Feel What You Feel. Give Others the Same Privilege.

Throughout my life's education, one of the biggest concepts that always resonated with me has been how one size just doesn't ever fit all.  We don't learn at the same rates, we don't grow at the same rates, and a cure for one might be poison for another.  As a young mother, that was always evident when babies are starting to talk and walk.  We act as though it's a race or a competition, but it's really not.  This year has given us a concentrated dose of other people's lives (while ironically being cut off directly) and too often we still aren't getting the message that we're all different.  Many celebrating holidays this week and are coming from entirely different places emotionally.  We should never buy into the idea that everyone needs to (or has to) experience it the same way.

I have loved ones who have suffered great tragic losses this year.  There are friends who have gone through massive changes in their lives.  I also know those who are suffering financially.  Some families and relationships have experienced beautiful healing and growth this year.  There are those who are simply sick themselves.  Some of us are struggling with anxiety and depression.  New babies, sad divorces, exciting marriages, new homes, job changes, and great losses.  All of these and more have happened all around us this year.  

My little brother and his beautiful family moved back to our area after spending their whole married life out of state.  The past several days I've gotten to spend time with my niece and nephews that I've not really every been able to before and it has been wonderful! There were moments yesterday when I started to feel guilty for my joy simply because I know others who struggled to enjoy the days because of personal loss or struggles.  I know it is right to be content and joyful with my circumstances  when it arises, but I have to admit the pit of guilt I had to fight off just the same.  As I thought about that, I realized how often we strive for others to experience the world like we are, but usually fail miserably.  The loss anyone is feeling right now needs to be honored by those that feel it most.  The joy of reunion and family needs to be celebrated by those that feel it most.  Our lot of celebration or mourning will undoubtedly change from what it is today so there is no need to force it somewhere it doesn't belong.  We will all celebrate and we will all mourn in due time.  

Good deeds and painful trials both deserve honor.

As we live in a free country that recognizes our freedom to live a quiet and peaceful life as suits our needs, we should honor those in our life with a similar respect to engage the world as they need to.  When we start expecting everyone to adhere the same way in holidays, in circumstances or just feeling the way we feel, we are trying to argue with the beautiful design of man.  We are made in the image of God, but as we see the complex differences between one person to the next, it is clear His image manifests itself in a variety of ways at a variety of times.

If you're mourning, honor it with everything you have.  If you are celebrating, do not let it go without great joy.  If you are growing, lean in to it to get where you are going.  If you are broken and struggling, honor it and let others lift you up.  I would never expect an essay out of my 3 year old the way I might with my 10 year old.  Even two 10 year old kids side by side can't be expected to know/perform/think the same.  Let's quit treating each other with such ignorance, but far more mercy and support.  So, as you are closing out this perpetual circus of a year, feel what you feel, but give those around you that same privilege. We are not all in this together in the same way and that has to be understood and it has to be okay.  

1 Corinthians 12:12-27

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. 14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

Out of Context: The Importance of Breaks

Sometimes we can get so entrenched in our life that we lose the proper context or perspective we should be living in.  From a designated quiet time where everyone reads to a romantic getaway for a couple of weeks, we all need to prioritize breaks in our life.  It’s easy to make excuses because, well, life.  There could be several reasons why temporarily changing your normal seems out of reach.  Money, babysitters, work requirements, school requirements, and responsibilities of all kinds absolutely make it challenging, but no matter what the obstacle is, finding a way is worth it.  Teaching our children and future generations the importance of balancing work and rest is worth it.     

Anxiety, depression and suicide seem to be at an all time high.  Kids and teenagers are    mountains of pressure (and not handling it well) despite our culture of convenience.  The internet and social media have created problems we weren’t really ready for.  Well-meaning parents everywhere are looking for an easy solution, but avoiding lifestyle changes like the plague.  Just like the person who complains about weight-gain, but continues a fast food, lethargic way of life, nothing will change for the better unless you insist upon it.  Taking breaks – physical, emotional, and spiritual – gives life to our motivation and purpose.  Stopping the regular flow of life allows us to see it differently, often more clearly.  Distance away from the people in your life, even just 20 feet for an hour’s time can spark joy and clarity.

Kids, like adults, have varying rhythms and paces.  Now that my 3^rd baby is almost 3, I can say with conviction that every kid is sooooo different and that includes what kind of distance and downtime they require for optimal mental health.  Knowing them and how they really function best takes time and study, but it’s the only way we can truly give them these tools in the future. 

After a very eventful Winter Break, I learned a few things about breaks.

You don’t know what life would be like with less until you’ve tried it.  Less obligations, less outings, less distractions, less busy.  Until soccer season is over or that side job goes on hiatus, you can’t really understand what’s important to you or how your family might function (better).

The complaints you have about your job/family/house/life are often just the result of crankiness.  When we’re hungry/tired/sick/stressed/overstimulated/neglected everything feels worse.  Taking a time out to remedy one or more of those needs can eliminate the bulk of those complaints very quickly.  Like a child who needs a nap, we have a tendency to overextend and get shocked at our inability to live life calmly.

A break is worth just as much whether it’s on a tropical beach somewhere or on your back porch with the kids banned inside.  Every season of life has its limits and struggles, but breaks are still needed.  If you can afford to take a vacation – DO IT! If you have amazing babysitters – TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM!  If you have the chance to not commit to as much – DON’T FEEL GUILTY!  If you are bound up right now in life, then make the porch or the bathroom this amazing space where no one is allowed to interrupt for 15 minutes!

Honor those in your family by teaching them the value of breaks.