right along with yours even if they look vastly different.  So, try to calm down your feelings about what everyone else is doing.  Do good. Celebrate the good.  And just love them anyway!

Finding the Awesome in the Exhausting

Homeschooling friends, are you tired?

There are a lot of responsibilities and burdens that we take on in choosing to homeschool.  Where a public school employs teachers, cafeteria workers, janitors, lawn care workers, security staff, not to mention administrative staff and then sends the children home for their bathing, clothes laundering and other needs, a homeschooling family is in charge of all of these chores without an automatic reprieve.   It is our choice, of course, but it is no walk in the park.  Many of us live on one income or a second parent works at least part time to supplement income.  When families of small children first start homeschooling, there is a heavy burden of chores because the kids aren’t usually big enough to help take up the slack.  Whether it is your first year or your 12th year homeschooling, there are a lot of things that can make us weary.  If we’re drowning in deadlines, to-dos and relationships are frayed, it is really hard to remember all the reasons this homeschooling life is worth it.  Let me remind you of just a few.

Flexibility – Were you up half the night? Would you like to vacation in November? Is the 1st trimester of your pregnancy forcing life to almost stop?  When you homeschool, most everything can adjust.  Sleep in, take a month off or 3 and nothing is ruined.  Especially if you choose to school year round like we do, picking up where you left off last week or month is natural.

Consistency – You are in some manner in control of every subject and aspect of your child’s education.  This truth allows for a holistic approach to their life and in my book that is awesome!  Food relates to math; reading relates to self-discipline; patience relates to handwriting.  The lessons are continually being carried over, especially because you are consistently there to take notice.

Creativity – “Mom, do foxes eat people?” leads to an extensive study of foxes, their habits, their diet and a zillion videos, by request, not forced expectation.  Respecting schedules and meeting deadlines are important skills, but fostering an ever-growing love of learning is critical to success too.  Being in charge of 2 children’s school day (as opposed to 20 or 30) opens up all kinds of possibilities for the day’s lesson plans.

Relationship – No matter how you do the math, homeschooling your kids – even for just a few years – exponentially increases the amount of time you spend with them.  And that changes the relationship you will have.   Behavior issues – that often can’t be fully addressed at school – are front and center, which can be hard at first, but allows for real progress and growth.  Your children also witness so much more of your life.  This introvert knows the scarcity of alone time can be a casualty of war some days, but the increased investment of time, energy and love only builds a stronger relationship.  That is energizing to me!

Parenting in every circumstance is tiring.  Homeschooling can be quite a sacrifice in more ways than one.  Still, don’t let this beautiful time we get to share with our little legacies get burned up in bitterness, resentment or just plain old’ exhaustion, but instead let the advantages and ultimate purposes of homeschooling bring the energy to your day.

The Battle of the Wants

In our media driven society, being the right kind of mom is impossible.  Feed your kids the healthiest food, but don’t go overboard and be that mom who always asks about ingredients.  Don’t let your kids dictate your life, but make sure you listen every time they have something to say! It is such a struggle to find the right balance in these kinds of things, especially when you hear the debate on a loop over the loudspeaker in your head.  One of the biggest ones I go back and forth about is the wants.

“But I don’t want that!”  “Can I go – I WANT to go!”  “You never give me what I want!”

On the one hand, as parents we want our kids to be happy and associate their childhood (and us, of course) with mostly positive things.  I’m a piano teacher and I’m all too familiar with the stereotype of forced piano lessons for years that promises to build resentment and malaise for both the piano and the parents.  None of us want that kind of relationship for/with our children.  Yet, on the other hand, we simply do not always get what we want in life.  Success on any level takes work.  As kids, as adults, even as Americans, try as we might there are many realities far out of our control and always will be.  Expecting different sets us up for all kinds of failures and can often cause us to miss out on some truly magical times of growth and learning.

So, this is me. All. The. Time.  I honestly recognize there must be a balance and see the foolishness of letting the pendulum swing too far in either direction, but it can be really hard knowing when to disregard the “I don’t want to” and when to intentionally facilitate those desires.  It can be especially hard around the holidays because – whether you can financially accommodate it or not – one or both parents probably have a deep desire to see their family happy and excited, whether about gifts or outings of some kind.  How often do we stretch that budget farther than it should go for some excitement factor only to regret it when the bills come in January?

When we get stuck on the wanting fence, we must first set our boundaries and life values.  Of course, let the moral values preside, but after those are clear, look at budgets, time, and relationships.  A want shouldn’t outweigh some of these things without a greater reason than just because I want to. Sometimes no is inevitable once we’ve considered how much it costs or requires of us.  When the moral or truly limiting issues are ruled out, a person’s individual needs or goals need to be considered.  When a child is saving money for a larger toy or could help out a friend, but is suddenly drowning in the temptation of the now, it’s the perfect opportunity for a hard life lesson.  Choosing not to facilitate both options for them equips them for the choices adults have to make daily. 

Just like the media’s perfect parent is something of a Bigfoot, making the ‘right’ choice may not exist most days.  The good news is that in wrestling with these choices we end up fulfilling the wants that matter more anyway.

All Roads Have Rocks

By the time our children start school, we’ve already had to choose a side a dozen times.  For every choice my family makes I can find a camp ready to fight to the death that it is not only a good choice, but the only choice I can make if I love my child.  And I completely get it.  The surge you feel when you hear foolish arguments being made to justify an easy road.  Or the switch that flips inside when you are made to feel so very small for a choice you wrestled with and prayed over.  On any given day we all desperately want to be reassured that we’re doing a good job and making the right choices for our family.  It is in the heat of these encounters that all of us have made claims that logically just cannot be, but we’re so upset that the need to defend a position is too difficult to resist.  We start using words like always and never to villainize everyone who disagrees. 

I love homeschooling and if asked would probably suggest you choose it for your family.  I believe it facilitates so many good things in a child’s education and growth as a person.  There are some impressive success stories of homeschooled kids growing up to change the world.  However, if I or anyone else ever suggests that homeschooling is easy, fixes everything and eliminates all problems associated with the educating and raising of children, know that it is simply not true.  Public school by its very nature facilitates some great things for children – automatic structure, peer motivation, and great networking opportunities for college and careers.  Public school graduates students – myself included – all the time who enter adulthood with the skills they need to succeed and bring good to the world.  But again, if anyone tries to convince you that the public school has the ability to stamp out every struggle and can fill every child’s needs perfectly all the time, they are deceived as well.  Either vehicle we choose will hit rocks and holes in the road.   

Take any other opposing views and the scenario will be the same.  One side solves certain problems while creating others.  Being married has wonderful elements like companionship and security, but the struggles of living in harmony with another person are very real.  Yet, being single eliminates that struggle while creating the burden of isolation.  Moving out to the country gives you fresher air and better views, but you usually have to drive quite a bit to run errands.  There are always trade-offs and sacrifices.  The next time some heated debate lands in your lap, try to remember this:  Most of our choices are less about finding a clear path to our goal, but the path with the rocks we’re most comfortable working around.  While a lot of times there are real issues that need to be faced, don’t deceive yourself into thinking that either side is a slam dunk.  Successful results come from hard work, commitment and sacrifice -  not simply picking the right side of an issue.