Why 'Screen Time' Matters in Our House

The screen time debate has been building for a while and recently a few have been extra vocal for their support (or lack thereof) for limits.  I even shared an article on facebook that spoke of several reasons why handheld devices should be banned for all kids 12 and under.  That article especially ruffled some feathers and it's rebuttals like this and this made some good points.

Here's what I think...

In my children's lineage there is a history of addiction and abuse in several areas.  Mr. Butler and I both have addictive personalities - meaning if we allow ourselves, we can grow addicted to things really quickly.  And when I say addicted I'm encompassing the entire spectrum from the mild to severe.  Because of our family's history, our knowledge about our ownselves and the tendencies we are already seeing in J, moderation is very very important.  Screen time, like eating habits, exercise, what we fill our minds with, is a big deal in our house.  The more time we spend on computers, kindles, phones, ipads, etc., the less responsive we are to each other and to our responsibilities.  In a similar way, the more junk food we eat, the less active we are, the more junk tv we watch, the worse our emotional, physical and spiritual health becomes.  Maybe your house isn't that way - and if so, I'm so glad for you!

I'm sure there are those who aren't as sensitive to some of these things, like screen time, as we are.  Banning media time is unrealistic and not exactly healthy, I absolutely agree.  We all find benefits and necessary uses for our electronic devices.  But in my experiences with my family, having unlimited availability is just suicide.  And I know we are not the only ones.  There is anecdotal evidence in all directions that too much of anything can be destructive.  Self-regulation and limits do not come naturally or at least not easily with us.  So we're training ourselves and each other with small amounts of media and lots of alternatives (outside, creative play, etc.).  For us, it's all about having a plan.

Ultimately, I see another case of imbalance and a one-size-fits-all assumption.  For some people, talk of banning media and screen time for children is necessary and good to get them considering setting limits at all.  For other people self-regulation and limits come so naturally in their world-view that the thought of banning anything seems dumb.  I think it is really great and really important to have this conversation.  Whatever the evil of the decade, we all have to find the line where it grows from helpful and positive to destructive and a big problem.  One of the larger problems we face is taking responsibility and proactively investigating what is best for our household, not just what the average American  requires. Sometimes it seems like a silly battle of the media and the government, but most issues like this should just prompt us to look into it ourselves and make a wise decision for the needs of your family.  Because in case you haven't noticed yet, every last one of us are different!  

The Questions We Should Ask, But Don't

In a 10 year span, most people encounter several head swirling events, any of which can really mess a person up if they let it.  The thing is, we often don't talk about these kind of events like that.  We talk about graduating college as the gateway to the future.  Marriage is easily characterized as the happiest day of our lives.  Then pregnancy and parenthood are spoken of in magical terms where the world is wafted with sunshine and rainbows.  And if we're all honest about it, deep down we want to believe it will all be true for us.  We are different.  The cool part is that there are days like that.  Days where I know I'm the luckiest girl in the world with amazing opportunities and joy beyond measure because of my husband, my work and my children.  But the other days - when I don't feel those things - well, we don't talk about those much, do we?

The other day I had a day that I just wouldn't want to share with anybody.  I didn't feel well physically. I was short-tempered with my son.  I was hateful to my husband.  And I accomplished nothing of note - as in no housework, no better attitude, barely getting the dogs fed kind of a day.  Granted, I'm pregnant and have been suffering from mood swings a lot lately, but it was still one of those 'I must be the worst person on the planet' days.  And the hardest part about it?  The next day I didn't feel any better.  It's like hitting a brick wall twice.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

In life, we experience things that we hope to never talk about with anyone - or at least as few as possible.  But I think we should.  Mostly, to know that we're not the only one who's ever faced such a thing.  Marriage problems, addictions, depression, feelings of failure because of layoffs, parenting problems, resentment, overwhelming pessimism, etc.  Just fill in whatever issue you struggle with right now.  We all know of people who have surprising problems. "I had no idea!" always follows the discussion.  So often, if we would talk about it, these problems can be ridden out before permanent destruction occurs.

We all have circumstances, health issues, weaknesses and a whole lot of faults.  And that's not really the problem.  The destruction really begins when we start thinking we're alone or no one else has to deal with anything like this.  Sure, it's not a good idea to tell anyone who will listen to all your dirty laundry, but find at least one or two friends to be honest with.  Whether you're at a crossroads of decisions, drowning in silence or just about to jump into something big (like college, marriage or kids), ask questions of those in the throws.  Ask the weird, maybe hard questions.

• What do you wish someone had told you before you went to college/took your first job/got married/had kids/bought a house?
• Did you ever completely regret getting married/that degree/having children?
• Have you ever taken anti-depressants?
• Have you ever had an addiction problem?
• Did you ever feel like you just couldn't do it anymore?
• How do people deal with feeling ashamed of where their life is?
• Have you ever had a lot of debt?
• Did you ever have suicidal thoughts?
• Do you ever resent your kids?
• Have you ever found out your spouse lied to you? 

This is the stuff that turning points are made of.  There are ways out, but all too often it's really hard to see them by yourself.  What do you wish someone had told you before now?