I've heard statistics about how marriages break up more often AFTER the kids come (even for non-adultery issues) rather than before. During my pregnancy, I had a really hard time understanding that. To me, sharing the bond of the child I was carrying with Randy was so huge that it was difficult to see what could become greater than that. With Jude on the outside now, I'm able to understand better. The outside forces that come with adding a person (or two) to your family are quite unpredictable and can act like the fire used to refine silver. If you stay in it long enough with the purpose of purification and growth, you'll survive. But, if you jump out too soon with the complaint that its too hot, then you'll have very little to show for it.
My point is that I get it now. Parenting includes really hard days and stretches you farther than you ever thought you could go. But I also have seen what a difference an attitude can make. Have you ever wanted to prove someone wrong and that forced you to try just a little bit harder at something? I've heard some parents complain - at length - about parenthood. I never wanted to be like that. The way I thought was, if having kids was so bad, why'd you have them in the first place? I know, that's not a very nice way to be, but honestly, that's how I felt. So, having waited a while to have kids, I (we) were very purposeful about it. And I was (still am) very motivated to not be a miserable mom. I do understand where the overwhelming chaos can come from, but I also know that we often are what we set out to be. So, to reinforce the positive side of this coin, here are some great things about motherhood.
- Since your choices directly affect someone else (state of mind, eating/nursing, way of life), motherhood is helping me be a better person, work harder and grow more than I ever would have without it.
- When even a half of a smile makes your heart melt, motherhood compels you to appreciate the little things and in turn increases your gratitude for life.
- Without any effort on your part, people are friendlier after you've had a baby. Especially since we walked consistently throughout my pregnancy, our neighbor's are coming out more, wanting to see the baby.
- Though daunting to some, parenting is also empowering. You are given the opportunity to make decisions - decisions that you think are best. Of course, you're not always going to be right, but you get a chance to really learn that and then feel good when you are. Maybe its just a control thing, but its been very freeing to me.
- No matter where Randy is, I have a part of him that I can spend the day with. Makes me love both of them even more!
I am in awe of single parents doing all of this on their own. I might have a very different discussion here if that were my situation. But when you have help and keep everything in perspective, having Jude is one of the best things in the world.
My point is that I get it now. Parenting includes really hard days and stretches you farther than you ever thought you could go. But I also have seen what a difference an attitude can make. Have you ever wanted to prove someone wrong and that forced you to try just a little bit harder at something? I've heard some parents complain - at length - about parenthood. I never wanted to be like that. The way I thought was, if having kids was so bad, why'd you have them in the first place? I know, that's not a very nice way to be, but honestly, that's how I felt. So, having waited a while to have kids, I (we) were very purposeful about it. And I was (still am) very motivated to not be a miserable mom. I do understand where the overwhelming chaos can come from, but I also know that we often are what we set out to be. So, to reinforce the positive side of this coin, here are some great things about motherhood.
- Since your choices directly affect someone else (state of mind, eating/nursing, way of life), motherhood is helping me be a better person, work harder and grow more than I ever would have without it.
- When even a half of a smile makes your heart melt, motherhood compels you to appreciate the little things and in turn increases your gratitude for life.
- Without any effort on your part, people are friendlier after you've had a baby. Especially since we walked consistently throughout my pregnancy, our neighbor's are coming out more, wanting to see the baby.
- Though daunting to some, parenting is also empowering. You are given the opportunity to make decisions - decisions that you think are best. Of course, you're not always going to be right, but you get a chance to really learn that and then feel good when you are. Maybe its just a control thing, but its been very freeing to me.
- No matter where Randy is, I have a part of him that I can spend the day with. Makes me love both of them even more!
I am in awe of single parents doing all of this on their own. I might have a very different discussion here if that were my situation. But when you have help and keep everything in perspective, having Jude is one of the best things in the world.
2 comments:
So true! Parenting is tough and puts a strain on your marriage that I never expected. However, when I see the hubs with Avery, I love him more! Just wait until Jude is laughing and saying things like "may i pwease hab a snack?"! Yes...you can have whatever you want!
My name is Jessica and I approve this message :)
This was sweet. I feel like you were taking the words right out of my mouth.
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