Resolution: The Only Way To End a FIght

 As the cold front hit our house, jackets were pulled out and trace memories of last winter hovered in our minds.  This year is weighted down with surreal living, there's just no way around it.  The blast of cold air and rainy days we're in the middle of is comforting like a child's familiar blanky.  It almost convinces you that life is normal again.  I'm thankful for it, but it immediately makes me think new normal which then makes me want to throw up a little bit.  Our country may be fighting about a lot of things, but I think we can all agree that we're tired of all this and ready for it to calm down.  The trouble with calming down a fight is that it often requires somebody to admit they were wrong and tend to the concerns of the person they are fighting.  That isn't something we see a lot of right now in our country.

Admitting you are wrong can be really hard.  Recognizing you are wrong is even harder sometimes.  This year we have really been hit hard with sensationalized rhetoric and guilt-trips galore (or what 2020 calls virtue signaling, I think).  We are all guilty of getting wrapped up in a fight or a cause that we should have just left alone.  Personally and publicly our words can get away from us before we take enough time to consider all sides.  Recently, I grew very convicted about something.  I knew my conviction was based on truth.  And so I opened my mouth, with conviction and truth on my side.  At least that's how it felt.  And ever so quickly, the domino had fallen and regret filled every cell of my body.  There's always more to a story.  Perspective doesn't always come right away.  The good and the bad are mixed in together a lot so it's tough to call without extensive investigation.  It's easy to look through our own lens, but it's much harder to understand someone else's.  

Transitions are happening and will continue over the next year - some back to normal, some to an optimistic improvement, but all will require patience and mercy for those involved.  We have learned a lot about ourselves and each other this summer.  Some of us aren't to be trusted.  Some of us are weak.  Some of us have underestimated how important our influence is.  No matter where you find yourself, let's remember that real change happens person to person.  I'm proud to be an Oklahoman where our freedoms are protected far greater than many in our country.  I know some pretty great people who are working to make it stay that way.  However, more than anything it matters how I treat you because how I treat you will stir up something great or could incite a tailspin into something negative.  That is the most important thing I can control.

As the chaos and absurdity of this year isn't yet over, I'm trying to reset my attitude with more humility.  If the last 6 months are any indication, the next two leading up to the election are likely to be insane. And I'm likely to be wrong again.  And so are you.  How we resolve that wrong sets a tone that could resonate for years beyond your death.  Make it a beautiful one.

You've Gone Too Far

Have you ever gone too far? Stepped over a line?  I struggle with that a lot.  Sometimes I say too much, presume to much or just set up camp somewhere in the heat of the moment.  They say never make major life decisions when you're tired, under pressure or emotional (and certainly not all three).

I'm sorry to say that's when I make a lot of decisions that turn out to be really off base.  But then what's worse is that I stay there because of pride.  There was probably a huge ordeal or a big fit, words were said, feelings were hurt and to go back and say I was wrong or not completely right feels absolutely impossible! But why? It feels impossible because I can't bear the feeling of eating crow, admitting the huge ordeal was for nothing, and just humbling myself.

But the good news is that you can always go back.  You can always say you were wrong, ask for forgiveness and at least try to make amends.  How often do we sit in misery, head down a road we know is wrong or isn't where we really want to be, only because we care more about what others think than what is really good for ourselves, our family, our future?  I do it much more than I'd like to admit.

My task today is to pay more attention to what is right by my family and my God than to my ego or self-esteem.  May our pride dissolve into humility quickly.

Us & Them

Do you ever feel like you're fighting against the world?  Like the world is sitting at your doorstep waiting for you to walk outside with non-matching socks or hoping you'll spill coffee on yourself as you rush out the door?  Some days just start that way, don't they? You oversleep, an appliance breaks, you forgot to study for a test, forgot to get gas, the list just goes on and on.  Nobody is alone in this. Everyone has moments like this.  The difference is what happens next.

Where does all of that frustration go? Is it repurposed for accepting the imperfect past with a 'we'll get 'em next time' attitude? Or does it flow into a holding tank.  To be honest, I have a pretty large tank.  All the little things that don't go my way or that cause me to feel picked on, all that frustration often pours straight into the tank where I hold on to it tightly.  I hold and hold until its full and then it blows into a war against the world.  Since the 'world' made me this way, then I'm out to get the world.  That usually involves a short temper, bad attitude, critical eye about anyone and everyone just because I'm not happy and very little resilience when it comes to difficulty.

Here's a big problem with that: My large tank exploding has nothing, I mean NOTHING to do with the rest of the world.  I am the one causing the explosion, creating the fire and storing up the fuel for it.  The world around me just happens to be there, taking the punishment and blame for my bad attitude.  Not really ok.

I'm getting on my soapbox for just a second here, but this has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. Why does there always have be an US - THEM mentality?  It's common to find yourself joining with those you agree with and criminalizing the 'OTHERS' that don't see things like you do.  But what good does that do?  I've said it before but I'm saying it again: No matter the topic - politics, religion, family feuds, sports, whatever - there is almost always value in sliding closer to the middle than polarized opposites.  Take our government's budget situation right now.  What's the problem - red and blue believe in different things, but they are tasked with coming to a compromised decision.  Instead of crossing their arms saying "I want my way or nothing at all!", they are going to have to focus on the things they do agree on and go from there.  Look at what happens when they don't - the government almost shuts down.  When families fight it can be no different at all, perhaps even uglier. "They are awful because they hurt me! I want my way and if I can't have it then I don't care what happens to anyone else!" Family fights are often the hardest because of all the people that are innocently involved and hurt because a couple of people can't act like grown-ups and at least agree to disagree.

Whatever the arena, if you (we) are doing the hurting or the hurting one, lashing out and demonizing or polarizing another side only leads to more fighting and discontent.  No sane person can expect to agree with everyone they meet.  But being at peace with someone does not mean that you agree with them or that you live the same way.  Somewhere we got this idea that I can't be polite, encouraging or love someone that does not agree with every single thing (big and small) that I do.  What sense does that make?  And if I am right about something, doesn't it add credibility when I am peaceable and loving, rather than reactive, hateful and explosive?

Sorry for the heaviness, but my heart has been rather heavy.  Here's to peace! "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men -Hebrews 12:18