Temporary

Let temporary be your guide.  It sounds a little goofy and altogether unwise, but hear me out.  Nothing is permanent.  Not really.  So, instead of getting good and comfy with how things are OR throwing a fit when things aren't good and comfy, just don't.  They will change, this will pass, and soon a whole different palette of circumstances will be yours to face.  

Look at all you have and know it is temporary.  Love it, accept it, face it, because it'll be gone before you know it.  Miss Z's little half crawl half roll will quickly give into crawling and walking - likely before the month is gone.  J won't always give me a kiss anytime I ask.  Even the beautiful weather outside will fade and grow dark or cold or windy.  Do you hate where your life is right now?  If you do nothing about it, it's still temporary and will change soon.  Better or worse remains to be seen, but different for sure.

Let the simple truth of everything in our lives being - to some degree - temporary keep you steady and balanced.  Let it boost your appreciation for who is still here and feed your endurance for the pain that has yet to pass.

Accepting the Assignments

Monday began Mr. Butler's second year of graduate school and the second year of this thorn in my flesh.  He's not even had one class yet, but Monday evening was filled with readings, emails and school work.  It's the nature of the beast and on his time off from class his family has been his top priority.  So, all of the things I tried to accuse him of early on last school year (like neglecting us or preferring work/school over us) are certainly nowhere near the truth.  Truth be told, I just didn't want to accept this assignment where he works hard at work and goes to school (to better his career and put us in a better financial situation) and I have to be in charge of almost everything else until he has a break.  I knew all the whys and hows, but I just didn't like it.

Tuesday morning (after my first night with his school encroaching on my life) I was still.  Not leaping out of bed, but not despairing. I wanted to be mad and blame someone for something.  But I knew that I couldn't.  In order to get things done and receive the outcomes we've deemed best for our family and future, this was the season right now.  And it's a short season.  One more year and it will be done.  So it is the assignment of the hour and refusing it isn't an option.  And yet, I don't want it.  I loved having Mr. Butler home with only our life to occupy him.  Miss Z is acclimating to her new digs, but she certainly slows down my schedule.  Having a partner in Mr. Butler to tag team, well, it was wonderful. And now, it's Tuesday morning and, ready or not, I've jumped in the fast lane again.

While nursing Miss Z, I stumbled across a quote from Lysa TerKeurst that was the slap in the face that you hate but desperately need.

"God, I love You and choose to accept the assignments You place before me today with an attitude that reflects the truth that You live in me."

At that moment, I knew without a doubt that I was just resisting what had to be done and even more, was refusing to let God be glorified in any of it.  Our world is saturated with choices and when choice isn't part of the picture, we sometimes don't know what to do with ourselves.  Fits are thrown, time is wasted and God's will and beauty is overshadowed.  I hope you will join me in the work of accepting life's assignments and allowing God to work in our lives as a result!

Start Now. Right There.

Ever since we returned from vacation last week, the weather has been nice enough to turn off the A/C and open the windows. For whatever reason, the wind hasn't been high enough to sound my wind chime on the front porch, at least not where I could hear it in my bedroom. Last night as I crawled into bed, for the first time in a long while I heard a tinkling of sound that flooded my mind with memories. After Randy and I first got married, I had yet to really begin and certainly finish my thesis for graduate school. So, through the fall and winter I battled with myself to buckle down and get things finished, all to the background music of my tinkling wind chime. Do you ever think of a day long past and then reflect on all the time that was spent (doing or not doing) on various things that didn't have to be? If I had started that project on that day, wouldn't I be finished by now? Or at least a whole lot further? Whereas now I have still yet to begin.

Next year, and only just (my birthday is Jan. 9), I will turn 30 and I guess its time to admit that I have learned a few things and made some life lesson mistakes in the last 3 decades. It seems like we put off the time when we can be considered someone to learn from, don't we? Well, I still live at home, or I'm not married yet or I don't have kids yet, etc., so I don't know as much as everyone else. I'm pretty sure that is some societal influence that doesn't hold much water. Sure, as you get older you learn more. That doesn't mean that there is nothing to be gained or learned in listening to someone who hasn't lived and done exactly what you have or more. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, I have always longed for having everything 'together' before the next big thing. A fantasy of mine is to be completely organized before the next holiday, season, or chapter. Of course, that's silly. If you don't know that that is silly, consider it. You might grow by leaps and bounds overnight by accepting that fact. I think I did. I still want to clean my house before I really dive into anything else, but I've accepted the fact that I usually can't. Doesn't mean I don't clean my house, just means the world doesn't go on hold for my preference. What has been happening though is more things are getting done. Not sure if it was the 6 months of Lay-off Lessons or what, but ever since we returned from vacation I have been able to accomplish so much more than I have ever in my life. Seriously. I'm teaching piano and voice lessons. My house is consistently cleanER. I'm cooking more. I'm marking things off the list. I even cleaned out my inbox. Mostly its that I've gotten past the concept of 'I have to do this before I can do everything else'. Instead I just dive in where I'm at and get a whole lot more done because I'm not sitting around waiting for the perfect moment, circumstance or mood. And that makes me happy. Sort of like a personal goal or accomplishment that I never thought would be possible.

Of course, children change every routine ever created when they crash into the world, but the way I see it, the sooner I can accept that I just have to begin where I'm at, the easier transitioning to living with 'life changers' will be.