This blog is definitely in transition and under construction so just ignore the mess. However, until I have a little more time to complete it all, I will indulge myself with a few personal musings.
My little brother is getting married this weekend and it's a little sad. Hannah is great and great for him, so we're all super happy about that. The sad part, to me, is that I remember when that kid was born. My other brother was married 3 months after I did, so the marrying isn't really the issue. As long as Stephen was still left being single, doing kid-like things, the death of my childhood wasn't complete. With him permanently stepping into adulthood, all the loose ends will be tied up. That, I think, is where my sadness comes from - purely selfish of course!
Because I was 6 & 8 years old when the boys were born, I lived a dual life sometimes. When we wanted to, we were kids together and when I was feeling responsible and bossy, I felt like their parent and treated them like my kids. The last part is definitely what NOT to do if you have an older girl, but nonetheless, it was my experience. Now, my heart gets confused sometimes and doesn't know how to feel. I am sad for all the cahoots that we stirred up, the experiences we shared, and the marching of time that consisted of nothing heavy, burdensome or complicated. I'm sad that it's really gone and that everything is so different now.
BUT, I'm so happy for Stephen that he's found Hannah and I know that they are a good match and will work hard for each other. I'm happy for our family because now we're all (sort of) in the same boat and its a fun place to be. I LOVE being a mom, an aunt and get excited at the thought of more children and what all that entails. They bring a new era of childhood that I get to view from a different chair.
As I complete this little personal therapy session, I will then scurry around packing and preparing to travel to Kansas City. So, this is my only pause for sadness or reflection because the rest is going to be fun and celebration. If you are traveling this weekend, our family appreciates the sacrifices you're making to celebrate with us. If you're not, please pray for the rest of us! :)
Congratulations, Stephen & Hannah!
My little brother is getting married this weekend and it's a little sad. Hannah is great and great for him, so we're all super happy about that. The sad part, to me, is that I remember when that kid was born. My other brother was married 3 months after I did, so the marrying isn't really the issue. As long as Stephen was still left being single, doing kid-like things, the death of my childhood wasn't complete. With him permanently stepping into adulthood, all the loose ends will be tied up. That, I think, is where my sadness comes from - purely selfish of course!
Because I was 6 & 8 years old when the boys were born, I lived a dual life sometimes. When we wanted to, we were kids together and when I was feeling responsible and bossy, I felt like their parent and treated them like my kids. The last part is definitely what NOT to do if you have an older girl, but nonetheless, it was my experience. Now, my heart gets confused sometimes and doesn't know how to feel. I am sad for all the cahoots that we stirred up, the experiences we shared, and the marching of time that consisted of nothing heavy, burdensome or complicated. I'm sad that it's really gone and that everything is so different now.
BUT, I'm so happy for Stephen that he's found Hannah and I know that they are a good match and will work hard for each other. I'm happy for our family because now we're all (sort of) in the same boat and its a fun place to be. I LOVE being a mom, an aunt and get excited at the thought of more children and what all that entails. They bring a new era of childhood that I get to view from a different chair.
As I complete this little personal therapy session, I will then scurry around packing and preparing to travel to Kansas City. So, this is my only pause for sadness or reflection because the rest is going to be fun and celebration. If you are traveling this weekend, our family appreciates the sacrifices you're making to celebrate with us. If you're not, please pray for the rest of us! :)
Congratulations, Stephen & Hannah!
1 comment:
It's weird to watch your siblings, friends, relatives, parents grow up. It's totally bizarre to watch your kids grow up, all while feeling that you aren't changing a bit. :-) Looking forward to seeing everyone this weekend!
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