Being Thankful for the Pain

With Thanksgiving being a little later than normal, I've been a little more aware of the holiday than it seems like I normally am.  Of course, food and family are at the forefront and cooking and traveling are what we usually focus on.  Our thankful thoughts hover around freedom, safety and abundance, which is right according to the custom.  This year though, I'm reminded of a few of my weaknesses surrounding this topic of thankfulness.

I'm thankful when I get what I want.

Being thankful for what I have is easy as long as it is what I want.  But, all the submission, obedience and grace goes out the window for me when things don't go my way.  It's kind of like the passage in the Bible where we're told its nothing to love those who love you back.  Of course, you should do that.  It's, generally, automatic.  To really love is when you love those who hate you, who can do nothing for you, who can and will hurt you back.  I think gratitude, real gratitude, might imitate love in this way.

Some friends of ours were expecting a baby and have begun a blessed journey with all of the events surrounding this child's life.  I would like to encourage you to read from the beginning the father's blog about the coming and arrival of their child.  I'm not joking when I say starting from the beginning is sooo worth it - talk about a plot twist!  Shaun does an awesome job at writing and encouraging others through the words and videos.  I'd also appreciate it if you would pray for this family.  God has been doing so much in a short time for them and it's exciting to see what will continue with God's help.  The reason I bring this family up now is because of the gratitude Shaun expresses in everything.  Take a read and you'll see what I mean.

Over and over in my life, my loved ones lives and even through out the Bible, God knows what He's doing.  Things we think we want and don't get are usually for our own good.  For learning, for better things to come, for protection, etc.  And that almost always involves pain at some point.  I hate that part.  You can do so many things 'right' and if you're always avoiding pain, you miss so much.  My labor with Jude was like that.  I did a lot of things well to prepare - we were both very healthy - but when the pain hit, I shut down and wanted out.  In childbirth and life too, pain means something is happening - usually an opportunity for growth and something better and until you embrace it somehow, you'll just be stuck.

So, thanksgiving.  I have much to be thankful for and many to pray for.  There's a lot of pain, loss, and struggles.  Pray for the evil who are hurting so much - in need of mercy and grace.  Pray for the hurting - loss of family, old and young.  Pray for the misguided - those with zeal but without truth and understanding.  But mostly, be thankful for all of these people and circumstances.  I'm trying to see the pain and discomfort, wherever it grows, as blessings this year - gifts to be fully appreciated farther along.  I hope our gratitude can be just a touch more true when including pain in the category of thankfulness.

Ideas for Your November

-Make your own applesauce.  Apples are in season (and cheaper) so take advantage of it now! Here's how I do it.

-Create a thankful jar for an important person in your life.  Fill it throughout the month with all the reasons and examples of why you're thankful for them. What an impact this could make in their life!

-Google a couple of your family's Thanksgiving traditions.  Make a game out of it by having everyone guess before revealing the truth.  More often than not, we have no idea how certain things got started!

-Plan to try one new thing for your Thanksgiving holiday.  Maybe a new craft, new recipe or start a new tradition!  Even if your new thing is an EPIC FAIL, you'll still make a fun memory with your family!

-Clean out your pantry and donate items to a food drive or food bank.  Or even better with your family or friends, hold a fund/food drive to benefit your local food bank.  The Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma is always accepting donations and makes it easy!  Look for something similar in your area.

-Take some pictures! Document the leaves changing colors and capture where your family is right now, for better or worse.

-Before the holiday chaos ensues, sit down and reflect on the year that is quickly coming to an end.

For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night,

For health and food, for love and friends,

For everything Thy goodness sends.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Thanksgiving

These two guys have loved me in spite of myself and I couldn't be more grateful for them.  I'm so glad that God gives 57 chances to start over.  Happy Thanksgiving!

So, a funny thing happened...

Sometimes things in life just get away from you.  I think that's why balance is so important to me.  There's no telling where I'd end up if balancing wasn't an option.  After my last post, my son turned one, we had a party, I was exhausted, J and I visited my brother and sister-in-law in Kansas City and now we're home resetting.

With all of that going on, I didn't post about thankfulness, but I did think about it.  A lot.  So much that I busted out the christmas music because it felt like November should be over by now.  Here's the conclusion I came to: I say things really easily, but doing, living, being those things is such a different story.  I struggle with being thankful.  My appetite for more, better, different is rarely satisfied for long.  I will take all you are giving to me, say thank you, and then start searching for more, something better or all things different.  The contentment that gratitude should grow gets shuffled around until there's nothing left of it.

My giving of thanks this year is a mixture of limited criticism and complaining, double portions of positive thinking and encouragement, and topped with continual acknowledgement of who God is and how much that has changed me and my life.  What's yours?

The Opposite of Thanksgiving

Did you get yesterday's post?  The opposite for thankfulness is dishing out criticism.  Ouch.  I am very thankful for my life, but I'm pretty critical of things as well.  So, then, just how thankful am I?  Could what I think is thankfulness be a flimsy excuse?  Sometimes we say we're thankful, but in the very same breath take so much for granted.  Think about every person or situation you criticize today.  Is your criticism truly constructive?  Try being full of gratitude and then try to criticize.  I'm finding that the two do not co-exist very easily.   Maybe all our families need to be more grateful is just to decrease the amount of criticism.  I bet it's a really great place to start!

What Not To Do

Thanks (thankfulness) - defined as appreciation.

Synonyms: admiration, aesthetic sense, affection, appraisal,assessment, attraction, awareness, cognizance,commendation, comprehension, enjoyment,esteem, estimation, grasp, gratefulness,gratitude, high regard, knowledge, liking, love,perception, realization, recognition, regard,relish, respect, responsivenesss, sensibility,sensitiveness, sensitivity, sympathy, thanks,understanding, valuation


Antonym: Criticism

Thanks for Nothing

It's easy to be content and thankful when we have plenty - warm beds on a cold night, healthy children, etc.  But what about when the heat is out or there is sickness in our family.  Can we be thankful then?

I really struggle with this because I want so desperately for everything to be 'right' or the way (I think) it 'should' be.  Today I'm going to try to look at the things I don't like, the frustrations and disappointments, and see if I can be thankful for them.  

In God We Trust - Do We Really?

Day 3: Why aren't we more thankful?  As a society we have more gadgets, more abundance, more opportunities - even in a recession - than just about any other period of time.  And yet our favorite pastime is complaining and demanding what we 'deserve'.

For my little family, understanding why we aren't thankful is key to growing gratitude because the why points directly to the problem.  Last night I was in a funk and being very hard on Mr. Butler, demanding and griping.  There was no gratitude or respect in my heart.  Why?  Really it was because I was tired and I wanted his attention.  Without thankfulness, we often are filled with ourselves, our worries, our needs and not trusting anyone, least of all God to take care of anything.  In this state, we lose sight of the really good things we could be doing in someone else's life.

Remember that we have a God to fill all our earthly needs.  Instead of holding tight to your little world, be thankful you have one and open it up to others.

What are some of the reasons you aren't thankful sometimes?

Why Bother?

A good place to start in our quest for gratitude is to first ask why.  Why should we bother learning to be a thankful people?  What do you tell a child who asks "Why?" when you tell them to be thankful?  "Because I said so" is lame and you know it.  Here are a few things I found about the benefits of being thankful:

-In a few experiments in 2009 it was found that participants in a daily/weekly gratitude exercise experienced greater levels of optimism, positive mood, and feelings of belongingness.

- In 2008, Jeffrey Froh, Asst. Prof. of Psycholoy at Hofstra was quoted saying "...grateful people who counted blessings were more likely to exercise, more likely to report better sleep; less likely to report these physical complaints. There's even some research done, we're looking at, when you have a sense of appreciation your heart rhythms are more coherent and smooth, which of course is healthy." 


Beyond the physical health benefits, I think being thankful has the power to change your relationships and interactions with each other.  In teaching piano I am much more effective if I enumerate the good things a student does before and (especially) more than the mistakes they make.  How does being thankful change your relationships?

The Challenge: A Better November

There is a lot that I can get worked up about.  People disappoint me, comparison eats at me, perfection haunts me and yet here I am to live in this world despite it all.  Like I said the other day, trying to change everybody else is just going to drain your energy and accomplish very little.

It is really important to Mr. Butler and I that our kids be thankful, giving and others-focused people, but ensuring that, I expect, will take extra effort.  And I bet the best place to start is with me, the example and role model they will follow whether I like it or not!  November is an easy place to start because Thanksgiving is on the brain, but it's also easy to get caught up by busy-ness.

So, here's your challenge, if you choose to accept:  Every day this month there will be a short post on some aspect of gratitude/giving and it will all be in search of ways to express it in my family's life.  As you find things you are thankful for, tricks for cultivating gratitude or acts of service for others, please share them in the comments section or on facebook.  I think most of us genuinely desire to be a more giving and thankful people, but often we just let time get away.  By sharing what you find in your own life will automatically be an act of service to others, reminding and encouraging them of ways to grow gratitude in their family.