I'd Rather Be Fat Than Crazy: A Farewell Note to 2017

For 8 months I had mostly refused to buy myself any clothes.  The days and months after having a baby are full of change and uncertainty.   I had been down this road before and my bulging closet was proof of the varying sizes I had been over the last 7 years.  Why should I waste the money? I had lost weight before and would get where I wanted to be eventually.  What I had should cover my needs.  But my little race car's pregnancy was almost entirely different than the others and that included my weight gain.  I carried him differently and thus gained more weight in certain areas and not as much in others.  Plus, he was 10 pounds!  That meant more skin stretched further and more time for it to return to 'normal' if that's even possible!  Weight-loss this time around was more complicated because of stress, more physical healing, and three kids!  Tired of my fits of frustration while getting ready to go anywhere, Mr. Butler finally insisted that I go buy clothes that fit and would make me comfortable.

So, as I tried on clothes in the dressing room of Kohl's, I found myself repeating, "I'd rather be fat than crazy.  I'd rather be fat than crazy." over and over in my head.   Everything was either too big up top or too small on the bottom so dresses seemed to be out of the question. My pride screamed at me that I should be further along than I was in my weight-loss and recovery, but if there is one thing I gained this last year it's perspective.  About a year after miss Z was born, I physically and emotionally burned out.  In a nut-shell, I was overcome with sometimes immobilizing and unreasonable anxiety.  I remember being so afraid that I would never be able to enjoy my kids or even be up to having another one because of the hold it all had on me.  Fast forward 3 years and through the year we just had - full of stress, loss, challenges, but nothing like the problems I had before - and I can see things much clearer.   

I hate being uncomfortable in my own skin.  The extra weight just serves as a  reminder of the unhealthy side effects of stress, sleep deprivation and life changes.  All of this can be such a tool of the devil in my life.  I think all the insecurity of life that most people can feel is the devil's biggest tool sometimes.  But in the day to day, satan is defeated with perspective. Yes, I couldn't fit into things the same way yet, but I wasn't terrified of getting out of bed.  I was able to enjoy my kiddos and think clearly and sanely.

This year gave me the most fun, lovable, and good-natured little boy I have ever met.  Seriously, my race car is always looking for someone to smile at!  Not only that, but he is 100% healthy after a scare early on.  I survived the death of one of my dogs.  Not a big deal to most, but it was a day that I had dreaded since we brought Grace home almost 11 years ago.  This year was a huge financial burden, but it could have been so much worse.  I wish I was skinnier.  I wish we had never had to spend the second week of the race car's life in the hospital.  I wish my dog was still alive and chasing frisbees.  I wish our savings were built up rather than being drained by medical bills and car purchases. But I'd rather be afloat, than drowning in debt.  I'd rather be grieving a sweet dog than causing her pain and suffering.  I'd rather have an emergency room experience than risk the health of a fantastic little soul. And yes, I'd rather be fat than crazy!

Our perception (and opinion) of ourselves is such a complicated and fleeting thing.  In some ways, it just doesn't matter, but in other ways, if it's not satisfactory, it can change the course of our life.  I found clothes that fit and that made me more comfortable.  So go me, I guess, but more importantly it allowed me to recognize how we cope with the ugly and hard things in life.  There are days, months and in our case years of life that are full of exactly what we never wanted.  So then what?  We can quit and let the devil ruin the good gifts the Lord brings.  Or we can be thankful for what is and wait patiently for the good the Lord is bringing through it all.  As 2018 closes, I think of it like that high school nemesis that was always beating you out of things.  2017 was just wretched to me, but without it, there are so many things I would not have gained.  So for that, I say a fond farewell to 2017.

Turning Holiday Stress in to Amazing Grace

As much as we love this time of year, the holidays can be so stressful. With social media begging you to compare everything and my family’s wants far outweighing their needs most of the time, it is enough to bring out the Grinch in anyone!  Nothing sucks the joy out of these special times faster than your heart being clouded with a big stress.ball.  Especially as parents, our moods set the tone for everyone else and those tense comments we make out of panic or frustration can easily bring the whole house into arguments, if we’re not careful.  For those of you who thrive under pressure and simply see the chaotic yuletide plans as an interesting challenge, thanks for all you do and we’ll try not to let you make us sick with all your crafty skills.   For the rest of us, it’s just not worth the mental breakdowns and the physical toll stress takes on our bodies.  We have to find a better way to balance what is doable with what is desirable.

When it comes to the holidays or special occasions, my ideas are usually bigger than my budget or my time will allow.  Sometimes it is the things I do to please others.  Other times I find myself committing to a job because no one else will.  Then, of course, there are my favorites that I can’t bear to skip or don’t want to miss out on.  I’m also an introvert, which means all of the people time can be extra exhausting.  Like most wearying things in life, none are so bad in and of themselves, but when I try to do them all, bad things happen.  Like the frog in the pot of water that doesn’t realize he’s slowly boiling, many of the things I love about the holidays are the ones turning me into the worst version of myself.  That is too heavy a price to pay when the entire purpose of this season is to bring joy, peace and family fulfillment.

So, what’s a family-loving mom to do to when she seems to spread holiday stress instead of cheer?  Take a breath and shift gears, of course!

Read the rest at Homeschool Review Crew and check out all the resources they make available to families!

Act Hysterical and Give Up

I ran across this picture on pinterest and was struck by how deeply that notion is imbedded in my DNA.  If there's pressure, if things aren't in control, if others don't behave how I think they should, if (insert any uncertainty in life), then my brain wants to freak out and quit.

You and I would laugh at the ridiculous notion, but I'm not kidding.  And I bet, even if you're not this way very often, you know a few people who are.  Outside of the hysterical moment, it's clear that this kind of approach only makes matters worse, right?  But inside that stressful, out of control moment, it tempts to solve all of our problems.

I happen to know that so many people are struggling right now.  Financial worries.  Health crises. Relational problems.  Depression.  So. much. stress.  For you and those around you that tend to react this way, keep this little thought handy.  Post it in your house or office maybe.  Set it as a wallpaper for your computer or phone.  Let's see if we can keep the hysterics to a minimum this weekend and maybe even be fruitful!

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control." 2 Tim. 1:7

3 Tips for Starting Back to School

August.  For many, this month symbolizes the end of summer and the beginning of another school year.  Yep, life is about to get busy.  Deadlines, projects, extra practice, schedules.  Go, go, go.  Do, do, do.   As I mentioned last time, Mr. Butler is going back to school too.  So, as we all take a collective big breath and steady ourself for the coming onslaught, let's try not to forget a couple of things.

1) I Love You.  Don't forget to let everybody know how you feel about them regularly! We get busy, we get stressed.  And some days all we really need is a reminder that we are loved and special to someone.

2) Balance.  If you're a workaholic, take time to play.  If you're always procrastinating, work FIRST.  As best you can, make a little time for everything.  Work, Play, Rest, Love, Repeat!

3) Mercy.  You just can't imagine what some people are bearing in their lives.  Try to look at the world around you with mercy first.

A little work, a little play, always makes a good day!

Holidays Shmolidays

Today is December 9th and your holiday activities will probably begin it's warp speed this weekend if it hasn't already.  So much to do, parties, preparation, etc.  Whatever you choose to do this weekend, try to take out any obligation or compulsion from it and replace it with enthusiasm and joy.  Your children can see the strain and misery on your face, but your excitement and pleasure in the kitchen or watching another school program will be equally (and probably more) contagious!

If you are too busy and doing too much, cut something out.  Your family and your blood pressure will thank you.  Then maybe you'll spend this holiday full of gratitude and peace instead of anxiety and irritability.

If you are in the habit of buying buying buying and yet cringe at your children's materialism, cut down on the gifts and instead, do something good for someone else as a family.  Take some of your gifts to those without.  Throwing together some Blessing Bags would be a great opportunity to fill someone's need and talk to your kids about giving and serving.

If you generally loathe the holidays for any number of reasons, find one good thing.  Find a person - maybe your son or daughter, a cause - promoting what God has done for you this year, or just a personal goal - more patience, being more honest, etc., and just focus on that.  American society can always use more optimism and joy.  Have you contributed yours today?

Whatever you do, have a jolly weekend!

A Peaceful & Tranquil Heart

Bear shame and glory with an equal peace and an ever tranquil heart.

I do NOT do this. at. all.  If there is equality in shame and glory in my life, it is in the level of intense drama that surrounds my exaggerated emotions.  But a peaceful and tranquil heart is something I've yet to maintain for an extended period of time.  I adore the peace that comes after the panic or pain has been subdued and all is well when I had previously feared otherwise.  But that peace isn't ever tranquil.  It's temporary, momentary until distraction sets in and normalcy is again king, complete with a dissatisfied appetite for change.

A peace and tranquil heart in shame and glory is something I need.  Let's be honest - it's something I can't even begin to understand in deed.  But I've decided to start thinking about it and approaching ALL things with the same tranquil attitude.  What do you do to maintain peace in your heart?

Unstress Recipe

I'm reading a book by Dr. Kevin Leman, BONKERS: Why women get stressed out and what they can do about it.  Yes, I've been going a bit bonkers lately, but stress has always been a heartbeat away for me.  So, its probably something I need to read continually! Anyway, I thought I would share a "secret recipe" for dealing with the pressures of life.

1. Know your own limits
Are you a racehorse or a turtle? Develop a lifestyle that fits you and no one else.


2. Choose goals that are right for you and your life
Be sure they are your goals and not something that is forced on you by parents, teachers or other people.


3. Look out for yourself by looking out for others and earning their goodwill
By helping others you help yourself as you make your deposit in the other person's 'bank of goodwill'.


I struggle with all of this.  They seem to create a cycle that honors none of the above! I often know my limits but feel compelled to stretch them (ignoring #2) and then fall short of fulfilling #3.

May you be free of borrowed guilt and and unwarranted pressure today!