In the Face of Fear

As a child, I took piano lessons.  I always enjoyed playing the piano, but I usually hated my lessons.  I had a couple of different teachers over the years, but none of the issues I had were their fault.  I didn't like the pressure of practicing and performing everything just right.  I knew when it wasn't right, but the more I seemed to know, the more pressure I felt to perform.  All of which added to the whirlpool of destruction in my mind.

As you know, I teach piano part-time and have played for my own entertainment off and on for the past few years.  By design I don't perform much.  Unless I'm 100% prepared, which doesn't happen often, I. get. nervous.  And not just a pit in my stomach beforehand, but do better than I expect-nervous.  I get - make mistakes you never make at home because hands are shaking and everything you try to NOT be nervous only brings more attention to the fact and results in more nerves-nervous.

So, for a few clerical reasons, a free grant paying the bill and Mr. Butler saying, "Do it.  I'll be good for you.", I am taking piano lessons myself for the first time in 12 years.  And, yes, I still get nervous.  Frustratingly nervous.  I mean it's a little (okay, a LOT) humiliating to know what you're doing wrong but appear to be clueless as I stumble around on the piano as though I only looked at the piece once over the past week. It's something that I have to seriously work on.  The main answer is that I need to practice as much as possible.  The complicated answer is that I have to structure my time differently and insist on my own discipline and for others to respect that boundary.   

Regardless, the reason I'm sharing this with you, besides therapeutic purposes, is to say that everyone has areas in their life where they should perform better than what they are.  Their experience and training should put them higher up.  They should know better than to stumble at such a little thing.  They should have gotten their act together by now.  We all have the proverbial 20 lbs of weight we should never have gained or the debt that shouldn't have spun out of control.  We all have something.  And maybe today you should face it, instead of avoiding it.  

I hate feeling like an idiot when I play poorly.  But not playing or running away like the little girl I feel like inside is the worst way to handle it.  It might be a really long road to truly face the skeleton you're avoiding, but I think it's time, don't you?  It won't be easier next year.  That's what you said the past several times and it hasn't exactly panned out.  I'm going to go practice.  What are you going to do? :)

Act Hysterical and Give Up

I ran across this picture on pinterest and was struck by how deeply that notion is imbedded in my DNA.  If there's pressure, if things aren't in control, if others don't behave how I think they should, if (insert any uncertainty in life), then my brain wants to freak out and quit.

You and I would laugh at the ridiculous notion, but I'm not kidding.  And I bet, even if you're not this way very often, you know a few people who are.  Outside of the hysterical moment, it's clear that this kind of approach only makes matters worse, right?  But inside that stressful, out of control moment, it tempts to solve all of our problems.

I happen to know that so many people are struggling right now.  Financial worries.  Health crises. Relational problems.  Depression.  So. much. stress.  For you and those around you that tend to react this way, keep this little thought handy.  Post it in your house or office maybe.  Set it as a wallpaper for your computer or phone.  Let's see if we can keep the hysterics to a minimum this weekend and maybe even be fruitful!

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control." 2 Tim. 1:7

When Failures Come

The moment life blows up in your face presents a whirlwind of options.  How do you react?  Where is the next step?  What keeps you from quitting altogether? I don't exactly know.  But Mahatma Ghandi had something helpful to say:

"My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet."

Whatever the hurt, whatever the consequence, if it results in seeking God in more humility and more sincerity then it can all be called a blessing.