Saturday, February 8, 2014

Balance: Where Emotions and Truth Work Together

Every stage of life seems busier than before.  I just thought I was busy when I was single. married. dogs. work. one kid. graduate school. two kids.  And to the judgemental perfectionist in me, it all sounds like an excuse. But then every week as I live it, I get more and more frustrated at my inability to satisfy all of my priorities.  Granted, one of my major weaknesses is organization and time management, but still.  As I improve, the tasks grow.  As I master skills, new ones are needed.  To a girl who just wants to sit and breathe life in, with no deadlines or requirements, the hamster wheel gets discouraging.  And yet.

To whom much is given, much is required -Luke 12:48 

I'm painfully aware of the countless families without.  Without safety, without health, without opportunity, without God.  And I have so much.  It strikes fear and hesitancy in me because of this part of the verse: much is required. Since I don't have a big hospital story or tragic relationship, shouldn't my contribution to the world be that much greater?  Some moments that idea seems preposterous.  Other moments, it's convicting and debilitating in the same breath.

I have a drive (probably half first born, half strong-willed perfectionist and all passion) to do things well.  Great, important things!  To make a difference! Change the world!  And then I trip over my big daydream into the pile of laundry that hasn't been done just in time to hear scissors being used (by the 3 year old) in the next room and the UPS guy ringing the doorbell, which of course wakes up miss Z.  At that point, grand plans fade and doing a good job today becomes the best I can hope for.

Learning what it means to run a household, to be a submissive and graceful wife, being a mom, and serving God in whatever ('little') way is presented are hugely, important things.  Some would argue that these things are the solution to our society's dive into depravity.  I'm not diminishing their importance.  I'm just being honest about how I struggle to require balance in this area. Either I focus on doing BIG things or I get bogged down in the small, daily things.  I resist making them work together.

Where emotions and truth must work together.

Emotion: I want to be a catalyst for great change in those around me!
Truth: If I don't do the laundry, we will start to stink and that great change will be the number of people who can stand near us.

Truth: You have no money and are about to lose all of your possessions.
Emotion: Gratitude for safety and health.  Joy in God's peace and promises.

Working together is hard.  Melding together thoughts and actions is sometimes very foreign.  How many times have I put my foot in my mouth and someone thinks, "Didn't she think before she opened her mouth?"  Nope.  Sometimes the two just don't coincide.  Unless everything is in agreement, working together means patience, give and take, and probably some pain.  Balance is necessary, Biblical and the most effective place to be, I know.  But just because it is a right thing, doesn't mean it just happens.  It's going to be hard. Just about anything we do can be a battle of what is (truth) and what we feel (emotion).

I still want to do good in the world - and maybe these thoughts can be a start.  I'm still taking my responsibilities as a wife and mother seriously.  What I'm hoping will start to be different is where they can overlap and work together.  The balance is in there somewhere.

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