I know of a story about a married couple who had two children, but lost one of them to a drunk driving accident. The family was devastated, the couple's marriage grew rocky at best. As time went on, the parents began to grieve separately and in their own way. The father checked out completely - didn't know how to deal with the pain, so he didn't. The mother was much more conscious of her distress and continually reached out to her husband, but he retreated more and more. The story ends badly with the husband cheating and leaving to start a new family. Saying what one should do in a situation is not my point today. The concept of holding on a little bit longer, enduring a little bit more for the sake of a relationship, out of pity and compassion for someone else's pain and struggle is not familiar to our modern societies. We are all in it for ourselves. When the world stops cooperating, its just natural to write it off. In friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, we come to expect needs to be met by others. When they aren't, we let them know. When they still aren't met, we pitch a fit, we cut them out, we leave. But what if they needed from you when you needed from them? What happens then? The couple in the story were just that way. They both needed things from each other, but didn't give because of their own pain.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Relationships are so complicated sometimes, its a wonder anyone can stand anyone anymore. Even with the better intentions, we all find a breaking point in our tolerance. There's only so much discomfort, pain, neglect, punishment, disregard (the list is endless) a person can take, right? Nobody wants to be a doormat, waste their time or cast their pearls before swine. Especially in our material possessions, we are more likely to trade in for a new one than be patient with the old one.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Well, its been a while. In a couple of weeks we'll be at four months since Randy was laid off. Neglecting this blog was never an intentional thing, but sometimes emergency mode diminishes unnecessary things to the point of expulsion. Randy still does not have a job, so to speak, but we have come a long way! He has found a new direction for his career that we both feel really good about. I have started my own tutoring business that promises continued growth. And, so far, we've not gone into any kind of debt. All in all, we've been blessed.
Throughout this process, the pendulum of positive vs negative has been a constant battle, much more than I thought was realistic at times. One event, one meal, one conversation can have so much power for good or bad. Stability, security and expectation of the future are luxuries we had come to rely so heavily on. When they are gone, its not so bad at first, but after a while it feels like a sick joke. How many decisions could I simply not make because I didn't know where we would be and how we would be living at some point in the future! Thankfully, it is forcing us to face ourselves pretty regularly. As members of a fast-paced, civilized society, its natural to become absorbed by our surroundings, focusing on trivial, unimportant things and completely forgetting the magnitude of each decision and how it impacts our soul. Not having everything easy and normal reminds you that stability and normalcy should not depend on this social expectation of a 9-5 job with benefits and an office cube. If you have it and want it, praise the Lord! Since we don't, we are reminded to praise the Lord anyway! Randy and I both hate rigid schedules that only produce financial fruit anyway. Making the world better, doing something that matters, appreciated God's creation and learning to live life on God's terms, not man's, is much more fulfilling in the long run.