Wait For It...

Facebook has a brought a lot of negatives into our daily life, but one of the more positive ones is the ‘On This Day’ feature that shows you posts from years past.  Especially when it involves my kids, I always catch myself thinking, “Wow, look how little they were.” or “I completely forgot about that!”  What it really shows me lately is how far I’ve come.  If you know me, you know I can take things really hard.  And I’m just going to be honest – the past 4 years have been really hard in one way or another.  In each category of my life, I could write a book on how hard it is to be successful there.  Housekeeping, parenting, schooling, marriage, gardening, friendships, health/weight maintenance, losing a loved one, financial security, job security/changes and the list could keep going.  Life is hard.  And sometimes it is so hard that it to declare it a failure seems like the only sane option.

If the first try or first few years of something is supposed to indicate your ability to succeed in it, then I think my entire adulthood would be considered a failure.  The first year I begged Mr. Butler for a vegetable garden, I had no idea what I was doing and  didn’t produce much to speak of.  Without our faith and commitment to God, I’m certain Mr. Butler and I would have thought divorce was the only solution on multiple occasions.   I have a certain firecracker of a daughter that at one time I thought I would never sleep or take a nap without considerable fight.   I can remember driving a very specific route several times a week to my parents’ house about 3 years ago because I was riddled with illogical anxiety and needed help caring for myself and for my kids while Mr. Butler was at work.  As I would drive I wondered if I would ever feel normal again or be able to even consider having another baby. 

This morning I woke up a little late because I was sore and tired from working in a garden that Mr. Butler helped me get ready for planting in spite of my past failures. This was a couple of hours after he left to go to the gym before work so that he doesn’t miss out on time with us after work.  I woke up to chattering in the other end of the house from children who slept all night and a sweet babe that really almost wasn't, in my mind.  The morning was spent calling out instructions and guidance in school related stuff, listening to the big kids take their turn at piano practice, and even a little more garden work.  Normal stuff full of routine, security and hope.  I'm so thankful that I didn't give up on all the hard stuff.  

If your life is hard right now, my best advice right now is to just wait for it.  Things don't magically fix themselves usually.  And even the ones that do, it rarely happens over night.  But those really good things are worth the wait, worth the hard struggle, worth the hard work.  The best punch line, the best relationship and the best result does not come quickly or easily.  But if you just wait for it, you'll see what I mean.

Commitment: The Missing Ingredient

As a child, I gained the reputation of being strong-willed.  In common conversation, that is usually heard as a bad thing - and yes it can be - but it is really a characteristic that most people these days are in need of.  Having a will that is strong is important, as long as it is pointed the right direction.  The struggle as a parent of the strong-willed is teaching them to direct it appropriately.  Being strong-willed against wearing your seat belt is not appropriate.  Holding firm with that strong-will in the face of hopelessness or peer pressure - very fruitful direction.

As an adult, my strong-will is no less complicated at times (I can be stubborn, hurt easily and inclined to hold grudges), but it has given me a great blessing that I never would have anticipated.  A strong-willed, highly sensitive, creative introvert is set up to find friendships difficult.  So sometimes the comfort of principles is easier to obtain. (There he goes, off to write that hit song, "Alone in my Principles"-That Thing You Do)  While I stink at maintaining friendships, I seemed to have been blessed with several helpings of commitment, especially when the principles are close to my heart.

I hate cleaning up.  I'm a lousy housekeeper mostly because it seems so futile and doesn't change the world enough.  That's probably the reason that I left the dishes on the table after lunch with almost half of an omelet left (that would have been a great snack) while I put the kids down for a nap.  Of course, when I returned Grace (the dog) is just finishing the crumbs up.  I was so mad, but at who?  I couldn't be mad at anyone but myself because I knew she is inclined to do such things and I did not clean up in a timely manner nor have I worked to train her out of such behavior.  Most of our complaints as adults (especially parents) is stuff that is changeable, but not easily changeable.  Sure we could do things differently to ensure a certain outcome, but frankly we're not that committed. And some things, in some seasons in life, aren't worth the extra effort.  If that's the case, great, but can we tone down the complaints about it?  

Over the past 2 years, my life has been full of really difficult challenges.  Not a complaint, just something to note.  Health issues, time management issues, financial pressure, and personality conflicts galore make quitting (or not even trying to begin with) the best looking option most days.  This past month, certain things have really started to turn the corner and I look to be decidedly out of the valley.  God is good and I'm so thankful for answered prayers.  In addition to God's grace, I think my stubborn strong-willed self has done me some favors.  I'm very committed to natural health.  I'm very committed to pleasing God completely.  I'm very committed to the health, education and good behavior of my children.  I'm very committed to the outdoors and all they provide.  If I wasn't emotionally bound to all of these ideals, quitting would be my job.  A professional quitter.  Because quitting is easy and life is hard.

As a child of the 80's, I've always been tempted to find the spot (job, relationship, method) where everything just flows.  If life didn't flow, then I must be in the wrong job/relationship/method.  There is truth in committing your life to God's ways and then that way will be blessed.  Still, in that commitment, there is mountains of work.  My intention is to encourage you to revisit the things that are important to you, the realities that you want for your life.  Then don't quit.  If this way doesn't work, keep at it and find another way.  It won't magically fall into place most times.  But over time with plenty of work and constructive planning, a harvest is reaped.  

I love that my son is learning to read.  By this time next year, he should be reading books all on his own!  I think of the 5 years Mr. Butler and I have spent reading to him and around him.  Imagine if we had only done so for a couple of months?  Good, worthwhile things take time and all-in commitment.  Everything takes more time than you're likely to expect.  Don't give up yet.  And next time you get frustrated with someone's (maybe your own) stubborn will, remember it must need to be pointed in a different direction!  

Act Hysterical and Give Up

I ran across this picture on pinterest and was struck by how deeply that notion is imbedded in my DNA.  If there's pressure, if things aren't in control, if others don't behave how I think they should, if (insert any uncertainty in life), then my brain wants to freak out and quit.

You and I would laugh at the ridiculous notion, but I'm not kidding.  And I bet, even if you're not this way very often, you know a few people who are.  Outside of the hysterical moment, it's clear that this kind of approach only makes matters worse, right?  But inside that stressful, out of control moment, it tempts to solve all of our problems.

I happen to know that so many people are struggling right now.  Financial worries.  Health crises. Relational problems.  Depression.  So. much. stress.  For you and those around you that tend to react this way, keep this little thought handy.  Post it in your house or office maybe.  Set it as a wallpaper for your computer or phone.  Let's see if we can keep the hysterics to a minimum this weekend and maybe even be fruitful!

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control." 2 Tim. 1:7

When Failures Come

The moment life blows up in your face presents a whirlwind of options.  How do you react?  Where is the next step?  What keeps you from quitting altogether? I don't exactly know.  But Mahatma Ghandi had something helpful to say:

"My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet."

Whatever the hurt, whatever the consequence, if it results in seeking God in more humility and more sincerity then it can all be called a blessing.

Try Again

Giving up, before even really trying, has been a trademark of mine since I was young.  My strong-will demands perfection in the important things (to me anyway) and as soon as it looks like work or not perfection for the get-go, well, I'm out.  I know that's why I was never successful losing weight (the 5-10 lbs) when I wanted to.  I just never really gave it a chance to work before giving up.

I have about 10 more pounds to lose before I reach pre-pregnancy weight and wouldn't mind if I knocked off another 5-10 while I was at it.  The fact that I've lost over 35 pounds is so exciting to me, but overwhelming at the same time.  It just seems like something that should've been too hard for me.  How could I actually do that?  I know a lot of people who desire to achieve things - things like weight-loss, improving certain skills, have better relationships, get better jobs - but day after day, year after year, nothing really changes much.  If you're happy and content with your circumstances, then I am not talking about you.  But to those of us who complain (even if its just to ourselves every night) about how we wish life was and then never try or never try AGAIN, well shame on us.

It took me 30+ years to figure out how to accomplish something really difficult.  We have little to be proud of when things come easy.  When things are really hard, that's when we should be impressed by you.  Do you know the secret to succeeding at something really challenging?  It's a real game changer - let me tell you.  Try again.  No, that's the secret.  Just try again.  Keep trying.  Make those little decisions AGAIN.  Whether it has to do with making a better eating choice, a better word choice with your spouse or a better use of the next 5 minutes, just try again.  It's never going to flow out like honey or happen while you're asleep.  So, just try again.  And after the next 50 tries, look back and realize you're actually getting somewhere! 

I struggle all the time with these little decisions.  It IS easier to stay in bed.  It IS easier to shoot my mouth off with snide remark because HE DESERVES IT! It IS easier complain about my life than actually do something to change it.  At least that's the way it feels at first.  But once those little decisions start paying off, you'll find that it is more work to beat yourself up in discontentment than it is to just make a better choice today.

Let's all try again today, shall we?

The Biggest Hurdle Ever!

There are times in our lives when you get stuck.  You feel overwhelmed by a task, a problem, a circumstance.  Everyone around you can be singing praises and encouragement, but they might as well be sticking their tongue out at you, as far as you're concerned.  And then in comes a few 'conquering heroes' that seem to have all of their 'stuff' together and just the sight of them makes you want to vomit.  Sure, that's not the right attitude to have.  And yet, all the frustration, envy and self-loathing just comes bubbling up like a geyser.  And then sometimes, this is the case for weeks, months (maybe even years?).

Talk about story of my life.  I am easily discouraged.  I can have amazing highs and even higher intentions, but one wrong look and I'm ready to say "Forget it!" and go sulk.  It's not pretty to watch, but it's what I know.  Thankfully, I married a guy who doesn't really understand the concept of giving up.  The engineer simply says, "Ok. It has to work somehow. Let's find out the way."  I'll have been married to my complete opposite for 5 years in September.  It's finally starting to sink in that my worst enemy is me.  He's been saying it forever, but I guess having a baby and all of that has done a number on me (in a good way).

So, I'm a believer now!  Our biggest failings are truly our own fault.  The world does what the world is going to do and very little can we actually change.  But, from start to finish we have control of ourselves and too often we put our fingers in our ears while screaming "It's everyone else's fault!! I can't change until everyone else stops what they are doing!!!"  And you and I both know that NEVER works.  From the personal (weight-loss, emotional security, time management) to the familial (parenting, marriage, friendships) to the professional (promotions, projects, mediations).  Expecting everything to go your way and then throwing in the towel completely when it doesn't will not miraculously change your life.  Let me repeat: Expecting everything and everyone to agree with you, do what you want, and then quitting in an ugly pout when that doesn't happen, NEVER makes things better.

For a long time, my actions really believed that the proverbial "holding your breath til you get your way" really worked.  Yeah, it doesn't.  Getting up and trying again, in a different way or asking for help or any number of problem solving techniques - now THAT leads to growth, change and eventual SUCCESS!
So, today - don't be ugly, don't be spiteful or rude.  Just get up, try it all again and think about how YOU can be part of the solution.