Let Them Do What They Do

About a year before J was to be born, Mr. Butler and I started talking about getting a bigger car.  He was about to not have one and my 4-seater wasn't very roomy.  Once we narrowed it down to a type and size of car, I didn't care much.  What I should have expected, but didn't realize was that my husband is one of the most thorough people I know.  He lives and breathes for data so of course he scoured the internet for reviews and safety guidelines, options and colors.  For the next month, he would continually ask my opinion on things like trunk space and trim color.  After the second question, I absolutely didn't care anymore, but he was just getting started.  I fought him regularly when he questioned me because I didn't have the patience and didn't think it mattered much anyway.



He ended up finding a 1998 Honda CRV for less than most people were asking for it with all the specs he wanted and it has served us very well.  I was more than pleased and he was satisfied with the decision.  It would take me another 3 or 4 years before I would start to really appreciate and value the skill set and nature that he possessed.  I've joked about him being the smartest person in the room and really it's more like he's the most informed person.  He's the guy who reads the instructions cover to cover, inhales product reviews and watches several youtube videos before trying anything.  The guy loves info and possesses the patience and diligence of an ant.  Sometimes I would get so mad at him for being so consumed with playing the guitar or reading some book that he wouldn't respond to me when I talked to him.

We celebrate 11 years of marriage this month and I'm sorry to say that I'm just now coming to terms with (instead of fighting) how much more valuable we are to each other if we just do what we do in a lot of cases.  I need his thorough, logical approach to the world.  We all need somebody to pay attention to the details and the directions.  And yes, he needs someone to remind him to value other people's feelings and that expedience isn't really next to godliness.  I come hardwired to nurture and love his children.  He has built-in confidence and ambition for days.  We are so much better together, doing what we do.  So, the next time you scoff at that opposite in your life, stop.  Try letting them do what they do and appreciating them for that.  You do what you do.  Let them do what they do.  And we just might all be better off.

The Attraction of Opposites

They say opposites attract and we are living proof of that!  The funny thing with that though is that with the slightest tip of the attitude scale, that attraction, so to speak, can turn ugly REAL fast.  Think of all the people, hobbies, subjects that are the exact OPPOSITE of anything you want in your life.  Now, throw out all of the obvious things that everyone would usually agree on (murders, etc). What's left?  A lot of people and things that are really different than you, right? I'm thinking that a lot of conflicts with other people, spouses, friends, co-workers, anybody really, have their origin in this point. Other people function differently than me.  Certain hobbies or forms of entertainment value different things than I do.  Some organizations are managed in ways that don't make sense to me. That's really a part of life for us all.

The issue arises at this very critical point. I don't share much with this entity (person, hobby, etc) so what am I going to do about it? The very natural response is to reject, dismiss and ignore it.  In some instances it escalates to a challenge or pushing and shoving, resulting in them or you winning and someone losing.  The thing is, that won't bring much good to anyone.  The other option, which does take more thought and work, is to look for ways  it/them can fill in areas you are lacking.

Examples:
Randy is like a robot sometimes - accomplishing because it is to be done.  I am like a an emotional willow sometimes that accomplishes reactively if at all.  Though in extremes neither are healthy, both of us could use a dose of each other.
In any high school  you may have a group of very cheery cheerleaders and a group of very laid back, non-extra curricular activities/school spirit kids.  Some of each attitude is good and both could gain from each other.
Environmental, tree hugging  hippies vs capitalist, take no prisoners businessmen. Both extremes that can still maintain values while rounding out their methods and mentalities.

No, we aren't all the same and I'm convinced we'd all be miserable if we were.  But at the same time we all need rounding out and those most different from us are the best for the job.