What 3 Babies Taught Me About Weight-Loss

Unlike my mother or my daughter, I was never really skinny.  As most people can do, looking back on my size in high school and college, I was just fine and would gladly return to that size again if given the choice.  When you're living it, though, that unique and specific-to-you shape gets ripped to shreds by society and their version of normal.  So like an adolescent girl is prone to do, I proceeded into adulthood with shame and insecurities surrounding how I looked and how much I weighed.  Enter marriage and pregnancy to make things really interesting!

If you know Mr. Butler, you know his second home is the gym.  To an insecure newlywed, that can result in more pressure and sensitivity.  I always wanted to look perfect and be viewed as perfect by everyone but especially my young husband.  Yet, exercise and dieting weren't exactly something I loved.  Ice cream, treats and Friday night fun I could get motivated for, but it took way too much baby weight that wasn't going anywhere to teach me how much exercise and clean eating would become one of my greatest tools in life.  Still, J was 6 or 7 months old before I had really begun that journey.  There was a mountain of judgement and criticism that I just couldn't get around and that was just the stuff in my head.  On the one hand there are supermodels and air-brushed magazine covers convincing me that my imperfection should be my shame.  On the other hand, there are other voices in the media that pounce any time someone suggests that a person should really work at losing weight.  Body-shaming, they call it.  And, goodness those voices can get so ugly.  In either case, I'm not buying it anymore.

I am 10 months postpartum after my third baby and about 50 lbs over my (1st) pre-pregnancy weight.  The rollercoaster has been real, but being on this end of it, I have certainly learned a few things I wish I could share with my pre-motherhood self.

1) View weight and body image through the lens of health.  Early on Mr. Butler encouraged me to exercise not because he saw me as flawed (like my inner voice tried to convince me all. the. time.), but because he wanted me to feel good about myself and stay healthy like he had learned.  Diabetes and heart disease may have very well been in his near future had he not made some major changes when starting college.  Thus, his commitment to healthy living was born.  He knew I was insecure and he also knew the motivation that came from a great exercise program!

It is in this point that I have a real problem with most people claiming that a concern for someone's weight is body shaming.  There are bullies and very cruel people in the world that say mean things and terrorize those with insecurities.  Encouraging someone to maintain a healthy weight is not the same thing.  I agree that no two bodies are the same and your healthy weight may be heavier/lighter than mine.  But if you have health complaints (other than how your clothes fit) like joint pain, labored breathing going up a flight of stairs, or depression, I do not agree that you should ignore your size.  A combination of any of those symptoms are signs that your body needs some attention for long-term survival, not to fit some society-built expectation.  When someone develops pneumonia, it is serious.  Any caregiver worth anything isn't going to start in ridiculing the person for being sick.  Instead, they just want them to survive without any permanent effects.  A major weight problem should be viewed the same way.

After the first pregnancy, losing weight was 100% about how I looked.  I was self-conscious about everything around everyone.  Now, after the third pregnancy, losing weight is about getting my health back where it needs to be so I can be the mom and wife I need to be.  What I look like and how my clothes fit is just a physical manifestation of where my health is at and how much further I have to go.

2)  Don't Use Another Person's Experience to Shape Your Expectations.  When it comes to weight-loss, most people fall into one of two categories.  They either must work at it to lose weight or they don't.  It is a rare unicorn of a person who has to work only a little bit in order to lose weight.   The two really can't be compared  and yet that's what we do.  Having babies is the perfect example.  Everything surrounding your first child is a brand new experience and that includes losing weight after pregnancy.  'They' say that if you breastfeed your infant, then the weight will just fall off.  Yeah, that only works for people who the weight just falls off anyway! I have two sister-in-laws and a handful of friends who just didn't even think about it and they were back to square one in no time.  I had really hoped that it just wouldn't be a big deal after J, because I tried to eat well and exercised some thinking that would be enough.  As you know, I fell into the category of having to really work at it.  And now I'm here again at 10 months postpartum and it still requires a ton of work. Honestly, it is probably more difficult this time because of how much busier I am with three kids.  Busyness translates into less time to exercise, less sleep and more stress which are all recipes for weight gain in my body, certainly NOT weight-LOSS.

After J, I let what other people (different body types and different circumstances) experienced determine what I expected my circumstances to be.  When I was obviously wrong, the despair, judgement and self-loathing just about ruined me in more ways than one.  In retrospect, it was all just so silly.  Healthy weight-loss is really just a science experiment anyway that takes patience and tweaking along the way.  What ratio of diet changes and exercise program intensity does it take to decrease your weight?  Spending all your time comparing yourself to where others are at is just taking time away from getting further along on your own path to a healthy place.  For probably the first 6 months of J's life I was just insistent in my head that what I was doing should be enough to get my desired results because of what anyone else was or was not doing.  And we're not even talking about the subject of what recovery after having a baby really means.  I had no clue.  Just stop comparing.  Period.

3)  There are many things worse than extra pounds.  When your health is clearly in danger, it will be a different story, but life is filled with more than just numbers on a scale.  Especially after children, life becomes more complicated.  Having healthy and whole children is a luxury many parents don't have.  A loving marriage, financial security, a hope of heaven and peace of mind are all things that don't just happen.  Many families struggle with so many things.  After miss Z's birth and difficulty sleeping through the night, I learned that I'd Rather Be Fat Than Crazy. The season of having babies and small children is short and losing weight is something you can always pursue later too.  At this stage there's just so much demand being put on your body that an aggressive weight-loss plan may not be possible, not yet anyway,  Be patient and be thankful for the good.

Mr. Butler has been so supportive of me this past year and it has really taught me to be kinder to myself in this area.  My blessings are many and my children deserve to see gratitude instead of a whiny state of being that only breeds unhappiness.  By the end of 2018, it is my goal to be well on my way to my former weight, but these three babies have taught me how to be content in the mean time.

Passionless Work: Why Bother?

She was finally settling down under the covers after much nagging on my part and lots of chattering on her part.  She smiled as her eyelids closed and said, "Goodnight, Mommy." The wind suddenly blew outside and a realization struck me.  My little girl - this larger than life free spirited girl who loves with her whole self and spreads excitement with her eyes - was tucked safely in her bed with nothing to fear and all her needs met.  So many others don't have that luxury, or worse, struggle under blankets of abuse.  I was so thankful for my girl's safety, but more than that I recognized how deeply indebted she is to her father who makes all of that possible.

I grew up championing passion and finding THE career or life calling that a person could get excited about.  Why do something for the rest of your life if you weren't passionate about it, right?   Well, I'm beginning to realize that passion is only half of the picture.  The nature of passion is that it burns hot at first, but can fade quickly.  The ability and willingness to work hard no matter what is something that you can depend on, finding passion and fulfillment in many places.  It is another case of emotion and truth having to work together for the best result.

Mr. Butler has wished many times that he had chosen a different career.  Engineering, while lucrative, is not what he thought it would be and not the most fulfilling thing he could be doing with his life.  I have told him so many times that I just wanted him to be happy with his work.  However, he is a fiercely committed man and has always sought to provide me - and eventually our babies - a safe and healthy environment in which to live and grow.  That has often involved work that might not have been his favorite but certainly took care of us.  For the longest time, I just didn't understand being okay with a job that you didn't just love.  I think the problem was that I didn't fully understand love at all.  Idealism and naivety can cloud your understanding.  Single parents,  two working parents, daycare, foster care, the list of not our first choices for a family situation is endless.  Life doesn't usually go the way you expect and then you find yourself making different choices.  Love for your family, more specifically love for your children changes the world as you know it and sheds a whole new light on eternity and God's provisions for us.

This man works hard, even on a Saturday morning when he'd rather take the day off.

Just as the way life goes, some things you just don't get until you're older and have been pushed around by life a little. All three of my little circus animals are safely tucked into their beds with full bellies, more clothes and toys than they need and have no fear of tomorrow.  With just a few different choices in life, that is quickly not the case.   My heart hurts for all of the innocent kids who didn't choose their lot, especially when it involves avoidable circumstances.  I still celebrate understanding ourselves and finding the career or hobby that makes your heart soar!  If you can get paid for what you love, that is a wonderful thing!  But more than that, keeping children safe (through a steady income or just being a good parent /advocate) and teaching them what love and security looks like is probably one of the most rewarding jobs someone could have.


So, to all of you who work hard and find yourself doing things that you don't exactly love in order to provide something for one of these little ones, THANK YOU!  What you are doing is changing the world for good.  And that's all anyone can hope for in this world, isn't it?

Something To Be Said For Slowness

One of the best sounds in the world - as a mom and an educator - is the pleadings of children saying, "Just a little more?  Please???" after I reach the end of a chapter.  Tonight it was especially urgent because we're reading Sarah Witcher's Story by Elizabeth Yates, where a young girl, Sarah, gets lost in the woods and the entire community is searching for her.  We had already stretched the book over several sittings and their emotions had just about had it, I think.  So, of course we read just enough to know they were going to find her and then everyone could manage to sleep.

In the this competitive and high traffic world, we all just want to do well, to feel normal and not get left behind.  So we try to do more, go more and ultimately be more, but then we forget how much is gained in the slowness.  The one curriculum that we have used consistently since J started is My Father's World and, like a lot of homeschool curriculum, read aloud books are a standard practice.  My sensitivity to pressure (of any kind) causes me to get caught up in worry about to-do lists and doing enough.  So things like reading together takes time that the shameful side of me says could be used to clean something.  But of course I know better.  Having my big 7 year old and the whippy 4 year old clinging to me out of fear and excitement about the fate of a character in a book is far more valuable and steadying than a clean sink or organized closet.  This thing we're doing as parents - shaping their hearts toward the world and toward God is such a huge thing.  When your back aches and eyes droop from the exhaustion of it all, it is easy to forget what it's for.

Another thing that this year has brought has been more puzzles.  Nobody is pregnant in our house, no huge renovation projects are in process, and it's just too cold and dark after dinner to do much else.  So, our brains are getting a little exercise and our pace is soothingly slowed.  There's something to be said for slowing life down a bit. :)

How is your January going?  The race car is smiling most of the time and we're so thankful for that!

Be the Helpers

I have this really great friend who is probably my most favorite person to just cut to the chase of life with.  Small talk and polite hesitation just isn't something we usually do and certainly not her way.  Her super power is to say just what she thinks -especially in regards to the important matters of life - and not be bothered by any awkwardness that ensues.  I'm not really talking about rudeness, just more like the true friend love that knows you may regret this horrible choice you are about to make.

I, on the other hand, hate confrontation.  I despise awkwardness.  Even on TV!  The Office is a favorite of Mr. Butler and I's, BUT sometimes Michael Scott's ridiculous awkwardness is just too much for me.  And it's not even real.  So, I have always avoided the straight-talk kind of conversations unless someone else is asking my opinion.  As I get older, I have some regret about not being more willing to try to help others when they are clearly going in a foolish direction.  One of the privileges of knowing people for over 20 or 30 years is that you get to see the results of early life choices and it is evident now that those adolescent events are so shaping and unfortunately condemning if left uncorrected. 

Why am I talking about any of this?  I want to encourage you to always be a helper.  Moms and Dads, teach your kids to be helpers.  Teenagers, the way you treat others - especially those in your peer group - will change them for better or worse.  In the chaotic moments of adolescence, I know you feel like it's every man for himself, but in 20 years you'll see what kind of effect you had.  Will it be meaningful and good? Or was it hurtful and negligent?  Every man is responsible for their own actions, of course.  But haven't you seen all the hurt and dysfunction that many, many children - maybe even you - grow up in?  Maybe love and attention from you or your family could change their life? 

Something I've decided to work on is my ability to do good in spite of discomfort or awkwardness.  I'm really bad at it - like brain racing, blood pressure spike, and just foolish talking - but I'm hoping that the pregnancy/new mom brain will start to improve and I can be more purposeful with my words.  There's always going to be tragic ends and self-inflicted pain and suffering, but I think we can save some.  And I think that matters.

Hey 2018: Let's CRUSH IT!

  After the heavy challenges of last year, Mr. Butler and I both have been looking forward to starting fresh in 2018. We've grown closer together. We have dreamed more together.  And I'm generally just happier with him than ever!  One of my favorite things about him and our relationship is his ability to make me laugh.  I can be a stick in the mud and he is the best medicine for me.  Our first major conversation of 2018 is a perfect example.

So, selecting a word to inspire and guide you over the course of the year is s trending thing to do these days.  Around 1:00 AM  Jan. 1st, on our way home from singing in the new year, I asked him what word he would pick for us for 2018.  Mind you, he's amped up on caffeine and he's extra funny that way.  He's driving and looks at me straight in the eyes long enough to say "CRUSH IT" with a super serious face.  It was ridiculous, but cute.  I said, "That's two words.  Try again with only one word."  He thinks for a minute and then with a good '80s style motivation in his voice he says, "CRUSHIT! One word!" with a fist pump in the air.   Ridiculous but I laughed hard.


So, for now we are attempting to CRUSH IT in 2018.  I'm implementing some better chore routines for the kids, working to be more disciplined with my lesson planning and writing time, Mr. Butler and I both have some major weight-loss goals we're working on, trying to replenish some savings that 2017 depleted, and overall maintain the good things in our life (aka our circus!).  Thankfully, my best friend is pretty awesome and tries to keep this girl from taking herself too seriously.  I don't always listen, but he's good for the soul anyway. :)

I'd Rather Be Fat Than Crazy: A Farewell Note to 2017

For 8 months I had mostly refused to buy myself any clothes.  The days and months after having a baby are full of change and uncertainty.   I had been down this road before and my bulging closet was proof of the varying sizes I had been over the last 7 years.  Why should I waste the money? I had lost weight before and would get where I wanted to be eventually.  What I had should cover my needs.  But my little race car's pregnancy was almost entirely different than the others and that included my weight gain.  I carried him differently and thus gained more weight in certain areas and not as much in others.  Plus, he was 10 pounds!  That meant more skin stretched further and more time for it to return to 'normal' if that's even possible!  Weight-loss this time around was more complicated because of stress, more physical healing, and three kids!  Tired of my fits of frustration while getting ready to go anywhere, Mr. Butler finally insisted that I go buy clothes that fit and would make me comfortable.

So, as I tried on clothes in the dressing room of Kohl's, I found myself repeating, "I'd rather be fat than crazy.  I'd rather be fat than crazy." over and over in my head.   Everything was either too big up top or too small on the bottom so dresses seemed to be out of the question. My pride screamed at me that I should be further along than I was in my weight-loss and recovery, but if there is one thing I gained this last year it's perspective.  About a year after miss Z was born, I physically and emotionally burned out.  In a nut-shell, I was overcome with sometimes immobilizing and unreasonable anxiety.  I remember being so afraid that I would never be able to enjoy my kids or even be up to having another one because of the hold it all had on me.  Fast forward 3 years and through the year we just had - full of stress, loss, challenges, but nothing like the problems I had before - and I can see things much clearer.   

I hate being uncomfortable in my own skin.  The extra weight just serves as a  reminder of the unhealthy side effects of stress, sleep deprivation and life changes.  All of this can be such a tool of the devil in my life.  I think all the insecurity of life that most people can feel is the devil's biggest tool sometimes.  But in the day to day, satan is defeated with perspective. Yes, I couldn't fit into things the same way yet, but I wasn't terrified of getting out of bed.  I was able to enjoy my kiddos and think clearly and sanely.

This year gave me the most fun, lovable, and good-natured little boy I have ever met.  Seriously, my race car is always looking for someone to smile at!  Not only that, but he is 100% healthy after a scare early on.  I survived the death of one of my dogs.  Not a big deal to most, but it was a day that I had dreaded since we brought Grace home almost 11 years ago.  This year was a huge financial burden, but it could have been so much worse.  I wish I was skinnier.  I wish we had never had to spend the second week of the race car's life in the hospital.  I wish my dog was still alive and chasing frisbees.  I wish our savings were built up rather than being drained by medical bills and car purchases. But I'd rather be afloat, than drowning in debt.  I'd rather be grieving a sweet dog than causing her pain and suffering.  I'd rather have an emergency room experience than risk the health of a fantastic little soul. And yes, I'd rather be fat than crazy!

Our perception (and opinion) of ourselves is such a complicated and fleeting thing.  In some ways, it just doesn't matter, but in other ways, if it's not satisfactory, it can change the course of our life.  I found clothes that fit and that made me more comfortable.  So go me, I guess, but more importantly it allowed me to recognize how we cope with the ugly and hard things in life.  There are days, months and in our case years of life that are full of exactly what we never wanted.  So then what?  We can quit and let the devil ruin the good gifts the Lord brings.  Or we can be thankful for what is and wait patiently for the good the Lord is bringing through it all.  As 2018 closes, I think of it like that high school nemesis that was always beating you out of things.  2017 was just wretched to me, but without it, there are so many things I would not have gained.  So for that, I say a fond farewell to 2017.

Magic Stix Washable Markers: A Pencil Grip, Inc. Review

The Pencil Grip, Inc. is at again and have released ANOTHER new product that you are going to want to include in your craft supplies.  We were given the chance to try out their new Magic Stix Washable Markers.  When your kids are consuming art supplies like food, it is easy to assume a marker is a marker, right?  According to The Pencil Grip, Inc. these markers are odorless, washable, non-toxic, but the big reason you should care about these?  They will not dry out with the cap off for 7 days GUARANTEED!  That is a pretty bold claim, but we have seen it tested and succeeded.  Some friends tested it much longer than 7 days and so far haven't seen it dry out yet!

They came in a nice plastic carrying case that secures each marker into a spot.  It was so nice that both kids decided it was theirs and of course arguing ensued.  Typical. :)  Whatever the case, they have been using them religiously for the past two weeks and no complaints or throwing them out, so I call it a win!  If you haven't tried out this company's products, you're really missing out! Follow the links on this page and you can purchase them off of Amazon.  

Don't Be Annoyed When You Receive What You Ask For!

We had been wrapping presents all morning and everyone was a little 'whippy.'  When the racecar and miss Z naps, J has designated Quiet Time which usually consists of reading or school work.  He's been reading the Horse Diaries Series and currently had two checked out from the library.  One was a special edition, Jingle Bells, with trivia questions, a craft and a special recipe talked about in the book.  After he had finished his reading today, he walked into the kitchen with this book open to a specific page and said, "Momma? Do we have cream?  And what about baking soda?  Or Camdara?"  When I didn't recognize 'camdara' I finally stopped him to say, "What for?"  With a very sly grin he said, "I was thinking we could make these cookies that she made in the story."  Turns out the recipe called for cardamom, but he had a little trouble pronouncing it seeing as how we had never used it or mentioned it before.  "We don't have any cream, but I think we have the rest of it." I said.  Not to be deterred he said, "Could you text dad and ask him to get some on his way home?"  I told him I would talk to his dad and we would see.

Lately, this 7 year old has been getting so many big ideas to make things and do all sorts of stuff.  Balancing the two bigger kids with a baby can easily make me cranky because I just want to focus on one at a time.  Mr. Butler's offspring are consistently in a hurry to go and do!  So, here again is another project that J wants to do when I'm still trying to finish Christmas plans.  Initially, I internally rolled my eyes and huffed a big sigh of exhaustion.  But then a thought blessed by the Holy Spirit I think crossed my mind.  What is one of our main purposes in homeschooling?  We hope to instill a love and life-long desire for learning, independence and creativity!  Well, looky there.  It's working! It's really working!  The very thing that was annoying the daylights out of me was what we were seeking in the first place.

We have been incredibly blessed this year despite so much loss and struggle.  Why it is so hard to see those blessings when they are staring back at you, I don't know.  I'm thankful God works in many ways to save me from my bad attitude, especially when it comes to my spirited children!

Turning Holiday Stress in to Amazing Grace

As much as we love this time of year, the holidays can be so stressful. With social media begging you to compare everything and my family’s wants far outweighing their needs most of the time, it is enough to bring out the Grinch in anyone!  Nothing sucks the joy out of these special times faster than your heart being clouded with a big stress.ball.  Especially as parents, our moods set the tone for everyone else and those tense comments we make out of panic or frustration can easily bring the whole house into arguments, if we’re not careful.  For those of you who thrive under pressure and simply see the chaotic yuletide plans as an interesting challenge, thanks for all you do and we’ll try not to let you make us sick with all your crafty skills.   For the rest of us, it’s just not worth the mental breakdowns and the physical toll stress takes on our bodies.  We have to find a better way to balance what is doable with what is desirable.

When it comes to the holidays or special occasions, my ideas are usually bigger than my budget or my time will allow.  Sometimes it is the things I do to please others.  Other times I find myself committing to a job because no one else will.  Then, of course, there are my favorites that I can’t bear to skip or don’t want to miss out on.  I’m also an introvert, which means all of the people time can be extra exhausting.  Like most wearying things in life, none are so bad in and of themselves, but when I try to do them all, bad things happen.  Like the frog in the pot of water that doesn’t realize he’s slowly boiling, many of the things I love about the holidays are the ones turning me into the worst version of myself.  That is too heavy a price to pay when the entire purpose of this season is to bring joy, peace and family fulfillment.

So, what’s a family-loving mom to do to when she seems to spread holiday stress instead of cheer?  Take a breath and shift gears, of course!

Read the rest at Homeschool Review Crew and check out all the resources they make available to families!

Road Trip 2017: The Tale of Changing Plans and Expectations

Comparison. Expectations. Discontent.  I can be my own worst enemy and usually these are at the heart of it.  Everything we go to do can be lost to what we thought it should be or how we see others doing it.  We just took a family vacation to Flagstaff, Arizona that absolutely did no go the way we intended or expected.  I got some great pictures, my kids had some great experiences and Mr. Butler and I had some much needed time together for reflection and growth.  A successful trip it sounds like, right?  Yes, it was successful, but there was a ton that was just rotten and not how we planned time off.

The baby projectile vomited 4 or 5 times and prevented us from checking out a couple of surrounding towns like we'd planned.  After that day being so stressful we opted to stay in town the next day, which meant our Grand Canyon day was a lot colder.  We had fun at the Lowell Observatory and even came back later that night, but just as we finished a really neat demonstration, J threw up everything he had between the lobby and the bathroom.  Never before in my 7 years of being a mother had I dealt with so much vomit in such a short time span so by the time we got back from their MY stomach was feeling queasy.  So, since everything seemed to be crumbling anyway, I felt awful sick all night and finally willed my body to throw up just so I would feel better.  And I did. Mr. Butler and I both woke up the next day with headaches and feeling weak, along with come and go tummy troubles. Was it a stomach virus or some kind of flu?  Was it altitude sickness?  Honestly, I'm not certain either way.  It was all so weird and affected everyone differently (as in miss Z's case not at all!), but certainly not our idea of a good vacation element.

So, depending on my attitude, this could have been a disaster trip and waste of time or a successful time away where my kids got some unique memories and definitely a growth experience in my marriage and mental health.  The truth of the matter is that our perception of the way life normally goes for other people falsely feeds our expectations and then in turn influences our gratitude and attitude towards disappointment and unhappiness.  Poll those around you about their worst vacation experience.  There are all kinds of horror stories to be heard, but then somehow when it comes to our life we expect things not to be challenging.

There was one morning of this trip that I was just flat unhappy that everything was getting rearranged and in my mind just ruined.  As usual I had perfectionist ideals that were being thrown out the window and I wasn't happy with what was left.  Thankfully, one morning's attitude doesn't a ruined trip make.  At the end of the day I desire a healthy, close relationship with my family, a steady flow of fun learning experiences and more time to become the person God designed me to be.  In light of those goals, we had a fantastic trip and can't wait to do it again  - maybe minus all the vomiting!  So let's remember this:

1. Trips or life in general rarely go exactly as planned - and that's okay.
2. The ideal life we might see in a Christmas card or on Facebook isn't ideal or without trouble.
3. Be thankful.  Even be thankful for the vomiting.  ;)