Family Matters

Family is a funny thing.  Some of us complain about what's missing from ours.  Others cut out the family we don't want to claim as ours.  And most of us just don't appreciate it much until much later in life.  As I think about how I want my children to appreciate their family experience, it's convicted me that I must model that for them.  

Last weekend I attended a family reunion and had a moment of reflection that just hasn't left me.  What does being family mean?  Different things to different people, of course.  One thing it really is, though, is a group of people who share experiences.  There are people, places and events that were shared over time and no matter the course of their life later, those common elements will remain.

There are billions of strangers that even if you meet you likely won't share more than a glance or a few words.  With your family, extended and immediate, you share hundreds of instances and events before you're even born!  Especially in childhood, there are only a certain number of people who will witness your many milestones.  Within each family group, there are certain people or items that have great significance (simply because you all were there together) that will hold no value to anyone outside of the group.  That commonality that you share with family members matters.  I believe it matters more than we think.  No matter where you are today, those people were witnesses in your life and the life of those you both love.  It matters because of that, I think.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in most circumstances (not talking about abuse or criminal behavior), our various family circles deserve a little more love than we tend to give.  We forget that they were there too.  Sure, not all experiences are going to be the same, but the commonality of places and people means that their different experience might help us find better perspective sometimes.  With my own little family, I know that one day J & Miss Z will have conversations about their parents, probably complaining about how awful we are in some way.  And they will have the best tools in each other to better understand what's happening.

Family, big or small, near or far, isn't just some obligation to fulfill.  It is an obligation, but within it are endless opportunities and tools to grow and gain a better, richer experience - even separate from them completely.  In the past I've let myself get so caught up in how family makes me feel or how much I agree with them on this or that.  Discussion and principled debate has it's place but it shouldn't overshadow the respect we all deserve for being witnesses to each other's life.  Even more so when they were supportive and active witnesses.  May we work a little bit harder on loving for others' sake and honoring because of history's sake.

  

Is It Just Me or Does This Feel Harder Than It Has To Be?

When the morning begins with smoothie on the ceiling, you want to say why me, but that happens right?  When you're running late, but ridiculously trying to make it work anyway and dinner is delayed by un-popped corn and rice spilling all over the counter and floor,  the words "I quit!" begin to form in your mouth.  When there aren't enough hours in the day and you can't seem to find time to put up baby pictures of your almost 2 year old daughter, you start to feel really defeated.When you spend way too long trying to decide which brand of an unnecessary (yet super cool and handy) new gadget to buy, required to purchase said gadget before it is in hand, wait at the front of a story with hungry and tired kids too long only to be told that it isn't actually in stock and you'll have to stand in the customer service line to return the chunk of change you just gave them for nothing apparently and little miss starts screaming "Noooooo! Caaaar!" - well then the muscles in your neck begin to cramp, and the tears can't be stopped.

This afternoon I read something that I'm ashamed to say shocked the daylights out of me.  We are homeschooling our kids and since J is only 4, we haven't exactly gotten the hang of things yet.  So, I was reading an article on balancing school and keeping up with the house duties - something I'm really struggling with.  The first tip was to delegate.  Yes, my kids can help with a few things, but a large amount of time it is me teaching them to do things and taking twice as long to do so.  Not really helpful in the time department.  The rest of the article was helpful, but at the end were comments.  Several of those comments were from older homeschool moms stating that when their kids were small (like mine), they hired help to keep up with the house!  That there was no way they could keep up with small kids.  Forget the question of whether or not someone could afford such a thing.  My question is, how did I not know this already???  You mean I have been killing myself over here pathetically trying to keep up with EVERYTHING and you guys are saying it can't be done?

I felt justified and deflated all at the same time.  On the one hand, I knew that it was all too much for one person to reasonably manage, but I also felt discouraged at the thought of being given an impossible task.  I need completion and accomplishment for peace of mind and when I'm constantly feeling behind, my mental facets begin to crumble.  With all of the things in my life, it's difficult to complete projects or feel any sense of accomplishment when certain things (dishes) never end.  On the other hand, my insides are screaming, "I KNEW IT!" with a song of victory behind it.  Being a mom - any kind of mom (working, work at home, homeschooling, SAHM) requires tons and tons of time and energy, but certainly when they are small.  Trying to make things run smoothly and cleanly has been driving me mad for a while.  Understanding that no matter which way we organize or plan, running a household with small children is hard and requires a lot of (exhausting) work.

That realization, while perhaps simplistic, made me breathe a little easier.  It didn't change the amount of work that still has to be done in more time than I have to do it, but at least now I know it's not just me.  So, in case you're in like me or in some unavoidable circumstance that seems overwhelming yet maddeningly necessary, it's not just you.  It IS really hard.  In a lot of ways, it IS unfair.  But that family you're working for or that goal you're headed toward, it's totally worth it.  When my kids are grown and as a joke happen on to my writings, I hope they realize that it was ridiculously hard some days, but achieving the goals Mr. Butler and I have as a family are worth every bit of it.  

The Balance of Herbs for May 18th - 24th

Herb talk is not the only thing I intend to blog about, but it has been the first on my list (of trying to be more consistent), so you'll have to bear with me! 

Specials

-Become a member this week through me and get your choice of a free bottle of Lemongrass (15 ml) essential oil or Valerian Root (100 caps).

-Buy $20 of product from me and you'll receive 2 free empty amber bottles that are great for storing your personal essential oil blends in.

Events

June 1st - Toxic Invaders & the Importance of Fighting Them Head On hosted by The Herb Garden

Herb Talk

One of our free items is Valerian Root and it is a powerful thing to have in your cabinet.  Here is a little bit about it from one of my favorite clinical herbalists, Steven H. Horne.

"Valerian is one of the herbal kingdom’s powerful nervines.  The root of this plant has been used since the 2nd century AD and continues to be one of the more popular modern herbal remedies for insomnia, stress and mild pain.  

Unfortunately, it’s not one of the more pleasant smelling herbs.  The smell of valerian has been described as something akin to “moldy cheese” or dirty socks.

Despite its putrescent odor, cats seem to love the smell of valerian.  It intoxicates them much the same as catnip does.  Valerian root has also been used in rat traps to attract the rats to the poison.  It is no wonder that the Pied Piper is purported to have used it, along with his flute, in his extermination efforts."

To read more about Valerian, go here.

Wondering why herbs and why NSP?  Go here.

The Balance of Herbs for May 11th - 17th

Did you know that plants (herbs) are the original medicine? Many prescription drugs have parts of plants at their core.  As science chugs along, there are of course changes made and synthetic components added.  One of the things I love about herbal supplements and formulas is how much of their original state is maintained or combined in a gentle and complimentary way, rather than forced for convenience or sheer experimentation.

Would you like to know more about gentler alternatives for any health issue you might have?  There is so much information I can share with you if you're interested.  Want to look around at what kinds of products are available? Go here.  This week, May 11th - 17th, if you decide to become an NSP member through me, you will receive your choice of a bag of Love & Peas, vegan protein powder OR a 32 oz bottle of Liquid Chlorophyll. 

In the coming weeks there are going to be a lot of opportunities for learning about healthy living and natural alternatives over at The Herb Garden.  June 1st there will be a free class, Toxic Invaders & the Importance of Fighting Them Head On where you will learn several remedies for fighting illnesses of all kinds that don't require prescriptions and can often eliminate the extra trips to the doctor.  

Questions? Wondering if there is an herb for that?  There probably is! :)  Just ask - I'd love to help!

The Value of a Slow Life

In December, our family had the pleasure of visiting Ft. Walton Beach, Florida on an unexpected work vacation.  Mr. Butler had work stuff going on during the week so the kids and I had normal life with a phenomenal view!

The 6 months prior to this trip had been too full.  I overextended my physical body, jammed too much into our schedule and refused to accept no.  This negligence in listening to the needs of my body and family resulted in some major health problems that forced me to slow down and absolutely quit some days.  Seriously, not a good time for anyone.  But I started getting better and this trip slowed the freight train I'd been traveling on to a nice snail pace.  It was just what I needed, but it had to end.  Every time I get busy or stressed I can't just take a relaxing vacation.  So, as I prepared to return home and over the next few weeks of the busy holidays, I contemplated how simple abundance could begin to describe my life.  I couldn't change the era in which I was born.  I couldn't deny stress existing in my life from time to time.  

But there are some things I absolutely can change.  Things like organization.  When things have a place, a schedule, a plan, it simplifies things.  Staying on top of household management reduces my stress and strengthens my ability to handle other stresses when they come better.  So, first Monday back after the holiday and thanks to God's mercy I'm well and getting (and keeping) life more organized.  

I have power over how often I pray and study,  My communication barriers extend into my prayer life.  When life gets complicated or hard, I tend to shut down. That means even from God.  But of course that's the worst time to do so and it doesn't have to be.  Simply expressing to God (and others) what I need help with is a struggle but it's also the lifeline to moving past the hurdle.

The most challenging thing I have control over is how I value a slow life rather than idolizing the quick and urgent.  The contrast of our modern society with 50 or 100 years ago is constantly made, but then brushed aside with acceptance of 'life is just busier now'.  But I'm beginning to realize that this urgent busyness is just another temptation of our age like overspending, materialism or pornography.  Just because the neighbors have drunken parties until all hours doesn't mean I have to.  Same goes for so many things, yet because a lot of people feel compelled to demand neck-breaking speeds and packed schedules I feel like I have to as well?  The urgent and hectic will always find its way into your life, much like sorrow or sin, but we shouldn't give it a room to stay in as long as it likes.  

My instincts have always valued slow things like nature, growing your own food, building your own things and doing life for yourself rather than outsourcing the hard stuff.  All of that takes time, though.  After a very hectic and dysfunctional 6 months, I am convicted about the way I want my family to do life.  There is always a lot that can and should be done and I am learning that putting it off only makes life harder.  Still, working hard does not mean working stressed, rushed or frantic. Simple abundance starts in my heart and in the way I do life today.  

Today I wait with smiling eyes.  Today I try again with hope.  Today I ignore the billions of other people that pretend to be in my back yard.  Today I honor the ones set before me with focus and intentional love. 

Where Did All My Social Grace Go?

One of my favorite things about being human is our ability to change for the better.  For all of my high expectations and grand desires, I have some large cavities where my social grace should be.  I think and feel so much, but the things I intend to express and demonstrate have a difficult time coming to the surface in the moment it's needed.  Not everyone can be the perfect host or the most gracious conversationalist, I know.  Still, it has effected my friendships and I'm understanding how valuable friendships are to my health.  And that means I need to change for the better.

In the past I've gotten angry at certain quirks I possess and try to ignore or change them.  Things like I'm bad under pressure (even mild pressure) or being tired or overstimulated makes me more emotional and reactive.  Ignoring them didn't change the painful outcome.  Trying to change the way my body is wired is pretty hard too.  So what do you do? Being wired or even conditioned a certain way doesn't necessarily justify the results.  The only thing, next to prayer and God's mercy, that helps is to accommodate and plan for the quirks. 

We have some pretty special new years traditions that I love, but aren't ideal for an awkward highly sensitive person.  This year I felt a victory because I took a necessary break to catch my breath, let my kids rest, etc.  I suppressed the fear that I might miss something and instead did what my family needed.  A victory for sure, but I still found myself reactive and keeping a distance from those I desire a better relationship with.  

The double-edge of adulthood is that you're able to unearth the pain and distortions of youth and hopefully put them to rest indefinitely.  The trouble is what you're left with sometimes leaves much to be desired.  When I was a teenager I really thought of myself as a people person.  I could soak up the dynamics of people and loved to over-think what it all meant.  Now as an adult I realize I'm not a people person, but more of a principle and deep feeler person.  I can stick to my guns and feel the weight of the world with the best of them, but it has left me poorly skilled in friendship. 

In 2015, I want to make a difference.  One of the most significant ways I can do that is through what I teach my children.  We often learn how to have friends and be a friend from our family.  I don't want to leave a legacy of awkwardness or arms length relationships.  I won't ever be your hostess with the mostest, but I'm praying this year I will learn the skills and habits of being a good friend.  If you ever want to teach me some friendship skills or help me practice, feel free! Just be prepared for a few deer in the headlights interactions at first!

Lessons Learned in 2014

I tell Jude whenever he complains that something is too hard, "We are Butlers.  Butlers do hard things!"  He has inherited my impatient, give up before you've tried much at all approach to new and challenging things so it has become an ongoing theme for the family.  2014 has been full of hard things and I've learned (the hard way too often) some lessons.

-Communicating is one of the hardest things for me to do effectively.  Still, communicating awkwardly or poorly is better than shutting down completely for too long.

-The sensitive makeup of my body requires me to respect my physical boundaries better than I have.  If I'm to stay healthy, stay emotionally SANE and fulfill the roles I'm given, I have to sleep better, exercise a lot, eat well, and keep stressful situations at a minimum.

-A peaceful, abundant spirit does NOT come from being busy, doing what everyone else is/seems to be doing, or griping about my problems.

-In every relationship, but especially my marriage, it is necessary to balance the fact that I can learn a lot from you and you can learn a lot from me.  It is easy to demand it be one-sided.  We all have things we bring to the table and we all have space to learn from others.


I feel convicted to make a difference in the lives of others around me, but often I feel so limited by who I am and the season of life I'm in. It's also become clear that I cannot continue a hectic pace of life, at least I can't and remain healthy.  As a result, the idea of simple abundance has become my focus. So, 2015, I have a goal or I guess you could call it a theme I plan to use throughout the year.

Make a Difference with Simple Abundance

What are you hoping to do in 2015?

Reacting to Reactions is Usually Reactive

There is a lot of life that is just someone reacting to someone else.  So many of my decisions or conclusions have been made reacting to something else.  For me, reacting is like breathing sometimes.  And yet just as I say that, I see entire institutions change directions or entire generations poisoned by over-reactive responses.

When someone else goes too far or even so little as to just make a mistake, it is so tempting and self-assuring to run in the other direction.  But usually, we go too far also.  Folks, that's how wars are started and sustained.  Certainly there are good reasons to run in an opposite direction, but unless those reasons are harmonized through facts AND emotions, the risk of doing more harm than good goes up exponentially.

Take weight gain for an example.  Let's say I start a work out regimen and counting calories.  After 2 weeks, the scale says I have gained 5 pounds.  A typical response might be to grow discouraged and, in order to lift my droopy spirits, eat a carton of ice cream.  Experiencing negative results to hard work is a good reason to be discouraged.  It's reasonable.  But eating an entire carton? Really?  To my emotions it felt not only justified, but exonerating even.  If, however, you ran through some facts first, you'll understand that it wasn't necessary or even a good idea.  New weight-loss efforts often cause a temporary build up of weight-gain before a large weight-loss.  The 5 extra pounds are likely exactly what I want to happen.  Furthermore, eating a carton of ice cream in no way makes my weight-loss efforts easier, but worse.

Unless we take the time to harmonize our emotions with rational facts, we're probably going to miss something major.  Even our physical body mimics this at times.  Eating poorly can affect our brain power and mood.  State of mind can impact the effectiveness of an exercise routine or even sleep.  There's often much more to a problem than we initially see.  A kids temper tantrum is rarely just about not getting one specific thing.  It's vital to take the extra time to give the entire issue balanced attention.  Like I may have mentioned before, if you're an overly emotional person, you NEED a highly rational friend that you consult with often.  If you are very logical and straightforward, it is healthy (especially for your other relationships) to spend quality time with a passionate person.

The perfection or completeness in Christ that we're supposed to strive for is a balance of many things.  The more we surround ourselves with balancing people, the easier that balance becomes.  Let's work on pausing before we react.  Pause long enough to consider what might be missing (some heart or some facts) in our reaction.  Whether you are 3 or 93, this can go a long way in ensuring a good life.

Struggling to Submit

Last week, I had a really rough piano lesson.  Today, things went better.  An issue, though, is still at play that I must keep a handle on.  Nerves are the main problem, but the cause of that main problem was revealed later in the week.  And it makes sense, but it really surprised me.  The reason I struggle with nerves and performing under pressure is submission.

Selfie in Georgetown, CO.  He's a catch!

Submission is typically what you hear in the pulpit about wives and their husbands.  This submission issue is much broader than me respecting Mr. Butler.  This is submission to anyone and anything.  Even walking in a crowd at the fair, I practically refuse to be lead by someone else. Either I don't trust them to be right and/or I couldn't possibly face being wrong.  In a piano lesson (or every other role in my life), I don't want to be wrong.  Not only do I not want to be wrong, but I don't want to be thought of as wrong, unenlightened or criticized in any way.  Unless, of course, it was my idea.  Then it's fine.  But ultimately I'm still right.  See that?

Even when the entire purpose of an encounter (a piano lesson, for example) is to critique my performance, it still kills me if I don't execute well.  And with the amount of practice I haven't done in recent years and how difficult it is to find quiet time for focused practice, it's absolutely reasonable that I should struggle for a while.  Due to a series of events over the week, my refusal to be honest and humble with myself became painfully obvious to me.  All of the lessons about Jesus' humbling himself for my sake, when he of all beings had a right to be indignant and self-righteous never really fully made it into my heart.  I found my humility stretched as far as everyone else treating me fairly went.  Whenever that stopped, then my submission quit.  So yeah, I know.  It never really was there to begin with.

Facing mountains can force you to face your own struggles with more honesty.

I come from several lines of strong-willed, prideful, sensitive people and knowing something about myself doesn't make it disappear over night.  I do know this, though: I had a better lesson today.  I practiced more, so that definitely helped.  But I went in admitting and accepting to myself that I had a lot of work to do.  I was there to learn to be better, not prove I'm the best (which I'm never going to be anyway).  I'm not sure what this is going to look like or mean in the future, but I have a feeling that understanding submission throughout my whole existence is a key to pleasing God, no matter what.

And pleasing God has never been so real to me as with having a daughter.  While she may have some personality traits like her daddy, Lord willing, she will walk the road of a woman.  If and how she strives to please the Lord and demonstrate grace and humble beauty to those around her lies largely on what she sees.  And she's going to see a lot of me.  I pray that my heart will learn submission and grace quickly.

My girl

8 years ago this week, Mr. Butler and I were in the middle of our honeymoon in Flagstaff, AZ.  There's a lot I wish I'd known back then, but there's probably even more I did know and didn't pay attention to.  Growing is hard and life can become sticky before you realize it.  But that week we started something really beautiful and I'm so happy we did!

This picture is a really great representation of what it was like for me 'searching' for my future husband.  Whether intentionally or not, I had this outlined picture of him - his characteristics, his way - and so I had the idea, but never could exactly make out his face for sure.  When I finally did, it was such a surprise - a fantastic, perfect surprise.

8 years isn't a big milestone and (though I can't speak for Randy) we're not exactly swooning every other heartbeat for one another, the quietness of this year speaks volumes enough though.  Neither of us are finished growing and unless the Lord comes back quickly we'll have plenty more transitions to go through.  We can fight like little kids (and we do sometimes), but we're also still here dreaming about the days ahead.  Something in my fb newsfeed today said 20% of marriages end within 5 years and 32% within 10 years.  Marriage is a delicate animal that is easily swayed in one direction or another.  But when both are swaying it in the same general direction over time, it grows stronger than ever thought possible.

This guy is the goofiest, most intelligent person I know.  I desperately need him, but I think most days he'd agree  I can fill in all those gaps in his nature too, just like peanut butter! 

God knew that I would put up such a fight with anything that I didn't agree with right away.  I'm so thankful that He also knew the strength Randy possessed that would set me right a gazillion times over and protect our family from my foolishness so many times.  One thing we certainly got right was finding someone who could provide what we needed rather than just what we liked.  

With busy schedules, frantic hearts and a mile long prayer list, tender moments can get drowned out.  I'm so thankful God designed marriage for us to refocus on the tenderness of life, especially when the world gets loud.  

In the Face of Fear

As a child, I took piano lessons.  I always enjoyed playing the piano, but I usually hated my lessons.  I had a couple of different teachers over the years, but none of the issues I had were their fault.  I didn't like the pressure of practicing and performing everything just right.  I knew when it wasn't right, but the more I seemed to know, the more pressure I felt to perform.  All of which added to the whirlpool of destruction in my mind.

As you know, I teach piano part-time and have played for my own entertainment off and on for the past few years.  By design I don't perform much.  Unless I'm 100% prepared, which doesn't happen often, I. get. nervous.  And not just a pit in my stomach beforehand, but do better than I expect-nervous.  I get - make mistakes you never make at home because hands are shaking and everything you try to NOT be nervous only brings more attention to the fact and results in more nerves-nervous.

So, for a few clerical reasons, a free grant paying the bill and Mr. Butler saying, "Do it.  I'll be good for you.", I am taking piano lessons myself for the first time in 12 years.  And, yes, I still get nervous.  Frustratingly nervous.  I mean it's a little (okay, a LOT) humiliating to know what you're doing wrong but appear to be clueless as I stumble around on the piano as though I only looked at the piece once over the past week. It's something that I have to seriously work on.  The main answer is that I need to practice as much as possible.  The complicated answer is that I have to structure my time differently and insist on my own discipline and for others to respect that boundary.   

Regardless, the reason I'm sharing this with you, besides therapeutic purposes, is to say that everyone has areas in their life where they should perform better than what they are.  Their experience and training should put them higher up.  They should know better than to stumble at such a little thing.  They should have gotten their act together by now.  We all have the proverbial 20 lbs of weight we should never have gained or the debt that shouldn't have spun out of control.  We all have something.  And maybe today you should face it, instead of avoiding it.  

I hate feeling like an idiot when I play poorly.  But not playing or running away like the little girl I feel like inside is the worst way to handle it.  It might be a really long road to truly face the skeleton you're avoiding, but I think it's time, don't you?  It won't be easier next year.  That's what you said the past several times and it hasn't exactly panned out.  I'm going to go practice.  What are you going to do? :)