The Calling Card of the American Family: Options

Going to school, starting school, finishing school, all things school has been circling around our family like confetti thrown in the air the past couple of weeks.  Some of J's friends are starting school for the first time, Mr. Butler (as of last weekend) is FINISHED with his MBA, I am taking a class at the community college after a several year break, and I'm constantly working on homeschool plans for the kids.  And in the throws of all this, I am struck with gratitude.  Gratitude, for sure, that I don't have to send my kids to school if we decide it's not best for our family.   But the gratitude quickly grows with awareness.

Goofy fun at my brother's graduation last year.

Our age, specifically here in America, but not limited to it, will be known for our seemingly unlimited options.  Yes, homeschool, private or public, but I can work a number of different jobs.  I can learn a new trade.  I can save up money and share with others.  Health care options are ever expanding.  The abilities of my cell phone are insanely expanding.  Travel options are many.  What's for dinner? Instead of whatever survived the drought or didn't get eaten by the wolves, I can drive a few minutes to a story (one of 10 options) and pick out what I want.  Perhaps the health content suffers sometimes with that option, but still - talk about OPTIONS!  Whatever type of life I want to live, I can find an area that is suitable and can support it.  Sporty, agriculture, fast-paced, quiet, artsy, etc.  Housekeeping methods, forms of exercise, modes of communication, reading material - the options seem limitless! I can find a group of like-minded people somewhere, if I look hard enough.

Without grocery stores and ample transportation, what wouldn't even be an option on most days?

Vacations on a cruise ship that don't end in scurvy! 

As a culture, we are not that far removed from time where life was very limited.  What you were born into, you would stay.  Technology limited everything from healthcare to housekeeping to individual freedoms.  There was a time when learning at home was the only option and a schoolhouse was desired to expand learning.  Today, the internet and widespread educational options makes just about anything possible and valuable!

Oklahomans can visit the ocean!

I'm very guilty of acting defensively about something, because I feel like I have no options other than the one I'm failing at.  Mr. Butler is always good to remind me that I can always work smarter.  If there is something you want bad enough and is important enough, there are too many options to say it can't be done! Negativity, complaining,  bickering, comparing and general ugliness is constant it seems, but it doesn't have to be in your house.  Unhappy with your situation? Do something about it.  I'm certain you have a few options at your disposal.  Even when we start out at the bottom of something, as long as we have life, we have the options to go up!

The manner of life I am looking for!

Your Problem Isn't Really Your Problem

Happy July to you! Here in Oklahoma, we've been given a marvelous gift of highs in the 80's all week.  After the extreme weather we've been battling, it's definitely a show of God's mercy and goodness.

I am currently 39+ weeks pregnant and playing the waiting game with the arrival of baby #2.  With this pregnancy going a lot smoother with very little 'misery' and everything appearing to ready and healthy,  there is much to rejoice about.

Since Mr. Butler has finished his first year (of 2) of MBA school and I've taken some time off from teaching, we're enjoying much needed time together as a family and catching up on the back log of to-do's around the house.  After the very full year we've had, this break is such a blessing!

And yet.

And yet, I still find myself focusing on what I feel like I'm lacking.  Since this baby could come any time now, I can't travel and I need to rest a lot.  Kind of lame when it's the season for activity and fun! Do you ever think like that?  My life is full of things that you might envy, but all I can think about is what I can't do and don't have.  Any new day, regardless of the actual events, can be a struggle - a battle between positive and negative.

Why Your Problem Isn't Your Real Problem

What that tells me today is that it just doesn't matter what your circumstance is or how much money you have.  The problems we focus on usually just aren't the real problem. You can be grateful and joyful about what you do have or you can always complain about what's missing.  It won't matter if today's problem was fixed, we could just find something else to fixate on and be miserable about.  The real problem is our response - a tone of voice, the amount of faith or hope, effort and attitude.

When I'm miserable, being told to CHOOSE to be content despite the circumstance is not that helpful.  Why?  Because I want my emotions to change on the subject before my response does.  Did you get that? We are usually waiting on our emotions to change before we change our response.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work very well that way.

Instead, I need to be focusing on the best response with the expectations that my feelings will change.  So, what's a good response? Gratitude.  What are you grateful for?  What prayer has been answered that was such a burden before?  What are you learning right now? Behave - respond - as though it is a blessing!

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

A Joyful Habit

Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction.  Break the habit.  Talk about your joys.  

-Rita Schiano

Joy in its purest form

Everyone needs a safe place to talk through problems.  No question.  But I usually try to make every place a safe place and every moment an emergency counseling session.  Sit back and listen today to how many conversations consist of complaints and woe-is-me talk.  I was convicted by what I heard - especially by what was coming out of me.

So, I'd like to start practicing a new habit and share with you a few of my joys today!

Separations and Homecomings My husband was gone for almost a week and I didn't handle life well.  Now that he is home, I'm a much better wife than when he left.  Being apart, dealing with circumstances I disliked has made me so much more grateful and joyful for a run of the mill Thursday!

Learning and Discovery In teaching piano and in raising my son, I get to witness learning and new discoveries every day! It is so fun to witness the look of pride on a person's face when something clicks.  And I pray that everyone takes their opportunities to learn and explore.  It's definitely worth the time and effort!

Exercise and Real Food I've been blessed with excess weight after J was born that has been a thorn in my side, literally.  It has been a blessing because I couldn't just will or wish the fat away and time didn't simply take care of it either.  To lose weight I have had to exercise hard and often.  To lose weight I've had to cut out sugar, junk food and limit my eating out choices.  I'm thankful for all of this because I'm slowly learning how much power we have over our bodies and lives if we learn how to treat them right.  I'm so happy that I have options that help change ME!

What are you joyful about today?

Holidays Shmolidays

Today is December 9th and your holiday activities will probably begin it's warp speed this weekend if it hasn't already.  So much to do, parties, preparation, etc.  Whatever you choose to do this weekend, try to take out any obligation or compulsion from it and replace it with enthusiasm and joy.  Your children can see the strain and misery on your face, but your excitement and pleasure in the kitchen or watching another school program will be equally (and probably more) contagious!

If you are too busy and doing too much, cut something out.  Your family and your blood pressure will thank you.  Then maybe you'll spend this holiday full of gratitude and peace instead of anxiety and irritability.

If you are in the habit of buying buying buying and yet cringe at your children's materialism, cut down on the gifts and instead, do something good for someone else as a family.  Take some of your gifts to those without.  Throwing together some Blessing Bags would be a great opportunity to fill someone's need and talk to your kids about giving and serving.

If you generally loathe the holidays for any number of reasons, find one good thing.  Find a person - maybe your son or daughter, a cause - promoting what God has done for you this year, or just a personal goal - more patience, being more honest, etc., and just focus on that.  American society can always use more optimism and joy.  Have you contributed yours today?

Whatever you do, have a jolly weekend!

So, a funny thing happened...

Sometimes things in life just get away from you.  I think that's why balance is so important to me.  There's no telling where I'd end up if balancing wasn't an option.  After my last post, my son turned one, we had a party, I was exhausted, J and I visited my brother and sister-in-law in Kansas City and now we're home resetting.

With all of that going on, I didn't post about thankfulness, but I did think about it.  A lot.  So much that I busted out the christmas music because it felt like November should be over by now.  Here's the conclusion I came to: I say things really easily, but doing, living, being those things is such a different story.  I struggle with being thankful.  My appetite for more, better, different is rarely satisfied for long.  I will take all you are giving to me, say thank you, and then start searching for more, something better or all things different.  The contentment that gratitude should grow gets shuffled around until there's nothing left of it.

My giving of thanks this year is a mixture of limited criticism and complaining, double portions of positive thinking and encouragement, and topped with continual acknowledgement of who God is and how much that has changed me and my life.  What's yours?

The Opposite of Thanksgiving

Did you get yesterday's post?  The opposite for thankfulness is dishing out criticism.  Ouch.  I am very thankful for my life, but I'm pretty critical of things as well.  So, then, just how thankful am I?  Could what I think is thankfulness be a flimsy excuse?  Sometimes we say we're thankful, but in the very same breath take so much for granted.  Think about every person or situation you criticize today.  Is your criticism truly constructive?  Try being full of gratitude and then try to criticize.  I'm finding that the two do not co-exist very easily.   Maybe all our families need to be more grateful is just to decrease the amount of criticism.  I bet it's a really great place to start!

What Not To Do

Thanks (thankfulness) - defined as appreciation.

Synonyms: admiration, aesthetic sense, affection, appraisal,assessment, attraction, awareness, cognizance,commendation, comprehension, enjoyment,esteem, estimation, grasp, gratefulness,gratitude, high regard, knowledge, liking, love,perception, realization, recognition, regard,relish, respect, responsivenesss, sensibility,sensitiveness, sensitivity, sympathy, thanks,understanding, valuation


Antonym: Criticism

Thanks for Nothing

It's easy to be content and thankful when we have plenty - warm beds on a cold night, healthy children, etc.  But what about when the heat is out or there is sickness in our family.  Can we be thankful then?

I really struggle with this because I want so desperately for everything to be 'right' or the way (I think) it 'should' be.  Today I'm going to try to look at the things I don't like, the frustrations and disappointments, and see if I can be thankful for them.  

In God We Trust - Do We Really?

Day 3: Why aren't we more thankful?  As a society we have more gadgets, more abundance, more opportunities - even in a recession - than just about any other period of time.  And yet our favorite pastime is complaining and demanding what we 'deserve'.

For my little family, understanding why we aren't thankful is key to growing gratitude because the why points directly to the problem.  Last night I was in a funk and being very hard on Mr. Butler, demanding and griping.  There was no gratitude or respect in my heart.  Why?  Really it was because I was tired and I wanted his attention.  Without thankfulness, we often are filled with ourselves, our worries, our needs and not trusting anyone, least of all God to take care of anything.  In this state, we lose sight of the really good things we could be doing in someone else's life.

Remember that we have a God to fill all our earthly needs.  Instead of holding tight to your little world, be thankful you have one and open it up to others.

What are some of the reasons you aren't thankful sometimes?

Why Bother?

A good place to start in our quest for gratitude is to first ask why.  Why should we bother learning to be a thankful people?  What do you tell a child who asks "Why?" when you tell them to be thankful?  "Because I said so" is lame and you know it.  Here are a few things I found about the benefits of being thankful:

-In a few experiments in 2009 it was found that participants in a daily/weekly gratitude exercise experienced greater levels of optimism, positive mood, and feelings of belongingness.

- In 2008, Jeffrey Froh, Asst. Prof. of Psycholoy at Hofstra was quoted saying "...grateful people who counted blessings were more likely to exercise, more likely to report better sleep; less likely to report these physical complaints. There's even some research done, we're looking at, when you have a sense of appreciation your heart rhythms are more coherent and smooth, which of course is healthy." 


Beyond the physical health benefits, I think being thankful has the power to change your relationships and interactions with each other.  In teaching piano I am much more effective if I enumerate the good things a student does before and (especially) more than the mistakes they make.  How does being thankful change your relationships?

The Challenge: A Better November

There is a lot that I can get worked up about.  People disappoint me, comparison eats at me, perfection haunts me and yet here I am to live in this world despite it all.  Like I said the other day, trying to change everybody else is just going to drain your energy and accomplish very little.

It is really important to Mr. Butler and I that our kids be thankful, giving and others-focused people, but ensuring that, I expect, will take extra effort.  And I bet the best place to start is with me, the example and role model they will follow whether I like it or not!  November is an easy place to start because Thanksgiving is on the brain, but it's also easy to get caught up by busy-ness.

So, here's your challenge, if you choose to accept:  Every day this month there will be a short post on some aspect of gratitude/giving and it will all be in search of ways to express it in my family's life.  As you find things you are thankful for, tricks for cultivating gratitude or acts of service for others, please share them in the comments section or on facebook.  I think most of us genuinely desire to be a more giving and thankful people, but often we just let time get away.  By sharing what you find in your own life will automatically be an act of service to others, reminding and encouraging them of ways to grow gratitude in their family.

The Food Will Kill Ya!

So, I have been sick this week - food poisoning sick.  I'll spare you the ugly details, but suffice it to say that I've been pretty worthless all week.  The only reason I'm trying to be productive today is because we're running out of food and that means a grocery run!

Time is what this makes me dwell on.  When sickness or emergencies happen, time lost is often what we mourn the most.  With the fast pace many of us keep, feeling guilty about the amount time spent with those we love seems to be the norm. Monday I was so sick that my husband stayed home from work part of the day and the rest my mom stayed with me and watched after J.  There were moments amid my delirium that I felt bad for J because I was not available to him and really hardly conscious of him.  That, of course, made me think of working mothers who have to be away from their children several hours a day.  Before I knew it, I was tied up in a "There's just not enough time!" cycle.

Here's a more (I think) realistic rendering of time and where it matters most.  Time cycles and sometimes there is a lot and sometimes there is not.  But you don't have to have a million hours to make a positive impact in someone's life.  Think of your favorite uncle or some of the best memories with a parent or sibling.  Did it take 12 hours to make? Probably not.  Most great memories were made in moments, a few hours at best.  A surprise lunch, a special midnight snack, a homemade gift or even 15 minutes on Skype! Life takes us places we never intended to go.  Instead of fighting it, worrying over it and wallowing in it, enjoy the beauties of where you get to be! 

An Hour of Thanks

It is so easy to complain.  Perhaps it's even fun to complain sometimes.  Who are we kidding? It's fun to complain MOST of the time.  We complain about dinner, salespeople, your family, your friends, the weather, our phone service, traffic, pain, discomfort, but basically we complain about a world that isn't out to make us happy!

But today try being thankful for just an hour.  At least we have dinner, money to consider buying anything,  a family at all, a few people that actually tolerate us, an earth that has changing seasons, the ability to carry around a device that can communicate with others anywhere in the world, cars to take us places, life, awareness but mostly at least we have the opportunity to try harder and make the world a better place!

Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

December Musings

Welcome to December! I wonder what kind of a winter we're going to have this year.  Last year was definitely something to remember here in Oklahoma.  The winter wonderland we had created quite a bit of trouble for anyone trying to go anywhere! My brothers and sister-in-law spent way too many hours merely traveling here in the metro.  But, if you didn't have to be out in it, it provided a lot of fun!

It really is easy, as the Bible says, to love those that love you, but its quite a different story to love those that hate you.  I think being thankful is the same way.  It was easy for me to enjoy and be grateful for all the snow last year because I got to enjoy it.  The snow loved me, so to speak.  I didn't have to get out in it much and I certainly wasn't stuck anywhere.  On the other hand, I'm sure those that battled with the weather weren't thinking straightaway how thankful they were for wretched conditions that fouled up their holiday plans.  And yet, that's where true thankfulness and peace live.  As we all feasted (some multiple times) last week, it was really easy to be thankful, wasn't it?  But this week, where perhaps stress is greater, there's no days off and the end of the year looms, can you practice thankfulness just as abundantly? That's my personal challenge for this weekend - to see all of the things in my life that 'hate me' and find joy and gratitude for them.  

Hodge Podge

Weekly pride update:

After contemplating the subject all last week, the most significant effect has been a significant decrease in automatic judgements.  The option of judging still presents itself from time to time, but more often than not, I've been able to ignore it.  Hallelujah!  Still, the natural thing for me, once I've tried to 'deal' with an issue is to get comfortable, thinking I've got it all under control.  And that, my friends, is exactly when it'll all creep back in and attack.  So, perhaps updating on the issue will help to refocus my attention.  We'll see.

And now for a plug on writing (publicly or privately):


As Calvin illustrates as only he can, most of us feel like writing, especially writing about our life, has to be full of grand adventures, meaningful experiences and what not.  Sure, if you've lived an exciting life, it'd be good to write it down. But writing can serve a much greater purpose in your life and, if you choose, other people's lives as well.  Have you ever had someone sit down and say "hey, do you need to talk?" and your response is "No, I'm fine." But then as you get to talking, the words start to come out wave by wave? The more you talk the more you realize you need to talk more?  Maybe it's largely a female thing, but writing is one of the BEST tools for sorting yourself out or keeping yourself on track/in tune/centered.  When I go for too long without writing of some kind, it's like my soul gets backed up and the irrationality starts to take over.  Randy journals off and on and I can always tell a difference when he's kept it up for several days.  He's more insightful with what's going on inside of him, he's more patient with me and overall happier.  Whether it is something that you would want to bound for  your grandchildren, the world or burn at the end of the year, I believe it is a healthy and productive practice. :)

Gratitude is in order:

Since I decided to write regularly, several people have commented and even more have read this blog regularly.  Thank you for it all.  I know you don't have to and it most likely will not change your life, but I appreciate your presence and, especially, your kind words and feedback.  Sometimes I stink at being a people person and even more often I stink at adequately expressing myself in person.  This venue makes it much easier for me and your reading and comments are like a big hug to me.  Reminds me that I'm not alone and that, on occasion, others have struggled where I am.