Friday, Facebook and Feedback!

Happy Friday! I don't know about you, but I've had a long week - sickness, emergencies, etc. - and I'm ready for the weekend!  

Are you following the blog on facebook?  I'm always coming across articles and various things I find helpful in my balancing act and Finding the WRITE Balance's facebook page is where I share them.  So, if you'd like to keep up with it all, like Finding the WRITE Balance on facebook!

And finally, would you be interested in helping me with a little bit of amateur research?  I'm starting to work on a series about writing and would love to know a few things about your writing life.  Do you keep a journal, write letters (not texts or pms) or keep a written record of anything in your life?  Have you ever found it beneficial to do that at any point in your life?  If not (or not right now), what is the biggest hinderance to any kind of writing or journaling?  Feel free to email me with your response if you're not comfortable leaving a comment.

Why I Really Don't Like Birthdays

When I was a little girl birthdays consisted of a few basic elements.  A few relatives sent you birthday cards in the mail (ya know, snail mail).  A few friends, cousins and other relatives would come to your house and help you celebrate. There would always be a birthday cake, with ice cream (sometimes two flavors), party games and presents.  Because you were a kid, most everyone watched you expectantly, hoping you had a good time, liked their presents and helping you blow out all the candles.  By the time you crashed into bed that night, you had a birthday high that would last a week.  Or maybe that was just me. :)

As you age birthdays change of course.  For me it was ridiculous slumber parties.  Some have skating parties or bowling parties.  There's the infamous boy/girl parties.  Nowadays, especially for the emerging adolescent, birthdays are often about competition with the neighbors or cool kids at school, looking for the newest 'thing.'  And unless it's a major milestone like 30, 40 or 50, you don't usually get a full planned out party as an adult.  Adult parties are friends going out to dinner or just eating food in your honor, maybe with a cake.   

I have always LOVED my birthday and loved feeling special on it.  Sure, I was disappointed when a special friend or something forgot or didn't come to my party, but the ones who did remember and wanted to come to MY party, they made everything great.  Today though, with the internet and the vicious Facebook you are not expected to remember anyone's birthday.  This article proves how conditioned we are.  This has been a burr in my saddle for a while and reading this prompted me to get a few things off my chest.  Forgive me while I rant a bit.

I currently have 564 'friends' on facebook.  I know there are not 564 people in my life that are so special to me that I should/want to remember their birthday in order to express some sweet or grateful sentiment about their life.  No offense to the 400+ that I don't talk to, but we're not that close.  So here's my problem: If I am going to honor someone's birthday, I want it to be special.  If someone is going to honor my birthday, I want it to be special.  Facebook happy birthdays to me are not special.  Maybe a mention in someone's status or a direct private message, but the flood of one sentence comments on my wall, not so much.  And furthermore, with all of these birthdays I'm now constantly exposed to, I feel like I should especially acknowledge everyone and since I can't do that, I sit still and do nothing.  Feeling lame just the same.

Some will say I'm too sensitive or I care too much about silly things.  Maybe.  But to me there some things in life that are too rich to let pass by on the surface without really experiencing them.  And some might think I'm writing this for selfish reasons and that might have some truth to it, but not really.  If I'm not important to you, if I'm not a part of your life, I don't want or need your birthday acknowledgements and I certainly don't want a present.  Not because I think you are bad, but because it just doesn't mean anything. Like the birthday card from your dentist or insurance agent.  Big whoop! :)

I know that we're all busy and almost too connected with too many people, but I'm starting to think that that fact is a red flag to many other problems.  Perhaps the solution is in paring down the number of people/activities/priorities that we are glued to.  In trying to do many things we often succeed poorly instead of choosing a few in which to succeed at.

Why I Love/Hate Facebook

When I was 14, we got our first computer complete with internet access, chat and email.  To an adolescent girl who got nervous in social situations but longed for friendship, excitement and romance, it was like a dream come true! The possibility of it all in the 'safety' behind a screen was exactly what I wanted.  So, social networking and I go back a long time.

Fast forward 15 years and some days I'm still that teenager that just wants to feel a part of other people's lives but is a bit shy to be so bold face to face.  Facebook provides me with a connection to other people with little responsibility if I so choose.    I love being able to communicate, in-depth or small talk, with friends near and far on MY time.  I don't have to sit by a phone and wait for a call.  I love staying up with people's lives through pictures and videos and laugh with everyone at the latest goofy thing.  I know that it is partially created in my own mind, but I love feeling a part of a community in that way.  Plus, the 'secretarial' side of me adores the efficiency it provides! Events, group messaging, and general announcements make planning a breeze!

The deal, though, with Facebook is that it doesn't have a filter option on my emotions.  It doesn't control the user so there is a risk of abuse somewhere along the line.  When I read that someone is back to their pre-pregnancy weight barely after the child is born, there isn't a setting to keep me from getting green eyed jealous! There's nothing to stop me from getting all stressed out after being privy to someone's family feud (that probably should be fought in private, but private issues are out this season and public displays are in!). The only way to control my attitude and mood after seeing pictures of a great time that I wasn't invited to, is me! And, let's be honest, "me" works only about 25% of the time.

I LOVE what Facebook can offer to me, but the risk of negative involvement is significant and I haven't been very prepared for it in the past.  So, here are a couple of filters I'm trying to implement in my relationship with Facebook.

1. If I'm browsing someone's page/pictures/information in order to judge or criticize them, STOP. I could do so much more productive things with my time than that.

2. If I'm feeling bad about myself/life/relationships/accomplishments, DO NOT linger on those who I compare myself to.  Better yet, NEVER compare myself to anyone ever.  It will always lead to self-hate or sinful pride.

3. Never post anything or engage in anything (ex. arguments) I wouldn't mind to do on a stage somewhere. And better yet, if I can't say anything nice, then I should just shut my mouth.

I would find it pretty hard to quit facebook completely, but hopefully we can stay friends by not getting too close!