Thursday, March 4, 2010

And it's self for the block!

The other day Hannah mentioned that having pride in your life will undoubtedly hinder or block any real growth.  Makes me think of playing Connect 4 and not being very good at it.  Everything you go to do your opponent hijacks it and you just want to quit.

And if you think about it, isn't that what a lot of not growing is all about?  Why don't we grow, why don't we get better at living this life we've been given?  The number one answer, I suspect, would be that "I just can't"  or "It is impossible", but what does that really mean? Doesn't it really mean we don't want to or think we shouldn't have to work that hard to make us/circumstances/lifestyles different?  Somehow we deserve an easier way or a faster answer.  Isn't that just pride at the bottom of it? Maybe I'm giving pride too much power but hopefully you see the point.

With my analytical brain comes the observation of weaknesses or improvements needed (I'm now convinced I should've been a quality control person somewhere) and as long as I'm just concerned with myself I can probably be safe.  But most of my life it has rarely stayed confined to just myself.  So, here I am, walking around full of ideas and observations (even a few answers I think are good) ready to help the world!  The deal is either nobody told me or I thought I knew better that people don't like being told #1 what's potentially wrong in their life and #2 how some person (ME!) thinks they should fix it.  So what, you say?  Well, so what I thought was a strength (because it came so easy to me) was actually wrapped up in one of my great weaknesses.  I guess I've moved on from trying to convict myself of the sin of pride and now trying to relearn how to live my specific life in humility.  Since so much of my nature involves these analyzing, dissecting, improving patterns, I'm having a hard time knowing what to trust, what is born of pride and what is good.  Anyway, that's where I'm at today.

On a happy note, I got a glimpse of several bulbs coming up in my yard yesterday!! I never used to understand gardener's 'spring fever' but I've never been so excited to start gardening in my life!  Yay for a warm week full of sunshine!
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