Wednesday, July 12, 2017

A Wave of Grief

When we moved from our old house to our current one, I was very sad for the beginnings we were leaving behind.  Still, I found comfort in knowing that our family was coming with us and that really was the most important part.  So the sadness faded rather quickly in a the newness that was now home.  We've now lived out here for a year and a half.  Certainly long enough to call this home.

Since losing Grace, I have grieved so much for her.  Of course our full life has moved along and the busyness pushes the tears aside pretty quickly.  Still, the tears continue to show up with fresh pangs of regret and sadness.  My sweet Jude was watching Sesame Street and insisted I watch a song between Bert and Ernie about good memories, saying it will remind me of Grace.  And it certainly did.  Just another chance for those tears to flow.  This time it was full of snapshots of Grace at our old house.  And then the tears for our old house and all of our beginnings there flowed even stronger.  My fluctuating hormones (and lack of sleep) has rendered me not quite strong enough for all of this yet!

When our little family unit was whole and staying together, the loss I felt from moving wasn't very lasting.  Now that I've lost a part of the original family unit, it makes the old house feel so distant and all that happened there a little more faded than before.  Like childhood innocence that disappeared when you weren't looking, such grief is bitter tasting.  Everything is okay and we're fine.  I know that.  But when the emotional waves get higher than you can see for a moment, I have to write about it.

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