Saturday, November 10, 2018

J and My Motherhood Turn 8

Being the emotional creature that I am, J's pregnancy and first days are seared into my brain.  I knew how fleeting the days were and I just didn't want to miss anything so I wrote and I observed as much as I could.  To this day I can still see the leaves in the yard and the sun streaming into our living room at the time.  We had placed his bed in front of the window to help with a little bit of jaundice.  It wasn't perfect - breastfeeding was way harder than I ever dreamed - but life with him was so exciting and beautiful.

I've told people that I'm just not sad that he's turning 8 because the Race Car looks exactly like him so it's like living it all over again, only easier!  That being said, I do feel like this year has been a turning point.  All of our weaknesses have shown a lot more and we've had to really struggle on some points.  There are times in life when so much is going on or certain big things help you ignore the small issues that are growing larger. When it all calms down, then the real work begins.  That's what 7 to 8 has been for us.

I absolutely love this kid so much because his heart is big.  When he was born, I felt like he immediately hopped to my side and said, "Let's do this, Mom!"  I know and love him because he shares my emotion for things, but that also means I know the dangers set in front of him.  This year, both of us have had to come to terms with who we are and what that might mean for the future.  Avoiding the hard things is an easy choice that becomes a habit when we're not careful.

I'm learning what it means to know your child, even when it tells you more than you're ready to hear about yourself.  Celebrating birthdays are still just as much about the parents as it is the child.  Bringing this child into the world and sustaining life is a big deal and a luxury some don't have.  On Saturday, we'll be celebrating Magic Tree house style, which only makes me love him more.  The adventures of motherhood are continuing to evolve, but a couple of things stay the same.  He has made me grow, he has taught me love and he has brought me joy!

Happy 8th Birthday J!

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