Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Judge You, Judge Me

I hope you're not like me.  I really, really do.  Unfortunately, even if you're not like me, you certainly know someone like me.  What am I like? Well, I judge.  I judge you and I judge me.  Mostly I judge you because I think you're judging me.  And then I start judging me the way I think you are judging me.  Before you know it, you and I have had such a judging debate that we may no longer speak after today.  You attacked me with your judgey ways and it really hurt my feelings.  Then I had to explain all of the reasons that I'm not as good as you expect me to be and even some of the reasons I think your expectations are unreasonable and silly.  I'm sure you didn't like that, but we had to keep going round and round until my brain got interrupted by a real live person.

How much of your day is filled with things that you do because you don't want someone to think less of you?  I'm not referring to things that you would do whether anyone saw or not - like hygiene matters or an OCD methodology.  I'm talking about responses in a conversation that have nothing to do with what's ACTUALLY been said.  I'm talking about weeds in a garden that you don't have time to tend to - but feel compelled because someone might think...might think... might think what?  That you're busy and prioritized your children, your spiritual life and things INSIDE your house first over your flower beds?  Well, yeah I guess.  But that's exactly what I am doing.  I know that people are more important than things.  I know that life is fluid and you must be flexible to ultimately succeed and flourish.  But I get tripped up so badly in trying to please the proverbial committee or at least to keep the you in my head to not judge me.

So, I've made a resolution of sorts today.  You are going to judge me from time to time.  Actually, I'll even give you a heads start.  I hate housework and think our obsession with it is unhealthy.  Yes, every family deserves order and cleanliness, but it's not going to happen every day, in every way, or even the same way.  So, pay more attention to people.  I hate deadlines and pressure.  More specifically my body freezes up and panics. (Don't ask me how taking piano lessons again is going, ha!)  I like slow paces and get resentful when I'm rushed.  And I don't like being told what to do, especially when you've not taken the time to get to know me or even begun to understand what is best for me.  Yes, I have a submission problem, but I'm working on it.  I've got lots of things to be judged about.

My resolution is this: It is not my job, my position or even in my power to control or heavily influence how/where/when/if you judge me or anyone else.  The most I should be doing is consulting what God thinks about things instead.  I will let go of what I THINK others are thinking and instead make as wise a choice I can unless a real life person comes along to question me.

Whew! See, you don't want to be like me - it's exhausting.  But you can know this much, I'm too busy arguing with you in my head to actually be judging the real life you so rest at ease my friends! ha! :)

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