Thursday, June 2, 2011

Don't Be Afraid To Say

Some people are good communicators.  And some people just aren't.  Sometimes its a good idea to keep your mouth shut.  And sometimes it's not.  If you consider yourself a good and effective communicator, I pray you are and count yourself lucky.  Myself included, so many of us are poor at expressing to others how we truly feel and what we really think, especially in ways that are clear and classy.

How many times have you been overcome with emotion - compassion, pride, love, hurt - about a person in your life? Now how often do you communicate that?  There are certainly instances when there's no good that will come from your ugly thoughts being expressed.  But consider the health of that relationship. Do others know how deeply you care about them?  Do they know that their recent accomplishment made you proud to be associated with them?  If a hurt is truly damaging your attitude with them, do they know how much what they said hurt you?

I'll be the first one in the room to shy away from this kind of communication because, with me anyway, it most likely will come out awkward and make me severely uncomfortable.  I have many regrets regarding relationships with people that I've not nurtured, but wholeheartedly neglected.  Not purposefully or out of dislike or something.  Mostly,  it has come from a discomfort with myself.  I've often felt compelled to be okay with everything in my life first and THEN reach out to friendships.  The problem is that being okay with me has taken a long time and I'm not completely finished yet.  That is the foremost reason why I'm most comfortable writing rather than speaking.  But, whatever the form, sometimes what you are thinking needs to be said. Perhaps mostly for the other person.  People need to know they are cared about and that what they do matter.  And not just on some prescribed holiday.  And those burdens of pain you're carrying around blaming on someone?  If you can't get over it on your own, you need to communicate with them.  

I can be long-winded so no I'm not talking about hours of therapy.  Just a simple, "It still hurts me that you  never came for (insert special event)", "I love you still", or "I'm proud of the decisions you're making."  Too often we start filling our heads with what we assume people are thinking and feeling about us.  Maybe its right or maybe not.

If we have ever been friends and are now not so close, I really do want to be.  Mostly, I've forgotten how.  I hate being awkward so its easier to not try at all and hope you will extend first.  But, life is shorter than expected.  Let's make peace with our hurts and make sure the ones we love know it.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Love you! And I just wanted to tell you that. :)

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