Accepting the Assignments

Monday began Mr. Butler's second year of graduate school and the second year of this thorn in my flesh.  He's not even had one class yet, but Monday evening was filled with readings, emails and school work.  It's the nature of the beast and on his time off from class his family has been his top priority.  So, all of the things I tried to accuse him of early on last school year (like neglecting us or preferring work/school over us) are certainly nowhere near the truth.  Truth be told, I just didn't want to accept this assignment where he works hard at work and goes to school (to better his career and put us in a better financial situation) and I have to be in charge of almost everything else until he has a break.  I knew all the whys and hows, but I just didn't like it.

Tuesday morning (after my first night with his school encroaching on my life) I was still.  Not leaping out of bed, but not despairing. I wanted to be mad and blame someone for something.  But I knew that I couldn't.  In order to get things done and receive the outcomes we've deemed best for our family and future, this was the season right now.  And it's a short season.  One more year and it will be done.  So it is the assignment of the hour and refusing it isn't an option.  And yet, I don't want it.  I loved having Mr. Butler home with only our life to occupy him.  Miss Z is acclimating to her new digs, but she certainly slows down my schedule.  Having a partner in Mr. Butler to tag team, well, it was wonderful. And now, it's Tuesday morning and, ready or not, I've jumped in the fast lane again.

While nursing Miss Z, I stumbled across a quote from Lysa TerKeurst that was the slap in the face that you hate but desperately need.

"God, I love You and choose to accept the assignments You place before me today with an attitude that reflects the truth that You live in me."

At that moment, I knew without a doubt that I was just resisting what had to be done and even more, was refusing to let God be glorified in any of it.  Our world is saturated with choices and when choice isn't part of the picture, we sometimes don't know what to do with ourselves.  Fits are thrown, time is wasted and God's will and beauty is overshadowed.  I hope you will join me in the work of accepting life's assignments and allowing God to work in our lives as a result!

The BIG Picture

Another weekend in the books.  For those interested, John Mayer was impressive, as always. His interaction with the crowd seemed less or maybe a little stiffer than last time, but considering his media attention as of late, it's understandable.  We had a great time!    Here's a video from last night of his final song, Gravity.  Yes, it is 9 minutes long but it's worth the time, if you have it.


I read an article this morning on finding God's will that was excellent! She used Micah 6:8, which says:

   

I won't repeat the entire article because it is well worth your time to read, but the point is that if we are searching for this huge will of God, often times we end up ignoring what He is saying, in hopes of something bigger and louder.  I like to make big changes or at least I get excited at the thought of huge overhauls to parts of my life.  What I've found is that it's usually in the little things that I need to be different.  I changed majors and 'career paths' more times than I can count.  A lot of my problem was fear but, as I've mentioned on here before, it was also a lack of patience and willingness to do the little stuff that I thought didn't matter or shouldn't have to do for life to be different.  With school, I always ended up blaming my restlessness on just not finding the right 'thing'.  I rationalized that I probably just hadn't found my thing.  I think I didn't bother to listen to anybody, least of all myself.  I was looking for the perfect fit where I would be a natural and change the world! Now, if I had it all to do over again, I would would still major in music but just study piano pedagogy.  I knew how to play and enjoyed it.  The problem was that I didn't want to do the little things, like practicing.  I wanted to be good out of the box. My patience was low and tolerance for baby steps non-existent.  The thing is, I can play the piano. I know that.  Can I be better? Couldn't we all be a little bit better at anything with a little more attention and practice? Anyway, the point was I didn't need to go jumping around, overhauling 7 times. I started right where I needed to be, I just refused to listen and do the work.

When most of us "look" for God's will it's easy to look for a huge role, change or direction.  We want to be in the middle of something big going down.  And maybe you are.  But, what I'm learning is that I can't look for the big stuff, especially when I refuse to do the little stuff. Act justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God.  Once I'm doing all of that well, then I might be able to ask God for something 'big' but I think this is enough to keep me busy for now.