No matter who you are, no matter where you go, there will be people that you don't like, there will be people who drive you crazy, there will even be people so toxic to you that being in the same building just brings out the worst in you. Magazines and self-help books tell you to stay away from those people as much as you can because they will just bring you down. And, to a point, that's true. There is little good in trying to save a drowning person if you are sinking under yourself. So, 'use discretion' is the lesson there. Beyond that though, I've been reminded very recently that all everyone is really looking for, when you boil all the smoke and mirrors down, is love. Love might look different to me than you but love - acceptance, safety, attention - is where everyone starts. When that need is neglected, regardless of the reasons why and who is to blame, many of life's problems start. The reactions, the coping, the defense mechanisms, all come about eventually because of that desire for love was somehow rejected.
Monday, December 7, 2009
All You Need Is Love
No matter who you are, no matter where you go, there will be people that you don't like, there will be people who drive you crazy, there will even be people so toxic to you that being in the same building just brings out the worst in you. Magazines and self-help books tell you to stay away from those people as much as you can because they will just bring you down. And, to a point, that's true. There is little good in trying to save a drowning person if you are sinking under yourself. So, 'use discretion' is the lesson there. Beyond that though, I've been reminded very recently that all everyone is really looking for, when you boil all the smoke and mirrors down, is love. Love might look different to me than you but love - acceptance, safety, attention - is where everyone starts. When that need is neglected, regardless of the reasons why and who is to blame, many of life's problems start. The reactions, the coping, the defense mechanisms, all come about eventually because of that desire for love was somehow rejected.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Household Update
"Just the facts m'am."
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Call Me Irresponsible
I have made a lot of decisions in my life and many of them were made for the wrong reasons. Fear has always been a better motivator to me than anything else and that is evident by the string of paths I quit just shy of completing. That fact was the inspiration for the title of this blog. The quote underneath it is a reminder for me that even though I have much regret about all of that, the reason I quit to begin with was me not knowing how to grow. To me, having a yard full of mistakes is okay if I'm heading in the direction of growth.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Something Worth Celebrating
Feelings are fickle and time is one of the only things that can truly test them for validity. And even then, feelings should never get the final say when there's plenty of other evidence available to the contrary. Still, when feelings work in your favor, it can be amazing. I guess that's why they control more than their share sometimes. This morning I watched the above video of Michael Buble's latest hit, "Haven't Met You Yet" and it made me cry a little, in the best way possible. If you haven't seen the video yet, watch it. Its worth it. The reason I cried is because most everything to song says, was true in my life. For a while there, I made some stupid decisions, seemed to crash into everything (literally and figuratively) and continually felt like everything was a mess. It was a mess of my own making, sure, but it seemed hopeless and ridiculous. Meeting Randy seemed like an insignificant event to begin with, but looking back now really did start a change in my life that is still bearing more fruit daily. The video is silly but so true to the heart when it takes an ordinary trip to the grocery store and showcases our dreams of someone, complete with a celebration upon finding them.
In my 3 short years of marriage, I can attest that somedays its not easy, its not fair and its not pretty. But somedays its everything you ever dreamed. Somedays, like today, I feel like marching down the aisle of a supermarket with a band, confetti and dancers - all celebrating that because of God's blessing in Randy, I am changing, growing, and far more than I ever thought I could be. Sorry its so mushy, but truth be told God has taught me so many lessons through Randy and boy life is good. And Michael Buble does an awesome job at pulling those heart strings too! :)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Closing the Loop - Project Feedback
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Growing to Victory
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Some Things I Find Helpful
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Start Now. Right There.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Where did Summer go?
There has been commotion around our house, but definitely the good kind. And with all of it, a realization made its way to my husband's lips that made me chuckle. "Do you realize we missed Summer?" We haven't exactly been on a deserted island for 3 months while life carried on on the main land. It's more like we were grounded to the living room and the other kids got to play outside while we watched from the window. With Randy's layoff, everything just went on hold and was being reserved for later. Not a deprived life by far. Just not what we had grown accustomed to. All in all though, I definitely value what we gained from this period of time far more than if we had just continued on as before and not 'missed Summer'. And now, with our fresh wings, its going to be a disciplined effort to maintain that growth and continue it in times of plenty. Starting with a new week. Order and routine are sometimes my best friends.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Just an Ordinary Day
Is today just an ordinary day? America says it is. Hurry up, get to school, don't be late for work, buy a new car, go by wal-mart on the way home, make sure everyone is entertained, check the phone, keep everyone quiet, block out the world, go to bed. Ordinary and normal is what we strive for right? Custom, expectation - that's just what you do. But why do you do it? For 2000+ years, followers of Christ have been shifting and shuffling around, trying to serve God; some harder than others. Sometimes we shuffle too far, sometimes we haven't shifted towards God enough. All the while, God hasn't moved an inch - He's right where He's always been, saying what He's always said.
Monday, July 27, 2009
It is a cloudy Monday morning here in Oklahoma City and I'm thankful for that. I don't know about you, but I have this crazy love/hate relationship with routine and changing things up. When I don't have a set routine, I become very undisciplined and things fly quickly out of control, but if life strolls along so rigid without ever a variation, I want to die inside. Most jobs I am ready to quit after 3 months. If I could I would change around at least one room every 3 months or so. I love working on plans and come up with a new one for something every 2 or 3 months. But if between those 3 months there isn't some real form of regularity I get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
What's the Point?
I've heard it most of my life from the pulpit and in late night chats. "We baptized dozens and where do they go? If everyone we baptized were still here, there wouldn't be enough room for everyone." And then a discussion about what's wrong with the world, the church, the christians, etc. ensues. I've been there in the middle of that conversation many times. Yet, here we are still witnessing this phenomenon in most areas and congregations. Evidently all of our talk hasn't produced much fruit, has it? I've had some things nagging me in the back of my mind lately having to do with why people struggle or leave and what it means to really help and be there for someone. Think of 3 people who are struggling or have left God completely. Why are they living like that? Do you have any idea? I think sometimes we truly don't have any clue, mostly b/c they are probably not like me. They don't respond like me, they don't talk like me or feel like me. So, its safer to just say they don't want to do what's right so they left or they sinned or gave up or whatever.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Are You Important
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I'm Just Not Ready
In the shower this morning I was going over the things I needed to remember to do today and felt much like juggler. Which ball do you throw first? The muscle we use to focus on several things at once is a special one isn't it? At that moment, I realized how much of my life I wanted things much sooner than I was ready to deal with. Probably the most common example of this is young ladies longing to be matched up and married, ready to create a home and tend to it. No matter the age, most feel afraid since it hasn't happened yet then it might not happen at all and then despair enters the heart. I was no different, except that while I wanted everything, I didn't want any cheap imitations or rushed orders. I wanted it with all of my heart, but I didn't want to mess it up even more. Of course, blatant perfectionism can get you in a whole lot of trouble. I'm not advocating such standards that no one can match, least of all you! But, sometimes we're just not ready for things and God knows that. No matter the age or the object of affection, sometimes we're just not ready. A 3 year old is not ready for the sole responsibility of a dog. Most 16 year old boys aren't ready to care for an entire house all by themselves. I spent several years as an official 'adult' in college and didn't marry until I was 26 (which by some standards is an old maid!). I am 29 and have yet to birth children. I am now so grateful for all of that. I cherish being able to consider my roles, consider my capabilities and desires before being thrown in them. We can't always be so lucky, but in so many ways we have that option in life and choose to ignore it. Because others around us, whether our age, circumstance or whatever, start doing things, its so easy to get caught up in the idea that you probably should too. Moving out, going to college, getting a pet, marrying, having children, etc. are all things that requires a certain level of preparation and responsibility. These undertakings, without some preparation and readiness, can blow up in your face. In the shower this morning I was so thankful that I did not get what I thought I wanted several years ago because I flat out wasn't ready at all.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Nice to Meet You
Hi Everyone. My name is Amy Butler and I am introverted and shy. I always get a chuckle or a 'Yeah, right!' from that statement, but it is true. Have you ever learned a skill or displayed an attitude because you thought you were supposed to? As kids a lot of things like that we learn from parents and other adults in our lives. I, subconsciously I guess, always thought I was supposed to be extroverted and outgoing. So, for all of adolescence and first part of adulthood I was. It took me years to see the connection between my 'necessary extroversion' and absolute exhaustion, borderline sickness and withdrawals from my bedroom (where no one else is and I can shut the door). Its no wonder I had panic attacks every so often.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Well Fine Then!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
You've Come A Long Way, Baby!
Well, its been a while. In a couple of weeks we'll be at four months since Randy was laid off. Neglecting this blog was never an intentional thing, but sometimes emergency mode diminishes unnecessary things to the point of expulsion. Randy still does not have a job, so to speak, but we have come a long way! He has found a new direction for his career that we both feel really good about. I have started my own tutoring business that promises continued growth. And, so far, we've not gone into any kind of debt. All in all, we've been blessed.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
When In Plenty, When In Want
They say be careful what you wish for and they are right.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Kicking over those mushrooms
Monday, March 2, 2009
Pushed Out In the Cold
Boy Meets World was a staple television show from my past that ran from 1993-2000. In the final season the show sweethearts, Cory & Topanga, get married and in the episode "The Honeymoon is Over", they get a harsh bite of reality. In not fully preparing for adulthood, they find themselves living in 'married dorms' at school that turn out to be the local slums. When Cory finally reaches out to his parents for salvation, they refuse to help him saying they have to figure this out themselves. In 1999, when I first saw this episode, I was 19 years old and couldn't imagine parents being so heartless to their kids! In the end, the couple makes the best of a horrible situation and learns many lessons, but I was still unconvinced that such tough love was necessary.
Monday, February 23, 2009
The Child Within Me
Thursday, February 19, 2009
That Growth May Abound
Have you ever witnessed an accident of some kind as though it were in slow motion? You see everything coming and you want to scream or stop it somehow. When I look back over some of the choices and decisions I've made, its as though I were a time-traveler and thought I could change the future and avoid accidents. The trouble with that, as some time-travel epics illustrate, the mere act of trying to prevent sometimes is the actual cause. All of my many years in college, my intention was to go after something I loved and felt strongly about. I did NOT want to end up employed in a industry or field where I did nothing meaningful to me. Instead, I never quite followed anything through, resulting in qualifications that left just shy of any position most people were hiring for. I have really painted myself into a corner. It is true that I have two college degrees, a wonderful husband, friends, family, and don't forget two beautiful dogs. So, there has been follow through at times throughout my life. But, when you foolishly in-debt yourself to a university for a tad more than a few bucks, doing something with your degree becomes important, if not necessary.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Here Comes the Sun
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
There isn't an easier way.
Most of my life, somewhere in my mind I assumed most things had an easier way. Find the easier way and you were one of the good people, the skinny ones, the pretty ones, the adored ones, the cool ones. After all, that's what the industrial revolution and technological expansion gave us: easier ways. So, imagine my shame and despair when I finally admitted to myself that in many matters worthwhile to me, there simply was not an easier way. Relationships don't just magically maintain themselves, weight (especially with my genes) doesn't conveniently leave you just because you feel bad about it, and adulthood doesn't grab you by the throat and make you grow. The silly thing is that my brain, as seen by my actions, really thought relationships just happened, weight fell off and growth was an automatic. And really this is just the beginning. My brain has been believing the perceptions I have rather than believing the truth that is usually right in front of it. The good news is that I'm starting to get it, the whole working hard thing. The bad news is, the more I 'get it', the more I realize how deceived I was. I can say with a confident heart, though, how painful and wonderful growth is.
What Happens If You're Disappointed This Week?
Disappointment is a big issue with kids around. Every parent will tell you not to say a word about a trip to the zoo or a possible visitor ...
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Monday began Mr. Butler's second year of graduate school and the second year of this thorn in my flesh. He's not even had one clas...
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If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong. - Charles Kettering I don't think I can attest to the truthfulness of this ...