Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Growing to Victory

You know what I just love? I love having the chance to start over, reinvent myself, change the room around, find a new way to organize something, do it a different way. And what I love just as much as that - talking about it. Anything that involves growth of some kind is worth spending my time for.
In my naivety, I used to believe that everyone really wanted to grow and so me trying to help them grow should always be welcomed. Never mind that I could burst into tears if someone so much as told me I had something in my teeth. Hypocritical a bit, yes. Still, underneath the fragile self-esteem, the deep desire for growth and change towards something better was always there. To this day, that desire propels my need for authenticity and truth. Buying store bought when I can make it from scratch makes my skin crawl a little. I'd rather you not talk to me at all than ask me a question you don't honestly want the answer to (How are you today?). To me that sentiment drives growth. Few things grow without any effort. And no person can achieve a higher level of anything (organization, clarity, intimacy), without putting a genuine, whole-hearted effort into it. That's where the really hard part comes. In my experience, even when you are bound and determined to give it a big go this time, that doesn't mean that everyone around you will join in, understand or even say good for you! Just when you are convinced those around you might start mocking your productivity or enthusiasm. In the past that just about destroyed me. How could I march on to victory without anyone with me? Turns out, sometimes that's that best way to get where you want to go. And the victory, when won by your singular effort (with God's blessing of course), is that much sweeter.

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