Sunday, January 31, 2016

When Marriage DOESN'T Change Everything

One of the most common pieces of advice to couples looking/planning to get married is to remember that getting married doesn't change the other person, it simply magnifies the seemingly small things.  If she always questions your opinion on things, getting married will only make it more pronounced.  So, if you find something(s) annoying now, they will grow to be a major issue later on, so choose wisely.  I agree and have been party to such truths.  

Today I'm here to propose that it is true for many other aspects of life.  Things like having more time, making more money, moving to a different town, losing 50 pounds, or any other change that we say we want and secretly (or sometimes in the wide open) hope, nay DECLARE it will fix everything, are in need of this same reminder.  Just as getting married is a wonderful thing, - we celebrated 9 years this past fall - but not going to fix every relationship problem, any of these other changes of life circumstance will not fix poor habits, bad attitudes or foolish behavior.

Since we are in a new space with some great new to us perks, I can say that moving has not automatically made me better at housework or managing money.  Now, I'm working on it and have a few goals on the horizon I would like to achieve, but I am still me, no matter where I sleep at night.  My new closet?  It can house loads more than my last one and yet I still have to work at hanging up my clothes at night.  We have a great school and piano lesson room.  Doesn't mean I don't still struggle with time management and organization.

So what?  Improving our life situation, whatever that means, is healthy and right.  Expecting it to magically change who we are, change the number of hours in a day or make all the hard things easy is natural but naive.  Instead of blaming these circumstances for our success or failure, let's get to the root of our problems.  How many divorces today come from people thinking the problem is that they married the wrong person when it's often the other way around - they aren't being the right person themselves!  Whatever our circumstances, we are what we repeatedly do and that means habits and discipline.  As February begins, let's set some goals and reset some healthier habits!

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