Monday, March 12, 2018

Wait For It...

Facebook has a brought a lot of negatives into our daily life, but one of the more positive ones is the ‘On This Day’ feature that shows you posts from years past.  Especially when it involves my kids, I always catch myself thinking, “Wow, look how little they were.” or “I completely forgot about that!”  What it really shows me lately is how far I’ve come.  If you know me, you know I can take things really hard.  And I’m just going to be honest – the past 4 years have been really hard in one way or another.  In each category of my life, I could write a book on how hard it is to be successful there.  Housekeeping, parenting, schooling, marriage, gardening, friendships, health/weight maintenance, losing a loved one, financial security, job security/changes and the list could keep going.  Life is hard.  And sometimes it is so hard that it to declare it a failure seems like the only sane option.

If the first try or first few years of something is supposed to indicate your ability to succeed in it, then I think my entire adulthood would be considered a failure.  The first year I begged Mr. Butler for a vegetable garden, I had no idea what I was doing and  didn’t produce much to speak of.  Without our faith and commitment to God, I’m certain Mr. Butler and I would have thought divorce was the only solution on multiple occasions.   I have a certain firecracker of a daughter that at one time I thought I would never sleep or take a nap without considerable fight.   I can remember driving a very specific route several times a week to my parents’ house about 3 years ago because I was riddled with illogical anxiety and needed help caring for myself and for my kids while Mr. Butler was at work.  As I would drive I wondered if I would ever feel normal again or be able to even consider having another baby. 

This morning I woke up a little late because I was sore and tired from working in a garden that Mr. Butler helped me get ready for planting in spite of my past failures. This was a couple of hours after he left to go to the gym before work so that he doesn’t miss out on time with us after work.  I woke up to chattering in the other end of the house from children who slept all night and a sweet babe that really almost wasn't, in my mind.  The morning was spent calling out instructions and guidance in school related stuff, listening to the big kids take their turn at piano practice, and even a little more garden work.  Normal stuff full of routine, security and hope.  I'm so thankful that I didn't give up on all the hard stuff.  

If your life is hard right now, my best advice right now is to just wait for it.  Things don't magically fix themselves usually.  And even the ones that do, it rarely happens over night.  But those really good things are worth the wait, worth the hard struggle, worth the hard work.  The best punch line, the best relationship and the best result does not come quickly or easily.  But if you just wait for it, you'll see what I mean.

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