A New Dinnertime Approach: The Pioneer Woman and My Engineer

Learning to build a life with someone else seems so fantastic and simple in the movies or in the midst of planning a wedding.  The signs of what kind of work it is going to take are certainly all around, but they are easy to miss when you're just so excited about everything.  As you know, I married a great man who experiences the world vastly different than me which is not so great sometimes and creates some interesting discussions.  Like everything else, my engineer has opinions about the most efficient and effective approach to dinnertime!

Early on in our marriage he trained me to grocery shop twice a month and meal plan like a pro.  It was never intuitive to me (because what if I didn't want that for dinner when it came down to it?!), but after getting the hang of it, it helped the budget and meals run a lot smoother.  Adding children to the mix, however, has certainly decreased my brain power and motivation for things like this and being pregnant all the more.  This guy, who lives for check lists and assigned tasks, decided to engineer our dinner plans last month and as a result has given me one of the best gifts I've ever received.  He discovered Ree Drummond, known around here as The Pioneer Woman, and has tasked himself with planning our month with meals from her cook books.  So far, so incredibly good!

Honestly, when he suggested it I was afraid that he would resent me not cooking pretty quickly (because I know I would in his position!), but it's been this beautiful thing.   He loves having something to do when he gets home and I love the freedom of a little more mental breathing room.  I will usually assist or clean up after him and get his undivided attention when I talk.  The kids now know the routine and don't bother us much and it has been WONDERFUL!

Benefits So Far:
-'Couch Time' or Dad and Mom's talk about the day time has almost instantly been better respected by the kids and marriage benefits from it.
-Pregnant, homeschooling busy mom has more energy and emotional stamina.
-Dad feels accomplished for making dinner and taking a load off mom.
-Dinner is planned, yummy and good for the budget.
-Eating out isn't as much of a temptation which is good for our health and budget.

I won't always be pregnant and he probably won't always be on a cooking kick, but there is a reason I wanted to share this with you.  In marriage (or any relationship really) it's easy to jump in and fight for your rights or preferred way of doing things without looking for compromises that might look funny but actually benefit everyone.  It's taken us over 10 years to start really embracing our differences for good and I pray you can be more successful than us and do it sooner!  In doing a little inventory of our needs, this alternative approach to dinner time is producing more benefits than initially expected.  And, it is certainly old news, but the Pioneer Woman's recipes are hard to beat for yummy and easy dinners.  Everybody jumps for leftovers!

The Introvert Extrovert Conflict

For the majority of my adolescence, I assumed I was extroverted probably because my mom was and my subconscious just figured that was 'right'.  What I failed to notice was how introverted my dad was and how much more I identified with him on basic relationships with time and things.  As a result of my confusion, I've been made very aware of how often conflicts aren't really about what we're saying at the moment, but how we value and define elements in our life.

Take a few minutes and read through the definitions below. 

We all know that people are 'different', but how often do we think less of them, as though they don't really know how to live life well or the right way to act?  Or sometimes we assume others are choosing to be extroverted or introverted, and somehow place blame on another for not being conveniently like us.  

The easiest test of that I know is asking where a person gets their energy from.  For the typical extrovert, people soothe and energize them.  For the typical introvert, time alone (away from people) soothes and energizes them.  Our life is full of choices in behavior, but in where we obtain and lose energy, it seems to be a done deal largely set at birth.

What's the point?  The point is that these ideas are just a good illustrations of how differently we can be approaching something.  If I spend an entire weekend constantly with people - even if it's different people - I will be a zombie and the crankiness will be hard to contain come Sunday night.  Others (extroverts) forced to spend an entire weekend at home working by themselves will often find a similar scenario - deflated and grumpy - from a lack of interaction.  

Whether it's a spouse, your children, a group of friends or an organization, these differences can affect the dynamics very negatively if we don't keep some of this in mind.  It, of course, means there will need to be compromises, but just remember everyone needs to be energized sooner or later whatever that will take!

To Compromise or Not To Compromise

I am not an expert housekeeper, an accomplished mother or a master organizer.  I have to work at not being a 'messy' and deep in my heart would much rather run off to a forest or meadow and just think than to clean every nook and cranny of anything.

And yet...

I am what you might call a discouraged perfectionist.  There's a side of me that wants a perfect house, with perfectly made beds, perfectly planned meals and perfect time management so that I even have leisure time to play the piano or read a book.  But when I quickly realize I can't possibly have even half of that, I'd just as soon do none of it.  All or nothing.  My way or not at all.  I have all kinds of projects waiting on me to have the time or mindset to do it the way I want it to be done.  But when things get busy, those things or really anything that takes extra thought or effort, gets cast aside mostly because I can't do it all/perfectly/to my standards.

I think big projects are understandable, but today I've started to wrestle with myself because its a big problem with little jobs too.  I have a basket on my kitchen counter (a present from my sister-in-law, Rashelle, that is super cute!) that is for collecting mail and such things, but sometimes things get left around it, instead of inside it.  Since we arrived home from TN, it has been out of control and gotten worse.  All it needs is a couple of things mailed, and general sorting, but because I have felt pulled by other urgent things and my mind wasn't 'ready' to tackle it, I'd avoided this little task that was junking up entire counter, which in turn makes the kitchen never look clean and my husband to be a bit more crabby because the clutter stresses him out.

So, today, I compromised.  I didn't take the time to sort and act, instead I just shoved EVERYTHING around the basket, INTO the basket.  And guess what? The kitchen looks so nice.  My heart tried to explode a little because I knew that I wasn't fully addressing the problem, but at the same time, it made me feel good to see a clutter-free kitchen.

Moral of the story:
Sometimes its better to do a little (put a band-aid on a problem) than to neglect it fully.