Impatience: The Emotional Chameleon

A couple of years ago, my bright, healthy son started having meltdowns every time we did math.  He had just started multiplication and division with vigor, but out of nowhere couldn't seem to think straight every time we opened the books.  The insecure parent/educator inside of me took over my brain and I started assuming he was just going to struggle with math.  He would complain its too hard and just dreaded doing any math.  This was a hurdle I had feared might come because he was took after me and favored reading over math.  I panicked a bit at the thought of years of struggle when it came to math.  Still, we went after it and I started noticing things that just didn't make sense.  Sometimes he had no trouble at all, knowing answers right off the top of his head and completing work quickly.  Other times he was frozen in the "I can't!" mode that every child seems to be preprogrammed with.  Over about 4-6 weeks I discovered that my son did not have any legitimate learning problems, mathematical or otherwise.  Instead, my handsome and big hearted son was very impatient!  The new elements he was learning sometimes took 3-4 seconds rather than the 1-2 seconds of the past to understand or produce a correct answer.  He absolutely could understand and do the work when he bothered to try, but like all of us feel sometimes, he just didn't want to take the time.

Impatience is something that we easily sweep under the rug as a minor issue that toddlers and brats who should know better give in to fits when food doesn't come fast enough.  But impatience masquerades as all kinds of things.  I've thought myself to be a lot of different things in my life - stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, inadequate, angry, frustrated, entitled, critical, indecisive, and numerous others - but rarely have I thought that I struggle with impatience.  When you think of any of those states of being, they can easily be the result of an impatient feeling.  When something is too hard or another person isn't doing it quite right, it's common and easy for us to react out of impatience.  This impatience is especially hard to see when it has to do with our needs and wants.  When other people aren't giving us what we think we deserve or need, isn't it easy to overreact?  Turning my attention to God and asking Him for wisdom on how and when to react isn't usually my first instinct.  

The American landscape is definitely in turmoil right now and, if you're like me, you spent the whole summer hoping and praying that it would just end already.  "When will things go back to normal?" we asked.  Regardless of what you may think normal is or should be, clearly God is allowing this mess for learning purposes.  As my son has now figured out, learning harder things takes a little more time than easier things.  New things aren't naturally going to be easy, but likely challenging just because you've never done this before.  I have never parented and educated a 9, 7 and 3 year old in the midst of virus chaos and political chaos at 40 years old.  I'm also trying to aggressively lose weight, take on a new role at our co-op, and live life with my husband at home 98% of the time.  All new and challenging things, no matter their value or positive gain.  

In our house we have lovingly defined patience as waiting with a good attitude.  That sounds nice, doesn't it? Especially when you're talking to a small child who just wants to go already.  But it falls on deaf ears a lot when you're worrying about your loved one alone in the hospital or the extra money you were counting on is now gone,  Or the world feels utterly out of control with fear and destruction looming in every direction.  It almost feels insulting to tell yourself to be patient.  And yet, waiting just a moment longer can make a difference.  

I'm trying to do a lot of new or challenging things right now that some days just seem too hard.  They are good things and honestly, aren't too hard.  I just want them to come easier and to feel in complete control much more often than I do. I'm thinking that patience - intentionally waiting with a GOOD attitude - is where I need to focus more of my attention right now.  How about you? 

Life Is Short. Let's Quit Messing Around.

After hearing that a 3 year old little girl had left this life after a battle with cancer, I crawled into bed with my 3 year old boy and wept.  This week a family lost their grandfather that lived many years in the town where my parents met.  That connection to Healdton, OK flooded my mind with all kinds of memories of days gone by with my own grandparents.  This morning I got a phone call saying one of the sweetest girls I've ever known lost her dear husband to a car accident on the way to work this morning.  They are younger than us and have 5 beautiful children together.  I have cried all day, off and on, for them.  And none of these events had anything to do with politics, a virus, or social injustice.  

I know that what is happening in the world is scary and significant, but even in the face of all these factors, life is terribly short.  Everyday more things get shifted around and more foreboding for the future, but life is still marching on.  That 3 year old boy of mine that I cuddled the other morning has now graduated from a tricycle to a bicycle.  Life is short.  Why are we messing around with so much of this foolish debate when we have people to love and lives to be living?  I may not get to go on a single vacation this year (and trust me when I say we are missing it!) and some of my favorite events may be cancelled, but there is work to be done in the hearts of my children and growth to be had in my relationships.  Sin is still destroying lives and souls still need nourishment, no matter the cause of their pain.  We have to quit being so distracted and realize there is nothing new under the sun.  It may feel like it, but in reality God's seen all this many times before and ultimately told us everything we need to know, if only we'll listen..

I had only met our friend's husband a time or two, but his legacy of being a kind and generous  Christian man is well-known.  The tragedy of such a loss is only out shined by the comfort of his ife security in the Lord.  His beautiful children have been given a wonderful example to strive for.  

Are we doing that for the children and young around us?  With our razor sharp responses and condemning eyes, are we giving them Godly character to imitate?  When we thought this little shutdown and bizarre living was temporary, most of us learned to make the best of it.  Now that things aren't exactly wrapping up in a bow, have you started to get really cranky? I have to work on myself, to be honest.  But, as I am reminded today, life is beautiful and incredibly short.

While our heads are glued to the drama in the screens around us, life is still happening.  Did you notice?  

I'm praying that I will soak in all of the movements of the souls in my home.  I'm praying that we will go on that adventure today because no one knows if it will be possible tomorrow.  I'm praying that whatever is needed to make our souls ready for life after death, that we do it now.  

If you are interested in helping my friend and her precious children, there is a GoFundMe account set up in their honor.

Finding Grace in Social Media

One of the hallmarks of our culture and time is the effect social media on our relationships.  It began with the onslaught of advertising 60 years ago and now culminates in our friends sharing a good picture of their life.  Too often we believe the staged is real and get overwhelmed at the high standard OR we criticize the realistic only to comfort ourselves that we aren't that bad.  
You've probably read online about how only people in failing relationships post the 'perfect' pictures and gush about how great they are.  At the same time we also have a climate where posting anything could potentially get us in trouble, even if it's innocent.  The genuine person is guilty of something no matter what they do!

Don't get me wrong.  I understand that there are stereotypes in this world for a reason.  People can be ridiculous, fake, shallow and deceitful.  Still, amidst those realities are other realities that we shouldn't ignore.

Sometimes that picture of a new car or house is a lifelong victory.  Other times that relationship gushing is filling a great need in their partner.  That perfect photo of that perfect life might just be the best moment they've had in months and the only thing that makes them feel normal amidst a very dysfunctional reality.

One of my most favorite photos, but reminds me of so many conflicting emotions.  Photos can be deceiving, but really they are just snapshots - and that's not a bad thing.

I guess what I'm talking about here is grace.  I don't have to like you and you don't have to like me.  My choices may never be your choices.  You will undoubtedly think things about what I say and do that may or may not be right.  Still, when you find yourself about to spew judgments about others - how their relationship must be awful or their choice of staged photo means this or that - pause and look at them with a mother's eyes.  Or better yet, look at them with God's eyes.  See their pain or their struggle.  See their weaknesses and love them anyway.

I'm about to be a mother of 3 - a pretty daunting task - and over the last 7 years I've experienced a lot of the downs of parenting.  Being tired, judging other mothers, being judged by other mothers, feeding struggles, milestone competitions, jealousy, pressure to perform, pressure to do it all and absolute failure to feel good about any part of it some days.  The media and us regular people can make a big deal over anything and sometimes that ruins us.  Somehow we need to get to a place where my victory can be celebrated right along with yours even if they look vastly different.  So, try to calm down your feelings about what everyone else is doing.  Do good. Celebrate the good.  And just love them anyway!

All Roads Have Rocks

By the time our children start school, we’ve already had to choose a side a dozen times.  For every choice my family makes I can find a camp ready to fight to the death that it is not only a good choice, but the only choice I can make if I love my child.  And I completely get it.  The surge you feel when you hear foolish arguments being made to justify an easy road.  Or the switch that flips inside when you are made to feel so very small for a choice you wrestled with and prayed over.  On any given day we all desperately want to be reassured that we’re doing a good job and making the right choices for our family.  It is in the heat of these encounters that all of us have made claims that logically just cannot be, but we’re so upset that the need to defend a position is too difficult to resist.  We start using words like always and never to villainize everyone who disagrees. 

I love homeschooling and if asked would probably suggest you choose it for your family.  I believe it facilitates so many good things in a child’s education and growth as a person.  There are some impressive success stories of homeschooled kids growing up to change the world.  However, if I or anyone else ever suggests that homeschooling is easy, fixes everything and eliminates all problems associated with the educating and raising of children, know that it is simply not true.  Public school by its very nature facilitates some great things for children – automatic structure, peer motivation, and great networking opportunities for college and careers.  Public school graduates students – myself included – all the time who enter adulthood with the skills they need to succeed and bring good to the world.  But again, if anyone tries to convince you that the public school has the ability to stamp out every struggle and can fill every child’s needs perfectly all the time, they are deceived as well.  Either vehicle we choose will hit rocks and holes in the road.   

Take any other opposing views and the scenario will be the same.  One side solves certain problems while creating others.  Being married has wonderful elements like companionship and security, but the struggles of living in harmony with another person are very real.  Yet, being single eliminates that struggle while creating the burden of isolation.  Moving out to the country gives you fresher air and better views, but you usually have to drive quite a bit to run errands.  There are always trade-offs and sacrifices.  The next time some heated debate lands in your lap, try to remember this:  Most of our choices are less about finding a clear path to our goal, but the path with the rocks we’re most comfortable working around.  While a lot of times there are real issues that need to be faced, don’t deceive yourself into thinking that either side is a slam dunk.  Successful results come from hard work, commitment and sacrifice -  not simply picking the right side of an issue.

Climbing That Big Ugly Mountain

You make plans.  You struggle over choices and possible outcomes.   There are sacrifices and battles in order to make it happen.  Then you take big steps into the journey with hopeful eyes only to be met with the biggest brick wall in town.  Maybe the future now looks exactly the way you DIDN’T want it to.  The choice to homeschool often involves a scenario like this.  For some, homeschooling becomes the only option – and maybe the least desirable at first.  Others start the journey full of conviction to homeschool and expect to LOVE it!  Only they discover it is different – maybe harder – than was first thought.  There’s also things like pregnancy, finances, health or any bump you may not have seen coming in your life that causes you to reevaluate everything.  Circumstances change and the green light fades to a glaring red.  Whatever the case, here you sit staring up at this enormous mountain that you never intended to face in the first place.

One of my very real struggles with homeschooling right now is time management.  My children are young, I work from home part time in a few different capacities that are very important to me, we recently moved and are working to sell our old house, and life is full of important things.  Cutting something out is just not an option, but yet cutting something out is my mountain.   If you are like me, there can be multiple waves of devastation, anger, and of course bargaining (looking for some way this could be anything but what it is).  After a while though, the mountain is still looming and nobody is standing by handing out hiking gear.  So, what do you do? 

Beg for Mercy.  Sometimes we get in such a rush with our plans that we forget to talk to God about it.  Even when we do walk every step with Him, and the mountain still stands, it is time to beg God’s mercy.  That mercy might not move the mountain, but it can change you.  Maybe the timing is bad and what you’re being asked to give up will come back at a later (better) time.  Maybe I’ve been neglecting something vital.  Or maybe this is just not the way His will for our family is going to be carried out.  He can surround you with all kinds of mercies – certainly the ones you never imagined!

Start Over.  Back away down the mountain and reboot.  Retrace the steps and make sure you did your homework.  Look for anything that you can do proactively to help the situation.  Reevaluate things like health factors (exercise, water, sleep, diet), time factors (unnecessary activities, outsourcing options, time management skills), relationship factors (Is everyone, including me and God, getting what they need?) and priority factors (Is this still the most important thing?  Have my values changed? Does this align with all of my values?).  Gather your conclusions and…

Buy New Hiking Gear.  Start accepting what the new normal may have to be.  I’m probably not going to find an extra 8 hours that just weren’t being used so my mountain is probably still there. But with a few new conclusions and a greater trust in God’s timing, we can devise a new plan (buy new gear) to climb that ugly-not-what-you-ever-wanted mountain.  

This was originally published at  Homeschooling with Heart, The Old Schoolhouse Blog.

A Lesson on Enthusiasm

There are days when the maddening nature of the to-do list gets to me and I would really like to just be left alone!  The victim in me screams at every new expectation that comes into view and collapses into a pitiful mess that can be pretty ugly.  It was in this state that J walks into the kitchen as I'm cooking dinner and says, "What are we having? Are you going to make a salad?" To which I reply with a sigh, "I don't know. I haven't really decided yet.  I'm pretty tired."  I knew we probably needed one, but hadn't made up my mind to spend the energy yet.  As I'm contemplating it all, J says "I'll 

do it.  I need a cutting board."  Before I could even argue with him, he was well on his way making a salad.  Now, granted, this kid loves his salad, but more notable is his enthusiasm to learn and to help, especially in the kitchen.  He definitely humbled this momma.

We all get tired and unenthusiastic sometimes because life is heavy.  Today, though, I was reminded by this rambunctious 5 year old that it all starts in your attitude and perspective.  When we believe there is more to learn and experience, then we can face it with a smile! I suggested at dinner that maybe J should be a chef and he said, "Maybe.  Or a horse man."  The kid loves his horses.

The kids came out the other day all dressed up.

The Calling Card of the American Family: Options

Going to school, starting school, finishing school, all things school has been circling around our family like confetti thrown in the air the past couple of weeks.  Some of J's friends are starting school for the first time, Mr. Butler (as of last weekend) is FINISHED with his MBA, I am taking a class at the community college after a several year break, and I'm constantly working on homeschool plans for the kids.  And in the throws of all this, I am struck with gratitude.  Gratitude, for sure, that I don't have to send my kids to school if we decide it's not best for our family.   But the gratitude quickly grows with awareness.

Goofy fun at my brother's graduation last year.

Our age, specifically here in America, but not limited to it, will be known for our seemingly unlimited options.  Yes, homeschool, private or public, but I can work a number of different jobs.  I can learn a new trade.  I can save up money and share with others.  Health care options are ever expanding.  The abilities of my cell phone are insanely expanding.  Travel options are many.  What's for dinner? Instead of whatever survived the drought or didn't get eaten by the wolves, I can drive a few minutes to a story (one of 10 options) and pick out what I want.  Perhaps the health content suffers sometimes with that option, but still - talk about OPTIONS!  Whatever type of life I want to live, I can find an area that is suitable and can support it.  Sporty, agriculture, fast-paced, quiet, artsy, etc.  Housekeeping methods, forms of exercise, modes of communication, reading material - the options seem limitless! I can find a group of like-minded people somewhere, if I look hard enough.

Without grocery stores and ample transportation, what wouldn't even be an option on most days?

Vacations on a cruise ship that don't end in scurvy! 

As a culture, we are not that far removed from time where life was very limited.  What you were born into, you would stay.  Technology limited everything from healthcare to housekeeping to individual freedoms.  There was a time when learning at home was the only option and a schoolhouse was desired to expand learning.  Today, the internet and widespread educational options makes just about anything possible and valuable!

Oklahomans can visit the ocean!

I'm very guilty of acting defensively about something, because I feel like I have no options other than the one I'm failing at.  Mr. Butler is always good to remind me that I can always work smarter.  If there is something you want bad enough and is important enough, there are too many options to say it can't be done! Negativity, complaining,  bickering, comparing and general ugliness is constant it seems, but it doesn't have to be in your house.  Unhappy with your situation? Do something about it.  I'm certain you have a few options at your disposal.  Even when we start out at the bottom of something, as long as we have life, we have the options to go up!

The manner of life I am looking for!

Your Problem Isn't Really Your Problem

Happy July to you! Here in Oklahoma, we've been given a marvelous gift of highs in the 80's all week.  After the extreme weather we've been battling, it's definitely a show of God's mercy and goodness.

I am currently 39+ weeks pregnant and playing the waiting game with the arrival of baby #2.  With this pregnancy going a lot smoother with very little 'misery' and everything appearing to ready and healthy,  there is much to rejoice about.

Since Mr. Butler has finished his first year (of 2) of MBA school and I've taken some time off from teaching, we're enjoying much needed time together as a family and catching up on the back log of to-do's around the house.  After the very full year we've had, this break is such a blessing!

And yet.

And yet, I still find myself focusing on what I feel like I'm lacking.  Since this baby could come any time now, I can't travel and I need to rest a lot.  Kind of lame when it's the season for activity and fun! Do you ever think like that?  My life is full of things that you might envy, but all I can think about is what I can't do and don't have.  Any new day, regardless of the actual events, can be a struggle - a battle between positive and negative.

Why Your Problem Isn't Your Real Problem

What that tells me today is that it just doesn't matter what your circumstance is or how much money you have.  The problems we focus on usually just aren't the real problem. You can be grateful and joyful about what you do have or you can always complain about what's missing.  It won't matter if today's problem was fixed, we could just find something else to fixate on and be miserable about.  The real problem is our response - a tone of voice, the amount of faith or hope, effort and attitude.

When I'm miserable, being told to CHOOSE to be content despite the circumstance is not that helpful.  Why?  Because I want my emotions to change on the subject before my response does.  Did you get that? We are usually waiting on our emotions to change before we change our response.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work very well that way.

Instead, I need to be focusing on the best response with the expectations that my feelings will change.  So, what's a good response? Gratitude.  What are you grateful for?  What prayer has been answered that was such a burden before?  What are you learning right now? Behave - respond - as though it is a blessing!

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Silencing a Song

A Minor Bird

I have wished a bird would fly away,

And not sing by my house all day;

Have clapped my hands at him from the door

When it seemed as if I could bear no more.

The fault must partly have been in me.

The bird was not to blame for his key.

And of course there must be something wrong

In wanting to silence any song.

-Robert Frost

I've never been an accomplished poet, but I certainly appreciate a well timed poem.  Poetry can pack a punch in the pretties of packages - pricking your heart without the tiniest felt attack.  Perhaps we should all speak in poetic rhyme, saying what's needed at the appropriate time?

What song are you trying to silence?  God says he desires my faith and trust in his timing and plans.  I work desperately to silence faith and trust, so that I can replace it with my own plans and control.  Is there someone in your life that you spend a lot of negative energy on? Energy full of anger or frustration?  Feeding resentment and critical opinions? Let them be.  There is beauty in all shapes and sizes, but we don't appreciate it because we're too busy trying to paint over it with our own version.

A Peaceful & Tranquil Heart

Bear shame and glory with an equal peace and an ever tranquil heart.

I do NOT do this. at. all.  If there is equality in shame and glory in my life, it is in the level of intense drama that surrounds my exaggerated emotions.  But a peaceful and tranquil heart is something I've yet to maintain for an extended period of time.  I adore the peace that comes after the panic or pain has been subdued and all is well when I had previously feared otherwise.  But that peace isn't ever tranquil.  It's temporary, momentary until distraction sets in and normalcy is again king, complete with a dissatisfied appetite for change.

A peace and tranquil heart in shame and glory is something I need.  Let's be honest - it's something I can't even begin to understand in deed.  But I've decided to start thinking about it and approaching ALL things with the same tranquil attitude.  What do you do to maintain peace in your heart?

Four Ways to Improve Your Days

(as seen on Productive Parenting Blog)


You've probably heard the list of things to consider when a baby cries - are they hungry, sleepy, wet, bored, etc.? Well, if you find yourself or someone you love needing an attitude adjustment, picking fights, or just being extra negative, you'd be surprised at how easy it can be to improve upon.

SLEEP - I don't care who you are, how old you are, or what kind of a personality you have, if you're tired and not getting enough sleep, you are probably not the best version of yourself. Sleep for 7 hours or more and then try it all again. Emotions won't run quite as high, and the world is suddenly not such a bad place.

FOOD - This one is two-fold. #1 How long has it been since you/they have eaten anything? If it has been more than 2-3 hours, it's possible things would be better with food. #2 Have you had anything raw and fresh today? If not, at least eat an apple or something to perk everything up. What you eat and how often you eat can change how you feel, react and behave. It might be inconvenient, but it's true.

PLUMBING - And, yes, this is related to the food one. We might not enjoy discussing it (and we won't at length), but if your internal plumbing isn't working, life isn't as nice as it could be. Just sayin'...

BOREDOM - How long has it been since you've left the house, the computer, taken a walk, sweat a little, talked to someone, looked at something beautiful? It all takes a toll. Exercise, doing something outdoors and just generally doing something productive can boost everything!

I've been sleep-deprived this week. Late nights, stress, and trying to keep up with everything has just caught up with me. And yes, it has changed my personality a bit - into the worst version of myself. Cranky, combative, negative, weepy - yeah you name it and I've been guilty of it this week.

But guess what? Except for a 10-minute interruption at about 3:30 am, I slept for 7 whole hours last night! After just doing that, I feel so much happier! I like my husband more, my motivation is back and I can handle so much more! I'm not suggesting it can solve all your problems, but some days it might.

A Strong-Willed Secret

A popular post from the archives:

For those who are not strong-willed or have never dealt with a strong-willed child, you may not know what I'm talking about.  And if that is the case with you, be thankful.  Now those of you familiar with a strong-willed personality, here are a few confessions.

The 'will' that is so strong, at least in myself, is often misdirected because of my emotions. Reason gets blinded by the fierceness of how I feel at the moment of conflict. Instead of being a 'never quit' kind of will, it results in an escalating kind that desperately seeks the soothing of the emotional desire.  In other words, I tend to not stop until I get my way, which isn't a noble victory usually.

As any mother will tell you, the hormones flooding your body after giving birth can be overwhelming once the initial excitement dies down.  Adding hormones to an already emotional person can be destructive and especially difficult on those close by (like a spouse).  Adjusting to Jude has been pretty easy, but my dealings with myself have gotten a little out of hand.  The perfectionistic streak took hold pretty quickly, wanting to 'master' the new rhythm of having a baby in the house before I start teaching piano again in a few weeks.  Long story short, I was driving Randy crazy!

This last week Randy was sick and a man of even fewer words than normal.  Once he finally felt better this weekend, he let me know a few things.  Now, these conversations were not enjoyable by either one of us, least of all me.  I DESPISE being told what I'm doing wrong.  He called me on some emotional games I was playing and childish reactions that I wasn't and shouldn't be proud of.  This didn't just happen once either.  At least 2 or 3 different conversations over the course of 2 days were had.  Why am I even talking about this?

Even though my strong-will is like a tornado sometimes, when I have limits there is an amazing calm that replaces the storm.  The presence of rules and boundaries that are enforced and I am held to gives me peace.  As a result, I had a fabulous day yesterday and have already accomplished (with joy) so much today! Randy created and consistently enforced standards for my behavior (reactions, etc.) and even though it wasn't a fun experience for either of us, it has had amazing results.

Everybody's different, but from the heart of a very strong-willed child, let me tell you: Consistency, structure, limits, and boundaries brings peace, joy and security.

Why I Love/Hate Facebook

When I was 14, we got our first computer complete with internet access, chat and email.  To an adolescent girl who got nervous in social situations but longed for friendship, excitement and romance, it was like a dream come true! The possibility of it all in the 'safety' behind a screen was exactly what I wanted.  So, social networking and I go back a long time.

Fast forward 15 years and some days I'm still that teenager that just wants to feel a part of other people's lives but is a bit shy to be so bold face to face.  Facebook provides me with a connection to other people with little responsibility if I so choose.    I love being able to communicate, in-depth or small talk, with friends near and far on MY time.  I don't have to sit by a phone and wait for a call.  I love staying up with people's lives through pictures and videos and laugh with everyone at the latest goofy thing.  I know that it is partially created in my own mind, but I love feeling a part of a community in that way.  Plus, the 'secretarial' side of me adores the efficiency it provides! Events, group messaging, and general announcements make planning a breeze!

The deal, though, with Facebook is that it doesn't have a filter option on my emotions.  It doesn't control the user so there is a risk of abuse somewhere along the line.  When I read that someone is back to their pre-pregnancy weight barely after the child is born, there isn't a setting to keep me from getting green eyed jealous! There's nothing to stop me from getting all stressed out after being privy to someone's family feud (that probably should be fought in private, but private issues are out this season and public displays are in!). The only way to control my attitude and mood after seeing pictures of a great time that I wasn't invited to, is me! And, let's be honest, "me" works only about 25% of the time.

I LOVE what Facebook can offer to me, but the risk of negative involvement is significant and I haven't been very prepared for it in the past.  So, here are a couple of filters I'm trying to implement in my relationship with Facebook.

1. If I'm browsing someone's page/pictures/information in order to judge or criticize them, STOP. I could do so much more productive things with my time than that.

2. If I'm feeling bad about myself/life/relationships/accomplishments, DO NOT linger on those who I compare myself to.  Better yet, NEVER compare myself to anyone ever.  It will always lead to self-hate or sinful pride.

3. Never post anything or engage in anything (ex. arguments) I wouldn't mind to do on a stage somewhere. And better yet, if I can't say anything nice, then I should just shut my mouth.

I would find it pretty hard to quit facebook completely, but hopefully we can stay friends by not getting too close!