The Balance We Bring

You know the bad mood you get sometimes that can take everything about anything and turn it into something bad?  Especially the one that's focused on yourself and how horrendous or UN-special you are?  I lived there for a few decades and still have 'nostalgic' moments from time to time.  I think it began with the realization that I had blond hair, but no other member of my immediate family did.  Suddenly, I thought surely I was adopted, weird and singled out (in a bad way) because I didn't have black or brown hair.  Nevermind that the masses preferred blond hair and I should've considered my self blessed!  Goofy, of course, but that's how irrational fears and uncertainties work.

I think we all can write a list of attributes that we hate and would trade with someone, if given the chance.  Truth be told is that most of those hated aspects are probably bringing balance to one of your communities and several relationships.  What we experience as weird or different is often an opportunity to help others find an equilibrium somehow.

Though the little can complain of not knowing how, the big's heart grows bigger in the showing how.

-You might hate the grammar police, but they're a great resource when you need that resume proofread.

-Maybe you can't stand that 'soandso' is always late, but they remind you to grow in mercy and patience.  Or maybe you bristle up at the 15 minutes early crowd.  They are usually the ones who provide extra help and preparation.

-Spenders help us remember that life is short and to enjoy our days.  Savers prepare for our future and give many good gifts in time.  Both are necessary for a healthy life.

We can grow so overwhelmed by disgust - for ourself or someone else - that we completely miss value and balance that everyone brings.  I struggle a lot with not focusing on all of my ugly attributes (inside and out).  It's hard when I'm looking to be this perfect person that everyone loves, that I love and that is never wrong, but all I come up with is me.  What I overlook, though, is how much value even my ugly faults can bring the world around me.

Confessing a weakness to a friend usually increases your bond.  Asking for help gives others an opportunity to serve.  Even experiencing sickness or tragedy can bring others closer to God through prayer.  We all bring balance to others, if only we would look up and appreciate it.

The Chaos in Change

Dear change,
You know we've never had a good relationship. And while I still think you could be easier on me if you just tried, I'll be the bigger person this time and accept you as you are. But just remember, you owe me now. That means the future had better pan out well. Otherwise, I'm comin' to getcha!
Respectfully,
A cautious and yet-to-be-satisfied customer

Sometimes I think we define and view ourselves by the attributes we like or would like to have.  I pretend that I'm easygoing, open to new things, especially when I tell myself I want new things.  In reality, I don't handle change well.  Emotionally, I thrash about resisting and arguing with it, looking for the easiest solution to make me feel better.  That usually results in a rash decision that doesn't help me long term.  Thankfully, Mr. Butler's middle name is rational.  

So, have a good day and here's to chaos!

Getting Your Hair Caught in the Vacuum

My hair is long enough that it reaches past my waistline.  It's more convenient to put it up in a bun when I'm exercising or doing housework, but sometimes I just forget to.  Yesterday, I forgot to.  Vacuuming is best done when J is awake, but that means he wants to be involved, which I love but can get complicated.  So, the faster I finish the task the better.  As I entered J's room, the vacuum started to sound different and like the careful household item owner that I am (or Mr. Butler has trained me to be) I stopped to make sure everything was okay.  In one quick motion of concern, I leaned down to look underneath and suddenly my hair fell in the same direction.  Before I knew what was happening my head was jerked toward the ground and my hair was being sucked into oblivion!

I recovered without a problem, but it was ridiculous and alarming all at the same time.  And life application came pouring into my brain.   Of course, there is the don't let your hair near the bottom of a vacuum lesson. Beyond that, perhaps this is how some people wind up in the proverbial ditch on the side of the road.  No bad intentions, no ill will.  Just low attention to detail, low caution and suddenly they are getting sucked up into something they never dreamed of.

How to keep your vacuum from sucking you up:

1) Remember the power it holds.  Because something is common to us, it's easy to forget the power it has to affect our lives.  Anything that we allow ourselves to get dependent on or familiar with can and will influence us.  Technology, friendships, even habits like diet and exercise.  Make sure we treat it with the respect it deserves.  It will change your life, just make sure that's a good thing.

2) For intended use only.  When we don't have what we want (companionship, confidence, motivation, etc.), it's easy to pretend to get it from somewhere else (food, spending $$, facebook, etc.).  Food is for health and sustainment.  Money allows the purchase of goods, not happiness! Make sure you are utilizing elements of your life for what they were intended.

3) It can happen to you! No one is immune to being careless and getting sucked up into a whirlwind of some kind.  Know your weakness and put in fences.  If you know you are a time waster and just got a new iPad, set time limits for yourself.  Do you eat when you get bored? Every time that tummy growls, drink a glass of water and do something on your to-do list first before taking a bite.

Nobody (that I know of or would claim to know) plans on getting their hair sucked up a vacuum.  Nobody plans to lose precious time and relationships over foolish choices.  But it happens to us all, all the time.  Take a little inventory today.  "Only YOU can prevent forest fires!" That pretty much applies to most everything else.

The Balance in Cycling

I don't know how the rest of the world functions, but this girl goes through cycles (not just 'that' cycle). Cycles of precision, cycles of rejuvenation, cycles of not hanging up a single item of clothing for a week because I just don't feel like it.  And as much as I'd like to will myself to stop cycling, I haven't discovered the secret combination.  What I am learning is that at the end of said cycles, I usually come out with new observations and better perspectives.  Here's what I've learned this week:

-I naturally try to make every choice or decision into a moral right and wrong.  And that's not healthy.  Making someone or something 'wrong', when it is not necessarily so is something to be feared more.

-Just because something is a good thing to do doesn't not necessarily mean it's something good for me in this season of life.  There's an organization that I support and feel compelled to be an active member of.  And I've tried, but I found myself dreading it and resenting much to do with it.  Why? Because I knew that if I didn't participate I could spend some down time with my son or get a day off where I could be more productive at home.  I tried really hard to fit it in, but it finally hit me.  There are plenty of members of the organization to support it and only one wife and mom in my household.  That trumps everything right now.

-Stress, lack of sleep and lack of exercise has the power to ruin my life.  Good, solid habits and God's merciful strength is the only thing that keeps it from doing so.  Without the habits I've been working on lately (better eating, exercising daily, early meditation time, etc.), I would accomplish nothing and spiral downward.  When I do spiral downward, it's only by God's mercy that I start over again.

A Joyful Habit

Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction.  Break the habit.  Talk about your joys.  

-Rita Schiano

Joy in its purest form

Everyone needs a safe place to talk through problems.  No question.  But I usually try to make every place a safe place and every moment an emergency counseling session.  Sit back and listen today to how many conversations consist of complaints and woe-is-me talk.  I was convicted by what I heard - especially by what was coming out of me.

So, I'd like to start practicing a new habit and share with you a few of my joys today!

Separations and Homecomings My husband was gone for almost a week and I didn't handle life well.  Now that he is home, I'm a much better wife than when he left.  Being apart, dealing with circumstances I disliked has made me so much more grateful and joyful for a run of the mill Thursday!

Learning and Discovery In teaching piano and in raising my son, I get to witness learning and new discoveries every day! It is so fun to witness the look of pride on a person's face when something clicks.  And I pray that everyone takes their opportunities to learn and explore.  It's definitely worth the time and effort!

Exercise and Real Food I've been blessed with excess weight after J was born that has been a thorn in my side, literally.  It has been a blessing because I couldn't just will or wish the fat away and time didn't simply take care of it either.  To lose weight I have had to exercise hard and often.  To lose weight I've had to cut out sugar, junk food and limit my eating out choices.  I'm thankful for all of this because I'm slowly learning how much power we have over our bodies and lives if we learn how to treat them right.  I'm so happy that I have options that help change ME!

What are you joyful about today?

Politics, Sports and Other Things I Care Very Little For

It's Thursday and here's what's going on: The kick-off of football season, two political conventions just about in the books, and even with the holiday on Monday, I feel like I haven't seen my husband all week!  I'm not a sports fan.  I'm certainly not a political activist.  And I get cranky when my routine gets messed up!  So, maybe I'm a little cranky, but I have a couple of opinions about some of the hypocrisy we allow when sports and politics are involved.

I'll just tell you up front, every time the subject (whether in person or in social media) of politics or sports comes up, I cringe.  I cringe and I pray people will behave.  Because about 70% of the time, people don't behave.  People aren't respectful, humble, kind or honest.  We get prideful, boasting, rude, mean and grow into big fat liars.  Liars to ourselves about how good our team/political party is and how bad the other is.  Liars to each other, making claims about what (or who) will fix things in the country/conference/team.  We also get demanding and ungrateful.  The ability to vote in an election and watch a football game on a beautiful Saturday alike are awesome gifts and blessings.  Many times, we behave as though we are in charge of everything to do with them and are personally paying each politician and player.

Now, living in Oklahoma, you can't get away from sports fans because these days, if it's not football it's basketball.  And I also live in a free, relatively democratic society so getting away from others exercising their political freedoms would mean moving and potentially giving up my own freedoms.  So, I am in no way suggesting that we try to get away or that all involvement and support of sports and politics is bad, wrong or offensive to me.  I love a good basketball or football game, snuggled up to Mr. Butler - especially with my ipod handy to distract me when I lose interest! I know one day J will be on some field or court and I'll desperately pray to God that his team win!  And, I get fearful and overwhelmed at the thought of one day losing my freedoms - freedom of religion, the safety and luxuries we are provided in this country! I'm even thankful there are at least two major political parties, where one party or ideal can't dominate completely for ever and ever.

What I am begging for is good, well-thought out, reasonable behavior.  Just because a party did something profitable once doesn't mean it is infallible and is the only solution to everything.  But just because you disagree with certain ideals of a party doesn't mean it can't accomplish beneficial things for everyone.  Politically, I'm probably half republican and half democrat because I support some of both sides.  In sports and politics, every last player and coach are human, subject to mistakes, circumstances and game-changing events.  Everybody has a bad day and deserves mercy just as much as you do.  If you can't enjoy the ride and appreciate the process without being rude and stirring up strife with others then maybe you should re-evaluate why you feel so strongly that you can't behave in an honorable way.  And yes, I may feel so strongly about all of this because I'm cranky, so maybe we'll all behave better next week! :)

It's a balance, I tell ya!

This Old House

This morning, as I was making my bed, I realized how much I would miss my little house.  No, I'm not moving anytime soon, but we have some goals over the next couple of years with moving being one of them.  And you know how it is.  The (cheap) carpet is definitely showing its true colors and the ancient wiring in the bathroom keeps the light from staying on consistently and everything else like it.  All screaming at me, "Your new house won't be like this!"

So, moving has been on my mind, but for some reason I thought of actually walking out the front door and never coming back to call it home.  I'd already done that once in my life and it was traumatic.  Sure, its just a house and I know some people live in 15 different places throughout their lifetime.  But, not me and my entire marriage was housed here.  My beautiful son was born in the living room! And on it goes, all the sentimental things that I'll miss.

I turn to Randy, who is in the bathroom putting in his contacts, and officially inform him that although I most definitely want to move (and ASAP!), know that I will deeply mourn this house.  As you would expect he chuckled and said ok, with that 'you're crazy but I'm getting used to it' kind of look.  When I was much younger and my family moved out of my childhood home, I was so excited that I didn't look back.  Full speed ahead!!  And I crashed and burned (emotionally) really hard.

My point is this: Change - even when its the healthiest, most beneficial, most RIGHT change - is hard and requires a little bit of mourning.  A new car, a new school, new friends, new routines even! Sometimes we ignore our need for mourning because a change is normal, necessary or something that happens really fast.  But acknowledging somehow what the old represents or meant to our life is healing and nourishing somehow.  As babies turn into men and structures decay, life will not be the same.  And while that's okay, to maintain our balance we have to honor all that those babies and once new entities were and meant before we can embrace the bright future.

Happy 28th Birthday, Mr. Butler

My young (22 year old) groom turns 28 today.  I'm so thankful for the man that he is, but even more the man he is striving to be.  He continues to teach me so much and demonstrates such a fierce love, especially when it comes to Jude.  I love that! Here are a few of my favorite moments with Mr. Butler over the past few years.

His great aunt Ouida

Garden of the Gods, Colorado

Great Sand Dunes

Austin, TX

Austin, TX

Jamaica

Life, Interrupted

New moms and old moms alike, please remember this.  Who you are, how you behave, where you spend your time matters to your children.  They may not say it or admit it, but they see it and absorb it.  No matter how small or how far away, the life you are living is changing theirs.

Tonight I was trying to catch up on some housework and just as I was almost finished vacuuming, Jude starts hovering and whining.  It was inconvenient and annoying that he was fine 2 minutes ago.  Long story short, he was having a painful diaper issue that turned into a bath that resulted in a walk to see the horses before I could finish my work.  Bothersome? Yes.  Fulfilling when it was all said and done? Yes.  And this is why:  I had a perfect opportunity to care for and nurture my son, to model empathy and compassion, and to strengthen that bond we have that says with God's help I can show you the way to go.  I may not have done the best job at that, but by the end it was so clear to me that allowing myself to be interrupted filled his needs, but also grew my patience and my living on purpose muscles just a little more.

Whether you're a parent or not, we rush around shoving people and opportunities aside too much.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about schedules and planning and sticking to a deadline.  My little planner is saving my life as we speak! But the awesome thing I'm finding out about planning in my life is that when I plan and stick to that plan (as much as it depends on me), then I find I have so much more time! I have time to be interrupted or for the evening events to be reordered.  There's never going to be enough time in the day for everything.  Just accept that universal truth and move on.  Instead, make sure you're allowing time for the things you love the most.

The First Day of a New Season

I have a sweet cousin who is starting college today who moved away from home for the first time over the weekend.  Her family is very excited for her, but emotional to see her go.  As all parents are, I suppose.  Facebook has been a buzz with everyone's new stages.  Starting Kindergarten all the way to a last year in college, parents are shedding tears over time gone by so quickly.  And I'm not sure what is so special about this year that I'm suddenly starting to pay attention.  Kids graduate and move away every year, but for some reason this year I'm very aware of the emotion that is involved with seeing your child take another step into real adulthood.  

My baby isn't even 2, but I'm already thinking about what I want to be like verses what I'll likely be like when he moves away to college.  Talk about a complete lack of control! :) And mourning? Yeah, I bet there will be mourning.  I think I'm mourning right now in preparation!  But once all of that is flushed out, more or less, I want to be able to say some things about my time with him.  I want to know that the past 18 years were spent preparing him and supporting him to be a great young man, capable and willing to bring good things to those around him, with integrity, respect and virtue.  Because if that's not my goal, then what am I doing?  As much as it feels like it on a bad day, I am not having and raising children to give me hugs and to be my best friend.  With God's grace and blessings, I'm attempting to raise men and women who will soon become husbands and wives, parents, employees, owners, leaders, coaches, the list goes on.  

I am such an intensely emotional person that it is easy for me to get caught up in all the feelings.  Parenting seems to be no different.  Writing this out has helped me frame another goal for my role as a mother.  Whatever opportunities or time you have with someone, in a certain place, what kind of things do you want to be able to say about it when it's over? Try writing down what you'd like that time period to look like.  Even though we likely won't reach it exactly, it gives us better direction.

So, be it Kindergarten, football season, or retirement, how can you really live in it and make the most of your time in this season?