Drama

Do you ever look back on your day and think you may have been a little over-dramatic?

Something Worth Celebrating

Feelings are fickle and time is one of the only things that can truly test them for validity. And even then, feelings should never get the final say when there's plenty of other evidence available to the contrary. Still, when feelings work in your favor, it can be amazing. I guess that's why they control more than their share sometimes. This morning I watched the above video of Michael Buble's latest hit, "Haven't Met You Yet" and it made me cry a little, in the best way possible. If you haven't seen the video yet, watch it. Its worth it. The reason I cried is because most everything to song says, was true in my life. For a while there, I made some stupid decisions, seemed to crash into everything (literally and figuratively) and continually felt like everything was a mess. It was a mess of my own making, sure, but it seemed hopeless and ridiculous. Meeting Randy seemed like an insignificant event to begin with, but looking back now really did start a change in my life that is still bearing more fruit daily. The video is silly but so true to the heart when it takes an ordinary trip to the grocery store and showcases our dreams of someone, complete with a celebration upon finding them.

In my 3 short years of marriage, I can attest that somedays its not easy, its not fair and its not pretty. But somedays its everything you ever dreamed. Somedays, like today, I feel like marching down the aisle of a supermarket with a band, confetti and dancers - all celebrating that because of God's blessing in Randy, I am changing, growing, and far more than I ever thought I could be. Sorry its so mushy, but truth be told God has taught me so many lessons through Randy and boy life is good. And Michael Buble does an awesome job at pulling those heart strings too! :)

Closing the Loop - Project Feedback

Last year about this time, I made up my mind we were going to have a garden this summer. And we did. Now that its about time to start clearing everything out, I'm taking some advice from husband and reflecting on how things went. It seems unnecessary at first, to give yourself feedback, but without it I will most definitely charge in again blind, hoping for the best. This way, I will stop and think about what worked and what didn't and how I should improve in the future. So, here we go.

The premise of last year was really an anything goes attitude. I was going to dive right in, trying whatever I wanted, ready to accept the mistakes and beginner ignorance. So, because I felt like it, I planted things pretty much wherever I felt like it, mix and match, with only a little attention to the needs of the plant once growing. This worked out about half the time.

Things that went well:

-We had lots of lettuce and spinach that tasted great! Next year I'm going to start a little bit earlier (inside if I have to) so that I can replant hopefully after the first round finishes.

-Without even trying we had close to 50 tomato plants of all kinds (cherry, grape, roma, etc) that are still producing delicious fruit. I guess I threw out some old tomatoes onto the soil before we had a compost pile that settled in and sprang forth plentifully! They seriously took over EVERYTHING! But, tomatoes are something we eat continually so no complaints here! :)

-Our blackberry bush produced more fruit than ever (still not much) so I'm hopeful for next year!

-We have some great anaheim peppers still producing. They started late though b/c of tomato takeover. Next year I'll definitely give them more space.

-Our okra turned into trees! We have some good looking plants. I just planted them late and not very many. Start early and plant plenty.

-The corn was the same as okra. Needed to plant earlier, more of it and with more space.

Things that didn't go well, at all:

-In sheer stupidity, I planted watermelon plants EVERYWHERE it felt like. They grew and grew and started producing melons like crazy. It was beautiful but overwhelming to all the plants around them. So, definitely designate a spot just for vine plants. Then the squash bugs hit. And KILLED ALL OF THEM! So frustrating but now we know that we have to spray from the get go and never let up. Lesson learned.

-Carrots grew and grew and we had plenty of them. But they never tasted any good. Always bitter. Worked out for the horses down the street since they ate most of them! :) Any idea how to get carrots to taste good? I'll have to study up on that one.

-Cucumber, Pumpkin and Cantaloupe did the same as the watermelon only I had less of them and they didn't live as long or produce as much. Biggest problem was not enough space and the squash bugs.

For a first timer and a detail hater at that, I'm satisfied with the experience overall. I'm hoping to get Randy to build me another bed for vine plants in the next couple of months. And very soon I'm going to start planning for next summer's produce and maybe some landscaping back there too. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and don't want to think about any of it, but I've figured out what really helps me. I don't ever have to think about all of it. I give myself permission to just think about a little bit - baby steps is how anything is done!

Growing to Victory

You know what I just love? I love having the chance to start over, reinvent myself, change the room around, find a new way to organize something, do it a different way. And what I love just as much as that - talking about it. Anything that involves growth of some kind is worth spending my time for.

In my naivety, I used to believe that everyone really wanted to grow and so me trying to help them grow should always be welcomed. Never mind that I could burst into tears if someone so much as told me I had something in my teeth. Hypocritical a bit, yes. Still, underneath the fragile self-esteem, the deep desire for growth and change towards something better was always there. To this day, that desire propels my need for authenticity and truth. Buying store bought when I can make it from scratch makes my skin crawl a little. I'd rather you not talk to me at all than ask me a question you don't honestly want the answer to (How are you today?). To me that sentiment drives growth. Few things grow without any effort. And no person can achieve a higher level of anything (organization, clarity, intimacy), without putting a genuine, whole-hearted effort into it. That's where the really hard part comes. In my experience, even when you are bound and determined to give it a big go this time, that doesn't mean that everyone around you will join in, understand or even say good for you! Just when you are convinced those around you might start mocking your productivity or enthusiasm. In the past that just about destroyed me. How could I march on to victory without anyone with me? Turns out, sometimes that's that best way to get where you want to go. And the victory, when won by your singular effort (with God's blessing of course), is that much sweeter.