Impatience: The Emotional Chameleon

A couple of years ago, my bright, healthy son started having meltdowns every time we did math.  He had just started multiplication and division with vigor, but out of nowhere couldn't seem to think straight every time we opened the books.  The insecure parent/educator inside of me took over my brain and I started assuming he was just going to struggle with math.  He would complain its too hard and just dreaded doing any math.  This was a hurdle I had feared might come because he was took after me and favored reading over math.  I panicked a bit at the thought of years of struggle when it came to math.  Still, we went after it and I started noticing things that just didn't make sense.  Sometimes he had no trouble at all, knowing answers right off the top of his head and completing work quickly.  Other times he was frozen in the "I can't!" mode that every child seems to be preprogrammed with.  Over about 4-6 weeks I discovered that my son did not have any legitimate learning problems, mathematical or otherwise.  Instead, my handsome and big hearted son was very impatient!  The new elements he was learning sometimes took 3-4 seconds rather than the 1-2 seconds of the past to understand or produce a correct answer.  He absolutely could understand and do the work when he bothered to try, but like all of us feel sometimes, he just didn't want to take the time.

Impatience is something that we easily sweep under the rug as a minor issue that toddlers and brats who should know better give in to fits when food doesn't come fast enough.  But impatience masquerades as all kinds of things.  I've thought myself to be a lot of different things in my life - stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, inadequate, angry, frustrated, entitled, critical, indecisive, and numerous others - but rarely have I thought that I struggle with impatience.  When you think of any of those states of being, they can easily be the result of an impatient feeling.  When something is too hard or another person isn't doing it quite right, it's common and easy for us to react out of impatience.  This impatience is especially hard to see when it has to do with our needs and wants.  When other people aren't giving us what we think we deserve or need, isn't it easy to overreact?  Turning my attention to God and asking Him for wisdom on how and when to react isn't usually my first instinct.  

The American landscape is definitely in turmoil right now and, if you're like me, you spent the whole summer hoping and praying that it would just end already.  "When will things go back to normal?" we asked.  Regardless of what you may think normal is or should be, clearly God is allowing this mess for learning purposes.  As my son has now figured out, learning harder things takes a little more time than easier things.  New things aren't naturally going to be easy, but likely challenging just because you've never done this before.  I have never parented and educated a 9, 7 and 3 year old in the midst of virus chaos and political chaos at 40 years old.  I'm also trying to aggressively lose weight, take on a new role at our co-op, and live life with my husband at home 98% of the time.  All new and challenging things, no matter their value or positive gain.  

In our house we have lovingly defined patience as waiting with a good attitude.  That sounds nice, doesn't it? Especially when you're talking to a small child who just wants to go already.  But it falls on deaf ears a lot when you're worrying about your loved one alone in the hospital or the extra money you were counting on is now gone,  Or the world feels utterly out of control with fear and destruction looming in every direction.  It almost feels insulting to tell yourself to be patient.  And yet, waiting just a moment longer can make a difference.  

I'm trying to do a lot of new or challenging things right now that some days just seem too hard.  They are good things and honestly, aren't too hard.  I just want them to come easier and to feel in complete control much more often than I do. I'm thinking that patience - intentionally waiting with a GOOD attitude - is where I need to focus more of my attention right now.  How about you? 

Us & Them

Do you ever feel like you're fighting against the world?  Like the world is sitting at your doorstep waiting for you to walk outside with non-matching socks or hoping you'll spill coffee on yourself as you rush out the door?  Some days just start that way, don't they? You oversleep, an appliance breaks, you forgot to study for a test, forgot to get gas, the list just goes on and on.  Nobody is alone in this. Everyone has moments like this.  The difference is what happens next.

Where does all of that frustration go? Is it repurposed for accepting the imperfect past with a 'we'll get 'em next time' attitude? Or does it flow into a holding tank.  To be honest, I have a pretty large tank.  All the little things that don't go my way or that cause me to feel picked on, all that frustration often pours straight into the tank where I hold on to it tightly.  I hold and hold until its full and then it blows into a war against the world.  Since the 'world' made me this way, then I'm out to get the world.  That usually involves a short temper, bad attitude, critical eye about anyone and everyone just because I'm not happy and very little resilience when it comes to difficulty.

Here's a big problem with that: My large tank exploding has nothing, I mean NOTHING to do with the rest of the world.  I am the one causing the explosion, creating the fire and storing up the fuel for it.  The world around me just happens to be there, taking the punishment and blame for my bad attitude.  Not really ok.

I'm getting on my soapbox for just a second here, but this has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. Why does there always have be an US - THEM mentality?  It's common to find yourself joining with those you agree with and criminalizing the 'OTHERS' that don't see things like you do.  But what good does that do?  I've said it before but I'm saying it again: No matter the topic - politics, religion, family feuds, sports, whatever - there is almost always value in sliding closer to the middle than polarized opposites.  Take our government's budget situation right now.  What's the problem - red and blue believe in different things, but they are tasked with coming to a compromised decision.  Instead of crossing their arms saying "I want my way or nothing at all!", they are going to have to focus on the things they do agree on and go from there.  Look at what happens when they don't - the government almost shuts down.  When families fight it can be no different at all, perhaps even uglier. "They are awful because they hurt me! I want my way and if I can't have it then I don't care what happens to anyone else!" Family fights are often the hardest because of all the people that are innocently involved and hurt because a couple of people can't act like grown-ups and at least agree to disagree.

Whatever the arena, if you (we) are doing the hurting or the hurting one, lashing out and demonizing or polarizing another side only leads to more fighting and discontent.  No sane person can expect to agree with everyone they meet.  But being at peace with someone does not mean that you agree with them or that you live the same way.  Somewhere we got this idea that I can't be polite, encouraging or love someone that does not agree with every single thing (big and small) that I do.  What sense does that make?  And if I am right about something, doesn't it add credibility when I am peaceable and loving, rather than reactive, hateful and explosive?

Sorry for the heaviness, but my heart has been rather heavy.  Here's to peace! "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men -Hebrews 12:18