Monday began Mr. Butler's second year of graduate school and the second year of this thorn in my flesh. He's not even had one class yet, but Monday evening was filled with readings, emails and school work. It's the nature of the beast and on his time off from class his family has been his top priority. So, all of the things I tried to accuse him of early on last school year (like neglecting us or preferring work/school over us) are certainly nowhere near the truth. Truth be told, I just didn't want to accept this assignment where he works hard at work and goes to school (to better his career and put us in a better financial situation) and I have to be in charge of almost everything else until he has a break. I knew all the whys and hows, but I just didn't like it.
Tuesday morning (after my first night with his school encroaching on my life) I was still. Not leaping out of bed, but not despairing. I wanted to be mad and blame someone for something. But I knew that I couldn't. In order to get things done and receive the outcomes we've deemed best for our family and future, this was the season right now. And it's a short season. One more year and it will be done. So it is the assignment of the hour and refusing it isn't an option. And yet, I don't want it. I loved having Mr. Butler home with only our life to occupy him. Miss Z is acclimating to her new digs, but she certainly slows down my schedule. Having a partner in Mr. Butler to tag team, well, it was wonderful. And now, it's Tuesday morning and, ready or not, I've jumped in the fast lane again.
While nursing Miss Z, I stumbled across a quote from Lysa TerKeurst that was the slap in the face that you hate but desperately need.
"God, I love You and choose to accept the assignments You place before me today with an attitude that reflects the truth that You live in me."
At that moment, I knew without a doubt that I was just resisting what had to be done and even more, was refusing to let God be glorified in any of it. Our world is saturated with choices and when choice isn't part of the picture, we sometimes don't know what to do with ourselves. Fits are thrown, time is wasted and God's will and beauty is overshadowed. I hope you will join me in the work of accepting life's assignments and allowing God to work in our lives as a result!
Tuesday morning (after my first night with his school encroaching on my life) I was still. Not leaping out of bed, but not despairing. I wanted to be mad and blame someone for something. But I knew that I couldn't. In order to get things done and receive the outcomes we've deemed best for our family and future, this was the season right now. And it's a short season. One more year and it will be done. So it is the assignment of the hour and refusing it isn't an option. And yet, I don't want it. I loved having Mr. Butler home with only our life to occupy him. Miss Z is acclimating to her new digs, but she certainly slows down my schedule. Having a partner in Mr. Butler to tag team, well, it was wonderful. And now, it's Tuesday morning and, ready or not, I've jumped in the fast lane again.
While nursing Miss Z, I stumbled across a quote from Lysa TerKeurst that was the slap in the face that you hate but desperately need.
"God, I love You and choose to accept the assignments You place before me today with an attitude that reflects the truth that You live in me."
At that moment, I knew without a doubt that I was just resisting what had to be done and even more, was refusing to let God be glorified in any of it. Our world is saturated with choices and when choice isn't part of the picture, we sometimes don't know what to do with ourselves. Fits are thrown, time is wasted and God's will and beauty is overshadowed. I hope you will join me in the work of accepting life's assignments and allowing God to work in our lives as a result!
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