Building Healthy Families

There is so much pain and brokenness in the world.  You know it. I know it.  If you're paying attention at all, you have likely wept at the tragedies surging around us.  Disease, infidelity, addiction, greed, or just straight up neglect seem to be satan's first response in our modern world today.  There's no doubt in my mind that we need everything Jesus is offering us and more if we are going to survive all of this mess.  One of the great things the Word of God offers is wisdom and with some prayer and His blessing, some discernment to go along with it.  In this Building Healthy Families Series, I hope to talk about ways to build up and support our families in order to combat all of satan's attacks toward the contrary.

Physically.  Our family's health and physical circumstances can be a blessing or a burden.  What are some physical ways we can build up their lives and the whole of the family?  We'll talk about food, exercise, safety, and general provision.

Emotionally.  Whether or not dealing with emotions is a strength for you, you deal with your family's emotions every day.  Do you know what emotional neglect looks like?  We'll talk about how your feelings (or lack thereof) can be traumatic or life-giving to your family and why understanding anyone's feelings is a game changer in life.

Spiritually.  We are spiritual beings either being starved or fed.  Do you know the difference?  We'll talk about some common misconceptions about what it means to be spiritual and why it should matter to you.

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The Excuses We Tell Ourselves

If you've ever met Mr. Butler, you know that he has logic and mechanics of brain in abundance, empathy and compassion usually only come after the previous has been exhausted.   Of course, I'm the opposite.  Regardless of reality or logic, I feel the plight of man with every word presented to me. Problem solving around our house can be challenging to say the least.  It is common to hear him reject someone's statement as an excuse, while I am usually proposing the statement is an explanation tool.  Potato, potahto, right?  Either way, he has said something lately that resonated with me.  

"I wish people would just be honest and say they aren't going to or don't want to do something, rather than a huge drawn out excuse built to hide the fact that they just don't want to do something."

In context, it sounds harsh at first, but the more I've thought about it, the more I agree with it.  It happens all the time when someone complains or explains why they aren't/can't do this thing.  I can't lose weight, I have to spend this money, I just can't believe that's what God wants me to do, it would never work, etc.  Mostly, we're saying we don't want to do what it takes to avoid this circumstance and truth be told the majority of us don't like being told what to do - even if it's by science, economics or our moms.

It's a good habit for me, but it's more importantly a habit I'm hoping to teach my children.  When making a decision or statement, break it down to it's most simplest terms.  When we say, I can't get healthy or I don't have time to go to the gym, in most cases, we're really just saying that I don't want to eat differently or drive an extra 15 minutes and spend 45 minutes in the gym.  Once you say it out loud like that, if you can accept that statement as it is, then okay.  If we refuse to accept it's simplest form than we are deceiving ourselves somewhere along the way and it needs a closer look.

I think about my children choosing friends, jobs, colleges, mates, etc., and how blessed they might be if they are able to simplify why they choose one over another.  Sometimes we really do like people for their money or how important we feel at a job, but if we never consider what's really behind our motives, there is real danger lurking.

"The more successful you become, the more complicated life gets.  

Not being successful is easy.  Choose wisely."

-Mark Cenicola

Look Who You're Talking To!

There are times in life when we need answers.  Making decisions is a big deal and seeking out someone else's perspective can be invaluable.  Sometimes though we must consider the source.  Mr. Butler was telling me about an exchange that went something like this.  Mr. Butler, referring to buying football season tickets, says, "I just can't see spending the money on it, ya know?" Other guy says, "Nah. It's only $2400 a year."  See, this other guy clearly makes plenty of money and $2400 isn't that much by comparison.  But if my income is significantly lower than this guy's it would be terribly foolish for me to follow his example and invest in season tickets when I'm struggling to pay rent.

Another example.  If I am someone looking to lose weight, have never dieted or exercised before, but find the skinniest person I know and ask them how they stay so skinny, I'm likely to get a very inappropriate answer for myself.  If I follow their lead and do nothing (because those high metabolism kids usually don't do anything for at least 35 years), I've made a foolish move.  Change the category, but the story is the same.  Don't take parenting advice from those without kids.  Don't seek marital advice from the guy who can't get a date or keep a plant alive.  Don't take spiritual advice from the devil.

When trouble hits, we often want to feel better about it all.  There's nothing wrong with that, but often the advice we need to hear is not from the feel good fellas.  Should you take out a loan to get a new wardrobe for that job you haven't exactly landed yet?  Don't ask the guy who is living in his mom's basement, playing video games and taking some time to find himself.

Consider your source and their perspective.  There are plenty of perspectives, some of which are 100% unhelpful to your situation.  Be mindful of who you are asking questions of.  Look for the people who have successfully done what you are trying to do or can understand the direction you are coming from.  It seems like a simple reminder, but I get caught up in just talking sometimes that I don't consider who it is I'm expecting to contribute to the discussion and whether or not that really makes sense.