It Only Takes One: Letting Go of Longing

If you were one of those favored people that everyone wanted to date or be like, then feel free to skip this post because you might not understand where I'm coming from.  For the rest of us, I expect you'll know what I mean.  We all had a time - and maybe still live there - where we longed to be that popular and interesting person that seemed to have all the cool friends and get all the dates.  Contentment with ourselves seemed impossible and no matter who paid us attention, we just weren't satisfied.  For most people it is simply an adolescent phase, though a few drag it into adulthood and beyond.  Regardless of how real it feels, it isn't a healthy place to live.

I was (am) most certainly that girl with the super sensitive feelings who noticed when all the boys paid attention to miss beautiful and all the girls didn't mind me if there was no one more interesting around.  The longing and discontentment, while maybe I hid it well - not sure, followed me around like a dark cloud.  I've been married 10 1/2 years to quite my uncomfortable opposite that has forced me to learn and grow more than anyone in my life.  It has certainly not always been fun, easy or even felt good (because growing is hard), but friends I just want to say something.  It only takes one relationship, maybe a best friend, maybe a husband, or maybe just a committed relationship with God, to satisfy those longings our adolescent conjures up.  It doesn't take attention from ALL the boys or all the popular kids, it just takes one faithful, authentic relationship to heal old wounds and teach the heart true commitment and devotion.  It's so easy to get a perfectionistic view of what we want or demand in a relationship that distorts truth as well, but it only takes one good one to realize how unnecessary all that fixating is.

There is a lot that I dislike about this picture.  It is NOT a perfect shot of us.  

But it doesn't take perfect to fill up the soul.

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since my third child was born and the closing of a most stressful and trying adventure.  There's much to say about that, but I'll save it for another post.  What is significant is that Mr. Butler is and was the most amazing faithful friend and partner I could have had in all of the things we had to do.  He was the perfect strength in my weakness.  We have weathered all kinds of storms together so it didn't surprise me when we stared down this one together.  However, it did overwhelm me how far the 14 year old girl I sometimes still carried around in my heart had come.  It only took my (aged and purified) relationship with Mr. Butler to stamp out the foolish comparisons and longings of my youth.  So, whether you find yourself stuck in a cycle of longing or as our children grow through these stages, let's remember how many lies adolescent sneaks in. It doesn't take the popular crowd or the cutest boy or even the perfect 15 friends to satisfy our hearts.  It just takes one relationship of truth and stability to ground us where all others can come and go for the best without constantly pulling us out of orbit.

To What End?

Happy July everybody! July 1st and the high here in OKC is expected to be 88. Can't complain about that!  

Today there are two separate things that have found their way to each other to teach me a grand lesson that I feel the need to share.  A friend of mine recently talked about our concept of youth and adulthood, especially as kids and talking to kids.  Society tells us that youth is the best time of life and to hold on to it, as though once adulthood sets in, life is miserable.  She made it clear how much she wanted her daughter to know how fulfilling and contenting the rest of your life truly can be.  Though I'd never thought about it before, I completely agree.

On the other hand, I have lived my life in direct conflict with that idea most of the time.  Recently, I was presented with some information that hit an adolescent nerve and brought about a reaction that was not only childish, but embarrassing and hurtful.  Though my choice to react was completely in my control, the reason I fell so easily into that trap was that my emotions were deeply rooted in my youth.  The issue mattered so much to me years before for understandable reasons, but the fight ultimately accomplished/es nothing.  I regret my actions but I'm thankful for the lesson learned.  Sometimes we are carrying around chips or causes that we don't even believe in anymore mostly out of habit. Re-evaluate your motivations.  Where are they from?  

The thing is, being a grownup -single, married, working, school, whatever- is so freeing, when adolescence really isn't. As a kid you are limited by perspective, understanding and judgement.  It feels awesome because you are feeling life for the first time but of course it does - you've never done it before so how would you know any different? :) Every part of life is amazing and God continues to amaze me at the things He designed and put in place on purpose.  So, truly we should cherish wherever we are at as much as we can, but ultimately remember that here (wherever that is) isn't the end or goal.