Feel What You Feel. Give Others the Same Privilege.

Throughout my life's education, one of the biggest concepts that always resonated with me has been how one size just doesn't ever fit all.  We don't learn at the same rates, we don't grow at the same rates, and a cure for one might be poison for another.  As a young mother, that was always evident when babies are starting to talk and walk.  We act as though it's a race or a competition, but it's really not.  This year has given us a concentrated dose of other people's lives (while ironically being cut off directly) and too often we still aren't getting the message that we're all different.  Many celebrating holidays this week and are coming from entirely different places emotionally.  We should never buy into the idea that everyone needs to (or has to) experience it the same way.

I have loved ones who have suffered great tragic losses this year.  There are friends who have gone through massive changes in their lives.  I also know those who are suffering financially.  Some families and relationships have experienced beautiful healing and growth this year.  There are those who are simply sick themselves.  Some of us are struggling with anxiety and depression.  New babies, sad divorces, exciting marriages, new homes, job changes, and great losses.  All of these and more have happened all around us this year.  

My little brother and his beautiful family moved back to our area after spending their whole married life out of state.  The past several days I've gotten to spend time with my niece and nephews that I've not really every been able to before and it has been wonderful! There were moments yesterday when I started to feel guilty for my joy simply because I know others who struggled to enjoy the days because of personal loss or struggles.  I know it is right to be content and joyful with my circumstances  when it arises, but I have to admit the pit of guilt I had to fight off just the same.  As I thought about that, I realized how often we strive for others to experience the world like we are, but usually fail miserably.  The loss anyone is feeling right now needs to be honored by those that feel it most.  The joy of reunion and family needs to be celebrated by those that feel it most.  Our lot of celebration or mourning will undoubtedly change from what it is today so there is no need to force it somewhere it doesn't belong.  We will all celebrate and we will all mourn in due time.  

Good deeds and painful trials both deserve honor.

As we live in a free country that recognizes our freedom to live a quiet and peaceful life as suits our needs, we should honor those in our life with a similar respect to engage the world as they need to.  When we start expecting everyone to adhere the same way in holidays, in circumstances or just feeling the way we feel, we are trying to argue with the beautiful design of man.  We are made in the image of God, but as we see the complex differences between one person to the next, it is clear His image manifests itself in a variety of ways at a variety of times.

If you're mourning, honor it with everything you have.  If you are celebrating, do not let it go without great joy.  If you are growing, lean in to it to get where you are going.  If you are broken and struggling, honor it and let others lift you up.  I would never expect an essay out of my 3 year old the way I might with my 10 year old.  Even two 10 year old kids side by side can't be expected to know/perform/think the same.  Let's quit treating each other with such ignorance, but far more mercy and support.  So, as you are closing out this perpetual circus of a year, feel what you feel, but give those around you that same privilege. We are not all in this together in the same way and that has to be understood and it has to be okay.  

1 Corinthians 12:12-27

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. 14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

Homeschool Hesitations

This is the first installment of the Homeschool Hesitations series.  As an active homeschooler that maintains relationships with many, many non-homeschoolers, I have found that I hesitate - a lot.  I hesitate to speak when I have a different perspective.  I hesitate to try things that seem right to me, but not exactly socially celebrated.  Even though I often know what I think and desire for my family, I still find myself hesitating.  The sad truth is that it's probably because I'm afraid of what others will think or disagree with.  Considering how opinionated I am, I'm sure that sounds foolish.  And in reality it is.  Which is why I'm creating this series.

The Difference You Bring Is Everything

The reason we hesitate is often tied to a difference.  The path is different.  The outcome is different.  The people are different.  In our culture of individuality, we don't digest difference very effectively.  Many of us have been conditioned to dodge being different because it invariably will bring negative attention.  The irony is that many of our favorite people or restaurants or organizations are our favorite BECAUSE they are different than the rest.  Why did you choose your spouse or your birthday dinner or a favorite vacation spot?  Because somewhere in all of your circumstances they were special and were/provided something most others could not.  They were different! The difference that you bring - whether it be in your personality, your educational choices or your favorite hobby on a cool afternoon - is what makes you YOU!  If that isn't important than what are we even doing in this free American society???  America isn't perfect and as a country we miss the mark a LOT, but we still have freedom of expression, worship, and pursuit of happiness.  Being different in whatever way you are is important!  

Homeschooling is Special

Like two kids barely over 18 deciding to get married - some of society thinks it is unwise to pursue the path of homeschooling.  And like many married couples gone on before us - some make a beautiful life and then some don't make a very good go of it.  But that could be said of all educational paths.  When you have the convicted desire and the blessed opportunity to pursue homeschooling, there is something very special that takes place.  Your family is witness to your difference in the face of so much sameness.  As those little souls grow and develop they instinctively know that their difference is a good and exciting thing. 

I'm no expert in anything, but I've been pursuing homeschooling in some form or fashion for almost 8 years.  I've hit road blocks and contemplated quitting.  I've also found success in teaching my big kids to read, play the piano, and love learning.  I have felt inadequate, alone, judged and very much a failure too.  I have hesitated so often and that hesitation can really hurt.  My desire is to encourage other homeschooling families to hesitate wisely instead of out of fear.  Over the next few weeks we're going to talk about areas we should and should not hesitate when it comes to homeschooling our children.

Maybe Popularity Is the Last Thing You Need

One of the most universal desires is the need to be well liked.  From elementary school to the senior center, there will always be questions about fitting in or being like everyone else.  Starting around middle school and escalating through adolescence into adulthood, we all battle with cliques and feeling accepted by our peers.  It's natural. Often there is even a need to sacrifice minor preferences to encourage camaraderie and friendship.  The trouble is that fitting in quickly turns into an idol, sweeping away identity, character, and morals if we're not careful.  Parents, in our own insecurities, feel desperate to get the latest whatever for our kids so they might blend in and avoid childish scorn for being different.  And, honestly, I get it.  I have always hated feeling different or left out.  Pick a category in life and I - at some point - felt negatively different than those around me. Unfortunately, my most defining memory from adolescence was the first one.  My first weekend away from my parents with friends and because I decided to 'like' the wrong guy (at least I think that's what I did wrong), I turned into the least preferred person and they fought over who had to sit by me in the car. Talk about trust issues, huh? :)  Believe me when I say that I understand the innate need to be liked and accepted.

Still, when we get caught up in always making sure we or our children are 'flying under the radar', we are losing out on the more important things.

Benefits of Living Different

1) Empathy.  When life doesn't ALWAYS go your way, you learn what it feels like.  Then, you can empathize and help others when life doesn't go their way (because it happens to everyone eventually).

2) Stronger Identity.  Popularity often requires your identity to be shaped by the masses.  Those masses, even the well-meaning ones, aren't usually around for very long and when they are their opinion changes.  When we are forced to decide who we want to be, in spite of the crowd, it really means something and sends out roots for a person of worth.

3) Above Average Results.  Going with the grain here in America, right now, will usually result in being an average American.  Average Americans are sick and out of shape, in a large amount of debt, addicted to something, unfaithful in their marriages, disconnected from their family and entrenched in illegal activity.  Unless we are intentionally working to gain the opposite of these, this is where Americans are naturally arriving. When we learn how to not fit in, we are learning the skills and discipline it takes to succeed where others don't.

Like so many things, a good life is a balanced life.  Is it wrong and awful to be a popular kid in high school?  Or is fitting in - maybe just because you're a likable guy - going to ruin your life? No and no.  There are lessons to be learned and opportunities to be taken on both sides of the cafeteria.  Let's just remember that being a good person far outweighs being an accepted person.  Some days I have to choose between the two.  If I don't recognize many of those days, then I'm probably choosing the latter by default.

Be different.