Friday, March 25, 2011

Single Vs. Married

It's tough being single.  And I'm not really talking about not being married as much as I'm referring to the place of life that most single people are in.  It's just impossible to know what you really want because you can't honestly imagine what choices will mean in 5 years.  It's tough to listen to wisdom because all of your senses just tell you a deceiving story. 

When I was a teenager and well into my twenties I sat by and watch all of my friends and enemies march their way into marriage, like moths to a flame.  "Must touch the light!"  For a million different reasons, I hated that.  Sure, I wanted to find love and 'be attached', but I also wanted being single to be ok.  And in a lot of circles it wasn't.  Single people were always approached (by the married) by who they were dating, interested in or reassurance that they would "find someone eventually". It's as if a person can't exist unless they are attached, planning on being attached or depressed because they aren't attached.  And I know, before you say anything, that nobody is trying to alienate the single people.  They ultimately want to share in their experiences with everyone.  I totally see that now.  Before I got married - and I didn't marry until I was 26 - I could've been the spokesperson advocate for being single. And then I got married and, in retrospect, its like I just forgot everything.  I was so happy - I had a new role that took work - It turns out marriage is really hard.  And now I have a son. Wow - life is even harder.  I could have done an immensely better job at being a better married person than those I had seen, but I didn't.  So, what's my point?

I guess my point is that we shouldn't be so hard on everybody and instead try to honor each other's lives as they are now, no matter the state.  Marriage brings a lot of roles to a life that cannot be prepared for.  Singleness brings a lot of pressure and often little help in bearing the burden.  I wish I had been a better married friend to my single friends over the past 5 years and I really wish I hadn't been so critical of my married friends when I was single. 

The world is filled with goodness and adventure, no matter your state of life.  Oh, to cherish the state of now so that regrets have no use around your door.


Unknown said...

I'm in the "being single is cool" stage of life - for the first time, I should add. Anyway, can I just say how annoyed I get when people promise me that I will one day: meet someone who sweeps me off my feet, get married, have lots of kids, etc. Um, how about I'm not sure that's what God has planned for me and I'm down with whatever He thinks. Cause obviously I don't do so great making up the plans myself. :P

Liz said...

I was really glad to find your blog - really enjoyed the maintenance article and this one too. I live in OKC as well... You're the first fellow - OKC blog I've read. I plan to subscribe - keep writing!

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