Let Them Do What They Do

About a year before J was to be born, Mr. Butler and I started talking about getting a bigger car.  He was about to not have one and my 4-seater wasn't very roomy.  Once we narrowed it down to a type and size of car, I didn't care much.  What I should have expected, but didn't realize was that my husband is one of the most thorough people I know.  He lives and breathes for data so of course he scoured the internet for reviews and safety guidelines, options and colors.  For the next month, he would continually ask my opinion on things like trunk space and trim color.  After the second question, I absolutely didn't care anymore, but he was just getting started.  I fought him regularly when he questioned me because I didn't have the patience and didn't think it mattered much anyway.



He ended up finding a 1998 Honda CRV for less than most people were asking for it with all the specs he wanted and it has served us very well.  I was more than pleased and he was satisfied with the decision.  It would take me another 3 or 4 years before I would start to really appreciate and value the skill set and nature that he possessed.  I've joked about him being the smartest person in the room and really it's more like he's the most informed person.  He's the guy who reads the instructions cover to cover, inhales product reviews and watches several youtube videos before trying anything.  The guy loves info and possesses the patience and diligence of an ant.  Sometimes I would get so mad at him for being so consumed with playing the guitar or reading some book that he wouldn't respond to me when I talked to him.

We celebrate 11 years of marriage this month and I'm sorry to say that I'm just now coming to terms with (instead of fighting) how much more valuable we are to each other if we just do what we do in a lot of cases.  I need his thorough, logical approach to the world.  We all need somebody to pay attention to the details and the directions.  And yes, he needs someone to remind him to value other people's feelings and that expedience isn't really next to godliness.  I come hardwired to nurture and love his children.  He has built-in confidence and ambition for days.  We are so much better together, doing what we do.  So, the next time you scoff at that opposite in your life, stop.  Try letting them do what they do and appreciating them for that.  You do what you do.  Let them do what they do.  And we just might all be better off.

Balance Check: Togetherness & Alone Time

If balance is the key (and I truly believe it is), then we need to dip our toes into both sides of the pool, so to speak.  And that is sometimes hard.  One aspect that is really important for me is time spent with others and alone time.

Alone Time

Whether you're introverted or extroverted, everyone needs time by themselves.  Prayer and Meditation happen best when you are alone.  Sometimes being alone is the only way you ever face your life as it is.  Being alone, for me anyway, helps me purge all of the mental garbage and focus energy on what's important.   I almost always get more done during the week when I'm alone.  Mr. Butler's days off are celebrated around here, but his presence usually puts a wrench into my productivity.  Most importantly in my life, alone time gives me a better attitude and a better perspective.  Even just time out from a fight - separating myself from the conflict calms and lowers the emotional fire.

Togetherness

Spending time with others is so good for so many reasons.  Do you struggle in your marriage?  Try spending some time with other couples.  Finding out that others struggle makes the load lighter.  Do you get lonely or depressed?  Just being around others enjoying themselves can rub off on you.  Sometimes we get to thinking that our -insert relationship or current condition- is the worst and have a big old pity party.  Sharing a meal with others can often show you that perhaps you aren't so bad off or your problem is common.  Being with others isn't just about what you can get from them either.  There's always someone who needs what you can offer.  It's just about looking for the opportunity.  And you'll find out that supporting and helping others feels so good.

Balance


If you spend all of your time at home, away from the world, away from other people, you miss out on perspective, encouragement and usually fun!   Being with others can help us not take ourselves so seriously and lean on one another.  But if we never take a day off, never spend some time with just your family and really just yourself, you're probably going to grow out of control.  You'll lose track of yourself, your goals and priorities.  And someday you'll wake up and say "How did I get hear?" and not have a clue.   Think of this week, this month as a seesaw.  Spend time alone, spend time with friends, spend some time with just your household, spend some time with those you can encourage. Repeat. :)

Together

Today I am very thankful for being a part of something.  Because our lives are so different, its natural to think of yourself separate from others.  Several of the ladies at our congregation have gotten together and decided to live healthier lives while supporting each other at the same time. Some are trying to lose weight, but overall we're just trying to make healthier decisions for our families. Now let me tell you how much easier things are when you know you're not the only one!

Making changes of any kind in your life is a very personal and vulnerable thing.  Being able to share the struggle with someone else, I think, is invaluable.  And one of the best ways to foster a community willing to do that is to be open yourself.  When you're honest with those around you about what is actually happening in your life, it puts others at ease about their own.  Before you know it, you are sharing each other's burdens!

If there are things in your life that are significant (goals, burdens, struggles), find someone to share them with.  Of course not everyone is safe or suitable, but find those you're comfortable with.  Doing things together increases your likelihood of success!