Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Well, What Did You Expect?

In many aspects (if not most) of my life, I've been different since birth.  I'm strong-willed, very sensitive - in physiology and psyche - and think far too much.  Quite often in my dealings with other people, I was relentlessly reminded of how others just weren't like me.  And though when it comes down to it, I can't and don't want to be just like everyone else, I continually catch myself wallowing in the "But its not fair!" pool.  This difference usually results in things taking longer, requiring more work, or just not happening for me.  Even though I know all of that, I still get oddly optimistic ideas in my head that this time things will be different (easier, faster, less painful).  All of the major milestones that I've achieved (marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, etc.) have consistently proven to me that I'm different and expecting anything else is foolish!

In typical fashion, I honestly thought/hoped that baby weight wouldn't be a huge issue for me.  It is.  In typical fashion, I didn't plan on life with Jude being more complicated. He's not gained weight as he should, found out he's an inefficient eater and we're now nursing for 40 minutes every two hours! In typical fashion, I didn't think working part time with Jude would be a big deal. I'm starting to fear it will be.  I always underestimate how sensitive I am to large crowds, excessive time around people, lack of sleep and stress.  

So, here we are at the front door of 2011 and resolute change is on everyone's lips.  The reason New Year's resolutions are so cliche is because most people are UNresolved by February or March.  And when you attack something cold turkey without real insurance of change, well what do you expect?  For me, change has never come over night and certainly not as simply as I'd like.  So, the key to my success this year has nothing to do with a resolution, but wide-eyed acceptance of how I am and perseverance towards my goals of improvement. Slow and steady wins the race.

Instead of falling into the cliche, why not take an inventory of how you really are and work with that rather than expecting things that just aren't realistic, like working out 2 hours a day when you've never been in a gym before or vowing to never eat another cookie, EVER!

1 comment:

heather pastrana said...

I too tend to be one of those who things things will be easy for me and each time I find out they aren't. I had a hard time with baby weight too. It didn't fall off me like I thought it would after Madison was born. Everyone said if you nurse the baby weight comes off easy, but for me it didn't. Hang in there with Jude and nursing. I had alot of trouble nursing Madison because she went through quite a few nursing strikes. Every few weeks she would fight me and would refuse nursing. These times would last a week or two at a time. From 3 months until 8 months when I finally wasn't making enough milk because of the constant refusal to nurse I pushed through it and was able to nurse her. It wasn't easy, but I would go through it all again. :-)f