Life, Interrupted

New moms and old moms alike, please remember this.  Who you are, how you behave, where you spend your time matters to your children.  They may not say it or admit it, but they see it and absorb it.  No matter how small or how far away, the life you are living is changing theirs.

Tonight I was trying to catch up on some housework and just as I was almost finished vacuuming, Jude starts hovering and whining.  It was inconvenient and annoying that he was fine 2 minutes ago.  Long story short, he was having a painful diaper issue that turned into a bath that resulted in a walk to see the horses before I could finish my work.  Bothersome? Yes.  Fulfilling when it was all said and done? Yes.  And this is why:  I had a perfect opportunity to care for and nurture my son, to model empathy and compassion, and to strengthen that bond we have that says with God's help I can show you the way to go.  I may not have done the best job at that, but by the end it was so clear to me that allowing myself to be interrupted filled his needs, but also grew my patience and my living on purpose muscles just a little more.

Whether you're a parent or not, we rush around shoving people and opportunities aside too much.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about schedules and planning and sticking to a deadline.  My little planner is saving my life as we speak! But the awesome thing I'm finding out about planning in my life is that when I plan and stick to that plan (as much as it depends on me), then I find I have so much more time! I have time to be interrupted or for the evening events to be reordered.  There's never going to be enough time in the day for everything.  Just accept that universal truth and move on.  Instead, make sure you're allowing time for the things you love the most.

How 5:30 AM Changed My Life

I've always seemed to struggle with contradictions in my life.  That's probably why balance has become my mantra, of sorts.  One of the biggest issues for me has always been time management.  I have very high expectations (hopes) of accomplishing many things, but I just run out of time.  Adding one thing into my day can just upset the apple cart all together.  Since I'm always rushing, all I really long for is to just be still - Do nothing, think about whatever I want and just rest.  But when I do that, it usually makes me late (or later).

And I hate that.  I love to think of myself as this totally together person who is ready to help when the call comes as well as managing my household beautifully.   But exercising, showering and feeding everyone barely gets done before a deadline hits.  Intending to complete a project weeks before but actually finishing at the last minute - I just haven't got the real hang of things yet.  Until lately.

I have discovered (actually reminded myself of) what fixes everything like flipping a switch.  This morning I woke up about 30 minutes before Mr. Butler and an hour before J.  I walked into my office, wrote in my journal, prayed and wrote.  Then I go back into the bedroom where Mr. B is already up and in the shower.  I spend the next 20 minutes exercising.  When I'm finished I head to the kitchen just in time to share a few moments with Mr. B before he leaves for work.  As he leaves, J wakes up and the day continues.

I know you don't really care about all the details of my morning, but I'm just here to tell you that this general layout has changed my day completely.  Not only praying about my day, but taking some time to write down what I'm praying for helps me focus.  Plus, exercising first lifts a huge load for me and frees up some space in my brain that usually stresses a bit until its completed.  I know there will be/are some days when getting up early doesn't happen or can't happen, but I never want to go back!

The Food Will Kill Ya!

So, I have been sick this week - food poisoning sick.  I'll spare you the ugly details, but suffice it to say that I've been pretty worthless all week.  The only reason I'm trying to be productive today is because we're running out of food and that means a grocery run!

Time is what this makes me dwell on.  When sickness or emergencies happen, time lost is often what we mourn the most.  With the fast pace many of us keep, feeling guilty about the amount time spent with those we love seems to be the norm. Monday I was so sick that my husband stayed home from work part of the day and the rest my mom stayed with me and watched after J.  There were moments amid my delirium that I felt bad for J because I was not available to him and really hardly conscious of him.  That, of course, made me think of working mothers who have to be away from their children several hours a day.  Before I knew it, I was tied up in a "There's just not enough time!" cycle.

Here's a more (I think) realistic rendering of time and where it matters most.  Time cycles and sometimes there is a lot and sometimes there is not.  But you don't have to have a million hours to make a positive impact in someone's life.  Think of your favorite uncle or some of the best memories with a parent or sibling.  Did it take 12 hours to make? Probably not.  Most great memories were made in moments, a few hours at best.  A surprise lunch, a special midnight snack, a homemade gift or even 15 minutes on Skype! Life takes us places we never intended to go.  Instead of fighting it, worrying over it and wallowing in it, enjoy the beauties of where you get to be! 

How Much is Your Time Worth?

Clearly, I've not been as dedicated to posting as when I began this year, but for good reason, I guess.  I'm very blessed to be able to work part-time from home, especially when kids come, but it seems I'm making up for it by being haunted by most-of-the-day sickness.  Anyway, all the things I need to be doing (writing, reading, praying, working out, etc.) and would benefit from, seem to be the last things my self thinks of or is willing to do. Why is that?

Pregnant or not, we're like this all the time, aren't we? Isn't that part of what Paul says - 'I do the things I hate...' Right now I feel sick most of the time and mental energy is fleeting so that explains a lot.  But as a kid, I wanted to play the piano very well. I really did. But I did NOT want to practice.  I didn't want to put in the time or effort.  Maybe that's one of the side effects of our time. Technology has launched us into 'time-saving mania' and suddenly we don't want to spend any time at all on anything!  Don't have time to cook, don't have time to read, don't have time to exercise, etc. We'd all probably do it if we could just push a button.  And then for me, it spills over into relational things.  Forgiveness, unconditional love, service - all things we would like to say are part of our character, but how much do we actually spend time cultivating and doing? Forgiveness, at least for me, isn't something I can push a button and just do, especially when I've been really hurt by someone.  Any aspect of the fruit of the Spirit, at least for me, is something I have to work on over time. And that's the part I hate about it. Why can't I just go to the store and get some forgiveness and be done with it? It would be a lot easier! :)

It really is a fine line we walk though.  Whether you approve of it or not, living life in 2010 is busy and complicated.  We live, work, visit, etc. all over different towns usually so half our time is spent driving. And we go and do more than ever with hobbies and sports and whatever else. So, prioritizing time is mandatory, but you can't push the important, WORTHWHILE things out of your schedule b/c you don't have time either. We live in a quandary, I suppose.

On a nostalgic, happy note, we've been sleeping with the windows open at night and last night needed to pull out the box fan.  For me, the sound of a box fan, especially on the low setting, sounds much like an air conditioner window unit - exactly like the one my grandparents had at their house in Healdton, OK.  Etched in my memory is a hot, summer day as a kid spent at their house, coming inside and sticking my face in the middle of it.  The sound combined with the cool air and the freedom of life is a memory that has yet to leave me. So, last night sleeping with a box fan momentarily convinced my mind that it was summer, no responsibilities and certainly no worries - a thought everyone should begin their day with. :)

How old am I?

As we were about to turn the light out, Randy asked me, "Why is it that time goes faster as you get older?" We agreed it was because everything grew to be the same. I remember the day of my wedding very vividly. They say you usually don't and I was determined not to forget it. But, for me I was so conscious that this day was different than all other days and would never happen again. I was so conscious that I couldn't sleep the night before and I never have real trouble sleeping. My run around my parents neighborhood at 5:30 am was the only thing that saved me. I'm not one for running in the dark, but I was getting married at 10:30 in the morning, so what can ya do?

Why does everything end up being the same? I guess because its easier. The American society - at least the general population - does not search for adventure and challenge. Well, other than on television, I guess. We look to streamline things, quicken the pace in order to get through the things we have to do so we will have time to do the things we want to. That's the theory, anyway. Usually, after we've done all that 'HAS' to be done, we're too tired to go out and do anything else. So, instead we sit at home, watch some tv, go to bed, and then wonder the next morning why we are so unfulfilled and bored. Makes me want to forget all the stuff that so-called 'has' to be done and start with the stuff that really matters to me.