Yesterday was my 31st birthday. Thanks to all who wished me a happy birthday and especially those who spent some time with me in honor of it. I was asked many times what I wanted for my birthday, if I was doing something exciting, etc. and my answer was pretty lame every time. I don't know, haven't thought about it yet, not really. Now don't get me wrong, I love my birthday, but this year it just came at a bad time! :) With adjusting to feeding Jude every two hours for approximately 40 minutes and trying to get things ready to start lessons again, last week I just never felt like I had the time to catch my breath much less think about really celebrating. If I had it would have just been because I was put on the spot and not truly enjoyed any of it.
I'm sharing this not to complain, but to share a lesson I'm learning today. Sometimes we feel pressured to make a decision or a choice. Perhaps others are waiting for what you're going to decide or peer pressure is a factor. Maybe simple obligation is at play or tradition is pushing you. As I have many times, maybe you're doing the pressuring. A moment creeps in and pushes the emotional buttons so that now feels like the only time to act. Since having Jude I have been overcome with waves of urgency. Urgency to get better and move around, urgency to lose weight, urgency to establish a tolerable routine and urgency to be prepared for everything today, right now. Makes you a little dizzy, huh? Well, I've been making myself dizzy! But sometimes that sense of urgency is just fake - made up completely! Wisdom has patience, takes time to research, and above all else waits a while because things (feelings, circumstances, information) could change.
Though I've had some trouble adjusting over the past 2 months of Jude's life, within a week or two the issue has passed or I've adapted. Either way, in the end I'm still smiling, even when I thought I would never smile again (so to speak). I don't know about you, but there is a lot of turmoil in people's lives these days. Sickness, division, just change in general seems to be spilling into our lives from others. I'm learning that sometimes the worst thing you can do is to make a rash decision (to open your mouth, make a judgement, give in to despair, etc.). The best thing you can do is take a deep breath, say a nice long prayer and then tread slowly, wisely and give everything some time to fully develop. Like my birthday, most things don't HAVE to be addressed right now when it comes down to it.
As Annie so eloquently put it, the sun'll come out tomorrow...