Motherhood is Beautiful

This afternoon I had swaddled miss Z up and was bouncing her around (a pre-nap ritual anymore) while perusing facebook.  All in the same scan, I see two separate friends who recently had lost their mothers, some friends who are afraid they are about to lose their mother, and plenty of new baby pictures.  As I look at my daughter, desperately aware of the earth-moving events happening simultaneously, I see a very different picture of being someone's mother.

As a kid, and even a little now, a compliment from my mom is usually a paradox of sorts.  If she fails to compliment or notice something I've done well, then utter disappointment builds up.  And yet, as soon as the compliment rolls off her tongue, my brain smirks and says, "Yeah, but you have to say that.  You're my mother."  And to a point, it's kind of true.  The two kids sleeping down the hallway can throw crazy fits, highlight all of my inadequacies and make every mess imaginable and I'll still giggle at how 'cute' they are at any given moment.  All the milestones are significant mostly because they are being reached by MY child.

And yet, every hour of sleep I lose to feed or rock a baby is a choice.  Every diaper I change or every vegetable I make sure is eaten is a choice.  Mothering, while arguably highly instinctual for some, is most certainly a daily (hourly) choice.   It's a heart-breaking reality that some mothers do not make positive choices for their children - rejecting them, abusing them.  Those that do strive for their children's growth and well-being are much more valuable because we see that they have chosen to mother, when they could have chosen not to.  

Motherhood is beautiful.  Discovering a new human being and teaching them the world all in one breath is amazing.  And mom's do it every day.  But that's not even the best part.  Growth in every way possible creeps into your life, sometimes without even realizing it.  I know parenthood isn't for everyone, but if you're on the fence about whether or not to have kids, this is what tips it in favor.  Those precious little souls (that make me wonder what I did with all of that time I used to have) are changing me for the better.

Miss Z was sleeping and had another hour before needing to eat again.  J had confirmed my fears that he had contracted Hand, Foot & Mouth disease and went to bed loaded up with herbs and a fever.  Most things in the house had been straightened and I was wiping down the counters in the kitchen.  Suddenly, I had flashes of my grandma's kitchen all cleaned up and glowing in the dark from some lighting underneath the top cabinets.  All the kids and grandkids tucked away in a corner or couch somewhere before or after some big holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas.  And the weirdest thing happened.  I didn't resent the cosmos for having to wipe down the counters or clean up dishes.  Having my own kids in their beds and finishing up my household tasks for the night was absolutely fulfilling.  It felt right and comforting and good.

Never before had I really understood why someone (moms usually) would work so hard to provide things like warm meals, clean beds and comforts of home from a place of joy.  It seemed to me they probably did it because no one else would and it was expected of them.  And of course sometimes those are the only reasons anything gets done, at least in this house for sure.  But in that moment I felt the incomparable joy of motherhood.

Hello September

And we meet again.  With the passing of Labor Day, Summer is officially out of style.  Fall fever is in everyone's blood, including myself! One of the intoxicating things about fall is the warmth and nostalgia it brings with just a thought, a sense of community and belonging without a word spoken.  I can still daydream about life in the fall and be swept away to this perfect world - all because you mentioned fall or I saw some orange leaves.

I have a lot to say on the subject of fall and how we seem to have lost the value of 'harvest time', but let's leave it at this:

This time of year aches for friendship and a cozy place to be.  One of my weak areas is being friendly and open, especially with those I don't know very well.  I'm praying this season will boost my energy in this department.  Won't you join me?

The New Normal

Has your month/summer/year been a bit chaotic?  Have you seen a lot of emergencies? Maybe experienced a lot of loss?  Perhaps it is regional or something, but all around me has been event after event.  Not all of them negative, but certainly all powerful and overwhelming.  Lots of sickness and tragedies, as well as my own beautiful blessings that find every possible way to make every day feel like its been served up from a blender!  'Normal' life seems like a nostalgic joke or something.

On paper I realize that moving from one kid to two is always going to have this disorienting effect.  It's just like we know that as we get older, things are going to change.  More earthly adventures come to an end.  But despite knowing that, when it happens, we just have a hard time.  If we needed balance before, it's desperately so when our life makes a drastic shift.  So, what should we do - when our world changes and 'normal' may never happen again quite like before?

I'm sure it's different for every person and situation, but I guess we start here.

When parents of your friends pass away much too soon, this is a hard task.  When lives are uprooted in a matter of moments, this is a hard task.  Even in the early morning hours when laundry needs to be switched and a baby to feed, this isn't a casual assignment.  But that is just when we need this reminder to go along with it!

Lots of parents are sending their babies off to school for the first time.  Many people are starting new jobs right now.  And lots (and lots) of us are looking for a new normal because the old one has been taken away.  Whatever your old normal was, I pray we can all find some (no matter how slight) joy in the new normal you're experiencing this season.  And normal or not, hug those that you love.  Smile big.  And let it go, even if it's just for a moment or two.

Miss Z - Why I LOVE Having a Daughter

Before Miss Z was born, I shared my reasons for never wanting a daughter and for the first time began to consider what it might be like to have a girl.  Well, surprise! It's a girl!  And before anyone starts to think I would like to send her back, I thought I'd share some wonderful things about having a daughter!

She's mine. J's mine too of course, but Z is mine even more somehow.  J adores his father and we talk all the time about how he's strong/helping/fun like daddy.  I can't say how Z will feel about me, but she'll be more like me than anyone else in the house.  It's just nice to not feel outnumbered anymore!

There's no box.  It's 2013, and while our world has plenty of problems, my daughter doesn't have a box she has to fit into.  Following the heart of God doesn't require a box, just a willing spirit.  I never felt like that was acceptable as a girl growing up.  I love that I can teach Z to see things differently than I did.

She's laid back! From pregnancy to birth, from birth to date Miss Z is one chilled out lady!  She is a constant reminder for me to relax.  Partially because I need to relax anyway, but also because I don't want to 'teach her' how to be uptight or panicky all the time.  Whatever I want her to be like in the future, I need to model now.  So, she's helping me be better already.

She's beautiful! I have always struggled with a low opinion of how I look.  I feel like I've come full circle since I was a teenager- appreciating my strengths more than I used to.  But still, it's a bizarre feeling to look at her and think just how beautiful she is, only to have everyone comment on how much she looks like me.  I don't consider myself a beautiful person, but to have her beautiful face remind someone of me is such a sweet thing.

I can't say what the future holds and what I'll think about having a girl once she can walk and talk.  But I think its a whole new ballgame for me.  And that's mostly a good thing I think! ;)

Accepting the Assignments

Monday began Mr. Butler's second year of graduate school and the second year of this thorn in my flesh.  He's not even had one class yet, but Monday evening was filled with readings, emails and school work.  It's the nature of the beast and on his time off from class his family has been his top priority.  So, all of the things I tried to accuse him of early on last school year (like neglecting us or preferring work/school over us) are certainly nowhere near the truth.  Truth be told, I just didn't want to accept this assignment where he works hard at work and goes to school (to better his career and put us in a better financial situation) and I have to be in charge of almost everything else until he has a break.  I knew all the whys and hows, but I just didn't like it.

Tuesday morning (after my first night with his school encroaching on my life) I was still.  Not leaping out of bed, but not despairing. I wanted to be mad and blame someone for something.  But I knew that I couldn't.  In order to get things done and receive the outcomes we've deemed best for our family and future, this was the season right now.  And it's a short season.  One more year and it will be done.  So it is the assignment of the hour and refusing it isn't an option.  And yet, I don't want it.  I loved having Mr. Butler home with only our life to occupy him.  Miss Z is acclimating to her new digs, but she certainly slows down my schedule.  Having a partner in Mr. Butler to tag team, well, it was wonderful. And now, it's Tuesday morning and, ready or not, I've jumped in the fast lane again.

While nursing Miss Z, I stumbled across a quote from Lysa TerKeurst that was the slap in the face that you hate but desperately need.

"God, I love You and choose to accept the assignments You place before me today with an attitude that reflects the truth that You live in me."

At that moment, I knew without a doubt that I was just resisting what had to be done and even more, was refusing to let God be glorified in any of it.  Our world is saturated with choices and when choice isn't part of the picture, we sometimes don't know what to do with ourselves.  Fits are thrown, time is wasted and God's will and beauty is overshadowed.  I hope you will join me in the work of accepting life's assignments and allowing God to work in our lives as a result!

Tips for a Balanced School Year

'Tis the season for new beginnings at school and it can be hard to find balance in the midst of sometimes chaotic and stressful happenings.  These are important and special times that won't flourish without care and focus.  Here are some tips to help you and yours stay on track.

-Start your day with a prayer.  My days spin out of balance so quickly, especially when things don't go the way I want. And since we can't deny that happens every day, the best defense is beginning the day asking God to be a part of it.  Instead of staying out of balance, God will use any event to show us more of Him.  That somehow balances out beautifully!

-Require hard work and then plan for fun!  Follow through is a big issue for me so requiring the hard work is a MUST.  Non-negotiable, no questions asked, necessity! But also, to keep that motivation up, fun and reward has to be strategically placed as well.  Commit to balancing your work and play this year!

-Quit comparing! Stop comparing yourself, your friends, your family, your anything.  Take stock of where you're at and where you want to be.  Figure out ways to get there and then don't worry about anyone else.  This is often so hard when it comes to our kids.  Help them stay focused on what they are capable of and remind them how important they are - not everyone else - to you.

-Grow a plant. Yeah, I said a plant.  Staying balanced requires a lot of maintenance.  Deciding to grow a plant - and actually sticking with it - is a beautiful symbol of growing in our life.  If you neglect it, it will die.  You can't give it all the water it will need forever the first day.  And you can't put off caring for it until a day before its dying and expect great results.  With daily attention, shifting and accommodating new needs, life brings joy and peace.  If your family needs a focal point, a coming together for the new year and new goals, caring for a plant together could be a fun and meaningful project!

Local Flavor: Pickerman's

Mr. Butler and I find ourselves on opposing viewpoints more times than feels reasonable some days, but, as usual, our differences can bring about beautiful things never realized on our own.  One of those big differences is trying new things.  I'm a bit of a homebody and scared-y cat, especially when it involves trying a new restaurant.  What if I hate it? Then it's a waste of money and eating out (a guilty pleasure of mine)!  Mr. Butler is the opposite and is always game for a new experience and hopes to discover secret gems off the beaten path.  Lucky for me, he has a pretty good track record!  One of our favorite finds is only a few minutes from our house!

For those here in the Oklahoma City metro, if you're in the mood for a good sandwich shop, complete with hand-dipped ice cream, stop by Pickerman's Soup & Sandwiches on the corner of SW 89th and Penn.  There's few things better than discovering a family-owned business that is close by and good at what they do!  Everything is made fresh, with all sorts of options like an awesome potato salad, salads with (delicious!) homemade croutons and all kinds of sandwiches and soups.  They cater, make ice cream cakes and pies, and make absolutely delicious (thick and rich) ice cream!  If you're in the neighborhood, give them a try! And to really get a good feel, try them a couple of weeks in a row but ordering something completely different.

We think you'll enjoy it!

Beginning Again

In two days, my daughter will be 2 weeks old and what feels like the longest month this year will be coming to an end.  All month long, our household has felt in slow motion and fast forward simultaneously, so much happening while doing absolutely nothing! We've been surprised, overwhelmed and so blessed this past month - and now it's time to begin again.

My handsome and oh-so-active Jude is ready to dive into 'school' again, since we've been lacking quite a bit lately.  My precious Zoey is beginning everything! Mr. Butler will go back to school in a few weeks, beginning his final year of graduate school.  If I can get the hang of being a mother of two, I should begin teaching piano lessons not too long after that.  Lots of beginnings.

Beginning something for the first time can be scary.  There's just a lot you don't know until you start doing.  Beginning again is a little different.  There might be more pressure because you have been here before and often the standards or goals are placed a little higher.  At least that's a little bit what I'm feeling as I gear up for all of this.  What I'm finding, already, is that no matter what I'm trying to accomplish, I still have to do the work.  There's no room for impatience or giving up too soon.

As we all begin some things again in the next few weeks, let us be reminded of the beauty of beginnings and throw ourselves into really living the days - even if it feels like a rerun.  Every day will be flawed somehow, but at the same time those flaws bring us to new places that ultimately bring growth we couldn't touch otherwise.

Why I Never Wanted To Have a Daughter

When I was pregnant the first time, I really, really didn't want a girl.  I get boys.  Girls? Not so much.  Girls are complicated and I could barely handle my own complicated girl-ness, so how could I raise one just like me?  I expected God would tell me to get over it and give me a girl anyway, but He didn't.  And, for sure, I love my boy - jumping, noisy, dirt and all!  But as I sit on the verge of having another baby (that might be a girl), I'm game for anything this time around.  I am starting to understand a little bit better why having a daughter was so unappealing at first.

I've always heard a story about me and my great aunt Sally sitting with me as I color and asking me what my favorite color was.  My response? "Black."  And no joke, for the first half of my life, black was the dominant color.  The typical pink or purple response was revolting to me.  I also hated things like tights and lace - mostly because they bothered my skin, but it quickly became difficult to distinguish between the items and the frilliness they represented!  I'm not certain that this ever happened, but in my mind I asked my parents for cars (with ramps and all) and they refused.  Perhaps I never actually asked for them, but I felt gipped just the same.  I just didn't like the typical girl things.  Dolls seemed dumb.  I didn't get the princess 'persona'.  And, frankly, most girls seemed so dramatic and not like me.  (Yes, I understand some who know me might object to the idea that I was in no way dramatic, but just go with it!)

I'm sure there a lot of reasons for the differences I felt, but a general reason is that society didn't readily offer other acceptable options for girls.  Clothes, toys, colors - if you picked the wrong ones, it said something about you that seemed threatening and irreversible.  In my heart, I knew that it just didn't matter, but the fact that so many people couldn't see that, made me mad.  That resulted in subtle rebellion, like never wearing the color pink or not ever playing with barbies by choice.

As my husband reminded me this morning, in most ways I'm living the life I always wanted: married, homemaker, mother, freedom to create as I wish.  Sounds pretty typical for a girl.  So, don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-girl.  Not at all.  But the girl box that I always heard and saw from other people just didn't feel like it fit me the same as it did everyone else.  Anyway, my point, and the lesson I've taken too many years to really learn, is that having/being a girl doesn't have to mean one toy or color or one (career) path - it can be all of them or none of them.

Have you heard of Goldie Blox? I had been told about them, but had never seriously looked them up until recently.  This is a video of the creator and her thoughts behind the toys.

Web edit - v10b-YouTubeUP-25k from Goldie Blox on Vimeo.

I don't know that I would have been a good engineer, per say, but I can see how this type of encouragement could have shaped the way I saw myself much differently than I did.  And perhaps this toy isn't the solution to all the 'girl' problems of the world.  It IS, however, a beautiful example of how there's not one kind of girl.  Don't expect it (whatever girl version you have in your head) from your child, but encourage discovery and exploration in all areas.

I'm sure princess play shows, just like boys will discover fighting and saving the girl, whether you encourage it or not.  The point isn't to polarize our vision for what being a girl is, but to understand that those aren't the only games to play!  At this writing, I am a few days shy of my due date and no clue if I'm having a girl or a boy.  It's exciting to say the least, but should I have a girl - I'm so excited to not feel boxed in the way I have in the past.  For all of you parents of daughters, what types of toys or games have you found that encourages your daughter to be more than just a princess, as their slogan says?

Your Problem Isn't Really Your Problem

Happy July to you! Here in Oklahoma, we've been given a marvelous gift of highs in the 80's all week.  After the extreme weather we've been battling, it's definitely a show of God's mercy and goodness.

I am currently 39+ weeks pregnant and playing the waiting game with the arrival of baby #2.  With this pregnancy going a lot smoother with very little 'misery' and everything appearing to ready and healthy,  there is much to rejoice about.

Since Mr. Butler has finished his first year (of 2) of MBA school and I've taken some time off from teaching, we're enjoying much needed time together as a family and catching up on the back log of to-do's around the house.  After the very full year we've had, this break is such a blessing!

And yet.

And yet, I still find myself focusing on what I feel like I'm lacking.  Since this baby could come any time now, I can't travel and I need to rest a lot.  Kind of lame when it's the season for activity and fun! Do you ever think like that?  My life is full of things that you might envy, but all I can think about is what I can't do and don't have.  Any new day, regardless of the actual events, can be a struggle - a battle between positive and negative.

Why Your Problem Isn't Your Real Problem

What that tells me today is that it just doesn't matter what your circumstance is or how much money you have.  The problems we focus on usually just aren't the real problem. You can be grateful and joyful about what you do have or you can always complain about what's missing.  It won't matter if today's problem was fixed, we could just find something else to fixate on and be miserable about.  The real problem is our response - a tone of voice, the amount of faith or hope, effort and attitude.

When I'm miserable, being told to CHOOSE to be content despite the circumstance is not that helpful.  Why?  Because I want my emotions to change on the subject before my response does.  Did you get that? We are usually waiting on our emotions to change before we change our response.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work very well that way.

Instead, I need to be focusing on the best response with the expectations that my feelings will change.  So, what's a good response? Gratitude.  What are you grateful for?  What prayer has been answered that was such a burden before?  What are you learning right now? Behave - respond - as though it is a blessing!

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Change is Hard. Change Takes Time. Be Patient.

No matter the category of life, there's always more you could do, differing schools of thought and degrees of commitment.  Students get it from all sides.  If you make straight-A's then you likely have no life experience.  If you work all the time, you're just greedy and have no ambition.  As adults in the information age, we can't go a day without hearing about a new study, method or concept that will REVOLUTIONIZE your life (and other people may or may not judge you for whether or not you embrace it!).  It's overwhelming at best.

It's often easier to change when you don't feel overwhelmed and see change as something gradual.

I will easily admit that I'm surely a greater part of the problem than the solution.  I believe in things like natural childbirth, debt-free living, a relationship with Jesus Christ, alternative health, and the list goes on.  All of which have cultish followings and droves are looked down on for not embracing all aspects upon first exposure.  I have my opinions right along with the next guy.  Yet, here's what I think so much of our society is missing right now.

No matter how right or revolutionary something is, change very, very rarely happens (and sticks) over night.

There are exceptions but most of us are so busy and constrained with trying to staying functioning as households that changes (no matter how good) are hard to implement, certainly implement quickly.  As an opinionated person full of motivation for your convictions (that I applaud greatly), take some time to empathize with (feel for) everyone you find yourself judging for not jumping on your bandwagon right away.  I mean there are bandwagons I could preach to you for hours on how important they are for your family and future, but I have a hard enough time maintaining the few I've committed to myself!  Is it because I lack conviction or understanding?  Not really.  It's called life that comes with restrictions like time, budget, and opportunity.

I'm so thankful for a time in society where healthy living and alternative options are welcome topics of conversation in a lot of circles!  It's not always been so.   Instead of spreading an overwhelming sense of doom (unless everyone commits to your cause), start loving those around you as much as you love your new choices.  We all want to be better, but it's hard and it takes time.  Let's try to remember that the next time we roll our eyes at someone's "not what WE would do" choice.

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." - Rom. 14:19