What Happens If You're Disappointed This Week?

Disappointment is a big issue with kids around.  Every parent will tell you not to say a word about a trip to the zoo or a possible visitor until it is actively happening, otherwise there will be mountains of disappointed fits.  One of the ways we try to manage disappointment with our kids, especially as they've gotten older, is to talk about how we will react if we are disappointed.  When there's a chance their cousins will get to come over, but it's still up in the air (or something in that same category), we often have them talk about what they will feel and what they will do with that feeling.  I don't want to sound patronizing, but I think we all need to take ourselves through this exercise before this election on Tuesday.

Like it or not, there will be a lot of people disappointed by this presidential election, as there always is.  I'm not sure who it will be - maybe you, maybe your neighbor, but there will be disappointment.  How are we going to handle ourselves if that happens to us?  Even better, how are we going to handle ourselves if the outcome is something we like?  We've gotten used to the term unprecedented times as though it excuses bad behavior, but it really calls for grace.  That means not returning angry words with more angry words.  That means treating others with dignity whether we feel they deserve it or not.  That means not being a sore loser or condescending winner.  

This next week could be a side show of epic proportions or it might be a pleasant dive into November.  Whatever the case, I'm still commanded to live a life that reflects Jesus and His reign in my life.  Of course, it is easier said than done when unrest hits close to home.  There might be a lot of reasons you are afraid and unsettled heading in to this week. We don't know the future and this year has given all of us a dose of PTSD so it's easy to assume it may just get worse.  And maybe it will.  But if God is directing your path, then whatever is happening is allowed and ultimately His will.

Just as God and my marriage to Mr. Butler dictates that I love him just as much when things are really bad as when they are amazing, our commitment to godly behavior extends to when life is scary or unfair.  And maybe you are going to be tempted to argue or fuss this week as a result of the election.  It's understandable because, well, 2020.  But love is patient, love is kind.  And He is love and so then should we be as well.  So, as you think about all the bazillion ways this week could go, consider how you will choose to behave in response to it.  Will that remind others of how your final authority is in heaven?  Or will it just add to the mess of ugliness that comes from losing your way?

I'm praying for us tonight because we all need it so much.  Let's pray together for clear heads prevailing in all things this week and protection against foolish words and actions.  And for goodness sakes, let's keep it together! :)

White Knuckles and Clenched Teeth: A Lesson in Control

Control is such a funny thing.  When you lose it, bad things can happen.  When you demand it, bad things can happen.  Many of us fight for it only to (hopefully) figure out that we were trying to control the things in God's power and neglecting the ones in our own. I am very guilty of allowing someone else's actions - that may not even be about me, in front of me or to me - consume me and affect my attitude, which often works like poison to those around me.  Often in those situations, the right thing for me to do is nothing when it comes to that other person or situation. Just mind ya business, you might say.  Nothing good would come from me getting involved! And yet, I sit stewing in my reactions to it with white knuckles and clenched teeth when I really need to be consumed with the responsibilities right in front of me.

2020 will certainly be known as the year God reminded us how volatile our lives really are.  Certainly there are very tragic losses from this virus and shutdowns, but even those of us who have fared with only moderate inconveniences cannot deny how fragile our arguments are about normal life.  "I don't have time for that."  "I could never be able to manage that."  "It wouldn't work anyway."  Everyone I talk to has a few complaints for sure, but then comes back around to all of the beautiful blessings that they have experienced because of more time spent at home with each other.  It's not that I'm trying to sing the praises of a shutdown or make light of this virus' negative impact.  Those that live alone or are separated from family may obviously be suffering more.  What I am seeing and experiencing though is a revitalizing reminder that our families are important.  Not just important, but MORE important than the endless sports schedule, MORE important than a steady flow of new things, MORE important than whatever tempts us to neglect these precious years we have together.

On any given day, the semblance of control we think we have might be taken away.  The order we so intentionally planned out might get high-jacked by a natural disaster or an emergency Wednesday, as my mother affectionately calls them, where a Wednesday often find itself packed full of surprise fires that need to be put out.  Instead of getting sucked back into this control game (that is usually just an exercise in futility anyway), we have to stay focused on the things we truly do control every day no matter what is happening in the world. 

Things we actually control:

1.  The way we treat others.  Even if my resources are lacking, I can still be kind and loving with my words.  Yes, especially on social media.

2. The way we talk to ourselves.  The thoughts that we allow to live in our head are under our control (severe mental health issues aside).  We will never please everyone so it's our responsibility to decide to listen to what God says first and foremost and then realize the quality of our thoughts (positive or negative) directly affects our feelings and actions.

3. How often we talk to God and spend time in His word.  Praying, when done well and often, becomes as second nature as breathing.  We can control how much time and thought we put into our prayers.  Studying the Bible isn't quite as easy, but still with the never ending ways to interact with it  through our electronic devices, even those of us with the busiest schedule really don't have an excuse.

As the country gradually opens up and our schedules start filling, I really want to work on disciplining my mind to focus on what I can control rather than getting distracted with things I can do little or nothing about.  Pray for me, would you?  I have a feeling I'm going to be very bad at this! :)

Being Thankful for the Pain

With Thanksgiving being a little later than normal, I've been a little more aware of the holiday than it seems like I normally am.  Of course, food and family are at the forefront and cooking and traveling are what we usually focus on.  Our thankful thoughts hover around freedom, safety and abundance, which is right according to the custom.  This year though, I'm reminded of a few of my weaknesses surrounding this topic of thankfulness.

I'm thankful when I get what I want.

Being thankful for what I have is easy as long as it is what I want.  But, all the submission, obedience and grace goes out the window for me when things don't go my way.  It's kind of like the passage in the Bible where we're told its nothing to love those who love you back.  Of course, you should do that.  It's, generally, automatic.  To really love is when you love those who hate you, who can do nothing for you, who can and will hurt you back.  I think gratitude, real gratitude, might imitate love in this way.

Some friends of ours were expecting a baby and have begun a blessed journey with all of the events surrounding this child's life.  I would like to encourage you to read from the beginning the father's blog about the coming and arrival of their child.  I'm not joking when I say starting from the beginning is sooo worth it - talk about a plot twist!  Shaun does an awesome job at writing and encouraging others through the words and videos.  I'd also appreciate it if you would pray for this family.  God has been doing so much in a short time for them and it's exciting to see what will continue with God's help.  The reason I bring this family up now is because of the gratitude Shaun expresses in everything.  Take a read and you'll see what I mean.

Over and over in my life, my loved ones lives and even through out the Bible, God knows what He's doing.  Things we think we want and don't get are usually for our own good.  For learning, for better things to come, for protection, etc.  And that almost always involves pain at some point.  I hate that part.  You can do so many things 'right' and if you're always avoiding pain, you miss so much.  My labor with Jude was like that.  I did a lot of things well to prepare - we were both very healthy - but when the pain hit, I shut down and wanted out.  In childbirth and life too, pain means something is happening - usually an opportunity for growth and something better and until you embrace it somehow, you'll just be stuck.

So, thanksgiving.  I have much to be thankful for and many to pray for.  There's a lot of pain, loss, and struggles.  Pray for the evil who are hurting so much - in need of mercy and grace.  Pray for the hurting - loss of family, old and young.  Pray for the misguided - those with zeal but without truth and understanding.  But mostly, be thankful for all of these people and circumstances.  I'm trying to see the pain and discomfort, wherever it grows, as blessings this year - gifts to be fully appreciated farther along.  I hope our gratitude can be just a touch more true when including pain in the category of thankfulness.

Tips for a Balanced School Year

'Tis the season for new beginnings at school and it can be hard to find balance in the midst of sometimes chaotic and stressful happenings.  These are important and special times that won't flourish without care and focus.  Here are some tips to help you and yours stay on track.

-Start your day with a prayer.  My days spin out of balance so quickly, especially when things don't go the way I want. And since we can't deny that happens every day, the best defense is beginning the day asking God to be a part of it.  Instead of staying out of balance, God will use any event to show us more of Him.  That somehow balances out beautifully!

-Require hard work and then plan for fun!  Follow through is a big issue for me so requiring the hard work is a MUST.  Non-negotiable, no questions asked, necessity! But also, to keep that motivation up, fun and reward has to be strategically placed as well.  Commit to balancing your work and play this year!

-Quit comparing! Stop comparing yourself, your friends, your family, your anything.  Take stock of where you're at and where you want to be.  Figure out ways to get there and then don't worry about anyone else.  This is often so hard when it comes to our kids.  Help them stay focused on what they are capable of and remind them how important they are - not everyone else - to you.

-Grow a plant. Yeah, I said a plant.  Staying balanced requires a lot of maintenance.  Deciding to grow a plant - and actually sticking with it - is a beautiful symbol of growing in our life.  If you neglect it, it will die.  You can't give it all the water it will need forever the first day.  And you can't put off caring for it until a day before its dying and expect great results.  With daily attention, shifting and accommodating new needs, life brings joy and peace.  If your family needs a focal point, a coming together for the new year and new goals, caring for a plant together could be a fun and meaningful project!

What I'm Praying For This Week: Positivity

I have a hard time letting things go when they have impacted me emotionally.  If what you said/did made me mad, hurt my feelings, etc., I have hard time just getting over that.  One of the reasons is because of the way I process information, which is partially female and partially just crazy me.  My brain replays the worst and the best of my recent (and long-term) experiences.  So those hateful words replay over and over in my brain.  On the flip side, a compliment, surprise or special gift can send me instantly into sky-high celebrations. As a teenager, that stuff lasted me weeks - especially if it was from a boy!  But the negative seems to dominate my brain so much easier.  Definitely not a healthy way to live.  I'm needing some help pumping up the positivity!

Everyone has a hard time staying positive, I think. Everything from thinking the best of someone's intentions to sharing enthusiasm with someone's plans even if you don't care that much or didn't get to make decisions, positivity is needed to strengthen relationships.  This week, I'm praying that with the onset of Spring, that joy can spread into ALL corners of our hearts helping us let go of hurts and dwelling on blessings to come.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

What I'm Praying For This Week: Financial Wisdom

Since its March (ya know the GREEN month) and tax returns are starting to trickle in, money has been on the brain.  Randy and I have started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace with a few couples from church which is all about making wise decisions with your money.  Plus, if the federal government doesn't balance the budget by Friday afternoon, Randy's job most likely will go into furlough (I think I'm using the term correctly, eek!), which will mean a lay-off until it is balanced.  His job isn't really in jeopardy, but we just might not have income for however long it takes. So, it seemed prudent to start praying for financial wisdom, for ourselves and everyone we know!

Money is such a trivial thing and yet such a huge force at the same time.  Randy and I come from very different directions regarding money - something I think is pretty common in relationships - and that creates  hurdles to jump from the get-go.  BUT, we're finding that a nerd and a free-spirit can still have common goals regarding our money.  Anyway, foolish choices regarding money affects everything in your life, especially a marriage.  My prayer this week is for financial wisdom, awareness and clear purpose.  I guess its an extension of self-control too.  May everyone be thoughtful and present with their financial choices instead of being motivated by pure emotion.  And, I'll give a shout-out to Dave. If you've never tried any of his recommendations, you might consider it.  It's certainly not my forte, but from a realistic standpoint, it works.  

What I'm Praying For This Week: Self Control

I have spent the last week  purposefully leaving sugar out of my diet.  5 years ago that would have been an impossible struggle. 1 year ago it would have been possible, but not without some mental struggle.  This week it was cake walk.  All I had to do was prepare my mind, decide to follow through and it was done!  For Randy, that's a no-brainer.  He's pretty much always functioned that way.  He's goal-oriented so all that was needed for him was to make a decision.  When we got married, his self-control baffled me.  Life just never worked that way for me.

This week I am praying for self-control mostly because I know that its possible to learn it.  I've learned it in one very specific area and I see the need for it in EVERY aspect of my life.  Just about any problem I may have can be traced back to a lack of self-control.  Think of the people you know in the midst of unfortunate troubles - marital problems, addictions to alcohol or drugs, money issues, gossiping, all manner of bad attitudes, etc. - and you'll find someone who struggles with self-control.  Sometimes instead of praying for generic 'help the problem get better' prayers, it feels good to focus on something that can specifically improve lives in many ways.  We all could use help in following through to those goals we've been struggling to get to.

What I'm Praying For This Week: Relationships

When I pray, I often feel overwhelmed by the shoulds.  I feel like I should pray for so many things that sometimes (often) its easier to either not pray at all or just vomit out what's easiest or most pressing.  Part of my problem is time management and when/how often I decide to pray, but also there are just so many things that need God's guidance, protection and help.  And being the emotional person that I am, I want so many things to be solved or to flourish. So, while its not exactly a solution, I've come up with something to help me fight back the overwhelming shoulds.

On a semi-weekly basis, I hope to write about something I'm praying for and why I think its important.  Hopefully instead of feeling obligated to pray for everything every time I pray, I'll be encouraged to spend several prayers and meditations on an individual matter, in hopes of even deeper comfort and answers.  And if you'd like to join me in this, it can only help! 

This week: Relationships

One of my first thoughts when I pray is often Randy and our marriage.  I know first hand how volatile we can be unless we work at it so I'm always searching for extra protection.  And I want that for my friends and family, in their marriages.  But even further, I know how absolutely maddening it is to live in a world seemingly designed for the married when you're single.  So, this prayer reaches beyond married or single and really is about our relationships with others.  How we treat each other,  being at peace with our life, how open we are to accept and receive others, faults and all.  Friendships are hard, but so important.   It's even about how we treat ourselves.  I think you would agree that we all desperately need some help with our relationships.  Well, this week(end), especially in light of Valentine's Day that brings so much pressure on us one way or another, I'm going to be praying about these things.

Getting What You Ask For

Happy November!  I love this time of year! Not everyone does, I know, but you have to admit there are several really great things about November.  Changing leaves are beautiful and fun to hear crunch when you walk.  Even if you don't like the cold, a break from the heat is nice.  And Thanksgiving! I think that says enough, don't you? :)

Along the lines of thankfulness and appreciating what you've been given, how often do you get exactly what you ask for?  In my own life, I think I get exactly what I ask for more than I realize.  Don't our desires and expectations for something often stay buried and our actually asking, of God or others, produces the polite things to say?  And who is to say that's wrong a lot of times?  We live in a world of too many wants that are extreme or unnecessary.  But, I was thinking about some of the blessings in my life that I really appreciate right now (like a husband who will do 2 weeks worth of grocery shopping, make dinner, dessert and clean up) and it occurred to me.  Many of those things I asked for.  Many of the things that have disappointed or been mediocre were in fact exactly what I asked for also.

I'm told my grandmother used to say that "If all you want is to get married, ANYBODY can get married."  As teenagers and single adults, or at least the female ones, this is a topic that comes up over and over. And I've known people who 'just wanted to get married' and when they did, all they got was a husband.  Not love, not companionship, but just another set of problems.  My point isn't about marriage as much as it is clarifying what our desires really are and making sure to ask accordingly.  Do we limit each other and God by only asking for surface things?  Not that I realized what I was doing at the time, but as a young girl and beyond, I always prayed for a genuine love in a husband.  I despised fake things and if it was going to be halfway or empty, I didn't want it. And growing, I always wanted to grow (again, didn't know what kind of a load I was asking for, ha!) and not just live life on the surface.  With the included thorns and all, I can say I've been blessed with exactly what I asked for.  Though, honestly I didn't plan or welcome those thorns.

Sometimes we ask for the best, only to be disappointed in what it takes to receive the best.  Sometimes we ask for mediocrity, only to be disappointed in the quality of our gift.  In both cases, though, we get what we ask for.  Neither is to be despised, but appreciated for what they are - exactly what we requested.  I guess in my brain sometimes there is a disconnect between what my heart is thinking and what actually makes it to my lips.  My body assumes the two are connected so if an idea is present in one, it should automatically be in the other. The trouble is, they rarely are.

The lesson I need to learn:
If I want more, ask for it.  Then expect to work for it.
If I don't want to ask for more/work for it, don't be disappointed when it isn't lavished upon me.